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My Lamar's best friend since 7th grade is Joe.  Joe called yesterday and told us his mom has pancreatic cancer.  She's such a loving, vibrant, wonderful woman...its such a blow.  The doctors originally thought she had hepatitis.  Apparently they were wrong.  She has surgery next week to find out how advanced the cancer is.  Basically so she'll know how much time she has left.  Sucks.

No one probably reads these anyway, but its fun to do!  My life is better than ever!

Lamar & I are still very happily together.  Not engaged yet, but its around the corner!  He's had a night job the past six months and due to the economy, he needs to go back over the road driving truck.  Sucks ass, but at least then we'll actually have money to do things when he is home!

My son started drivers ed, he turned 16 in january!

I'm having a hysterectomy on Friday, Feb 13th!  I'm super happy about that.  Scared of course, but will be so glad to get rid of this pain in the well, girl parts!

I'll check back in soon!

Life is forging ahead.  Lamar and I are very happy together.  He's a great guy and I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

My weight loss has stayed stalled.  Perhaps this is it and I need to accept it.  I haven't given up, but facing facts.

No wedding bells yet, but it won't be long!

Well, Rob has called a few times.  He wants another chance...but still doesn't want the same things I do...I told him I was sorry, and I really am, but we want different things and asked him not to keep calling.  I feel bad for him.

BUT!!!  

I'm happy!  I'm dating my best friend Lamar!  Which is a first for me, dating a friend.  Its so awesome.  We already know each others secrets and hopes and dreams, so its like starting a good 6 months to a year into a relationship!

I apparently had never been in love before this, not even with my ex from the cities.  This is just too awesome!

Well, that little fling didn't last long.  He was no where near in the same place as me.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

On a much brighter note...I decided to give my friend Butthead his fair shot at me!!!  Funny how things happen.  So far he's just simply completely opposite of Rob and everything I'd been hoping he would have been.  Too weird.

Anyway, our first official date is tomorrow night!  And he's already asked for a second!  Seeing a comedian in Mpls in a few weeks!  He's pretty confident this is going somewhere!

My life is getting more complicated.  My friend is still in hot pursuit and really wearing me down.  I could totally see myself with him, but really care about Rob too.

I just don't know anymore.  I am thinking about starting out slow with Rob...telling him I'm really getting attached to him.  That seems to be what he terms that beginning phase of falling in love.  And see how that goes.  Test the waters I guess.  See what his reaction is to that.  If he responds well to that, I may go all out and tell him I'm falling in love with him.

I need to get it out there, I honestly don't want to invest more time and my heart in this if he isn't beginning to feel the same.  As often as we talk and see each other, it sure seems like he's heading down the same road, but I just don't know.

I'm so flippin' confused. I know its only been a couple months, but how long do you wait to decide "where it might be going" in his words?

I'm so in love with this dude!

My plan for tomorrow is to leave him a voicemail in FRENCH!!!!  Just a bunch of lovey phrases...he won't have a clue what I'm saying..so its safe!  

Je t'adore --- I adore You 
Tu es mon homme --- You are my man 
Tu es magnifique! --- You are amazing! 
Je respire l'odeur de ton corps--- I breath the smell of Your body
Dans tes bras c'est mon destin --- My destinty is in Your arms 
Tu es dans toutes mes pensées --- You are in all my thoughts
À toi, pour toujours --- Yours forever

My first happy valentines since high school!

Ok, so now I'm counting on it.  He couldn't believe that I actually thought we might not be together on valentine's!  Well, how would I know.  Now you know.

Yep!  I sure do!

I'm excited about it...trying not to.  Like my Rob says, if you don't make plans you can't be disappointed!  HARD TO DO!!!

Still on the fence about the puppy.  Have 4 wks to decide.  If I do it, his name with be Sherman's Jager Bomb!  Cool - well I think so!

Rob said he'd call me tonight...has a rider today according to his voicemail this morning.  Haven't seen him since Sunday.  Gosh I miss him!

Which way did it go George?!?!

Anywho.....  well my best friend Butthead is still upset that I turned him down.  He may get over it, he may not.  Either way.  I can't help him more than I've tried.   

Moving on...

Well, I had some issues that had been bugging me with Rob....I got them off my chest Sunday and what do ya know???  It went great!  So, I feel so much better, like a weight is lifted and actually reaffirmed that I made the right decision...at least for this time in my life.

Mr. Never Plans anything surprised me with, if it works out do you want to come here and go out to dinner thurs for v-day? um, huh. and then he springs this one on me.... since your birthday is fri (the day after v-day) I was thinking that I could come to your place and we could go out to dinner and shoot a couple games of pool. (something I've been bugging him to do for awhile).  HOLY NIGHT!

Mr. Never Plan Ahead couldn't figure out why I was first sitting there with my mouth hanging open and then grinning ear to ear.  Whats with you?  Um....you're sorta contemplating the possibility of maybe, if it works out, the potential of doing something like, four days in the future!

I was floored.

So, he calls me yesterday (monday) the usual...hey hon how ya doin'?  Blab about our days.

Then he calls me this morning, hey hon was thinking about you this morning.  He's so damn cute!  He hinted, perhaps we should go out tonight (tues seems to be the norm).  So, I rang him this evening to see what was up....him and his buddies are skeeming again to make some money.

They actually come up with some pretty neat ideas!  Some even worked!

So...he says he'll either call me tonight (doubtful...buddies, big ideas = beer) or tomorrow morning.  Is that ok hon?  How can I say no to that!

When we were talking I referenced myself as his girlfriend...no panic from him!  Another good sign.

Stay Tuned!!!!

Well, another nice evening spent with Rob last night.  He made me dinner, we watched the last 1/2 of the super bowl and spent hours laughing and talking.

I finally brought up my birthday, in two weeks.  Rough for Mr. Don't Plan a Damn Thing, but I do, so I brought it up.

Looks like I'll get 1/2 what I want, so thats fine.

His kids really want to meet me, but he "doesn't know where this is going yet" so he isn't ready for that.  I think he's scared, once I meet the kids he'll feel like thats it, its a Real Relationship....right now its just fun.

Thats ok with me...sure I want the RR, but not if he doesn't.  My sister thinks I need to lay it on the line, but why?  If I'm happy and he's happy, whats the difference?  We both know that although its not "official" we aren't seeing other people, so big whoop.

It was so nice, when I got to his place I got a HUGE hug and he says, "God I missed you."  I just did my best bedroom eyes and smiled!  I'm a little scared to reciprocate as that seems to make it real for him and he backs off again.  Guess he does like the chase.

We talked about a lot of stuff last night...we always do.  If someone overheard our conversations they'd swear we've been together forever!  His buddy, thats living in his basement, gives him crap that we're like an old married couple when we're together.  I think its because we are ourselves and have been since the beginning.