DEEZY731

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I never thought I would get to this point, considering how far I have come. But my motivation is dwindling. I have worked out so hard to get where I am and I just don't feel like it anymore. Granted I have quite a few circumstances that is making this happen, but it shouldn't be an excuse for not working out. I still struggle with my eating, but of course I am thousand times better than I have ever been in my life. But I know the biggest part of my success and my lack of saggy skin, is from my workouts. I am in the final process of a divorce and up until July I have always paid for a class or a trainer, and between those 2 things I have just not felt like getting up in the mornings. I live in L.A. and the weather has been decent up until a week or so, and as soon as it rained I didn't want to get up. Now the weather is better and now I keep saying it is too dark in the morning since we are near the time change at the end of this month. All excuses in my book. Granted I have been extremely stressed from my divorce, and the new party lifestyle I have begun to live, which causes me to be tired a lot more than normal. But I have got to get it together. I am extremely happy with my results, and although it has only been a few weeks, this is where it starts and the longer the break, the harder it is to get back on track. I had my 1 year and 3 month doctor appointment in late September and although I am at 207, my goal was to be at 180 per the BMI chart for large frame, my doctors seemed to think that I am doing great considering that some of weight is muscle. I also think that has played a part in my mind, that I feel like the mission is accomplished. I do not want to settle with being at 207, it is a personal goal of mine to weigh less than 200 lbs. and although I look like I weigh less, I just want that scale to move at least 8 lbs. more! I might be hard on myself, but as we all know there are just some things that we want in this process, and we you have lost almost 140 lbs, and you only want 8 more to say you are under 200, it doesn't seem like much to ask! Well that is all for me right now, and must admit I feel much better just after typing this.

ok got on the scale today and I am definitely not going in the right direction...I thought I was halucinating a couple of weeks ago, but it is true I am gaining. I am going thru a seperation/divorce and I noticed my eating and drinking alcohol has definitely picked up, but I also picked up the exercise, but obviously not at the same rate. I so badly wanted to be lower than 200 lbs for my 1 year anniverary on 6/8/10, but I don't feel like it can happen. I currently weigh 217 lbs, I went into surgery at 301. Yes that is a huge accomplishment that I am very proud of, but I know I shouldn't have bounce back weight at this point. At least I don't think so. Needless to say, I am scared shitless! I have already taken out my food journal and I plan to go workout again tonight. My entire life has changed and I am trying to get a grip here!

Wow, I can't believe it has been almost 10 months. I have lost 90 pounds since surgery, and 130 pounds since my highest weight! I can believe it. I am struggling some now with my eating habits, but it is all due to stress. I am going through a divorce and have been seperated for 2 months, and stressed at work and boy do I want to eat junk and drink alcohol. I have been doing better with the stress eating at work, once I started bringing my own snacks. But I never realized until now how much I eat at work when under pressure. I am very glad the surgery has caused me to be more aware of why I eat the way I do. As far as the drinking, I am really working on that one. I usually want to have a drink when I get home, the getting used to not having my husband and step children in my life is really difficult, and the anxiety makes me want to have something to ease the pain. I hope I can quickly come out of this. I know divorce is difficult and it makes it even more difficult when your usual choice of comfort, which is food, is not an option. I am trying to work on praying more and stopping before I eat it. I have also noticed that I am not on my vitamins like I used to. I am trying to get back on track with that as well. The divorce has caused me to lose a lot of the structure I had in my life, and I am trying to get a new structure. Once I do I think it will be smooth sailing. Well that is it for now, I hope that by the next time I post that I have improved in some of these errors. My 1 year anniversary is coming near and I hope to be just as happy with my results.

OK I had my 6 month follow up. Everything is looking pretty good. All of my blood work was great and I have lost a total of 71 lbs since surgery and a grand total of 111 lbs since my highest weight!!! The only small problem was my blood pressure has gone down slightly and my doctor believes I should drink more water, so I will! Other than that I am really happy with my results. With the holidays here, my weight loss seems a little slower, not to mention I am further out not, but come January I will be get my eating a little more in line than it is currently. I am also happy to not have any real issues with my hair falling out. I was really worried about that. But I have been taking the biotin and my hair is grown, with some thinning in the front. No one but me can tell, so it is not too bad as what I have read about others. Don't have much to say other than, I am having one of the happiest Holiday seasons ever, even without eating everything!

Well I haven't written anything since the surgery, and I am now almost 4 months out. My 3 month follow up appointment went well. I was told my blood work all came back perfect!!! With the exception of my b-12 levels, he said I might be overdosing!! lol Initially I was taking them everyday, but now am doing every other day, so hopefully I can fix that probably. As of last week I had lost 53 lbs since surgery, but have lost 93 lbs since my highest weight! I can't believe it. I feel as though I should have lost more weight since surgery, but I am working out pretty hard with the trainer to stay toned, so hopefully since I am gaining muscle that is making my weight loss be a little lower. I am a little loose in my upper arms and thighs and that is it, at least for now! Overall I feel and look great. I have on a size 18 pants, and previously my pants were a 24-26, so I am definitely losing the inches. I am trying to stay focused on how my clothes feel, because just focusing on the scale stresses me out big time! With all the reading I did before the surgery I was expecting to lose a pound a day on average, and when the losing starting slowing down, I naturally start thinking I am doing something wrong. One thing that did come up in my doctor's visit was the fact that I don't measure my food, I could possibly be eating too much or too little for that matter. Everyday I say I am going to start by have had a hard time doing so, I know once I do it for a while I will be able to know how much I should be eating without measuring. I really need to get this going because I am a lucky one where I can eat pretty much anything without being sick. I was sick once in the very beginning from having a protein shake mix that had too much suger in it, but besides that I have been great! I do stay away from sugar, and since sweets is not my weakness it works out great for me. I am missing my fried chicken, or anything else fried for that matter, and I really miss eating pancakes, french toast, etc. I got some sugarless syrup to eat with some whole grain waffles, but I really want a pancake with lots of butter!!  Oh yeah I can forget that I also started doing a pole dancing class on this past Saturday! It was fun, and boy do you feel sexy!!!! I would of never done this had I not had WLS!!!