Debbie62
I am a Christian. I am 44 years old with two boys, one 13 and one 17. They are very active and like for me to be active with them. I like photography, going to the beach, lifting weights and going to the gym. I love art and going to craft and art shows. I like boxing, kick boxing and going to car shows. I like birds and flowers and planting gardens in my yard. I Love my Sibearen Huskey, Nikki and my blond Lab, Cricket. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for 12 years. He supports me in life and has stood by me in all sorts of life's adversities.The body I see in the mirror is not the body that I have inside of me. I have never been the "skinny" girl, but I have always felt like the pretty girl. Now as my weight continues to climb, I question that. I know I'm in there, but someone ate me, and I can't get out! I am at the end of my rope as far as being able to buy clothes. And for someone who has always been so active, I am not now. It makes me so depressed. My sons and boyfriend are so active. They love to play Hockey, football, wrestling, baseball or just be up at the gym. I don't even try anymore. When I do go in the gym, all of the gym members get so excited. I have worked out with them all and they know how much I want to be back in there. I have been over weight my whole life. I remember that my dad used food as acceptance. That was his reward or the way he showed his love. I am the oldest of 6 and probably the most over weight. I have always been pretty confident and out going. I hide my insecurities well. I have yo yo dieted for years. No matter what I loose, I gain that plus more back. I have failed at every attempt I have made. I know we will all die one day, but while I have the chance, I want to live. Really live! I want to spend all of the time on earth I can with my boys. I want to help my mother as she ages and be there for her. I want to give back to God for all of the many blessings he has given me even though I have not deserved them. I want to be a vessel for Christ reaching out and helping as many others as I can. I want my God to find me a husband that will love my two boys and myself unconditionally, putting God first. April 15, 2003, I hurt my back on the job. June 2, 2004 I had surgery. I have gained about 35-40 pounds since surgery. My body feels everybit of it. With every pound I gain I am able to do less and less. With the less I do, the more pounds I gain. It's a horrible cycle. I don't go to the gym anymore, it hurts my back and legs so much. My breathing is so bad that I can't even go to the mailbox with out being winded. I miss lifting weights and working out. I don't go to the beach anymore because it hurts too bad to walk the distance to the water and I feel like I have to drag my butt through the sand. I still love photography, but I try to be the one taking the pictures, not having mine taken. I am in a desperate situation. I don't feel there is any other way to get the weight off at this point. I need help. I have heard some of my friends tell me how they are against it and some that say go for it. One person told me something and I am going to go with what she said. She said, "Don't let anyone talk you into it and don't let anyone talk you out of it". I think that is the best advice I have had. I know I have rambled, but the thought of a new attempt in life, excites me. A healthy life. I have been born again in my soul, now I want my body to match the inside of me. For the first time in my life....
...I WANT TO BE A LOOSER!!
