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I guess I didn't really keep up on this blog.  I never was one to journal or anything like that.  But it has been 7 years and I thought some might need to know what to expect with time.  When I started I had about 100 pounds to lose to be at a good weight, maybe not perfect, but all  would really want to lose.  Here was my yearly weight loss. 1-24.5lb, 2-6lb, 3-20.5, 4-13lb, 5-6lb, 6-7lb and year 7 I actually gained 6 pounds.  I stalled out at about 70 pounds in year 6 and decided to work at it more and did weight watchers.  This is a wonderful program and I lost about 10 pounds, but life got hectic and I quit going and quit working and basically put those pounds back on.  I feel I am at a weight I will likely stay at unless I eat more healthy all the time, exercise better, or perhaps get another fill.  I haven't had a fill since about year 2 because it is just so far to go.  I am not skinny by any means, but I am at a comfortable weight and I am very thankful this surgery has done so much for me.  Basically I still have restriction, but I don't seem to notice it too much anymore unless I try to eat a meal too fast, usually breakfast and then I will regret it.  Other than that, I don't notice so much because I just habitually don't reach for they fries or side items that I don't need.  I haven't had a french fry in 7 years hardly.  I certainly don't eat perfect and that is why the last 30 aren't coming off, but if I tried I could do it.  Life is just so busy with kids that I have a different focus right now it seems.  Anyway, this surgery was a blessing that has changed my life forever.  I dont'yoyo major ups and down in weight loss anymore.  I yoyo with about a 5 pound range.  I can totally live with that.

I have been in perpetual bandster hell for the last 9 months.  I thought I had even failed my last resort weight loss hope.  But finally, finally, finally I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

When we went to Mexico, they were supposed to show my husband how to do the fills (he is in the medical field), but instead they gave him a little toy to play with that was supposed "help".  Apparently it didn't do the trick.  All of the fills I thought I was having over the last nine months weren't really happening.  He was probably hitting the port, but not pushing hard enought to actually get into it so all this time I actually did not have anything in my band except for the small amount that they put in with the surgery.  No wonder it wasn't working.

In December, I finally made an appointment with the closest physician I could find (four hours away) that would fill a patient that had surgery in Mexico.  It took almost two months to get into this doctor so I finally had an appointment 2/7/08.  I finally felt what restriction was supposed to feel like!  Unbelievable!  It is April 22, I have had my third fill now and I truly can see how this is supposed to work.  I now know what PBing and sliming really feel like.  Wow!  I had read all these words so many times and really had no idea until now.  I wouldn't say I enjoy these aspects as I am adjusting to the band actually working, but I celebrate it none the less.   I can only eat a small amount at a time and it takes sooooo long to finish the smallest of meals.  It is worse in the morning, a little less so at lunch and dinner is the easiest meal of the three.  I went from being able to eat a normal large portioned meal, to eating 5 wheat thins and a slice of cheese for breakfast.  This is amazing!! 

I also have a friend that I confided in (most people around me don't know I even had the surgery) that is helping me plan some healthier, simple meals.  I had been stuck in a rut of picking up something fast and unhealthy.  It was just a habit.   Now I am really working on trying to make sure I get enough protein in the little amount I am able to eat.  My mind seems to be cooperating better now that I see how this can work!

I am slowly losing weight.  Since the surgery I am down 26.5 pounds.  I had lost about 20 at the beginning with the liquid diet and then I bounced around the next nine months gaining a few, losing a few, back and forth.  Thankfully not putting it all back on again.  Now I am losing slowly but steadily after this 3rd fill.  Since I am back on track, I will try to update this more frequently.  It is a bit easier when there is good news to write about!

I think I can offcially say that I am in bandster hell.  I am to the point where I can apparently each whatever I want and it appears based on my weight that I have done so this week.  We have had company for over a week and we have more coming today and then more coming after they leave and then we head off to my family reunion.  Our family eats when they get together---that is our focus in life.  That is why we are almost all a bit (or more that a bit on some) overweight.  And not only do we eat, but when family is here we sit around a lot more than I normally would and so I have gotten no exercise at all.  Since we got our adopted daughter back, I can't really get to my exercise place anymore so I am going to have to find another way and another time to get some exercise.

I am very discouraged with myself.  I know I need a fill, but getting one is more of a challenge than I thought it would be.  I just pray that it will provide some restriction to help assist me in this journey.  I said something to my husband today about having gained a little weight and his immediate comment was "Just stop".  It sounds so easy.  If it were that easy for most of us on this sight, we wouldn't have put our bodies through this surgery.  We needed help!  Currently I am just running on my own power for the weight loss and it just isn't enough.  I am failing.  I need that restriction!!!  That is why I had this surgery.  Something to give my power a little boost when it flails----boy am I flailing.  I really makes me sad to see how much time I am wasting.  My weight gain this week has basically taken me back about 6 weeks.  Because when you lose it 1/2 pound a week, but put on about 4 pounds in one week - Well---it just sucks!

I has been a hectic time over the last month or so!  Weight loss and the lap band have been the last thing on my mind, which is such a change for me! 

We were blessed suddenly with a little baby girl put into our lives.  We loved her immediately and within days began the the steps for adoption.  Just days before that process would have made her legally ours, her birth mother changed her mind and wanted her back.  We lost her for almost two weeks, but we finally got her back last Thursday and she is legally our little baby girl.  She is 11 months old and she is just adorable.  She is very happy with us and our kids just love her!  My daughter thinks she is the best doll ever.

Back to the weight loss info though.  I am 9 weeks out (but is seems like an eternity) and have not had a fill yet.  I have just been too busy.  I had a vacation for a week and didn't put on any weight.  I have slowly been losing a pound here and a pound there and I am up to 21.5 pounds which I am very happy with!  I have not been a model dieter over the last 4 weeks or so, but even without a fill the lap band has reduced my hunger and I just don't eat nearly as much.  I still have cravings and I give into them at times, but at meals I eat much less and even with the cravings it is in much smaller portions.  I'm sure if I would follow the rules perfectly, I would have lost much more; but I am going to be happy with the success I am having and the fact that I don't feel deprived and therefore less likely to "give up" (not that that would be easy with this surgery anyway).  

I need to work on the exercise, which has stopped since our new addition to the family.  I have never followed the no drinking rule yet.  I love my drink with my meals.  I just kept thinking that I would start following that rule better after my first fill.  I also haven't followed the protein first rule very well.  My portions seem somewhat normal right now and so I didn't feel that I was having to eat such a small amount that I was going to be deficient on protein.  Again, I assumed I would have to work on that much more once I have restriction.  So, I guess I have a lot to work on before I can brag about being a model bandster, but I am still on the weight loss journey and I am happy for that!

Well, I lost 1/2 a pount at my 5 week check and another 1 1/2 pound at my 6 week check for a total of 18.5.  I had stalled for several weeks and would have likely continue to stall, however a little 10 month old baby was dropped into our laps and she has kept me running for the last 2 weeks.  She is really the sole reason I have lost a little weight.  I haven't exercies at all in the "workout" sense, I just run around after her and try to keep my life in order too.  We adopted our little girl, but yesterday we while it was still within the required waiting period, the mother changed her mind, so we will have to give her back tomorrow.  It has been a rough few days and I am sure it will continue to be a struggle for a while as we adjust to life without a baby.

As far as life with the band, I still have not had a fill.  I feel normal most of the time thought sometimes with my first bite or two I have a little problem because I forget to chew it good enough.  It kindof gets stuck, but has always gone on down.  I still don't have too much physical hunger and my meals are so much smaller than they used to be.  I can't wait until that first fill to see what that band is really all about!

I have had some people notice that I have been losing weight which is really cool!  My clothes are starting to sag a little and I think I have officially gone from bulging out of a 24 to fitting nicely in a 22 and that is really cool.  I went to the store to try on another size for the first time and I was so excited the 22 fit just perfect.  Who would think that just 18 pounds is a whole size.  I am pretty tall and well distributed, so just looking you wouldn't notice too much to loss.

On the bright side, I feel light I am completely back to normal.  It is almost like it is a dream and I never really had surgery.  Naturally, the downside is that I really don't have any restriction or problems that prohibit me from eating whatever I want (I can even drink Diet Coke which is so exciting).  Not that I have given in completely, but since I gained 1 1/2 pounds I must have given in a bit too much.  However, my measurments say that I lost a few more inches, so maybe it is just my body readjusting??  

I am still not experiencing a significant amount of physical hunger, but the "head hunger" is definitely an issue.  I am looking forward to my fill so that I can truly see the benefit of having gotten this band.  I know my husband is seeing that I am able to eat again and he is thinking that it was probably a big waste of money so I pray the fill will turn it all around and put me on the losing path.  I still eat so much less than I used to, so that is a plus--but I really need to scales to move for it to truly feel like a victory. 

I did have my first NSV (non scale victory) this last week.  Someone noticed my weight loss for the first time!  I was so excited.  If you have ever seen Boston Legal and the guy with Asperger's syndrome, I just wanted to do a little hop like he does I was so excited.  Of course my friend got a kick out of that!  I felt a little bad because the friend that noticed is also trying to lose weight.  She doesn't know I had the surgery and I feel a little guilty that I have paid for "help" for the weight loss so to speak.  I'm still just a little too nervous to share it with all my friends.  Maybe when I get a little more onto the losing bench.

Anyway, I have made it a month.  I haven't really lost anything in the last two weeks, but I am trying to stay positive and look toward that 6 week fill!

It seemed like a rough week because I was a bad girl and weighed every day and the scales just didn't move.  I thought to myself that if this was a regular diet, it would be about the time that I throw in the towel and give up.  Thankfully, this isn't a regular diet and I can't just throw in the towel!  If I had just waited and weighted on Friday like I am supposed to, I would have seen the weight loss - small but that is Okay.  I am down a total of 17.5 pounds.  I think I have my mind in order again and I am going to try to stay off the scales except on Friday mornings.  I also measured and putting all the various areas together, I have lost 13 inches so that is pretty exciting!

If I didn't mention it in the last update, after reading so many posts about different schedules of dieting and feeling so good the couple of times I ate a little bit of food early on, at 10 days out I started eating normal food in small amounts chewed really, really well.  I try to stick with pretty soft stuff and mostly protein, but other than that eat with my family.  I haven't had any problems with PB or sliming or pain or anything like that.  I also don't have much restriction, but I still don't have a huge appetite.  I am not suffering from any great amount of hunger.  I do have a little head hunger, but I don't think any surgery can take that away.  I mean I have been dealing with my emotions with food for so long that I can't expect that to change overnight!  I'm not saying that I recommend anyone else not completely follow their surgeons dieting guidelines, because those guidelines are there for a reason.  Each patient is different and you just don't know what it will do to you.  Frankly, I can't know what it is doing to me except that I do not have any negative symptoms.  For all I know I could be stretching my pouch or eroding my band, so before you follow my bad example - keep that in mind.  Who knows if lack of symptoms is enough evidence that it is okay to sway from the diet.

Anyway, the NSV (non scale victory) is that my clothes are fitting so nicely.  I was kind of outgrowing some of them and now they are perfect.  I'm sure they will get baggy soon and I will have to go shopping, but I am looking forward to that and will try to see the positive side (< weight) and not the negative ( > $$$).  

While I was worrying about the scales not moving this week, I kept thinking - great another failed diet.  I know that I am not restricted yet so that is a bit presumptious, but I am eating such a small amount of food that I couldn't see how restriction could really help me eat any less and lose more weight.  I just needed to see that at this level of eating, I will eventually lose weight - SLOWLY PERHAPS - but that is Okay.  The old saying applies - "I didn't gain it overnight either".  I can also crank up the exercise a bit.  I am doing good, but not really pushing it either!

As for how I am feeling, I would say that I am completely back to normal (as normal as I can be anyway).  The only place that bothers me a little is the port sight, but not bad.  Just some minor discomfort at sometimes.  I can wear jeans without any problem.  Well, I should say I can wear my jeans without a problem.  I suppose if I had some that fit at the exact line were my port is at, it would probably bother me.  Most of mine are low-rise so they don't interfere.  One pair is a little higher and I sometimes unbotton when I sit down because of the port.  I have resumed all normal activies with no problem.

Well, that is my three week update.  Just plugging along and trying to keep a good attitude!

I can't believe it has been two weeks.  It truly feels like two months.  Sneaking off to Mexico seems like a distant memory.  I feel so normal now that sometimes I wonder if I was dreaming.  Did I really do it?  

After reading so many posts about the varying times that surgeons let people go to mushies, I have to stay I started the mushies a little early (10 days out instead of 14).  I would only eat about 1/4 to 1/2 a cup at a meal so that I made sure I wasn't stuffing the pouch.  I never felt any pain or discomfort at all.  I didn't feel full (when defined pre-op) but I felt satisfied with this amount of food.  I finally started feeling a slight amount of hunger pains yesterday for the first time.  That was the most amazing part of this two week period for me - no hunger!  A rare and wonderful feeling.  Of course when I read the posts about bandster hell, the few weeks upcoming, I get a little worried.  Is the starving feeling coming?  Will I be able to control myself?  I have lost a total of 15 pounds, but haven't lost anything in the 4 days since I started the mushies (in fact gained 1/2 pound).  Knowing that I am consuming about 800-1000 calories this seems so weird.  But again, reading the posts I think this is normal.  I just need to keep moving and keep watching what I eat until I can get a fill.

My body pretty much is feeling back to normal.  I still take a little something to help me sleep at night, but I can finally move around most of the time and not feel discomfort.  I have returned to pretty much full exercise at Curves starting yesterday and did pretty well.  Naturally the port sight is still a little tender, but better than I expected after my first week.  I don't have any problems with clothes or anything bothering the port area, I just try to keep them a little loose or stretchy still because it is pretty much right at my waist line.

I am still amazed at how the port is right there under the skin.  I thought it would be buried under layers of fat, but it is just right there.  I can feel it so easily, which should make it easy for my husband to do the fills thankfully.  But I can't help but wonder what it will be like when I get to goal?  I can only pray that I find out someday!

I answered a question on the message board and thought it would be good to add to my Blog.  Someone asked, "Are you following your post-op diet?"  The liquids were driving them crazy!

 I was sold on completely following what the doctor ordered, which was 2 weeks of any liquid that could be sucked through a straw (though you are not supposed to actually use a straw) and 2 weeks of mushies and then on to introducing solids.  I didn't want to screw up this chance!  

However, I didn't tell anyone I knew that I had the surgery.  I snuck off to Mexico and came back like it was just a short vacation.  So when someone asked us to go to Mazzio's on a Sunday night after I had surgery on Friday, I was a little worried.  I had some cottage cheese from the salad bar which I totally mushed up in my mouth and kind of swished it around with some liquid and rationalized that surely that was pretty close to cream soup - LOL.  I had pizza on my plate next to me, but every time they weren't looking my husband reached over and ate the pizza.  I thought I was pretty sneaky!  Then the following Sunday evening I was invited to someone's house and I didn't have the opportunity to be quite so sneaky.  So I tried to choose the softest looking foods.  It was taco salad, so I just had a little ground meat, cheese, sour cream and beans.  I ate very slow and a very small amount and chewed it to death and again rationalized that I was getting it to a soupy consistency.  I didn't feel any problems at all.  No pain, no PB, no gas, or anything weird.  I just got full pretty fast of course.  I probably only had about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of food total.  My appetite still has not returned since surgery, so that was the most I had eaten at one time for sure.  

So I guess I have cheated and chewed a few foods on these random occasions in very small amounts and chewed them very well, but mostly I am sold on following the rules and not ruining this chance I have been giving by making the band slip.  I'm sure every person's healing is different, so they probably make the diet recommendations that will ensure that no matter how slow you heal, if you follow their plan you will be most likely to keep your band safe!

It is hard to believe it is almost a week since my surgery.  Everything is going pretty well.  I still have some pain.  I try not to take anything except at night.  I don't want to get addicted to anything, but I sure do like my sleep.  So I hurt a bit through the day, but sleep well at night.  The pain seems a little more superficial now and the incision itch quite a bit, but I think it is feeling a little better every day.

I still have not had any appetite at all.  I have tried multiple types of protein drinks and so far have found them all disgusting.  I know I need to get some protein, so I drink as much as I can but I am still coming up a bit short.  I have the Cambell's gold label soups the rest of the time and I drink all day long (water, tea, crystal light).  The scales continue to drop little by little.  I am down 11.5 pounds since I began the liquid diet before surgery.  I am sure some of that is muscle, but hopefully when I begin working out again I will get that back.  

I hope to begin working out again next Monday.  I had been working out at Curves, but if I don't think I can handle that yet I guess I will just go out and get some walking in at least.  I think that bouncing around in place might still be a bit uncomfortable even by Monday.  

It is still amazing to me that I could leave town, have surgery, and come back and basically no one know that I had surgery.  I saw people two day after my surgery and they had no idea.  I had to put on a little bit of a happy face and work to walk smoothly because I was still in a bit of pain.  But with a little effort (and some pain meds) noone could tell.  Amazing!