Darbaybe_2014
Today I bury fear and get my head in the game
Oct 15, 2014
Oct.15, 2014.
Where am I in the process? Well I have done ALL the required tests. I have met the nurse 2 times, SW 2 times and they both told me I don't need to see them again. I met with the internist Dr Agarwal and although he did not say much he did not order other tests or anything so I assume he past me. I have met with the nutritionist 2 times and I am scheduled to see her again on Nov. 19.
I have been struggling a bit with what is known as the last meal syndrome. The stress of waiting for surgery is hard. SO when a holiday or a celebration comes up I think in my head, " I may not EVER be able to eat this again, so I better eat it now." I have been doing a lot of soul searching on this and I came to the realization this week end that I am scared. I am scared to lose this weight and in some ways I am self sabotaging myself. I sat down and thought about my fears. I listed them..
1. Fear of the unknown ( I have never been a "normal" weight, it is all going to be new to me)
2. How will my relationships change? ( I know relationships with partners and others can change, I am fearful of this)
3. Will I ever be able to enjoy food and celebrate with family and society were food is such a huge part of our culture?
4. I am afraid of the "power" that will come when I am no longer hindered by weight and can focus completely on my career ( I know deep)
5. I am scared of the complications that may happen after wards
6. I am scared of the surgery itself and if I will even WAKE up ( I know again normal)
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So after I made this list It made sense to me why I was in ways not getting my head in the game. Until I can face these fears and work through them I am going to be hesitant. With that said though I have made what I believe is an attitude adjustment this past week end. It came from inspiration from members on the OH board and also a co-worker who just had WLS who I respect. They basically told me if I really want this I need to "get my head in the game" and do it now. OR don't do it. Sh*t or get off the pot..
For me and I assume for many people who find themselves obese and contemplating WLS our heads more so than our tummys have contributed to unhealthy and excessive eating. For me whenever I have lost weight it is more a head thing...self talk...thinking I WANT something to eat in my head, when my belly may actually still be full. Not knowing when to turn the head hunger off or even how to has be a challenge...I have been working through a work book...."food and feelings" and it is answered a lot of my questions as to why I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, lonely...I just eat all the time..for me feelings and food are interconnected and this needs to change....I need to adopt the mission statement that I eat to live...not live to eat.
When I am told to get my head in the game....it is really exactly what I need to do. SO Is my head in the GAME? Guess what...it has to be...I am going to tell myself YES it is in the game even if it is not....someone has to tell my head what to think HAHA may as well be me......FAKE it till I make it kinda thinking....I am in...and this blog today is going to serve as a reminder of why I am in and why I may have days I doubt.
THE FEARS
* I have been working on them. It is natural to be afraid of the unknown....I know this...I need to trust in the process and go for it or I will never live my desired life and that would be tragic.
* As for who I will become and how my professional relationships and personal relationships will change...I need to be brave and again have faith in the process.
* Fear has held me back my whole life....I am not going to allow Fear to Sabotage me any longer. I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone and off my lazyboy so I can live the life I was intended too.
* Today I bury fear and get my head in the GAME!!! Just watch me...
