D. Carbcounter
Fat. Talk about the ultimate 3-letter-word. In American society today being fat is not only frowned upon but it is also becoming a hard bullet to dodge. Convenience, fast food, long commutes, technology, office jobs and so much more are contributing to an ever increasing epidemic of obesity. And while Americans have become more tolerant and accepting, mostly out of necessity and duress, obesity is still a painful and often debilitating disease to both live with and die from.
I can remember being 8 years old as if it were only yesterday. Stringy brown hair hanging around wide shoulders, freckles scattered across sun-kissed forehead and cheeks, and watery blue eyes looked back at me from my mother's bathroom mirror. I stood there for more then an hour staring at myself and I remember clearly thinking over and over, "Please God don't let me grow up fat. Anything but that." But it took years and years for me to finally understand that wishes and prayers did not cure compulsive eating habits, misguided dieting, or genetic tendencies.
By the time I was a freshman in high school I was over 200 lbs and by the time I was a senior I had turned on, tuned in and dropped out. I didn't understand why every day had become a hike up hill and so I turned on the instant gratification station, tuned in to the things that make me feel good such as food and drugs, and dropped out of high school. I was tired of trying and so I adopted a lifestyle of doing whatever was easy. I married a man at the age of 18 in order to avoid personal responsibility and spent most of my adult life hiding from said responsibility and most of life in general.
After years of personal tragedy, a couple of very nearly successful attempts at my own life and several years in "hiding" from the world, I made a few endeavors to change. I took a course here and there. I worked at diet and exercise. I lost some weight. I gained some weight. I struggled. I fought. And then one day I found myself crying in the bathtub, feeling trapped, exhausted and hopeless.
It was after that eye-opening panic attack that I was able to brush myself off, pick up my courage and finally take 3 steps forward without the obligatory 3 steps back. In the Fall of 1994 I obtained my GED, acquired my first job and re established my nutritional pursuits. I realized that, even though I had been able to lose 40 lbs from my near 300 lb high weight, I would most likely never achieve a healthy weight without some sort of intervention. I knew that I wanted more out of life. I knew I needed help.
In February of 2006 I had Laparoscopic Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass Surgery. I have since lost 100 + lbs and have discovered a quality of life I don't think I've experienced since the days of mirror gazing and wishes for fishes. I've begun to work for my college degree. I have been accepted into the honor roll society. I work. I am a mom. For the first time in my life I have a life. I have an identity. I have confidence and ambition. And most importantly, most remarkably, when I look at myself I am no longer defined by a 3-letter-word.
