Dawnm

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A small bump in the road.  Well that's what I'm calling it anyway.  It's funny how sometimes without realizing it you can go back to old habits.  Mine started on June 5, 2010.  My baby was graduating from high school and I had been busy all week pulling together her graduation and party.    I was cooking non stop for 3 days but I was fine.   On the day of her party I was also fine - had breakfast as usual and then around 8:00 p.m. the night of her party it hit me after everyone had left.   I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I was starving.... and this is where the old habits kicked back in!   I was eating everything I could get my hands on.  It was a different kind of binge because I was eating smaller portions of food - but I still went for food that I haven't eaten in months (6 to be exact) potato salad and kielbasa cooked in a very sweet sauce(brown sugar, ketchup and whiskey) , and then a very small piece of graduation cake.  This started my downfall, I still got on the scale every morning but for about 2 weeks I kept seeing the numbers climb - 3 pounds, 5 pounds, 7 pounds but I didn't stop.  It was like eating the "old foods" again had triggered a hunger I couldn't stop.  For this two week period I was obsessed with food again.   And then on June 17th, 7.4 pounds higher than I had been on June 5th - I stopped it.    I called a really good friend and confessed my binge (well for the night before anyway) and asked for a pep talk to get me back on track.   He reminded me how hard I had worked and how far I had come - 78 pounds in 6 months is no small feat.  He told me to keep my chin up - by now I was crying because I was so mad at myself!   He told me I was worth it and reminded me of all the family health traits I was trying so hard to avoid - high blood pressure, diabeties, depression.   And that day I jump back on the band wagon instead of watching it circle me over and over.  I got back on this board and confessed..... again.   I got great advice from the wonderful friends here.  I joined a weight loss challenge ( Labor Day Challenge - pledged to lose 35 pounds in 11 weeks) and even started my own exercise challenge!    For a short time I forgot my mantra - I am strong, I am determined, I will not quit!   But I have it all back now and I'm not going to lose it again.    I am pround to say that I have lost 9.5 pounds in the last three days - amazing!   I know I will make my short term goal of 100 pounds by the time I go back to the surgeon on July 21.   I can and will do this........ with a little help from my friends. 

Yes, I can say that and really mean it.   The old me would give up after a few days of unexplained weight gain.   Now I think through it and realize that these things will happen and it will eventually work itself out if I stay on track.  There is a logic to my thinking now.  I noticed the past few days that I was "pushing" the limits of my band and eating until I was so full I felt like I used to after a huge thanksgiving meal.  I also noticed that it was my mind playing games with me again - "of course your still hungry - have some more veggies!"    The two good things I did?   1.   I was only eating veggies - not junk! and number 2 - I have stopped this behavior by realizing it.   I stay on this board, I listen to my friends, and I realize that I AM a strong person - I AM dedicated to this new lifestyle - I AM not going to give up!   And yes this was my new mantra for today as I took matters into my own hands and started the Plateau Buster diet.   I joined a group doing it - I will be accountable every day for the next ten days - I will make the changes necessary to stay on track.   I'm still part of the fitness challenge - we are participating in week three.   I had slacked off for a few days but today I actually left work early came home and did two hours on my stationary bike.   In fitness challenge world that  equals 8 miles!   After my 3 oz supper I did another hour - just because I was really worked up so that is 12 miles for the fitness challenge.   It also satisfies my half hour of required exercise for the plateau busters diet requirements.

I'm also well on my way to reaching my goal for the SATC2 weight challenge.  I pledged to go from 345 to 320 in nine weeks.   As of week 5 I was at 16 pounds.   I am actually looking forward to reaching my first 100 pounds.  It will make the second 100 pounds not seem so bad - lol. 
I AM strong - i AM determined - I AM not going to give up -  Yeah me!

4/4/10 - Happy Easter Sunday.    I continue to move along in this journey.  Yes, the one I'm taking very seriously this time.  I actually feel comfortable in my choices now.  I can go out to eat with friends or family, I can eat at other peoples houses and I CAN and DO make good choices for this lifestyle.  I am reconnecting with the message board and making new friends everyday.   I am inspired by the bandster's stories of triumph as well as tragedy and failure.   

So anyway, my big easter success?  NO and I mean absolutely No easter candy!  Yippee for me!!!   Every year at this time I already consumed at least 3 pounds in peeps/ cadbury eggs and of course jelly beans.  Did I need them? absolutely not!  Did my brain convince me I would die without them each year at this time - You bet!     Another easter success?  I am finally below 340!  Yes, I swear I was jumping up and down in the bathroom.  I got on and off 3 times and it still said the same thing - 339! 

I can continue to do this.  I feel stronger every single day.  Yeah me!

3/21/10 - I just celebrated my 4th year anniversary.  It's funny I do really well and then something slams out of no where and I'm back to my old ways, not caring, eating anything in sight.   Around Thanksgiving 2009 I realized that I needed to get back into this again.   I had gained all my lost weight back plus a few pounds.   I once again couldn't climb stairs without gasping for breath, couldn't walk across the parking lot without slowing down so I wouldn't collapse.  And so right after Thanksgiving I started reviewing my "golden rules"  I had learned while taking all the prep classes before surgery.  I went back to basics.  Lots of water, lots of veggies, lots of trying to pay attention to my body.  Only eating when I was hungry and then taking my time and enjoying food again.  I cut out carbs almost completely - okay I must admit I still have my 6" tuna sandwich on wheat bread from Subway once a week.  I started thinking about whether I was really hungry BEFORE I ate anything.   I drank enough water daily to send me to the bathroom at least every hour.    And a miraculous thing began to happen.  I started to feel better everyday.  I started to lose weight again.   I started to feel like I wasn't a complete failure and I could do this.   Since that day I have lost 51 pounds on my own.  No fills!   I am scheduled for a fill on April 20, 2010.  I'm hoping to be down another 20 pounds before then.  I know I can do this.  I have to do this.