Why can't I just be happy.....

May 05, 2011

I have worked so hard for where I'm at . In the past I've been very proud of myself and optimistic. Today I'm having a "hate myself" day. It started out with weighing myself .....so I gained 2lbs but I know exactly why. Lately I've been having this "no care" attitude about everything. I don't want to watch what I eat......take my vitamins.....get in my water and I've been drinking with my meals. Everything is such  a chore ! I'm so tired of making sure I do everything I'm supposed to. Yesterday I ate so much junk food and what scares me is I didn't even get sick and most of what I ate was sugar. Now I'm wondering if my pouch even works anymore. Next I took a shower and my hair is still falling out. My hair used to be my pride and joy and I don't even have that anymore. Oh and my body.....makes me sick . I have all this hanging skin hanging over my little legs. I am small boned and all my weight is in my stomach. I was looking forward to summer and wearing all these cute tops and shorts. That's not happening. I have all this sagging skin on my inner thighs and huge varicose veins on the back of my calves. I swear my legs looked nicer when I was heavier. Now that I've gotten all that off my chest I feel a little better...not much. I know that I'm feeling sorry for myself . I feel I have traded past problems for new ones. I need to get back on track and finish the first part of this journey. The next part is plastics but even though I'm scared I am also looking forward to it. So for now I need to stay postive and take it one day at a time. I can do this !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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