discouraged
Just a Post.
Sep 16, 2011
Okay so here I am today must be a bad day. I'm having problems with not feeling sorry for myself and the urge to just say F it take me to the pasture and put this old fat cow down! I couldn't even attend my AUNT's funeral because there was no room in the car for a LARD ass like mine. Plus it was GRAVE side STANDING I can't stand for 2 min must less a funeral persession. My mind is racing with crazy thoughts. My mother is 54 and has had a heartattack and is having to help her middle child do everything at the age of 30. Talk about degrading. This is the same child that has always taken care of her and everyone in her early years. I have a 20mths old newphew that sees his aunt the only one that has watched him since birth, trying to get up out of her chair and on his on lil accord comes over grabs my hand and SITS down trying to pull me up out of the chair....20mths old and tryin to take care of me ..... it is suppose to be the OTHER way around. Here I am in tears again just typing this. I can't stop and wonder how'd did I let myself get like this? I didn't let myself get like this. You have to EAT to stay alive I have never been a person that lives to eat....I have always had to eat to live! People has had to MAKE eat BECAUSE I wasn't hungrey. DOES that sound like a person that has a problem with OVEREATING? I have a behavorial health appointment TUES. My doctor says I would have to have BEHAVORIAL health incase a DOCTOR or SURGERON decides to help me. Or THE grace of GOD on Oct. the DISABILITY doctor no only deems me DISABLE but it a MEDICAL nesscessity for me to have this surgery.Praying and hoping that is all that I got. So I'm gonna set here and cry and talk to god. Will write more later.
