dprtllz
I am going to be 47 years old on April 20th. I was married at the age of 19, had three beautiful children. This year I will have been divorced for 19 years. I was a ballerina up until the age of 18. I had a knee injury that kept me from ever reaching my goal of dancing professionally. So at 18, I begun my steady weight gain from 110 lbs. to 248lbs., my current weight, and the heaviest I've ever been.
I have always been a perfectionist and hold myself to a much higher standard than most. I have always been a black and white, all or nothing type of person. I am a sexual abuse survivor. I have been a single mother since my children were little. I have raised my granddaughter for 5 1/2 years. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 8, and until the age of 28 was totally convinced it was my fault. I have suffered from depression my whole adult life. I have always been a very strong woman and have always finished whatever I start. I've had many successes. I have a very strong faith in God. I've always believed I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. I am honest, open, and direct. These are just a few of the things that make me who I am.
To keep this as short as possible, I am an intelligent woman. I know the things that have put me in the position I am in now. I know why I walk with the grace of a 250 lb. gorilla, every step of every day in tremendous physical pain. But I will readily admit, I have felt powerless to do anything to change it for years. I have lost weight many times, only to gain it all back with that extra 10 lbs. for good measure. My self-esteem has plummeted to an all-time low. But I write this now, for everyone to see. I have had enough!!! I deserve better than this!!! This is not how God wants me to live any longer, and I am determined to see this through to the end. I will reach my goal weight, and I will maintain it!
At my age, I will never dance again, but I WILL find my inner ballerina and carry myself with grace once again.
