Diananana
MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY TO "THE OTHER SIDE"
1/29/01 - I am 42 years old and 334 lbs. I have been overweight all my life and have tried everything that most obese people have tried in order to lose weight. I feel at this point I have reached the lowest point of my existence. My quality of life is at zero. Because of my weight restrictions I only go out shopping when I desperately need to so as not to exhaust myself or endure severe back and knee pain from walking around. The only stores I will go to are ones with a shopping cart. It is my "walker" and it eases the discomfort of getting around. Tying my shoelaces is a daily activity that always gets me out of breath after the endeavor and that is only if I actually get it done at all. Just to take care of basic hygienic needs is work because of the physical limitations I am enduring. I'm tired of worrying all the time...by this I mean worrying what kind of chairs await me when I visit someone's house, if I will break them on impact. Sometimes I actually just squat on the chair so as not to put my full weight on it because I'm so afraid I'll break it and experience one of those humiliating fat moments that I seem to have so many of these days. If I choose not to sit at all and just stand then my back is howling from the piercing strain of all the weight. I hate myself and I hate what I have become. I'm a prisoner in my own body and I can't find my way out. I love the people in my life with the exception of myself. So many years of waste in what I have let my life become. I have been blessed with so many people who love me if only I could love myself as well. But how can I? Although I love my husband dearly and he loves me unconditionally the way I am, (we have been married for over 20 years and I have been overweight for most of those years) sex has become an "ordeal" not a "pleasure". I want the pleasure back in my life. As I approach 43, feeling the way I do about my life, I will do anything that will help me get to where I want to be. I have 3 children (twins age 18 and an 11 year old). I am a "watcher" meaning I watch everyone else having fun i.e., dancing, running, playing sports, riding a bike, horseback riding, swimming or anything else that requires physical strength because I can't do those things. I love the outdoors (camping is our favorite past time or going on our annual dude ranch vacation every year with all of our family and close friends). I missed so much family activity with the twins due to my weight restrictions and now I realize that I am also depriving my 11 year old son of my time and company because I can't do the things he wants me to do with him. His dream of going to Disney World is my nightmare! All the walking, I could never do let alone try to strap a seatbelt on one of those rides designed for normal and/or slightly overweight people. When the time comes and my daughter gets married, I want to be able to walk her down the aisle with her father, side by side, and not me walking behind them because all three of us won't fit walking side by side. Then I read an article on Carnie Wilson in People Magazine who had Gastric Bypass surgery and my whole outlook on the future seemed to portray some hope that maybe I could be given a 2nd chance on a happy future in a new body that I can be proud of and enjoy. The risks and complications I have read with the RNY Gastric Bypass are frightening but the way I look at things is "what kind of life do I have now?". I could drop dead tomorrow from a massive heart attack. Yes, I'm scared of the problems I might face ahead but I dream of my new life when I get to the "other side".
1/30/01 - Today I saw Dr. Cooperstone, bariatric surgeon I had made an appointment with to discuss Gastric Bypass Surgery. After lengthy conversation he explained everything to me....pros & cons about this very invasive surgery. I am ready!! He provided me with alot of paperwork and reading material that I must go over very carefully. I will have a 2nd consultation with my surgeon that will include my husband this time. He says there is a quiz I have to take so we will see what that is about. Next appointment with the doctor is February 12th. Will update again after that.
2/9/01 - Today I called my insurer only to find out that of all the requests they have had for the gastric bypass they have denied every one so far. One patient went so far as to get an attorney from the Obesity Law Center and still it was denied. I am so depressed. I was so gung ho and now I feel it will never happen. I knew something would go wrong. It always does. Well we are going to get letters from every doctor to submit with all the papers and see what happens. Even the person I spoke with at the local union (that's who the insurance is through) wishes they cover it because she was thinking about it herself. She said she will do everything she can to try to push it through. My husband says to take one step at a time. God Bless Him! Today is my 2nd consult with Dr. C. Will update later.
2/19/01 - Had 2nd consult with Dr. C. He gave me a quiz and I got all but 1 wrong. (It was a trick question!). My surgery date is set for May 7th. I told my dr. assistant to schedule it far in advance because I anticipate an insurance fight.
3/9/01 - Fern called from Dr. office. I was DENIED!! I'm not surprised. I hate that union. All they ever did was give me grief. I feel like they have cheated and violated me by not approving my surgery. Don't they care about people. It's all about $$$$$$$$$$$$. See below under "Insurer Info" for more details about this union. It's not over yet. I may not have my surgery on the date scheduled but by God I will have it one way or the other. It's a mission for me now. I don't know how yet. I even quit smoking for the surgery because my doctor wouldn't do surgery unless I quit smoking. It's been 4 weeks now. Fern (doctor's assistant) is sending another letter to trustee of the International Union (they took over the local union because of mismanagement of pension/severence funds). Let's see what happens. Ya all say a prayer for me!! I have never wanted anything so bad in my life.
4/19/01 - Surgery date scheduled for May 7th. Still can't get excited about it because my insurance company still denied it. Waiting for answer from appeal. When I went to support group meetings I was so gung ho and enthusiastic. Now I missed the last two support group meetings. Can't go, depressed seeing all the successful people who had the surgery. I feel like I've been left behind. Still not smoking (2 months now). At least one good thing has come from this since I quit smoking in the first place as a condition my doctor gave me for having surgery.
5/11/01 - Surgery date has come and gone and I'm still on this side! No word yet on appeal package sent back to my husband's insurer. If that don't work, I will only have to wait until August and go on my employer's health plan. I have to wait until then because that is when they have open enrollment at renewal time and anyone is free to go on the plan. In the meantime I AM MISERABLE!! For at least a year I have had some minor pain in my right knee. Orthopedist I went to a year ago said it was tendonitis. The last two weeks I have been using a cane, can't really go anywhere, am in excruciating pain. Been to my primary doctor who sent me to a sports medicine doc. He sent me for an MRI and he now tells me its normal but inflammed and to start physical therapy. I said to him "could this be pressure from the weight?" "Possibly" he says. I told him well if its possible, please write that in your notes cause I might need that "possible answer" trying to get this damn surgery approved! Thank you all for the pre-surgical good luck wishes for the surgery that did not happen. God I feel so cheated!
6/2/01 - Well, found out last week that 2nd appeal was also denied. I knew it would be. The lady from the insurance company whispered to me over the phone that they tell people they can appeal but the committee that reviews appeals does not even look at the re-submitted package. Didn't like the sports medicine doc my primary sent me to so I went to an orthopedist for the excruciating pain in my right knee. Still walking with a cane but I try not to go anywhere I don't have to because it's too painful. This doctor thinks I have a tear in my knee pad, might need surgery. This doctor says the extra weight is making the pain worse. Two more months till August and I can go under an Aetna plan through my employer and have the surgery. Till then, its just waiting...waiting.....waiting..................
6/27/01 - Been to see orthopedist again today. Gave me corizone injection. God that hurt after a few hours! Scheduled knee surgery for July 19th at Hospital for Special Surgery in New York City (not very close to where I live). Nurse said "its where all the movie stars go". Like I care. My back is unbearable in pain, can't catch my breath when walking only the shortest distances. People ask me if I need anything. I tell them "yeah, a bullet, just shoot me". Once I get this knee fixed then I'll be ready for the gastric bypass. I signed up with Aetna which is effective August 1st. My doctor's office will send in the papers now to this insurance company and I should be on my way, hopefully....... I keep saying to myself, "Diane, just a few more months and its all uphill. By the middle of September it will be a whole new journey". The waiting is torture. I JUST WANT TO GET STARTED. Bad news is that when I was going for physical therapy the past 3 weeks cause of my knee I weighed myself there. Gained another 24 lbs. Am now at 331, up from 317 in February. I guess this is because I had to quit smoking (doctor's orders remember) in order to have the surgery. I don't know when I ever wished time would fly by.........still waiting some more.
7/14/01 - Spoke with Fern last week at Dr. C's office. Told her my Aetna insurance effective 8/1/01 and she can resubmit papers to them in hopes of approval from this carrier. She rescheduled my surgery date to 9/17. Having my knee surgery in 3 days and I have to admit I snuck a drag off a cigarette in the bathroom at work. It was a stressful day but OH MY GOD did I think I was going to die. I used to smoke menthol and when I took a drag I thought I'd die, I coughed so hard they all probably thought I was dying in that bathroom!! After that drag threw the rest in the toilet bowl and said say-la-vi to cigarettes forever. Today my knee is killing me, can't wait till Tuesday and the first surgery will be out of the way!! Chow for now.........
7/20/01 - Surgery went well on Tuesday. Recuperating now at home. Alot of swelling. Can only get around by a walker. Crutches are too painful under the arms because of the weight. My husband Mike has been wonderful. I call him Florence Nightingale. Such a hoverer!! I know he will be very supportive when I have the big one (weight loss bypass surgery). We should all be so lucky! Hopefully be back to work in two weeks, then I will wait for insurance approval through Aetna and then hit them with the news that I will be out again for about 4-6 weeks. I'm so anxious, 9/17 seems like so far away!!
8/7/01 - Well I've had yet another set back! No......not another denial from the new insurance carrier (I haven't heard from them yet with those words "your approved") but after my recent knee surgery I took a fall about a week ago. I went to go sit on a chair that had wheels on it and sat too close to the front of the chair and it rolled out from under me and boy did I do a hard "SQUAT" right down. Prior to this no less I had not been able to fully bend my leg that was operated on and when I did that squat I WENT DOWN AND WENT DOWN HARD!! I had just gotten my stitches out that day and they ripped open and now I'm bleeding. My other knee is like killing me now so I had to go see my orthopedist who sent me for an MRI....YADYADYADA you know the same old routine and the tech there at the MRI place I say to him "so did you see a tear"? And he says "oh yeah". So now it looks like I will have surgery on my left knee now, recuperate for 3-4 weeks and then go right into the bypass surgery on the 17th (pending insurance approval of course). I can't get a break. I'm doing some work from home where I can just dial into our computer system at work and do things my assistant can't. I am the bookkeeper and office manager so anyone who does bookkeeping work knows how much they hate "someone elses hands in their books"! I broke it to my boss that I probably won't be back to work until mid/end of October. Three surgeries in a matter of 7 weeks is kind of stressful. I told him the surgery I was going in for on 9/17 was a "woman thing". It always shuts a man right up. Then the other day he asked if he could ask me what was wrong but I said I would tell him if he promised to keep it confidential because he had a big mouth and I didn't want to the "discussed" amongst the office workers. He then said he didn't want to know. Guess he didn't want to get blamed for anything. Had to stop taking Vioxx for the swelling in my knee. Was causing severe pain in my calf. My orthopedist said I should be telling Dr. C I was taking anti-inflammatories because he might not want me taken them before weight loss surgery and probably definitely not after weight loss surgery because they can cause stomach ulcers. So far I have only confided in my sisters (my best friends) about the surgery I am having. Of course my husband Mike and my two older children (Leslie & Mikie - age 19) know as well. They are all very supportive. I dread telling my folks though. At first I wasn't going to tell them at all but my sisters told me if God forbid something unforseen happened they would be more than devastated because they didn't have a chance to see me before surgery. I will tell them but only a day or so before surgery. I want them to understand that I have given this so much thought. I have never contemplated a decision for so long or thought out something for so long as I have this surgery. I researched for months before I even made the first doctor's appointment. I know the risks. I'm willing to take them. I could die tomorrow from a major heart attack or just by crossing the street. My Mom is who worries me because she is very opinionated. We have had many rows and arguments. In many ways, we are very much alike. The difference is I listen to other people's opinions. She doesn't. She can throw her opinion out there in the open but if she don't like yours, she gets all huffy. I want them to be supportive of my decision and leave it at that. Understand that this is my life and my body and I want my life back! I want a life of comfort and ease when I walk down the street. Now I can't walk to the mailbox without wanting to take a breather. I want to wear nice clothes that I can buy in any store and not worry about the Plus Size stores who don't even carry my size anymore and when they do they are dowdy and ugly. I want to be able to pitch in my share at times instead of watching everyone else do the work. I always feel so guilty. One of the first things I would like to do when I've lost a substantial amount of weight is to go to an amusement park and go on a bunch of rides. The last time I went to one there was a reason why it was the last one. I forget where it was, I think maybe Great Adventure in NJ, but my husband and kids (the 2 older ones...I don't think the younger one was born yet) went on a ride. I think it was some sort of Pirate Ride...you were in this kind of boat that rocked high in the air from one side to the other and everyone sits in rows side by side. Well when I got in I couldn't fasten the seatbelt. I tried frantically at the same time the ride operator was checking each rider to make sure they had their seatbelt on correctly. When he got to me I still hadn't been able to close it and he tried but then said I would have to get off. Everyone was watching and I was mortified. I was so embarrassed. Not in front of all these strangers. I didn't care what they thought. I was embarrassed for my husband and my children. I never went back to an amusement park after that and for that reason my younger son has missed out on a lot of things I could do with him. Hopefully next year will be better......once I'm on that other side.....still waiting to get there!!!!!!
8/8/01 - I'M HEARTBROKEN!!!!!!!! AGAIN ANOTHER SETBACK!! I don't know how much more I can take. I went to see Dr. Cooperstone today and he has decided he wants to postpone my bypass surgery until I have recovered 100% from my recent right knee surgery and my pending left knee surgery. Because of the risk of blood clots in the legs with the bypass surgery, he says the risks are greater with recent leg surgery so he doesn't want to go into surgery with a greater risk than if I was 100% recovered. You know, deep down in my heart, I really do understand this and I thank God I have a surgeon that puts all these factors ahead of everything else, but I am still heartbroken to wait even longer. Even though it's been 4 weeks since my recent surgery, he could tell that the right knee hadn't completely healed since I winced when getting on the scale. By the way, I did gain 20 POUNDS since my last visit. I told him that's because I quit smoking. I said when I come back to see you after being fully recuperated is he going to make me do jumping jacks to prove it. He said "no", he will just be able to tell by seeing how I'm walking. So between that news and it being 102 degrees today, on the way back from the doctor's office my husband Mike and I stopped at the grocery store (first time in 4 weeks since my surgery that I was in a store) and to tell you the truth I was hurting. When we came out of the store I had winced a little in pain and he asked me "what's the matter"? THAT WAS IT.... WRONG QUESTION HONEY!!!! I just blew up at that point. I said "YOU KEEP ASKING ME "WHAT'S THE MATTER, WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S THE SAME AS AN HOUR AGO, SAME AS YESTERDAY, SAME AS LAST WEEK AND THE WEEK BEFORE THAT....I HURT, I'M IN PAIN, WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME WHAT'S THE MATTER???" I was 1/2 crying, 100% yelling at the top of my lungs in the middle of this parking lot. Poor guy, he didn't know what hit him. He just walked to the car and I said I was sorry. He knew, he forgave me but he said he won't ask me again "what's the matter". I hope nothing knew happens to me and I don't collapse or something when he's around because he won't ask me "what's the matter?" and I could just expire right there on the spot!! LOL I told him when my assistant calls me from work 5X a day and each time she asks me "How are you feeling?" it drives me crazy! I feel like saying "SAME AS AN HOUR AGO AND THE HOUR BEFORE THAT"! It's so frustrating. I know they all care. I just needed to vent............now I'm going to bed.
8/15/01 - Well heard from my orthopedist......definitely a tear in the left knee now. Knee surgery scheduled for 8/31. I will then recuperate from this, enjoy my new knees for a short time and RUSH RIGHT BACK TO DR. COOPERSTONE TO SHOW HIM I AM AGAIN READY TO FINISH THAT JOURNEY TO THE OTHER SIDE. I'll even do jumping jacks for him. (Geez, I hope he don't ask!!....my knees will probably hold out but my boobs might knock me out when they hit me in the head coming down from one of those jumping jacks!! LOL LOL) Hey, after all this time, look it's been since 1/30/01 I started all this beginning with my first appointment, I got to have some sort of a sense of humor or I will go crazy. It's one thing after another. My next update will be when I have recuperated from knee surgery and am ready to go back to Dr. Cooperstone for my bypass surgery stamp of approval. Cross your fingers that there are no more roadblocks from here on out!
9/15/01 - I know I said my next update would be when I have recuperated from the knee surgery but 9/11 has hit my life in more ways than one. Our dear friend Brian, a NYC firefighter, is missing and we are devastated to think that we have lost him in our lives. He and his wife Debbie are such good friends of ours although we didn't stay in touch as often as we would have liked. All the hum drum of daily life seems to always come first and getting together and keeping in touch gets put to the wayside. My husband went over to visit Brian's wife, parents and sister but I just couldn't go. I couldn't walk. I can't even pay my respects or offer them some hope to look forward to and why.......again because my physical limitations again hold me back.
9/20/01 - My husband is a mess. I feel so bad for him. He has lost his best friend. He tries to keep up a brave front but deep down he thinks he will never see his friend again. He's been to Brian's house several times and I made it a point no matter how much pain I'm in physically that I will make the next trip over there with him. Now is when he needs me the most and I have to do everything I can to be his rock and see him through this horrible time. He'll take a few drinks to forget but I'll go sit in the dark in the middle of the night and I'll eat. I went with him the next time and it was real tough. Stairs were a real challenge but I couldn't not go. I loved these people and I wanted them to know it from me and not from a passed down message from my husband.
11/30/01 - It has been a long recovery from these knee problems but the light is closer to the end of the tunnel (I should say the beginning of the tunnel into the "other side"). It's been a catch-22 for me...............knees wouldn't heal because of the weight and I couldn't pursue the surgery safely until the knees healed. OH, SO FRUSTRATING!!! So I put my mind to it that I would have to really try to diet to get some weight off so the knees wouldn't have so much stress on them and would heal. So I went on the Dr. Atkins low carb - hi protein diet in mid October and have lost 26 pounds (down to 316 from 340) Feeling better and can walk just about pain free now. I have an appointment in 2 weeks with Dr. Cooperstone to start the ball rolling again. I had to have my orthopedist send all his notes and reports to Dr. C to get his okay for the surgery. Some might find this frustrating but I have had worries about the risks involved with the surgery and I am so glad I have a doctor who is thorough and is doing what is best for my health. If he feels I am not ready yet because of the leg issues, I will be patient.........though it is hard. I've been waiting so long. In another month it will be a year already that I began this journey. I spoke with a friend whose friend had the surgery and her doctor didn't take half the precautions that Dr. C has so I am grateful for him for that. I will update again after my appointment on 12/12.
2/8/02 - Advice to all - IF YOU CURRENTLY HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE THAT PAYS FOR THE SURGERY - DON'T SWITCH PLANS TO SAVE MONEY UNTIL YOU KNOW FOR SURE IT COVERS THE SURGERY!!! Boy was I really a dumb ass. I had Aetna which pays for the surgery if medically necessary but didn't have the surgery through Aetna because I was going through all the knee problems. By the time the knee problems were resolved, I switched to Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield as of 1/1/02 because it was $200 less a month than the Aetna. I saw Dr. C and rescheduled my surgery for 4/2/02 only to find out that Empire does not pay for gastric bypass surgery at all.....total exclusion.....whether or not medically necessary or not. WHAT A FOOL I WAS!!! Now I am scrambling to get back on the Aetna plan as of 3/1/02 so I can get my papers into Aetna for pre-approval before my scheduled surgery date in April. I have been trying to get this surgery since I first saw Dr. C in January of last year!!
3/1/02 - Well as you can see I haven't wasted a day. Got back on Aetna effective today....YIPPEE....Dr. C's office is sending the papers in on Monday and it should only take a few days to hear one way or the other if I am approved. If not, I will have gone back to this plan at an additional cost of $200 a month for nothing plus I will be devastated that once again I don't see a surgery date in sight. Then I will have to think about self-pay but I don't have that kind of money so all who read this SAY A PRAYER FOR ME, I NEED EVERY ANGEL OUT THERE. Hopefully next time I post, it will be good news and I won't have to say another word about insurance and can post about my journey forward!!!
3/7/02 - IM APPROVED!!!I'M APPROVED!!!I'M APPROVED!!! It only took 3 days to get an answer that I was approved. Fern, Dr. C's assistant, called me after day 1 and said the insurance company just had one question "Was I ever under a doctor's care for weight loss for at least 6 months?" Yes I was when I was on that Phen-Phen concoction they had out there before it was taken off the market. They also wanted to know if I had lost weight. I said to Fern "I don't know how to answer that question". I didn't want to give an answer that would head them in a "denial" direction but Fern said just tell them the truth. So I told Fern I had lost about 60 pounds. I asked her if that would hurt me. I figured they would say "well if you lost that much before on pills maybe you can again on different kinds of pills". Fern said it wouldn't hurt my chances because it just shows that I gained it all back plus another 100 on top of that. Truthfully, I am so nervous now. I worry about complications. Some of the posts and stories on the memorial page are so distressing when you are approaching surgery and read about that stuff. I have strong support from my sisters so I will get through. Now I have the hard task of breaking this to my mom and dad. It's been a year and half trying to get this approval and I never said a word to them that I was trying to get bypass surgery. I didn't want to worry them for nothing if approval never came. So now I have to tell them. I'm not afraid to....I just don't want them to undergo any worries for me. Unfortunately, now I have to wait 2 1/2 weeks before I can tell them (a week before surgery) because they are in Florida right now and won't be home till then and I can't tell them over the phone. I have to do it in person. My sisters are glad for me because they know how long I have wanted this and have waited for approval but on the other hand they are very nervous for me too. If they ever read this profile all I want to say to them is "Thank you for your support and know that I just want a normal life and feel young and pretty and be able to do things with you guys and my own family when we go away together and to just be HEALTHY!! APRIL 2ND RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!! OH BOY...............
3/30/02 - Tomorrow's Easter and then it's 2 more days till the big day. OMG I'm still so nervous. Wednesday I went for my PST (pre-surgical tests) and let me tell you it SUCKED BIG TIME!! Not only was I there at the hospital at 7 am, I did not get home till almost 7 pm. I was the first appointment and it was cool that it was all done (except for 2 of the tests) right there in the same room that had 3 smaller rooms, each for a particular test. First came the blood. Jeez this guy took about 6 vials of blood. What the hell do they need all that blood for. He asked me if I ever had a transfusion. I said no, but I might today if he takes anymore blood. LOL Next was the pee in the cup routine, leave on the shelf, yadayadayada, we all know the routine. Then some girl came in and did an echo-cardiagram, stuck all those sticky things with wires on them all over you and 2 seconds later she says "ok done". 2 SECONDS....what can they tell from that. My heart probably only beat twice. Now waiting for a tech to come down and do a test and take blood gasses. He's taking his time, only guy in the whole hospital they told me. So, they sent me down the hall for my abdominal sonogram. Guy says so loud "hey how are you???" (like he knew me or something and I'm thinking I must know this guy). I said "I don't know you" and he says "I know". I'm not into the jokes this early in the morning. Test done, go back to the other room wait some more for the blood gas guy. He comes and I'm really prepared now because I heard this test is the worst and is extremely painful. They have to take a needle and insert in your wrist and try to hit an artery that is so small and deep to get this test right and it goes right through nerves. Worse than the dentist. The guy tries and I'm like OMG I start sweating. He pulls the needle out. I said "you got it?" He says no. 3X HE DID THIS TO ME. By the end of the third time I was shaking and ready to scream. He said he would have to call a house doctor down to do it. So that doc comes down and does it 4X TO MY OTHER WRIST. I'm a wreck now. I'm like "how important is this test anyway?" My doctor requires it. I loved my doc before but I wasn't liking him too much now. Well he couldn't get it either. He said he would have to get it through an artery in the groin. I'm like Oh God I can't take this no more. Well he does it through the groin and you know what....it was PAINLESS!!! I said to him why don't they do it like this all the time instead of putting people through this. He said it is easier through the wrist. EASIER FOR THEM, TORTURE FOR US. If I ever need that test again I will be dropping my drawers and say "TAKE IT HERE!!!" Now all my tests are done and I have to go see my regular doctor (not the surgeon) who will have all the test results faxed to him so he can give me clearance for surgery. That appointment takes forever and he tells me my sugar was up alot and I am am borderline diabetic so losing the weight will help that alot. He tells me he wants me to have an echo-sonogram now of my heart and that they do it right there in the office. I asked if I could have it done now. He said the tech comes in at 4:00 (it was 5 minutes of 4) and I could wait. So I'm waiting, waiting, waiting and then at 5 the tech opens the door and says "HEY, HOW ARE YOU?" Like I'm supposed to know him. Well wouldn't you know its the same tech from the morning at the hospital who is working here at a 2nd job. He was surprised to still see me. Oh another thing too......I told the folks about the surgery. They just got back from Florida and it went too easy. My mom said all the right things, very supportive. One of my sisters blabbed, I'm sure of it but no one will admit it. Oh well that's okay. I didn't need to hear any negative things and I got all positive feelings. Oh well will touch base again before the BIG DAY. Till then.......
4/1/02 - Day before surgery and I am trying to get things in order between work, home, husband and kids. Finished with work early and went home to settle things there. Like I've stated above, I am very nervous about problems after surgery and me being the one that don't wake up. I know this sounds morbid but I've researched this surgery for a long time and I know things can go wrong although the chance is very low. Anyway, my day before surgery was spent settling things as if I wasn't coming home again. I showed my husband where the life insurance policies were and went over any pending matters with him that involved the house or a bill or one of the kids. It was extremely uncomfortable for him and he did not want to do it but it gave me peace of mind that I was going in without any last minute worries and like I said.......you never know.
4/2/02 - THE BIG SURGERY DAY IS HERE!! I woke up early about 7:00 am. Had to be at the hospital at 10:00am for surgery scheduled at 11:30am. Am alittle nervous and wondering how many people change their minds at this point.....I wasn't going to but was just wondering! Believe me I again wondered many times before they rolled me into surgery the same question. It was about a 45 minute ride to the hospital so we were leaving at 9:15am with my daughter and sister following in their cars behind us. We didn't think there would be traffic so we didn't go on the express (HOV) lane so the girls could stay behind us. Everything was going okay until we were half way there and boom....stopped traffic. Were sitting and sitting and I realize we are going to be very late and say to my husband "we better ditch the girls behind us and hit the HOV express lane". Just then it opened up so we continued on with the girls following.
I forgot to mention that my sister Kat was my picture taker. She was in charge of taking my "before" pictures at home and each step of the way until we hit the operating room. What would I do without her?????? Anyways, now we arrive at the hospital and its very limited parking so my husband drops me off on the side of the hospital where he was going to find a parking space and the girls following him to look for a spot. I am standing there and standing there waiting for them and they don't come. I'm wondering "what the hell???..." so I walk around the hospital up this hill into the main entrance and there they all are with their name badges on already wondering where I am. Can you believe that? So we register in and we are sent to the surgical waiting room and wait to be called. Mind you this is Tuesday morning and I have had NO food since Sunday (Easter) night and am quite hungry. In the surgical waiting room they have refreshments...coffee, cookies, etc. Don't they realize that everyone that comes in for surgery can't eat as of the night before. I was to learn that these refreshments were for the family members. How nice... A short time later an aide calls me into the pre-op area to get me ready for the surgery. Family has to wait outside till I'm ready and then they could come in but for now it was just me. First thing they do is put me in a room and tell me to take all my clothes off and put in this labeled bag. They want me to wash my stomach with some kind of cleanser and then put on hospital gown, slippers and that head thing. I look at the hospital gown and I am like "this is not going to fit me it's much too small". The nurse says this is all they got. I told her that there are supposed to be comfortable gowns for Dr. Cooperstone's patients and I am really uncomfortable with this. I couldn't even get my arms all the way up through the gown plus my whole butt was visible for all to see as I would have to walk down the hall to get back to the post-op room. I told the nurse in no uncertain terms I WANTED A COMFORTABLE GOWN AND I DIDN'T CARE HOW LONG IT TOOK TO FIND ONE. They went to a couple of wings in the hospital and couldn't find any so I was resigned to the fact that not only was I going to wake up from surgery in extreme pain but have to deal with an uncomfortable gown choking me as well. At this point I am in tears and very upset. I felt belittled and insignificant. They weighed me in at 311 naked but I know it was wrong. The day before I weighed in at work on a 2000 pound scale at 319 fully clothed so the 319 is the pre-op number I am going with. They finished prepping me and my family came in for their last goodbyes till afterward and off I went.
I hear people yelling stuff but I can't comprehend what they are saying.....oh my God I feel the pain though...really hurts...hard to breath. What are they saying????? They are saying "breathe Diana, breathe Diana". Now I am aware what's going on but its a little fuzzy. I'm in and out but the first thing I said to myself was "I'm alive, I made it to the other side". I'm asked on a level of 1-10 what is your level of pain? I answer 20. They give me some pain med and I begin almost immediately to feel relief. I can say that it went down to a 7 not too long after that. My family is still telling me to breathe. I am told that I stopped breathing in recovery room a few times and my blood oxygen level went really low. They suspected I had sleep apnea, a condition where people stop breathing when they are sleeping. So I was transferred to ICU where I spent the rest of my hospital stay. I'm told I got to my ICU cubicle around 7pm that evening. My family also mentioned that as they wheeled me out of the operating room to recovery room my first words were "help me" LOL LOL
4/3/02 - Being in ICU, I had to wear oxygen mask and had monitor wires all over in addition to having to have to wear these leg compression things that help prevent blood clots. They were actually cool because they slipped over your leg and had a hose attached to each one. Every 15 seconds or so air started pumping through the hose expanding the thing around my legs. Just think of the swimmies they put on the kids' arms to go swimming. These were the same things except bigger and had hoses attached to them. I thought these were quite relaxing although I hear other people actually didn't like it. The first time I got out of bed was really not too bad. The worse part was trying to sit up before actually getting up. I didn't find walking or even sitting a problem. Laying on my back all the time caused my back and my butt to hurt like ever though. I didn't even feel the need to go to the bathroom but when I went to the bathroom just to try, it just came out as I sat down. Nothing in the mouth today, no water, ice chips, nothing. This was the toughest part because my mouth was so dry so I would go to the bathroom and rinse my mouth out with cold water constantly and just dream of swallowing it just once but I wouldn't dare divert from my doctor's instructions. I had to go 2 days like this with no water or anything.
4/4/02 - All I wanted to do today was wash my hair. My hair was a real mess. It gets very oily and I need to wash it every day and now its 2 days and I'm feeling skeevy. I tried at home those rinseless shampoos but they were garbage. So I took my shampoo and conditioner and went into the bathroom to do it in the sink. It was very uncomfortable bending over but I was determined. WOO HEE...how much better do you think I felt after that head wash? Great! Well, not really but I did feel refreshed. Still no water and I am really miserable about that. Walking slowly couple of times a day. Can't go far in ICU, maybe once or twice around the desk. There was only 8 beds in the unit and besides every time I had to get up they had to unhook all those contraptions off me so I could get up.
4/5/02 - Oh where was my doctor???....I knew that I could drink something today when he came to visit but each minute felt like an hour. Time went so slow in the hospital. Finally he came in late afternoon and said I could have clear liquids only. This consisted of decaffeinated tea, bottled water, chicken broth, diet jello. He gave me a stack of those little cups you see on the top of the cough syrup bottle to measure the medicine and told me that I would be using these little 1 oz. cups for a while. While the pouch is healing I would be on liquids for about 3 weeks using this cup. I had to fill the cup with whatever clear liquid I wanted and drink it slowly in 2 sips. The pouch only holds about 1 oz. anyway. Then I had to wait 20-30 minutes before I could have another 1 oz. cup. Sometimes it would take me 2 hours to drink a cup of tea! You could tell when the pouch was full because it hurt alittle right between the boobs! Plus by this time I was having alot of gas pains with none escaping the body if you know what I mean. When my doctor came in he asked me if I thought I had lost weight. I said all I haven't eaten in 4 days and had nothing to drink until now so what do you think. He brought me over to a scale in ICU and would you believe it said I gained 7 1bs. Well I knew that was wrong and it sure was no incentive getting up on that cheap scale. These gas pockets moved around my body all over and sometimes when a pocket was up in my chest it was so hard to take a breathe. This subsided though. Since I was in ICU for the breathing problem in the first place, I had to blow into this type of flow meter 5 times every hour to keep my lungs open.
Truthfully, I was not getting any rest in the hospital. I had a looney old lady on one side of me who carried on so loudly and was such a royal pain in the ass that she kept everyone up all day and all night. I wished they could have sedated her or sent her up to the psych ward because she definitely didn't below here. In the middle of the one night, the nurses got so fed up they just screamed at her to shut up! I can't wait to get home.
4/6/02 - Everything still the same as the day before except tonight they moved me out of ICU into a regular room downstairs and to tell you the truth I went from one looney to another. It was a 4 bed room and I had this wierdo old lady across from me who wanted out of there and kept ripping her IV out and bolting out the door to try to leave the hospital. The nurses figured to close the door and maybe she would go to sleep but the lady kept mumbling these things like "I'll get them etc....." I'm like this woman is going to kill me in my sleep and I can't even get away with these leg things any my IV hooked up to me. Thankfully they sedated her and she slept the rest of the night and all the next day. Never woke up again!! Ahhhhh, time for a good night's sleep.....
4/7/02 - Waited all day for my doc to come and cut me loose from this place. I was ready for home but not the ride home. It was just about 45 minutes home and I was dreading the bumps. I told my aggresive driving husband that for once please drive like an old lady. The ride wasn't bad at all and it was good to get fresh air and see the sites on the way home. I felt so free and alive because it was springtime and the flowers were starting to bloom and the trees starting to bud. Everything was coming out of it's winter cocoon and starting a new season, including me..... When we got home I went to bed because I was tired and we had already planned it ahead of time that my husband would sleep in the spare room because I didn't know how it would feel sleeping with another person in the bed, them moving and turning over and rocking the bed with the belly incision and all. Turned out that it was a horrible sleep, not very comfortable because I couldn't turn on my side and it was not so comfortable pushing pillows on the side for support either. Tomorrow night I will try to sleep on the couch. I had the greatest shower ever. I had my husband put a step stool in the bathtub and I just sat on it and let the water run all over me and it felt heavenly. I didn't have to worry about getting tired from standing and I took my time and honestly I didn't want to get out. Scrubbed my head and felt like a new person. Also the doctor told me when I got released earlier today that I can now have "full liquids". In addition to the "clear liquids" I could previously have, I now was able to add fat-free vanilla pudding, yogurt (said yogurt was especially good to add bacteria to the body), applesauce, and creamed soups. The soups could have nothing in it, no little pieces of anything. I have to follow up with the doctor in 3 days.
4/8/02 - Today I just rested and did nothing.
4/9/02 - 1 week post-op. Today I got dressed and took a little walk down the street with my 19 year old son. We were only able to go about 5 houses and back but it was a workout.
4/10/02 - Went to see the doctor today. LOST 17 LBS. IN 8 DAYS! I know it won't be like this always but it was truly inspiring. Plus since I started at 319, lost 17, am now at 302, I feel great because another 2 lbs. brings me out of the 300's into the 200's where I have not been in many years. I'm so happy.
4/22/02 - Returned to work today and things went well. Good to be back because I was getting so bored at home. Went for my 2nd post-op visit. LOST ANOTHER 12 LBS. and am out of the 300's into the 200's. I am loving it so far and Dr. C says I can now advance past liquids into soft foods. Having a little trouble at first with them, makes me feel nauseous. I am finding that the junk food or goodies that are in the house for my kids and stuff are so tempting but I know they will make me sick. My anatomy was changed by surgery and my ability to eat these things changed forever I hope but the surgery didn't change my desire to want to eat them so this is a little hard.
4/28/02 - Felt miserable all week. Really nauseous, stomach ache and back ache. Came home from work early on Thursday because I was so miserable. Today is Sunday and I realized I had'nt taken one of my meds all week. The doctor said I had to take Flintstones chewable vitamins 2x day plus Pepcid chewables for antacid 2x day. Truthfully, I haven't taken the Pepcid in 5 days because I just didn't get a chance to pick them up but I got them today and the back ache is gone as well as the stomach ache. I guess I was suffering from stomach acid which the pain radiated into my back because within a hour of taking the med I was pain free. My advice is LISTEN AND DO EXACTLY WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I'm a idiot and I paid for it but now I know. Believe it or not, my pants are looser too! I'm starting to get bursts of energy now and will start daily walks tomorrow faithfully. Till next time......
05/23/02 - Saw my doctor yesterday. 7 weeks post-op and down 47 pounds. I am so happy I don't even have the right words for it. I'm feeling good too. I've started walking the track with my husband. We like to do the track because we can calculate the distance. The first time we went I did a mile. I can't even remember the last time I could walk that far without missing a breath. He kept saying "do you want to rest?" and I kept saying "no, I want to keep on going around". The energy just came like never before. The doc was so funny too. He makes you feel so good about yourself afterwards. He just moved into new offices because his were so small. I said to him "nice offices, so big too from where you came from". He answered "no they're the same size, you are just getting smaller!"
I also had one bad day this past month. My daughter came over for Sunday dinner with her boyfriend. He loves cannoli's so, of course, I always have them for him. After they left that night, those left-over cannoli's were calling me the rest of the night. "Come and get me" was all I was imagining them calling out. So, after much deliberation, I succumbed to a cannoli and not only did I "come and get it", I also ATE THE WHOLE THING! My reasoning was this. I really didn't want to eat it but I was imagining eating it and enjoying it that I figured let me eat it, I'll experience that awful "dumping syndrome" from eating hi-sugar food (shakes, sweats, diarrhea, etc.) that it will deter me from ever wanting to put a sweet in my mouth again. Well after I ate it I waited and I waited and NOTHING HAPPENED! How depressing was that. I did the same thing the next day with the same reasoning in mind when I ate 1/2 a Drake's apple pie. I didn't get the dumping syndrome but I sure had one hell of a stomach ache for a few hours. I'll never eat that again. So at my last post-op visit with my doctor I confessed about the cannoli (I left out the part about the Drake's apple pie) and told him of my disappointment of not having that dumping syndrome so I wouldn't want it again. He said since it was only a small cannoli it probably wasn't enough to set off the dumping but he did say "eat a little ice cream and when you pull yourself off the floor you will know what dumping syndrome is!!". Now I know that I still have to watch what I put in my mouth as far as sweets go. Avoid them altogether because now is the golden period of losing the weight (6-9 months after surgery). Take advantage of this time to lose a big chunk of the excess weight.
Another big thing that happened to me this week was I got an e-mail from my husband and what it said was shocking and yet wonderful as well. He said there was something that was really eating him up and he wanted to get it out. He was really worried about me when I had the surgery but he got past it once he saw how well I was doing post-op. Now though he is really feeling threatened that I will lose all my excess weight and leave him for someone or something better. We have been married for 22 years and believe me it wasn't always great in the first 10 years because he pulled some shitty things and was very selfish at times but I loved him like no one else so I stayed around. He changed the past 10 years of our marriage for the better and is a wonderful father and husband although the last 3 years I have felt really lonely because he kind of drew away from me which I said in the very first paragraph of my profile was okay with me because I liked it that way because of my weight. Now that he sees I'm losing the weight quickly he has shown me more love and affection than when we first got married! I love it and I hope it lasts!! That's all for now..
7/11/02 - Things have been so great for me. I feel like a whole different person. I walk all the time now, can tie my shoes without any effort, my house is so clean because I'm so active now. It's been 3 1/2 months and I am down 67 pounds. There are still some things I can't eat....chicken yukkee!! Eggs, oh God the smell makes me nauseous. It's ironic that the only things that go down so well where I don't feel any after effects at all are the healthy foods such as fruit, veggies, green mixed salads. Anything with mayonnaise, fat, butter, fried all make me feel nauseous which is good I think because you really don't have any desire to eat the stuff that makes you feel ill.
07/22/02 - Went for a follow-up today with my doctor. He can't believe how great I am doing. Told him I'm very bad taking the vitamins. Told me to take 2 vitamins 2x day instead of 1 vitamin 4x a day. Have to go back in November for 6 month check up and he will take a new picture of me then. Also have to go for blood work before I see him next to make sure my vitamin levels are okay and bone density is okay.
09/30/02 - 6 months post-op and down -120 pounds! I am sooooooo happy! I just bought some new clothes yesterday because everything is so baggy on me. My doctor's support group has a clothing exchange but there is nothing there that fits me anymore. Everything is too big. I gave away all my old clothes except for 2 pairs of jeans. Those I will treasure because I never want to forget where I came from and where I am now. I started in size 30 pants and 30-32 shirts. Yesterday I picked out some size 20 pants, tried them on...TOO BIG. Went back out for some size 18's and brought a size 16 petite in with me to the dressing room too just for laughs. Well I came out with a big smile on my face because the size 16's fit awesome! Also went for XL shirt that fit me real nice. Tip for you women out there....go for the underwire bras when you lose the weight. It gives you really great support and shows off your slimmed down tummy. I have been getting so many compliments, it's unbelievable and I am just loving it all. After losing 120 pounds at this point all these things have disappeared and are non-existent anymore....stress incontinence, snoring, back aches, knee aches...ALL GONE! I never thought I would ever get to this point in my life..happy.
12/26/02 - Day after Christmas went right out shopping with my gift certificates and came home overjoyed with Size 12 pants and medium size shirts. What a feeling! I have 40 more pounds to goal but everyone tells me not to lose anymore. Guys give me a second glance (although I have the perfect hubby who makes me totally happy) but I don't mind saying that the looks and whistles I've gotten sure flatter me.
01/6/03 - Just got back from that family vacation we take in the winter (the one I mentioned in the opening paragraph of my bio above) where we have been going to a dude ranch every year with our family and several other families. This trip was the best ever. I could never do any of the activities before but this year.....I went skiing and skiied for 3 days. I went horseback riding (and had the cowboy riding behind me flirting with me the whole time). I had so much fun and everyone gave me compliments and told me how proud they were of me. I had absolutely no limitations this year. My 13 year old said to my husband "Dad, I'm so glad Mom is having so much fun and not just taking all the pictures like before". When my husband told me that I was so overwhelmed with happiness. Some of the people hadn't seen me since the last trip the winter before and didn't even recognize me when I went up to give them a kiss hello. My nephew said to his mother "Mom, is that Aunt Diane?" When she said yes it was, he said "She looks so different...she looks so nice!" Out of the mouths of babes. I love it.
02/28/03 - They say that the golden period of losing weight is within the first 9 months of WLS. I find this is so true. I am still losing weight, probably now about 1 1/2-2 pounds per week. I have noticed though that there are some things I can eat more of at a sitting than other foods. The pouch does get bigger after time (from the size of a thumb to a size of a lemon. What distresses me though is what I am now able to eat with no problems. This is food with high sugars. I find I can eat a candy bar or cookies with no problem. Cake fills the pouch too quick and makes me feel uncomfortable. I stayed away from these high sugar foods because I was under the impression by eating them I would automatically get sick and since I didn't want to get sick I didn't put them in my mouth. Then one day I did and I had no problems. This put a mental note in my head that said "EAT ME, I WON'T HURT YOU"!! I find myself now being drawn to the candy or cookies instead of the fruit and it makes me nervous so I am more aware now to stay away. After all this I never want to be back in the shape I was before. Don't let anyone kid you, you can gain the weight back if you make poor food choices. I let my pouch guide me in how much I could eat at one sitting and the limited amount of food I consumed was enough to help me lose the 161 pounds I have lost to date. But now that the pouch has grown some and can tolerate sugars I have to actually "diet" now and watch not only how much I eat but WHAT I eat. The surgery was a tool in aiding you to lose weight but now you have to learn how to work the tool to your best advantage to maintain successful weight loss and maintenance. I still have 30-35 pounds to lose so I'm not going to screw up now. Till next time....
03/27/03 - Since my last post exactly a month ago, I am down only 1 pound! Remember what I said about that golden period. In the beginning of this month I started at 173.5, gained 2 lbs. going to 175.5 and then lost 3 lbs. leaving me with a net loss for the month of 1 darn pound! How frustrating is that??? VERY. My eating habits aren't any different now than what it was before but my support group members tell me I probably have to "recondition" my pouch. What I mean by "recondition" is this....I have always had orange juice every day since the beginning (probably about 16-18 oz. daily). I never looked at labels so I never realized that OJ has a lot of sugar in it. I have never dumped on anything that I put in my mouth which lets me believe that I have a very high tolerance to sugar. I have unknowingly conditioned my pouch to accept food/drink high in sugar and although during the golden period of weight loss it hadn't hindered my weight loss, it is now beginning to. So to recondition your pouch you have to cut out all sugar cold turkey for at least 3 weeks. This way you are depriving the pouch of sugar and if you ingest sugar later on it will cause you to dump and who wants to feel like that. I don't know why I was able to tolerate sugar so well. Other people dump on just a sip or two of orange juice. It was my favorite drink. Now that the spring is coming and just about here, I plan to get out there and exercise, do yard work and so forth. I told my husband he can pull up a chair and watch me do all the yard work because I'm motivated and also because I CAN DO IT NOW! Heaven knows I plopped my butt on the lawn chair many years watching the hubby and kids do all the work. It was a running laugh with them all. They'd be working outside and here would come Mom carrying her lawn chair to within talking distance of them working so she could sit and watch. If they moved to the other side of the yard, up came Mom picking up her chair and moving it along with them and plopped right back down again to continue watching. Well, IT'S MY TURN! I was out there this whole weekend raking, bagging, thatching and I never missed a breath not once. No backache, no aches no pains. It felt great! Till next time..
6/14/03 - Today I went for my plastic surgery consultation with Dr. Sirota in Garden City. He was so nice and we clicked immediately. I knew he was the surgeon for me. He asked me how I wanted to improve my body appearance with removal of excess skin in the order of importance to me. My first preference was the abdominoplasty (removal of hanging pannus around the lower ab and upper ab), then it was my thighs, then my butt, arms and boobs. If insurance approved of anything it would be for the lower stomach because I have proof of medical necessity for that. I get rashes under the hanging stomach near the pubic line and also get multiple boils there. The upper ab is never covered by insurance nor anything else since it is considered cosmetic surgery. His fee for the abdominoplasty is $5000. He showed me what it would look like post-op and I was amazed. He said if insurance approved it up to a certain dollar amount I would be responsible for the rest but if there was a big dollar amount I was responsible for we could talk it over and work out a lower figure since he said his goal was to improve my looks not to gouge me for money. He was going to submit a letter to the insurance company and wait for an approval/denial from them. I'm hoping........this is my next goal on my journey.
7/2/03 - Today I got a letter from the insurance company approving the abdominoplasty!! What they considered to be reasonable and customary was $4000. Since the plastic surgeon was out of network they will pay 80% of the $4000 less my $100 deductible. So my out of pocket expense would be $1900. I will be pushing for an early November surgery date because I have 20 pounds more to lose to get within 10 pounds of goal and once they do the surgery and remove the excess skin that will be approximately another 8 pounds gone. I have a hernia as well so that will be fixed during the plastic surgery. He said he will open me up to begin the plastic surgery, then my doctor who did the bypass will come in and repair the hernia, then the plastic surgeon will finish up his part and then.....a new me!! I can't wait.
08/08/03 - I had scheduled my hernia and abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) surgery for November 7th but the last two months the hernia has been very painful. Sometimes it comes out and I can't push it back in and have had to take alot of pain pills this month so I called my bypass doctor and the plastic surgeon doctor who will do the surgeries together at one time and they moved it up to September 5th. A few more weeks to go for that and I'm real excited. My bypass doctor has an annual picnic each summer for his patients and their families (isn't he sweet!!) and we always have a lot of fun. He gives away T-shirts to the patients at the picnic. They have the logo "Lester's Losers R Winners". Anyway, at the picnic I was talking with another patient of his and she had brought a friend with her who had had the tummy tuck plastic surgery and also had her arms done as well. Let me say that when I decided to have the tummy tuck I had searched out plastic surgeons and considered a few and decided on the one I am going with on Sept. 5th. One of the other plastic surgeons I was considering was located in New Jersey but I decided to stay more local to where I live. Well the woman I was talking to was telling me her friend that she brought to the picnic had had her surgery by this same doctor in New Jersey and she told me how badly he botched it up. She said her friend showed her the results of her surgery and she was aghast at the horror of the results. First of all she said her private area was pulled up almost to just beneath the belly button. Next she said the tummy tuck was pulled so tight in front that she had "deep pockets" on the back of each hip that you could fit an orange in. She had gotten an infection in one of the pockets months later after surgery and had gone to her primary care physician who found old stitches in the pockets that were never removed. Can you believe this??? I said "did she sue???" She told me "no, she went back to him and had her arms done". I was flabbergasted! She said her friend went back to him cause he was so "nice". Unbelievable. I never said anything to her friend at the picnic about her surgery but the friend did show me her armlift. It was gross. The scars on each arm were from her elbow up to her armpit, were very deep indented red scars with scar lines going across the scar like crosses up the arm. I'd rather keep my flabby arms like they are then end up looking like that. So since I heard this horror story and saw for myself another botch job on the arm as I would call it, I am getting a little concerned about how my tummy tuck will turn out even if its with a totally different doctor. I don't want to end up like a freak. Her friend said she can't even have normal sexual relations because it's pulled up too high! I have to see my plastic surgeon a couple of days before my surgery and I'm going to ask him about these results on this person and why that happened to her. I'm glad I have a different doctor. I'm told I will be in the hospital a couple of days, have drains coming out of my stomach and not be able to lift anything for months afterward so we will see and I will update after I talk to the plastic surgeon before I go for the tummy tuck. Oh by the way, I'm just going into a size 8!!! Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8/23/03 - 2 more weeks to go till the tummy tuck/hernia surgery. I am quite excited about it. I'm not a glutten for surgery but I know the surgery will only improve my body contour so that makes me happy. Things are so great in my life. To have happiness, health, love and the warmth of a close family is so precious that we all take for granted. If I hadn't decided to take the chance on this surgery I can't even imagine how much more weight I would have gained in the past year and half. I might even be dead right now, who knows. I could never have imagined before how different a life could be after losing 180 pounds. Yeah, we all imagined what it would be like but how many of us actually get to live their imagined dreams like I am now. I love my life and the people around me. I look for the goodness in everyone around me, including strangers. I know I look good now but I don't flaunt it. I hated that quality in others and I'm not like that. The other day I was at the gas station on my way to work and I was pumping my gas tank. A very handsome guy pulled in the station in a white van and drove around the station eyeing me all the time. He pulled out of the station and blew me a kiss! I tell you, at that moment I felt so good. I'm very happily married and have no interest in other men but I am human and when you have never experienced that kind of flattering attention in your whole life, to experience it once felt so good because it was a confirmation from another person you don't know who thinks you look good. Sure, you have friends and family who know you lost weight and tell you you look good but you never know if they are truly sincere or if they are just saying that to make you feel good about yourself. Till next time.....
9/2/03 - Went for pre-surgical testing today at the hospital. All went good, only 3 more days to go till I have a flat tummy! Am so excited....
9/3/03 - Went for surgical clearance this morning with my primary doctor. Cleared for surgery! Have to go see my plastic surgeon tonight for final clearance from him. Got some disturbing news at work today. I had to call Empire BlueCross/Blue Shield (my carrier f
About Me
Before & After
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