16 days - emotional

Mar 26, 2011

I broke down and had a much needed cry today.  Sam is so understanding.  We are both scared and wish that the sleeve would have gotten approval so I could have that instead.  I wish my surgeon would not have said I'd probably need open surgery - the laproscopic seems so much easier to recover from.  I don't think I am so worried about dying as I am about recovery, complications and coping with the aftermath.  I am 60 and I don't jump right up and walk on a good day.  So I'm afraid I'll have trouble after surgery, getting out of bed and walking and going to the bathroom, etc. But I am determined to do whatever it takes. 
I am looking forward to loosing weight and looking better, but dreading the plastic surgery that I'll need - my skin is not very elasticy.
I wish there wasn't so much conflicting information.  I was told that Tums would be a good iron suppliment, but it seems like no one else thinks so.  Also, no one told me I should get B-12 sublinguals to take - What's up with that?
I need to get my head with the program.  I didn't like what I had for dinner tonight and I feel actually mad about it because it was a meal that I "wasted"  prior to surgery. I guess I'd better get used to it!
I couldn't go swimming for the past 2 days.  I think it makes me irritable.  Yesterday the pool was crowded with kids and today was special olympics.  I'll swim like crazy tomorrow. 
Unlike almost everyone on the forum, I think I would back out of the surgery if I weren't in such need of it.  I am loosing my mobility and independence.  Sam has to do almost everything for me and drive me everywhere I need to go.  I want to be more active and healthier so he and I can begin to enjoy our retirement.  I keep praying for courage and strength and I know God will see me through.  I wish it was tomorrow and I could be on my way.

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