Dedicated
Weight Loss Pre-Op:
11/20/03 270.5
12/11/03 Quit Smoking
01/20/04 278
01/29/04 273
02/02/04 274.5 Teaching Mtg.
02/13/04 Smoking Goal MET! (56 days)
02/20/04 273.8
03/13/04 270.4
03/29/04 274.4 (retaining a lot of water)
04/05/04 274.4 (4 1/2 days on weight watchers)
04/16/04 273.3
04/23/04 274.4 Surgery date!
04/28/04 264.4
04/30/04 259.4 Holy crap! -15 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!
05/09/04 253.3
05/12/04 250.8
05/19/04 249.6 (have period)
05/21/04 248.4 (still have period)
05/27/04 249.0
05/28/04 247
06/04/04 250
06/09/04 244 FINALLY!!
06/12/04 242.7
06/13/04 241.3 -32.7 lbs
06/22/04 239.4
07/04/04 236.4 -38 lbs! It "is" an INDEPENDENCE day!!
07/05/04 234.6
07/10/04 232.4
07/12/04 231.6
07/18/04 230.0 Only 6 to go to reach my 1st goal!!!
07/20/04 228.8
07/23/04 228.8 Period
07/26/04 227.8
08/01/04 225.8 Only 1 more to go!!!
08/03/04 224.7 -50 WAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO
08/11/04 223.0
08/12/04 222.8 Hey, 2 oz is 2 oz!!!
08/17/04 220.8
08/22/04 220.4 Period
08/25/04 218.8 WWWHHHAAAA HHHHOOOOO! My BMI is 39.9 I no longer qualify for surgery!!!
08/29/04 216.2
09/05/04 215.8
09/06/04 214.6
09/13/04 213.8
09/14/04 212.4
09/21/04 211.6 period just ended.
09/27/04 210.4
10/04/04 211.6 this stinks
10/05/04 209.6 had major diarhhea last night, don't know why
10/07/04 211.4 ?
10/11/04 209.6
10/18/04 207.8
10/24/04 206.2
11/09/04 205.6
11/15/04 203.6 FINALLY!!!!
11/21/04 202.8
11/23/04 202.6
12/05/04 201.8
12/07/04 199.0 YEAH!!!!!!!! -75!
12/09/04 198.8
12/20/04 198.2 Period just ended. Seems I'm destined to be a super slo mo loser!
01/02/05 197.6
01/03/05 196.8
01/07/05 195.4
01/17/05 193.0 Watching carbs much closer!!!
01/18/05 192.6 This is working!
01/30/05 190.1
02/11/05 194.2 Period. Being a girl sucks.
03/04/05 193.4 oh well.
3/14/05 192.6
3/16/05 191.5 Finally going in the right direction.
3/17/05 190.6 I'm sooo motivated!
3/30/05 188.0 Hope it sticks!
4/27/05 191.4 Apparently I've been stuck since Jan. ICK.
5/16/05 187.7 Thanks to a head cold from hell! Let's see if it sticks!
7/22/05 192.8 Still floating around. Gotta get exercising.
11/04/05 194.4
11/06/05 196.7 I WILL NOT GET DISCOURAGED.
11/07/05 193.8 Lets keep it going in this direction.
01/29/06 197.5 Still struggling.
02/04/06 195.0
02/19/06 195.0
03/06/06 194.
06/03/06 199.9
06/04/06 197.6 Worshipping the gods of porceline... think its from the new metformin.
06/05/06 195.4 Diarhhea is better!
12/10/07 216
01/14/08 202 Seeing a chef is probably not my best move! I have lost 14 pounds since we met though!
01/22/08 199.5
01/24/08 196.5
01/25/08 194.5
02/12/08 186.5 lets see if this sticks!
Measurements Pre-Op:
11/20/03 MID ARM~14.25 WAIST~47.5 HIP~58
02/02/04 MID ARM~17 WAIST~46.75 HIP~62 NECK~16.5 THIGH~31.5 BREAST~50
03/24/04 MID ARM~19 WAIST~44 HIP~59 NECK~17 THIGH~31 BREAST~49
04/07/04 MID ARM~18 WAIST~45 HIP~58 NECK~17 THIGH~29 BREAST~49.5
04/16/04 MID ARM~18 WAIST~45 HIP~59 NECK~16 THIGH~32 BREAST~48
05/09/04 MID ARM~16.5 WAIST~45 HIP~58 NECK~16 THIGH~26 BREAST~47
05/16/04 MID ARM~16 WAIST~41.5 HIP~56.5 NECK~16 THIGH~25
05/30/04 MID ARM~15.5 WAIST~43 HIP~57 NECK~15.75 THIGH~26 BREAST~47
06/13/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~41 HIP~56 NECK~16 THIGH~26 BREAST~48
07/04/04 MID ARM~16 WAIST~44 HIP~52 NECK~15.5 THIGH~26 BREAST~47
07/10/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~40 HIP~52 NECK~15.5 THIGH~26 BREAST~47
07/18/04 MID ARM~14.5 WAIST~39 HIP~53 NECK~15 THIGH~26 BREAST~45
7/18/04 Since my initial meeting in 11/03 I have lost the following inches: MID ARM~ -4.5 WAIST~ -8.5 HIP~ -9 NECK~ -2 THIGH~ -6 BREAST~ -5
08/01/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~39 HIP~50.5 NECK~15 THIGH~25 BREAST~44.5
08/08/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~39 HIP~48 NECK~15 THIGH~25 BREAST~44.5
08/22/04 MID ARM~14.5 WAIST~40 HIP~48 NECK~15 THIGH~24 BREAST~45
09/05/04 MID ARM~14 WAIST~39 HIP~45 NECK~15 THIGH~24 BREAST~44.5
Since the week before surgery these are the inches lost as of 09/05/04!
MID ARM~ -4 WAIST~ -6 HIP~ -14 NECK~ -1 THIGH~ -8 BREAST~ -3.5 TOTAL INCHES LOST~ -36.5
09/24/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~38 HIP~46 NECK~14.5 THIGH~24 BREAST~43
10/14/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~39 HIP~48 NECK~14.5 THIGH~23.5 BREAST~43
10/30/04 MID ARM~15 WAIST~39 HIP~46 NECK~14.5 THIGH~23 BREAST~42
11/26/04 MID ARM~13 WAIST~35 HIP~46 NECK~14.5 THIGH~24 BREAST~43
12/29/04 MID ARM~14 WAIST~38.5 HIP~45.5 NECK~14.5 THIGH~24 BREAST~43
01/20/05 MID ARM~12 WAIST~34 HIP~44.5 NECK~14.5 THIGH~22 BREAST~40
03/14/05 MID ARM~12 WAIST~37 HIP~42.5 NECK~14.5 THIGH~23 BREAST~42.5
3/22/05 MID ARM~12.5 WAIST~35 HIP~41.5 NECK~14.25 THIGH~23 BREAST~41
4/15/05 MID ARM~ WAIST~ HIP~41 NECK~14.5 THIGH~22 BREAST~40
5/26/05 MID ARM~13.5(?) WAIST~37(?) HIP~41 NECK~14 THIGH~22.5 BREAST~41 I think I messed up with measurements as I wear a size smaller today than I did last month.
01/29/06 MID ARM~13.5 WAIST~37.5 HIP~40 NECK~14 THIGH~23 BREAST~41
2/13/06 MID ARM~13.5 WAIST~37.5 HIP~40 NECK~14 THIGH~23 BREAST~41
At 6 months out total inches lost::: Mid Arm -4 Waist -7.75 Hips -16 Neck -2.5 Thigh -9 Breast -8 Thats a total of almost 50 inches!
Co-Morbidities:
PCOS. Pain in knees, ankles, feet, back, shoulders. Snoring. Depression. Swelling of feet/ankles/lower legs/hands. Shortness of Breath. High family occurence of diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, arthritis, bursitus, degenerative disc problems, stroke and more.
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I started my process on Nov. 18, 2003. I have my psych eval on Dec. 19 & go back for those results on Dec. 29, 2003. I will then find out if I am ready to meet with the doctors and if I've lost as least 9lbs at that time I can schedule surgery for Spring 2004! I am very excited and hope to keep things moving quickly.
Dec.6, 2003. My psych consult is coming up in 13 days. More than a little nervous. What if I say the wrong things? I have the handbook memorized and all that stuff, but still feel apprehensive. My son (10) was watching a show on cable called "I Lost It". He asked if I would do that surgery to lose weight so he could have more fun with me. That broke my heart. I haven't told him I'm planning to get it done, he's a worrier. I want to wait until I actually know when the surgery will be.
Dec. 9, 2003. I am having a lot of relationship issues lately. My live in boyfriend of four years has been very supportive with the WLS, but not any other areas of my life. Makes me wonder about his motives.
Dec. 17, 2003. My psych eval is this Friday. VERY VERY nervous. I want so badly to have this surgery. I'll be 30 in February 04 and want to at least have a date scheduled before then. My music teacher from high school just died this weekend in her sleep. Why? Morbidly Obese. This helped my parents understand where I am coming from. I want to die trying, not because I didn't try.
Dec. 20, 2003. Did my MMPI. Was also supposed to meet with Dr. Guerrora, but she flaked out. Claims she left me a msg at home that she couldn't keep our appt. No msg on machine. So I took test and go back on Dec.30 to do interview, and IF results from MMPI are back go over those. This woman is changing her story every time I talk with her. She is a flake. Any one over the age of 45 that wears little girl clips in her hair, horn rimmed glasses and hot pink lipstick is flaky in my book. Can you tell she doesn't impress me? Just frustrated. I'm sure she knows what she's doing, but I get aggrivated with people who don't have their act together.
I stopped smoking on this past Wednesday!! Last cigarette was at 7:10 pm!!! Smoked almost a pack a day for 6-10 yrs. I decided to quit cold turkey. Cutting back wasn't working. My dr requires 8 weeks smoke free before surgery. I figured it out and it 56 days. I want to be ready! I'll hit my eight week mark just three days before my 30th birthday. Present to myself. Its very hard, but worth it. Has made my family realize how much this WLS means to me.
Dec. 23, 2003. Have gone 6 days without smoking!!! Very proud of myself. One week from today, go to get MMPI results. Am starting supplements and water sippage, food chewage today. This way all of it will be habit by the time its a necessity. I hope! Merry Christmas to all.
Dec. 28, 2003. 11 days without smoking!!! I went to WI for Christmas with the family this weekend. Told everyone about the surgery, went to this site and showed them all what's what! They are coming around. I am very nervous about getting my MMPI results on tuesday. I have no idea how long after tuesday it will take the Dr. to get my paperwork from the psych dr. Once he gets that, I can schedule an appt. to discuss getting approval from ins. and then set a date! I'm really hoping for something in April at the latest. We'll see. The nightmares have already started, re the surgery and complications. Thats normal for me, I've had so many since I was very young that I always get very anxious when I know its coming. Hopefully the work I've been doing getting ready will alleviate some of the fears.
Dec. 30, 2003. Today is day 13-not smoking!!! I leave for my psych eval results in 15 minutes. I'm so nervous I want to barf. I have really started working to lose the required 18lbs for surgery. I didn't bother at first, because I was quitting smoking, one vice at a time. I seem to have that licked (ick!) so its time to lose the weight. My boyfriend is back to his supportive self, he's going to help me develop an exercise program (He's mr. fit and trim) and do it with me, that will help keep me going.
Dec. 31, 2003. Two weeks no smoking!!! Had psych eval followup yesterday. Went very well. I just have to do a phone interview with her in two weeks and then she said she would "try" to have my eval to the dr by my birthday, Feb 15!
Jan. 2, 2004. Happy New Year! I'm excited, I feel like I've conquered the nicotine beast. I am now ready to really start working hard to lose my 18 lbs for surgery. I call the psych. one week from tuesday next week for final followup. Then its the waiting game for my paperwork to get to Dr. Johnson.
Jan. 5, 2004. 19 days, no smoking! I don't really even miss it. My boyfriend still smokes, that doesn't even make me want one. It stinks. My mom bought me an air purifier for christmas, that will help with the smell some. He tells me everyday how proud he is that I stopped smoking. I am starting a liquid protein diet tomorrow. I need to lose almost 20 lbs before surgery. I would like to have this lost by the time I meet with the surgeon, hopefully I'll get scheduled sooner. If everything goes as planned I should be able to meet with him before my birthday on Feb. 15! My gift to myself!!!
Jan. 8, 2004. Well, I have started calling the psych. to set up our last phone meeting. We are supposed to do this next week. She is not very good about returning calls. Only five weeks to go until I hit the 8 weeks of no smoking!!! Starting my pre-op diet today. I have to lose 18 lbs, well 21 now after the whole no smoking thing! But thats ok. I'm already healthier. I'm going to try the southbeach diet. Should see results. If all goes well, should hit weight goal the same time as the smoking goal! Cool!
Jan. 9, 2004. Got a call back from psych. She is supposedly going to call me this weekend to finish up with me. She will then attempt to get it all to the doc within one-two weeks. I'm going to call everyday and leave one short message to remind her. Hopefully that will prod her to hurry. I talked to the nurse and she said that if everything goes smoothly I may be able to have my surgery in May!!!!
Jan. 13, 2004. 27 days no smoking! I've saved over $100 on cigs already!!! Well, tonight the psych is supposed to call. We'll see. I'm not going to hold my breath. I am talking to people at work about my surgery (I work with psychiatrists/therapists, etc.) and getting their feed back. Everyone is so supportive. Its nice. I've even had volunteers to walk with me at lunch to help me lose my pre-op weight!
Jan. 14, 2004. Psych eval is done!!!! She is supposed to fax it to Dr. Johnson tomorrow (thursday). I am so relieved! I have nothing else to do except wait and lose the required pre-op pounds. I should get a call from the nurse next week to schedule my consult!!! I work at a mental health clinic, so we have a real scale here. I weighed myself and I gained a lot since I stopped smoking. I weighed 273 this morning. Now I have even more to lose before surgery. Crap. I can do it. I stopped smoking, losing these few pounds shouldn't be as hard! Plus my family is really trying to help me too!
Jan.17, 2004. Psych eval finally made it to the dr at 5pm last night (friday). Now I wait for the call sometime next week from the nurse to schedule my next visit! I think. No one is being real clear what the next step is. I think I have to wait to have the dr dictate a letter to insurance and then wait for transcription to type it and insurance to respond. I have no idea how long that takes.
Jan. 20, 2004. Dr. Johnson has already looked over my file and wants my op.notes from my last two surgeries. They were for adhesion removal from my uterus. So, he wants to be sure there wouldn't be any thing from that to complicate or prevent this surgery! Can't believe he looked at it the same day the nurse called to say she had everything. I am going to call this pm to see if those medical notes were recieved. Getting very excited!
Jan. 21, 2004. When it rains, it pours!!!! I already got a call this am that Dr. Johnson received the paperwork he wanted from my two previous surgeries! He looked it over and he gave me the green light! So, now "Mary" has my file and is submitting everything to insurance!!! I will get a call from someone at the office as soon as they hear from insurance. From others posts that could be anywhere from 24 hrs to 3 weeks. Seems like steps go in spurts. There's a lull for a while and then boom, two or three things accomplished in a couple days. Amazing. I'm so excited! On a darker side, I now weight 278. That means more too lose. I have to get down to 252 for surgery. The harder I try the worse I do. I'm going to get fanatical about exercise and see if that helps. The 2 mile a day walks are not doing anything.
Jan. 26, 2004. I called the nurse Friday. Big mistake. I asked for help on losing my 10% + the excess I gained when I quit smoking. I was basically told that I should suck it up and just lose it. She was very discouraging. I did't think I would be judged as harshly as I was. I was asking for help. She just said that if I couldn't do, I couldn't have surgery. What a crab. Makes me wonder if I'm going to the right place. If I diet any harder I'll explode. I workout, eat right and keep gaining. This is why I need the surgery. She also told me that if I can't lose weight on 1,000 calories a day now, I'll never lose it after surgery. What a bitch.
Jan. 28, 2004. I am so frustrated. I weighed myself this morning and I haven't lost an ounce since last wk wednesday. I don't understand. I am doing everything right. I hate this. I am trying not to let myself get even more depressed, its not working. This sucks.
Later....1/28/04! I am approved!!! I scheduled my teaching mtg with the nurse on Monday 2/2/04! I see Dr. Johnson on 2/4/04! Hopefully a miracle will happen between now and then!
Jan. 30, 2004. I have resigned myself to the fact that it may be a while before the doc lets me schedule surgery. My wt has not changed at all in the past 2-3 weeks, even though I am NOT starving myself, eating protein pretty much exclusively and exercising like crazy. I don't know whats wrong with me. This is why I want the surgery, its my last hope and I don't know what to think anymore.
Feb.2, 2004. Well, I did the 1:1 nurse teaching appointment this morning. That was a let down. We just reviewed what I learned at the informational meeting and whats in our handbook. Now I meet with Dr.Johnson on Wednesday afternoon. The nurse thinks he'll go ahead and schedule my surgery even though I haven't lost all the weight, but it "might be out a ways". Whatever that means. They are already booking out three months. If I can't lose 8-10 lbs a month, I'll never do it. Happy and discouraged at the same time. Who knew that would be possible!
Feb.3, 2004. I want to throw up I'm so nervous about the surgeon consult tomorrow. What will happen, what will he say about my wt, will he lecture, will he care? Most importantly, will he schedule my surgery?
Feb.4, 2004! I have a date!!! April 23rd, 2004!!!! Oh happy day! I'll update more tomorrow, too excited to type!!
Feb.5, 2004. I am oddly feeling very calm about this now that the initial excitement of yesterday has had time to settle a little. My family gave me a lack luster, I'm happy for you. I guess that took a little of the wind out of my sails. I know they are nervous about all this, but geez.
Feb.9, 2004. Home today with sick son. I am going to start my internet quest for reasonably priced vitamins! I am committing to a life style change that includes spending money on supplements, so I want to get the best deal. That will keep me on track if I have a supply ready for the four week mark! Getting nervous too. Working out tons and sticking to slim-fast program, give it two more weeks and see if its working. If not, will have to come up with a plan B.
Feb.12, 2004. Holy crap!!!! 70 days to go! Yesterday was my 8 week anniversary for no smoking! Thats 56 days, went by so quick! I saved my cig money and bought myself a beautiful amethyst ring to mark the day of my smoking anniversary and my birthday, which is this sunday! I am not nervous yet. Just concentrating on losing pre-op weight. I am still pricing supplements, want to get the best deal! Will still be cheaper by a long shot than the cigarettes were!
Feb.16, 2004. Lived through my 30th birthday. It was yesterday, what an emotional day. I didn't think it would bother me, turning 30, but it really did. Oh well! I'm starting a new birth day on April 23rd!!! Getting more excited as the days go by! Still struggling to lose pre-op wt.
Feb.18, 2004. Weight loss not really going anywhere. I am exercising a lot, so at least I will be in better shape, if not smaller for the surgery. I can't believe its only 64 days away! I'm really starting to get excited now! The 56 days of no smoking flew by, so will these next 64 I'm sure!
Feb.23, 2004. Well I'm pretty frustrated with the wt loss issue. I haven't lost a thing. I have about 60 days left before surgery and seem to be maintaining and not losing. I'm going to give it until 30 days and then call the doc. I'm so pissed. I have been really good about exercising and watching what I eat. I can't do Atkins, makes me sick to eat all that meat. I'm going to do that hollywood liquid thing on the weekend and see what happens and stick to slim-fast only during the week and one meal.
Feb.26, 2004. Pissed off as ever at my weight. 56 days to go and no progress on weight loss. So mad. I just want this all to be over with so I can start my life. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for the green light to start living, being me.
Mar.1, 2004. Ok, no progress on wt loss. I switched to a new plan. I am having one fat free yogurt (100 calories) and a string cheese for breakfast. A low cal/low sodium soup for lunch. Either a string cheese or veggie for snack and salad for supper. We'll see if that works. I also switched my exercise routine. I still walk about 1.5-2 miles a day, I row for 15 minutes, I do 100 leg lifts and a 20 minute Denise Austin "Shrink Your Female Fat Zones" tape. Started it this weekend, hurt like crazy today, so it must be what I needed! Weighed 273.5 this morning. Been that wt for over two months now. Need to lose 20 lbs. in 53 days.
Mar. 5, 2004. The new diet is working fairly well. I lost a pound already. I have about 48 days to go. Getting more nervous. Am up for a promotion, but won't find out until next week. I hope the fact that I'll be out for the WLS doesn't affect their decision.
Mar. 8, 2004. Well, I weigh 270 as of this morning. I have my period too, so I don't actually know what I weigh. I tend to gain anywhere from 5-10 lbs of water weight when my little friend comes to visit. Talk about frustrating.
Mar. 15, 2004. Still weigh 270. At least it isn't going up. I am going to the dr tomorrow to weigh in. Thats all they are suggesting. Come weigh in. How thats going to help I have no idea, but I'll do it. I am gathering my calendar, etc. to show my efforts. I am just scared they'll cancel my date.
Mar. 15, 2004. Weighed in today. At home I weighed 270, at the doctor's office I was 274. I'm ready to scream.
Mar. 19, 2004. Well, part of my water weight problem is from the string cheese I've been using in my diet. Its loaded with sodium. What a dummy. I was so concerned with protein and calories, I didn't even look at sodium. I retain water like a sponge. So, no more cheese! Thats ok, it was getting sickening anyway after three weeks! Hitting water hard and taking an OTC diuretic. Hopefully that will help jump start things. Without this site, I would have given up long ago. I'm so thankful its here.
Mar. 22, 2004. Well, I'm pretty much disgusted with this whole pre-op wt loss issue. I bought an exercise bike this weekend, to mix it up a bit. Unfortunately the seat really hurts my rear. Apparently, as fat as I am, I still have a couple bones that rub the seat funny and it kills to ride more than a mile or two. I'm going to rid up a cushier cushion and see if that helps. No progress at all on the weight loss yet. So frustrated. I walked the dog about 10 miles this weekend. Hope that helps, I know she's still pooped!
Mar. 23, 2004. I just found out that I have to have an appt. with the nurse practitioner at my doctors office two weeks before my surgery. I almost sh** As everyone is probably aware, I have been struggling for the past 48 days to lose my required pre-op wt (no progress yet) and now only have 30 days to surgery. So today I find out that I have to have her weigh me in, to see if I have made significant progress to my goal. If I haven't I could get canceled. Even though I still would have 14 more days to work at it.
Well, howdy do. Talk about FREAKIN OUT. So much for sleep. I've already been up nights worrying about losing this weight. What a crappy day this is turning out to be.
Mar. 24, 2004. The days are ticking away. Unbelievable, but I want time to slow down a bit, so I can lose this da** weight. I can't afford to have this surgery delayed, mentally/emotionally/physically/financially.
Mar. 26, 2004. I'm going to the pcp today. I had so much fluid retention this morning that I could hardly use my hands, walk or see. My hands,feet, and eyelids had so much fluid, it was gross. When I walked the dog my feet hurt so bad and I could feel the fluid slosh on the tops of my feet. Ick. I go in at 11:15 today. Hopefully they can give me some ideas. I have cut out almost all sodium and high sodium foods about two weeks ago. Don't know what else I can do. I also add lemon to my daily water.
Mar. 29, 2004. I'm waiting for my lab results. If they are normal, I'll ask for a diuretic. The otc ones aren't doing a thing and they aren't real specific as to what's in them, so I'm a little leary about taking them. My feet/ankles hurt so bad I can hardly walk, my hands so that I can barely work today (typing, etc.). This totally sucks. 24 days to go and still no progress on weight loss. My family is starting to think that I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm just hungry and tired from all the exercising and turning into an emotional wreck from all the stress. I hope its good news from the doc today.
01:24 pm (same day) Talked to Diane at Dr. Johnson's office. Explained what was happening. She suggested increasing exercise bike, review my calorie intake to make sure I'm getting 1,000 and to check out some exercise tapes for chair bound folks. I'll stop at the library tonight to see if they have any tapes I can borrow, instead of buying them.
Mar. 31, 2004. I think I may have pms, that could be why I've gained again. I haven't done anything different diet wise, increased my exercise though. Will do measurements again to see whats happening. Water retention is still causing pain in my hands/feet. So frustrating. I spend most of my time panicked about whether or not I'll be able to have the surgery. I am having such a terrible time getting my weight loss going. I am going to join the online weight watchers today. Thats pretty much my last hope. Well, I just joined online WW. Its $45 bucks for one month. Whew! Hopefully it will help. I can have 30 points a day. We'll see what happens!
April 1, 2004. I tried to make another appointment with a different family practice doc today. I was told no. I couldn't believe it. They said because I haven't seen a rheumatologist yet, no one else would see me. So, I'll make that appointment. Hopefully I'll get in before my surgery. I didn't sleep at all last night. My hands and feet hurt so bad. Plus, now I think I have PMS. Great.
Got in to see a rheumatologist on tuesday next week. I called back six times, and finally someone had cancelled an appt. I have no idea who I'll be seeing. Guess I'll find out when I get there. I hope they can help me with this swelling. It hurts.
April, 2, 2004. Well, I hope this is all over soon. I really don't know how much more stress I can take. Its all so much more difficult than I thought it would be. The difficulty losing weight, the fears of complications, all of it. I hope I find something out at the doctor on tuesday about why I'm retaining so much water. I hurt every where. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. Its awful. Then Friday I have the NP appt. at the surgeons office. I should get a yes or no that day, I hope. If it ends up being no, I'll grieve and deal with it, if its yes, I can relax and finish preparing for surgery. Either way, I need an answer. I saw myself on the surgeries for this month list on my doc's page. Scary and thrilling at the same time!
April, 5, 2004. Now that I'm hopefully just 17 days away from surgery, I'm getting nervous. Gone is the excitement of starting over. I am scared they'll say no, and scared they won't. Dumb.
April 6, 2004. Saw rheumatologist this am. Nice guy. Basically there's nothing wrong, I'm just fat. So he gave me a pain reliever - Ultracet. and said to swim as that would be the easiest and most effective for my body. Joing Y tonight. No progress on weight loss.
April 7, 2004. Got my period yesterday, felt like crap, so postponed Y. Can't swim with my friend here anyway. Did measurements again. New meds are really helping pain. So glad I went.
April 12, 2004. Had my NP visit on Friday. All is well. Surgery is on. She just said to keep trying to lose and definitely don't gain. She also said no binges. How did she know? Guess she figured it out, thats my downfall. I've been better at it though. Ten days and counting.
April 15, 2004. Getting very nervous. I just realized that I need someone to take my son to/from school the week after surgery, just in case I can't. Bummer. That will be a trick. My DH will try to help, but with his crazy work schedule he can only drop him off, not pick him up. So, I have another project to keep me busy!
April 19, 2004. Have my pre-op physical at 4 today. Not really too concerned about that. More just overall anxiety about am I doing the right thing, will I die, what if it doesn't work. That kind of stuff. I'm like 3/4 freaked out and 1/4 excited. Did my grocery shopping this weekend. Still working on some projects around the house. I have such a headache today that I almost want to cut out from work, but I need all the hours I can handle before surgery.
April 22, 2004. Tomorrow is the big day. Yesterday I did bowel prep. ICK. Thank god I stayed home from work, that would have been a nightmare! Anyway, am extremely nervous and aprehensive. Clear liquids today, nothing after midnight. Its 9am and I'm so hungry! Pooh. Taking my son to grandma's house in Wisconsin tonight, then hurry home and jump in bed to get a good nights sleep HA HAHAHAHA HA! We saw a rainbow on the way home last night, made me feel so much better. I'll update as soon as I can!
April 28, 2004. I made it!!! Pain, but not horrendous. Get tired easily, but better each day! Lost 10 pounds already! Holy Crap!
April 30, 2004. -15 lbs. Unreal. Still uncomfortable, but not in "pain". Can't wait to do my measurements tonight!!!
May 9, 2004. -21 lbs. Wow. Had my first dump last monday. Awful experience. Better now. Two weeks out and still not sure if I'm glad I did this or not. I guess I'll decide that when I start eating food. Pureed's on the 13th and real food on the 20th. Scared to death, but happy with the inches lost and weight lost.
May 12, 2004. Start pureed's tomorrow. Very nervous about it. Don't want to dump again. My clothes are finally starting to fit differently. I was tight in them before surgery, so it took a while to shrink enough for them to get too big for me! 23 pounds, gone forever!!!!!!!
May 13, 2004. Well, I can eat plain (no butter/margarine) mashed potatos! That was exciting. Had a little for supper last night and a little for breakfast and will have a little more for lunch today!!! Doesn't take much and I'm done!! I am going to do one food per day until I get a feel for what I can have and can't. Don't want to dump at work, so will try the new item for supper each night. That way I'll be safe.
May 16, 2004. Pureed's are going well. Mashed potatos, applesauce, fat free cottage cheese are all going well. Trying to broaden my horizons, but have baseball tournaments all weekend and don't want to get sick. I can also add a touch of yellow mustard or fat free sour cream to my potatos for flavor! Yum! So far I like the potatos the best. Warm and filling! Other than that, I don't waddle when I walk!!! That was a cool revelation yesterday! Went down a size in clothes! Started at a tight 26/28, now in a 22/24 - comfortably! Cool!!
May 19, 2004. No weight loss for a few days. Think its due to my period. Supposed to start real food tomorrow. Terrified.
May 27, 2004. This stinks. No weight loss for over two weeks. Real food is going ok. I don't understand the lack of weight loss. I am going to increase my exercise and see if that helps. I am also going to do my measurements tonight.
May 28, 2004. Had a check up yesterday. Found out I've been messing up. Not supposed to be drinking oj! Did not know that. Oops. Plus I'm only supposed to have a cup of milk a day. How's that? Oh, its ok if you use it to make your protein shake. Confusing, but I'll catch on!
May 30, 2004. Took my son to see Shrek 2 yesterday. Had a good time. Bought a water and even had a few kernels of popcorn! Boy do I love popcorn! Wish it had protein in it, I could live on that stuff!!! I'm hoping to start losing again soon. Trying not to weigh myself daily. Thats hard. Especially when I haven't been losing for two weeks.
Also, very stressful at home. With the dog being put to sleep. Caused a major rift between me and DH. He is very very upset and can't or won't try to see any point of view but his own. I think after five years we are realizing that this relationship has run its course. Thank god we didn't get married. That will make things easier, I guess. My parents are always willing to let us go home to them in WI, but at 30 yrs old, who wants to do that. I haven't lived at home since I graduated from high school. I've always found a way to make things work in the past, I'm sure we'll survive this too.
June 8, 2004. Well, still haven't lost anything. Sucks. I called the NP and she'll call back. I have been following the rules exactly. Left DH saturday, heat of the moment thing. Will be going home either tonight or tomorrow. Don't know. So much stress lately. We found out at work last week that our receptionist of forever has cancer all over. We won't find out until the end of this week if she'll be back or not. Don't even know yet how much time she has left. So sad. She just went in for gallbladder surgery and there it was, cancer everywhere. So of course I'm offered by the Ex Dir (I'm his asst.) to fill in for her. Now I have to be to work at 7:30am instead of 8:30. So tired. Not used to that. Who knew just an hour would make that big of difference. So, here I sit, waiting for the NP to call.
June 9, 2004. I finally lost!!! -4 pounds! Thats a total of -30!! YEAH!!!
June 13, 2004. Still losing,thank god. Now down a total of 32lbs! Seems the days I eat more, I lose more. Strange. I make sure to choose sensible foods, nothing high calorie.
June 22, 2004. Losing, slow but sure! Period is totally messed up. Been having trouble eating lately. Either eat too fast, too much or don't chew good enough. So, the past week I've been felling icky a lot, mostly my own fault. Wishing the weight would come off faster, but I guess its ok. I already am having saggy skin issues. Lather up with shea butter daily, hopefully I'll bounce back. Ick!
June 24, 2004. Going on vacation from sat to sat this week! Excited, we go once a year and I so need it!! I had a goal for myself to lose 50 lbs by the end of July. Don't know if that will happen. I have lost 35 so far. Thats 15 more in 5 weeks. Should be do-able, but the way I'm losing so slow, who knows. The saggy skin is getting nasty, I hope it catches up soon. I certainly don't want surgery next year for that...I hate doctors and am terrified of surgery. I know, I had gb. That was different, that was for survival, this would be for vanity. Anyway, I think a week without the scale will do me good!
July 4, 2004. Back from vacation! Had a good time. Got too busy visiting and got food stuck a few times. Now I know!! Had a smore, two bites, yum!! I can have my homemade "lite" rice krispie bars, but not prepackaged ones (dumped). Cheetos taste like sand/cardboard, ick. YEAH!! Unfortunately the water their was yuck (on a lake, local well), even the crystal lite tasted funny. Had flat diet pepsi most of the time, probably would have lost even more if that hadn't been the case. Lost 3 pounds! Thats a good week for me! So totally a slow loser, it sucks, but I'm at -38! Want to be at -50 by the end of July. Thats only 12 to go!!! Not as tired now. Took a ton of naps the first few days. That seemed to help. Hand pain is back though. I will give it another month and then investigate some more with the doctors. So far saw family practice and a rheumatologist pre-op and they couldn't figure it out. Anyway, glad to be back and have re-committed myself to exercise. Getting lots of skin hanging and feel "giggly".
July 9, 2004. Well, weight hasn't moved all week. Typical. Maybe I need another vacation!!! My bills from surgery are on their way to collections. Total owed to Allina was about $1200. I had that much in savings, but had to use it to survive after surgery as I ended up taking off more time than I expected. An extra week. All of which was without pay. Sucks, but if I did Allina's payment plan they would have charged me 18% interest. That is outrageous. I have ify credit anyway, so I guess I don't care. I can't afford to just pay them off. I have no savings and am still behind on bills from when I had surgery. Seems like just when I get ahead or even caught up, something sets me back financially. GRRRRRR.
July 10, 2004. Got sick last night. I had a homemade rice krispie bar. Had diarhea for three hours. ICK. Probably why I lost 2 lbs. I have really been hitting the water hard. I thought I had been doing pretty good, until I got the 64 oz container. Holy crap thats a lot of water! Still exhausted all the time, but going to really buckle down on the exercise and stop fooling myself that the little bit I've been doing is enough.
July 15, 2004. Been really suffering with anxiety lately, well for the last few weeks. I am going to try my liquid prozac again and see if I feel better after a few weeks, if not I'll see a professional. Its really hard to behave when I'm dealing with this crap. My lovely sister isn't helping. Four days after sending out invitations for her wedding shower (to be held at home in wisconsin) she wants the date changed to a week earlier. Great. Totally messes up my life, but who cares, I'm just planning it, paying for it and doing all the work. She's my only sibling, and I love her to death, but man, what a bitch. She's even making her fiance and his friends cancel a trip to some race in Brainerd so they will go to her party. Wow. So stress? Just a tad! Hopefully it'll get better.
July 23, 2004. Three months post-op! Been taking my prozac and feeling much more like myself. I can now take pills, small ones. So no more nasty liquid!!! I have lost 46 pounds so far! Very happy with that. I wanted to be -50 at three months, but mother nature had other plans. Period week. Oh well! -46 is nothing to sneeze at!
Pretty much no complications or problems at all! Thats great! I do sometimes eat too fast or too much and vomit some. But thats my own fault. I have dumped a few times. Not fun. Could have been worse though! So, overall happy with my success so far and looking forward to the next three months!
August 1, 2004. Things are going good. Only one more pound to go to hit -50!!!! VERY excited about that! We have started looking at new houses!! Found one yesterday, but I'm not convinced, its not quite perfect and I don't want to settle. We haven't even put ours on the market yet (its not ready and houses in our neighborhood usually sell in less than a week) so we have time. Doing MUCH better with exercise too!
August 3, 2004. I'm -50 as of today!!!!! Been really exercising lately!!! So happy! Next goal is to lose 25 more by Sept 15th. A little unrealistic, but hey, I have to start somewhere!!!
August 8, 2004. Scale is stuck again...seems to be how it works! Thats ok. I'm exercising more and haven't been able to get all my protein and water in lately. Not sure why. Probably stressed. We are looking at the same house again today...my DH can't decide what he wants. To move or not to move. It would mean our commute would be 40 minutes, instead of 10-15. But its beautiful there. Oh well, its his money, his decision. Going to see a doctor in September for the hand/foot swelling again. Need to get to the bottom of this. The last month or so has been really painful. Can't figure it out. They say its not rheumatoid arthritis (thank god), but they don't have a clue what it is. So, I'll continue to go to doc's until they guess right. Its really hard to type (I'm a secretary) and use my hands for exercising. Sucks. Anyway, more later!
August 17, 2004. Lost two more pounds!!! We decided NOT to buy the house. Staying put for the winter anyway! Fixing up our house, so its fun! Working out more! Drinking more water! Not snacking as much!! Over all, happy and feeling good, except for dizziness (low blood pressure)!
August 22, 2004. Been watching niece & nephews. Monsters. Ages 14, 11, 6 & 4. Plus my 11 yr old. The two older ones are terrors. Glad they are leaving tomorrow. Four days is waaaayyy too long to watch these kids by myself. Reaffirmed my decision to have my tubes tied a couple years ago, yes I did the right thing! I love kids, don't get me wrong. But monsters that have never been parented, no thank you. Any way, have my period, so with all this extra running around the last few days, I probably lost a pound or two. Really tired lately. Especially about 9am - 10:30am. Strange. Dizziness is somewhat better. I just make sure to have a little caffeine each day. Thats probably the reason for the morning shut down! Realized I've been hitting the carbs lately. Need to refocus on protein....that should boost my weight loss. I slacked on exercise with all these kids here, but we've been on the go with the little ones. Should balance out. Tomorrow is my four month anniversary! Can't believe its been that long already! I have an unrealistic goal of 199 by September 15th! I know it probably won't happen, but want to set my goals high, so I really have to work to get there. That seems to keep me more motivated than doing smaller, more attainable goals. I figure, no problem and don't work as hard. Weird. So, I guess this is my four month update.....have to pick up the DH & his sister & her DH from the airport tomorrow (went to FL to visit their dad who's sick), then pack off the kids!
September 2, 2004. Well, as usual, my weight is stalled again! Oh well, I'm still happy with my loss so far! DH is interviewing for a new job in Duluth! I'm excited, would be a really big increase in pay, new house, new start! Would be 4 hours instead of 2 away from family, but we don't get to see them much anyway. New carpet is being installed on Tuesday! Just the living room, but will really make a big impact on the house! Got the new glass for front window! It looks like a brand new window now! So wonderful not to look through the foggyness anymore! Energy levels are great! I hit a wall at about 4:30-5:30, then get a second wind! House is cleaner than ever, all the extra energy! Tom is playing football and loving it! I want to try to have a garage sale, but will wait to see what happens with possible move first. If we move, forget it. I'll either toss it or pack it. I want a month or so to move, I don't want to be rushed. We don't know how fast this will happen, they are sending us info on the schools, their insurance, etc. Sounds pretty promising.
Other up note: Relationship with DH is better than ever before. I think its mostly because I'm so happy all the time. We both wanted to really put in the effort and improve things. Its worked! We feel more in love than ever! Its like when we first met!! We laugh and enjoy each other and try not to do/say the things that we know set the other person off. Just one more perk from this surgery I think!
September 14, 2004. As of today I'm at 212.4!!! Thats a loss of 62 pounds in 144 days!!! Awesome! I can see/feel my hip bones! My thighs are getting some noticeable definition! Its so much fun! Tried on my dress for my sisters upcoming wedding and it fit perfect!!!! No alterations needed! I ordered it before my surgery when I wore a tight 26/28, the dress is an 18! Another 10 pounds and it will be too big, can't believe I'm saying this, but with her wedding just 25 days away, I hope I don't lose too much! God, lets hope I didn't just jinx myself!!!!
September 21, 2004. Almost five months out! Have lost 62.8 pounds!!!! So proud! We may drive to duluth this weekend to check out a couple houses. Michaels interview is in two weeks. We are both pretty excited!!
October 11, 2004. My sisters wedding went perfectly! Was so much fun!! I danced all night!!! Negotiations have started for Michael for the jobs in Duluth!!! Hopefully will not take forever!!!
October 25, 2004. Well, the HR people in Duluth were out of the office for a week and in that time it was decided to hire someone else. Makes no sense. Glad it happened now and not after we got settled up there. Anyway, my job sucks. My boss is a giant ass. I am job searching actively right now. My weight loss has really slowed, but is still steadily coming off. I have been exercising more lately, so I feel better about that. I've been having really bad headaches lately, season is changing I guess. We are talking about getting a puppy. I want to get a dog, but am so unsure about what kind to get. Its fun to look anyway!
November 1, 2004. We have a puppy! Chocolate Standard Poodle! Wallace the Bruce! He is 8 weeks old! Love him to death! Very unhappy at work, mainly because of boss and no raise after two glowing reviews and additional job duties added on. So, I've put out a ton of resumes, hoping to get something before Thanksgiving. Just so unhappy with how I'm being treated at work. Home is great! Michael & I still getting along great! Kids are doing good! The cat is even coming around to check out the new puppy! I think they'll get along fine! Weight hasn't changed. Thats ok, I feel so good.
Nov.5, 2004. Still no change on weight, but I'm now doing a total of 30-45 minutes of walking per day with the puppy! Besides my regular exercise stuff! I can tell I'm losing inches, will measure this weekend. Got a raise at work...pretty good one! So, I won't be continuing my job search. If something happens to come through from the resumes I already put out, I'll check into it, but it would have to be a pretty sweet deal! My son is not doing so hot at school lately, behaviors again. I think its the beginning of hormones...he's almost 12! As crazy as it sounds, the puppy is really making me happy! I didn't think I could be happier, but I am! I'm so excited for him to get just a little older so I can start obedience training with him! Only three in the house accidents and those were totally our fault for not watching him. Even the DH wasn't upset when he went on our new cream carpet! I was shocked. He loves that little guy! No accidents in his kennel...he sleeps through the night or at least is quiet! I do go home on my lunch breaks to let him out and feed him a little. He's so young it seems mean to make him be alone all day and all night. He sure likes to play! About 8:30 in the evening he's tired out and just flops down on the floor and he's out! Anyway, back to work.
Nov. 23, 2004. Son is still having some issues at school, same old thing. DH is working very long hours and is getting pretty cranky about it, but not willing to actually do anything about it.
My weight loss has started again. Seems like I lose a little and then sit for a while. Thats ok, my skin is really shrinking up nicely in my stomach area! Plus with some new studies out it sounds like slow loss is the best. I'm just three pounds away from my next mini goal of 199!!! I had wanted to be there for my sister's wedding in Oct., but it wasn't in the cards. Which is probably a good thing because my dress would have been way too big! I'm hoping to be at this goal before Dec. 15th! Sounds like a do-able goal. Then its on to the next one! Not sure what it will be yet. Ultimately I want to be at 174 by my one year anniversary on April 23rd, 2005. I don't know if that will happen, but I'm going to try!!!
Nov. 26, 2004. Day after Thanksgiving! I thanked Dr. Johnson at our family pre-meal prayer. Felt good! I ate wayyy too much. I did the old grazer thing...thank god I didn't gain. Back to the rules today though!!! I had an awesome thanksgiving and truly felt thankful this year!!!
Dec. 7, 2004. I can't believe it finally happened!!! No more 2's!!! I now weigh 199.0!!! I was starting to think this would never happen! I'm soooo happy!
Dec. 20, 2004. Almost christmas! Excited! This will be my "smallest" holiday in about 11 years! Michael's Ex is being her same old bitchy self. Switching our holidays around for her again. Really pisses me off. I told Mike this morning that after six years I am sick of catering to him, his ex and his kid. The three of them are professional liars, although they all suck at it and always get caught. I'm so tired of my life being re-arranged by these people. I told him this. I sure hope he gets it. This current holiday is the last straw. From now on I'll be celebrating with whom I want and when I want. No more changing plans at the last minute to suit them. Ok, so enough of that! My weight loss is so super slow. I am exercising even more now, hoping that helps. I hope I make my next goal of 180 by my b-day on 2/15/05, might be a little unrealistic but thats ok.
Dec. 28, 2004. I am really hitting the exercise hard. I haven't been able to walk as much due to the weather. So, I added five pound ankle weights and 7 1/2 pound wrist weights and do 200 different leg and arm lifts in the morning and at night. I sure hope this helps kick start my loss again. This month really sucked in the pounds lost department, I will take my measurements tonight, with all this exercise I MUST be shrinking somewhere! Only 64 pounds to go until goal!!!
Jan. 11, 2005. Happy New Year! Well, the nausea is much better. Now I'm exhausted all the time. I never actually wake up. My arms and legs feel like lead weights and my eyes never lose that sleepy look. I called the surgeon and he suggested some labs to check ferritin, hemoglobin and b-12 levels. We'll see what those results are and go from there. I'm due for my 9 month check up at the end of the month. Only 60 to goal!
Jan. 18, 2005. Hadn't realized it, but I've lost 5 pounds already in Jan!!! I had my labs done, all normal. Thats good, but didn't answer any questions. The nurse suggested I really watch my carbs. I started doing that and I do feel a tiny bit better, but the best part is it really stimulated the weight loss again! I guess those carbs really do add up! Last month I only lost three pounds total and I'm only 1/2 way through Jan and already beat that! I am also refocusing on my liquids intake. No more diet pop. I have started with some coffee....just love the flavors and the warmth! Doing reg or decaf with flavored creamers. Not the best choice, but its not as bad as pop. I limit myself to 1-2 cups per day. Plus I don't count that towards my liquids. The rest of my life is going pretty good too. Can't really complain about anything! Well, maybe my son's new attitude problem! You can tell the hormones are starting to kick in! He will be 12 on the 22nd.
February 11, 2005. Well, its almost my 31st birthday! The 15th is the big day. All I can say is that I'm sick of waiting on that ring. Every year I say to myself, if it doesn't happen this year, I'm outta here. Never works out that way. I love him, he loves me. Since the wls our relationship has gotten so much better. I am having a tough time with the "who the hell I am" crap, now that I have lost so much weight. I get a little stir crazy, I feel like there's something I should be doing, but I'm not and I can't figure out what it is. I have a long way to go until my goal, but I know it will happen. I'm using Lent as my motivator right now. I'm hoping that helps.
March 4, 2005. Not much new with me. I'm going to try to post a pic of my puppy!!!
April 27, 2005. One year visit. Well, Dr. Johnson was stuck in surgery, so I saw a nurse and PA. Thats ok.
They were great! We reviewed my eating/exercise/water/vits. Mainly if I watch the carbs closer I should start losing. I only lost 5 pounds according to them since my 9 month visit. For them its a total of 76 pounds lost. I like my number better of 84 lost! Oh well!
Maggie, PA, told me I should shoot for 150 as my goal. So, I have 44.5 pounds to go. Not bad! She said its pretty obvious I'm losing slowly, but that just because I've hit a year doesn't have to mean I'm done.
Overall they were both very positive and supportive. So, for anyone else dreading their appointments, go! I made a copy of their before, 6mo and today's pics....holy crap!!!! That will be great motivation to keep going!
July 22, 2005. Well, not much different with me. Been really suffering with anxiety. Its work related, but I can't quit until I find something else. I've started my part time at home grooming business and thats going great! I really need to focus more on exercise, but with the heat its been tough. Below is a new picture of my Wally!
November 4, 2005. My update from yesterday apparently didn't take. Oh well. Here's the jist of it. I'm re-dedicating myself to myself. Still have 50-60 pounds to goal and want to be there or darn close by my 2 yr anniversary on 4/23/06. Oh,yeah and candy is evil...especially snack size candy.
November 5, 2005. Kept myself busy today! Avoided most temptations. Walked over 3.5 miles total today with the dog. Gonna weigh in tomorrow. I gotta get a new picture up too!
November 6, 2005. Did pretty good today. One more walk with the dog and then I'll hit the exercise bike and eliptical machine. This is rough.
January 29, 2006. Haven't updated in darn near forever. I've been working hard at losing my last 50. I exercise every day now. Not counting the walks with the dog. Got a new job...soooo much happier with that. Still dealing with anxiety attacks, but its better with new meds. Bad side affect though...no sex drive at all. My son just turned 13! Can't believe it! Made me realize he won't be my excuse to not take care of myself for much longer, so I better start or I won't be able to enjoy life to the fullest when he's off to college!
June 3, 2006. Still struggling. I saw an endocrynologist. After more labs than I can count the conclusion was officially PCOS. Every test came back normal, so thats good. He started me on Metformin and said to come back in six months. I'm praying this helps not only with the weight loss but my other issues as well. Time will tell!
Since I last updated I became an auntie for the first time! She's an absolute angel! Malorie! I get ferclemped every time I see her! Partly because I just can't believe how much I could love a kid that isn't even mine and because it makes me sad that I was so huge when my own son was little and missed out on so much with him. I'm a much better mom now, but sometimes its hard to deal ya know?
Anywho! Going to school (two classes at a time!) to finish up my last two years to get my BA in Business Management. Its time to grow! I am still working full time, NOT a full filling job, but its there.
I'm not having much luck finding a med that helps with the depression and anxiety/panic attacks, but keep trying. I think you could go broke just paying co-pays! Yesterday for three scripts it was over $100! Holy crap!
Well,need to go clean the house so I can go get my Malorie fix this afternoon!!!!
