DJ Wood
December 15, 2000 - My name is....
Dec 15, 2008
... and I am a food addict. I’m not sure I can even say a “recovering” food addict.
For the past 2 weeks I have been in a battle so fierce that I am physically and emotionally exhausted and near the point of surrender. Every morning I pray that today will be different and that I will have the strength to overcome the demons, but by evening, I am miserable with guilt and in physical pain because I could not defeat the desire to eat constantly. I have not been hungry since my surgery in January, but the need to eat has become almost overwhelming.
As suggested by my shrink, I tried planning by making a list of everything I will eat for the day and the time I will eat it, but as soon as I make the list or finish a scheduled meal I am thinking about what I will be eating next. I’m staying busy with Christmas shopping and projects, but my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the food coming my way in a few hours. More than once the emergency protein bar in my handbag has become an unplanned snack while driving from one store to the next.
With the blessing of my PCP, I adjusted my food schedule from every 3 hours to every 4 hours as I attempt to move forward to a more normal way of eating – three meals and no snacks are recommended by my surgeon. We also want to see if I will have hypoglycemic-type episodes by making the small time adjustment. For the past 2 weeks, I (still) have my protein drink(s) as soon as I get up (usually 0530) and try to make it last until my first meal at 1000. Lunch is at 1400 and dinner at 1800 and I have a light snack (usually a 100 calorie bag of popcorn) before going to bed at 2200. I have my cell phone set to tell me when it is time to eat so I won’t go too long and crash, but unfortunately that has not been a problem...
The problem is not WHAT I eat; it is HOW MUCH and HOW OFTEN I eat. We do not have junk food in the house. It is only Allen and me and thank goodness he will eat whatever is available and he never complains. I’m not eating cookies and ice cream or fettuccine alfredo. I’m eating low carb frozen dinners, protein bars, protein cereal, protein chips, yogurt and fruit, and food that I cook. But, I am eating until I am too full and after most meals I am so stuffed it actually hurts. If I stop before I am full and miserable, I begin thinking about the next meal shortly after finishing the last one. Even though I know when my meals should be and know that my alarm will remind me, I feel like I am watching the clock or pacing the floor in my mind waiting for the time to pass.
I like I am obsessed; I argue with myself about food and for the last 2 weeks my evil twin is winning. Today between breakfast (yogurt, cereal and fruit) at 10:00 a.m. and lunch (Healthy Choice frozen entrée) at 2:00 p.m., I had 2 bags of protein chips. The evil twin argued that they were only 100 calories each and had 7g protein per bag. Between lunch and dinner (eggplant parmesan with spaghetti sauce – no spaghetti) at 6:00 p.m., I had an apple with peanut butter and a handful of peanuts – not the worst things I could have eaten I rationalized, but still snacking, and this was a good day! The damage???
Total calories: 1776
Protein: 158
Carbs: 158
Fat: 57g
I am aware of my mistakes and the consequences, but I don’t know how to stop. I feel like I am out of control. How do I get back on track and stay there? Am I overreacting? Being too dramatic?
Any advice on how to deal with this issue would be greatly appreciated. - dj
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About Me
Columbus, GA
Location
26.5
BMI
Surgery
01/21/2008
Surgery Date
Dec 31, 2007
Member Since
