Okay, I am completely sucking right now!!!

Nov 02, 2009

I am currently weighing 202.0  I don't know what is happening to me.  Last spring I started doing taebo in conjuction with walking and it started working.  I was down to 193.0.  then I got sick and didn't exercise for about 3 weeks and that blow it for me.  I basically took the whole summer off.

I was able to maintain my weight, so I wasn't too worried about it until I started gaining.  I gained 9 pounds.  I have gotten back in the exercise routine of walking and and doing a eliptical for 30 mins a day, but It doesn't seem to be helping.  My eating is out of control.  Not the amounts, but what I actually eat.  I have completely fallen and I can't seem to get up.  I crave sweets all the time.  I can't break the cycle and I don't know what to do.

I am completely frustrated and I know this is my own doing.  I just have to figure out how to get myself out of this rut.  A thought just came to me...I had be take prozac ever since before my surgery and I took myself off  during the summer.  I wonder if this could have contributed to some of my problem???  I guess I need to research that further....

1 year Bandiversary!!!!

Mar 18, 2009

Okay, so I am a little late in posting this but here goes!

(I forgot it was my bandiversary until I got an email from OH the day after)

This has been one heck of a year.  Lots of ups and downs, but mostly ups.

First the important stuff:  I weigh 201.6 lbs.  I am down 60 pounds. 

I am a person who is really hard on myself so in the beginning it has hard for me to accept that I was a slow loser.  I have to say that I have come a long way.  I am proud of myself, of my weight loss.  I know I still have a ways to go, but I am worth it and I will do it.

I can't get over the changes in the last year.  I am down to a size 16 from a 26.  I enjoy exercise.  Yes, I said ENJOY EXERCISE!  I need it.  My body welcomes it.  I feel so good after I've done.  For the last year my exercise has amounted to walking 4-5 days a week. about 2-2.5 miles a day.  I had been at a plateau for a couple of months and even started experiencing a gain (9 pounds).  I went and got a fill and upped my exercise.  I am now alternating my walking and taebo.  Let me tell you, it is kicking my tail, but I am loving it.  I lost the extra 9 pounds and hopefully I am on my way down.

I know some people will look at my loss in a years time and think it's not that incredible (i know, I was that way a year ago), but I am happy with it so far.  Do I wish I would have lost it all by now; sure, but I also know that I didn't gain this weight in a year, so I have alot to be proud of.

I am so thankful for my friends and most of my family.  They have been so supportive.  Always congratulating me and encouraging me.  Letting me, see me, thru their eyes.  It has been hard for me to see the changes.  I know I have changed, my clothes are smaller, etc. but in the mirror I see the same girl.  If it weren't for them I don't think I would have realized how drastic the changes have been.

I have met some really cool people that I would have never met if not for this surgery.  Sisters and brothers who have walked the same walk as me and who truly understand where I am coming from.  Thank you to my OH family.  You rock!

A new year and nearly 10 months post-op!

Dec 29, 2008

As the new year is upon us, I am taking some time to reflect on this wild ride I started on last March.  When I began this journey I weighed 261 pounds.  This morning I stepped on the scale, (fully clothed) and weighed 199!  My weight loss has been slow compared to some others, but I think that I has been just right for me.

This time last year, I was depressed and hating life.  I hated shopping for clothes, and I never wanted to go out.  One year later, the new year feels full of possibilities.  I still have 49 pounds to lose before I reach my goal, but from where I stand now, that goal is obtainable.  I might not get there before my bandiversary, but  I will get there before my 2nd one! 

It feels good to wear "Normal" sized clothes.  and even though that normal size is an XL, I am very proud of that accomplishment.  The pictures from this years holidays compared to last years are remarkable.  I can finally see a difference.

I am so grateful for my band and for my new lease on life.

Here's to the new year and the new me!

Six months has flown by......

Sep 29, 2008

Well, sort of!  First of all I totally missed my 6 month bandiversary because of Hurricane Ike!  We had so much going on with no electricity that I totally forgot about it.

I still have good restriction so I cancelled my Sept appt and my next one is scheduled for Oct 9th.  I am down a total of 55 pounds, 42 since surgery.

I haven't been exercising like I should since school started.  I just don't have enough time with running my kids to band and football.  Hopefully it will get easier in a month or so when football is over and band competition is over.

I am getting all kinds of compliments from people who have known me for a while.  They are completely amazed at how much I have lost.  It's kind of funny, because I don't see it when I look in the mirror.  I see it on the scale, I know I am wearing smaller clothes, but when I look in the mirror I still see the same person.  That is a little scary to me, because when I was small, I saw a fat person.  I don't know how to see what is there.  I don't know how to change my perception of myself.  Any suggestion????

It has taken a long time (5-6 months) but I have finally come to terms with my band.  Meaning, I have accepted that there are foods, I just shouldn't eat.  There are foods I just can't eat and this is not an overnight process.  It takes time to relearn behaviors, it takes time to lose the weight, it takes time for your body and your brain to catch up with the surgery.  Once I accepted that, this process has gotten alot easier for me mentally.  I have quit beating myself up for not being further along and for every bite of food that I eat that I know I shouldn't.  My goal is to eat right 90 % of the time, and I allow myself treats 10% of the time.  This seems to be working for me.

All in all I am pleased where I am.  I would have never been down to 206 without this surgery.  I haven't been this size since I got pregnant with my first child 15 years ago.  I actually am wearing a size XL shirt and size 16 in pants.  I am very pleased with that.

First of all, I am a complete Dork!!!

Aug 21, 2008

My last blog post said that I was celebrating my 6 mos bandiversary; well it turns out I can't count or add or whatever...it's only been 5 months.  So I will post next month about my "6 months".

I had a small "almost" meltdown today.  I was getting a bag of clothes ready for the donation center to come and pick up today.  I started going thru the clothes piled up on my dresser in the drawers.  The things I knew where too big, I put in a pile on the bed, the ones I wasn't sure about..I tried on.  Well once I figured out what all didn't fit anymore (and by  not fit, I mean I could but on with out unbuttoning them, etc.), I added them to the pile.

The problem came in while I was putting the clothes in a large garbage bag.  Something came over me, and I had that "what if I need these again" feeling.  "What will I wear when I gain the weight back?" 

I have never had a problem getting rid of my clothes when they were too small.  I never hung onto them, but for some reason I didn't want to let go of the ones that were too big!  Well, I buckled down and placed them in the bag.  I tied it and placed it on the porch.  The truck came by a few minutes ago.  It was hard to see them go, but now that they are gone, it is a relief.

I will never need those clothes again EVER!  That is an amazing feeling!

6 months sure has flown by!!!!!

Aug 11, 2008

This Thursday will be my 6 mos bandiversary.  I can't believe how fast it has gone by.  I went for my 5th fill today.  I got another .2 cc for a total of 6.7.

So far I have lost 45 lbs.  I am very proud of that.  I am only losing about 4-5 pounds a month, and I am working my tail off to do that, but it is coming off; even if it is slowly.   I am down to a size 18/20 from a 26!  I have lost 5 inches in my chest, 3.5 in my waist, 2 in each arm, 2 in each thigh and 4.5 in my hips.  THAT'S 21 INCHES!  DANG!

This hasn't been an easy road, I feel like I am climbing up hill most days, but it is "do"able and I can definately see the results.  I am so glad I made the decision to have this surgery, it really has given me my life back.

I need to have my butt kicked!!!!

Jul 29, 2008

We went on vacation last week and I ate Ice cream, no big deal I hadn't had any in many months and I even managed to lose 2 pounds while on vacation,  the problem is it was so good, that I have been making myself a ice cream cone everyday for the last 3 days and now I have gained that 2 pounds back.  Why do we do such stupid things to ourselves?  When will I ever learn?  Will I ever learn?

I guess this my vice and something I will struggle with my whole life.  Some days I win it, some days I'm not quite so lucky.  All I can do is keep chugging away at it until I get it right.  What's that they say "fake it until you make it?"  That's my  new motto.


Is the 4th fill the magic fill?????

Jul 14, 2008

I think it might be close!!  I had another .5 cc added on last week to bring me to 6.5cc in my 10 cc band.  I can definately tell a difference.  I am eating about 1/2 - 3/4 cup of food and staying full for 4 hours.  I am surprised that I haven't lost any weight since then, but I don't think I have been getting enough calories.  I will log everything this week and see what I am getting.

I know I have said this before, but I absolutely love Dr. Garth Davis.  He is my angel.  Any surgeon could have performed the surgery, but his aftercare ROCKS!  He is so kind and considerate and he has a way of making me believe and I doing a good job.  He keeps me from giving up when I want to.  He has certainly been a blessing to me and my family.  I am so glad that I have him in my corner! 

 I took my kids with me to my appt and when he as asking me about how much exercise I was doing, they started telling him how far I walk everyday and how much wii fit I do.  He said "wow, they really keep track of you!"  I said, "yeah, they have too, because I make them go with me!!!"  The kids are finally coming around to the fact that this is for me and for them.  I am definately seeing a difference in my daughter, her clothes are getting baggy and my son has lost 4 pounds so far.  I am proud of them both.


July 7th! I am still starving!

Jul 07, 2008

My fill isn't working.  I do feel some restriction as far as I have to chew, chew, chew; but I am still hungry.  I stop myself after 1 1/2 of food but in two I am hungry again.  I go for my next fill on Thursday so I am hoping this is the magic fill for me.

On a plus I have lost about 5 pounds since my last fill (4 weeks)  It's not stellar, but it is still a loss.

I have been doing at least 30 mins of Aerobic exercise on the Wii and/or walking 5-6 days a week.  I really am loving the wii workouts and my son is enjoying also.  My daughter says it's boring but I am still making her walk with me.

I really thought I would have been alot further along in my weight loss.  In the past when I would diet (usually with diet pills) I would lose 10-12 pounds a month.  It is hard for me to only lose 4-5 pounds.  I know this was suppose to be slower, I just didn't know how hard slower would be for me.  I know in the end I will probably be glad it was slower, but right now, it's tormenting.

My husband is still dragging his feet with wanting to exercise with us and it really ticks me off.  This would be great family time together.  I asked him yesterday if he would go with us (it was actually kind of cool out) and he asked "Are ya'll going to walk fast?"  WTH?  Yes!  that's the point.  so needless to say, he didn't go because he wasn't going to walk fast.  The man has the ability to make me want to slam my head against a brick wall.

Does anyone else have to deal with this at home?

My fill isn't working yet!!!! :(

Jun 18, 2008

  I'm at a loss!  I have been so hungry ever since I got my fill.  Even more then before I got the fill.  Is this possible?  I know some of it is head hunger, because I am home all week and I am bored, so I want to eat.  I have got to do something about that.

On a happy note...I have been able to keep up with my walking so far this month.  I am walking at least 5 days a week if not more (we are out of town every other weekend, so that makes it hard).  I decided this week to try and walk more, but I get too tired after the 2.5 miles, so I decided to break it up.  Yesterday morning I walked 2.5 miles and then yesterday evening I walked 2 miles for a total of 4.5.  Boy, are my legs sore.  I put my scale up again and I am not weighing myself for a while.  It gets so frustrating to be exercising and not losing; and I am walking fast and sweating up a storm.

I have been dragging my daughter with me on my walking (and yes, she is still kicking and screaming the whole freaking way!) but the good news is that I am seeing a difference in her body.  Her legs are looking smaller and there is a little difference in her tummy also.  I know she is probably hating me right now, but I know how hard this journey has been for me and I want to save her that hardship.  I was never heavy as a child/teen, and I see how she closes herself off from the world because of her weight.  It makes me hurt for her.  She is such a beautiful girl and she starts High School this year, I just want to help her to have a good start.

My husband on the other hand...Urrgh!  I don't know what in the world is wrong with him, but he is drivng me crazy.  He refuses to go walk with us, he refuses to eat right and he is gaining which is causing him to be mad at the world.  He's alot of fun right now!!!But I refuse to let him steal my thunder.  I am so proud of me this week.  I have been working very hard and by damn, this weight better start falling off!

About Me
Crosby, TX
Surgery Date
Feb 08, 2008
Member Since

Friends 42

Latest Blog 48
Six months has flown by......
First of all, I am a complete Dork!!!
6 months sure has flown by!!!!!
I need to have my butt kicked!!!!
Is the 4th fill the magic fill?????
July 7th! I am still starving!
My fill isn't working yet!!!! :(