Elaina284

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As of today I weighed in at 179.8. 

I have come to realize that I have a problem.  I am a carb freak.  Someone kick me!!  In the last few days I have been keeping a journal of what i have been sticking in my mouth.  Most of it is carbs.  BAD!!  So I have been trying to change that, slowly, but changing.  I noticed that I have steered way clear of protein almost all together.  What kind of made me start to pay closer attention is that I have this numb feeling down my left calf.  Just in the back.  It's like it sleeping, but not tingley....  I also went to my reg. Dr to have him check my B-12 levels.  I usually run low, normal, but on the low end.  I have had to have shots earlier this year, so the Dr thought maybe the numbness could be from a B-12 deficiency.  That was on Monday, Today is Thursday and I still haven't found anything out yet.  I will call them in a bit.  I also know that I have slacked off on the exercise.  Okay, not slacked off, ran away from it all together. I have started back up in the gym, on the treadmill for now.  I have been there twice so far and will go in a little bit again today.  I forgot how good it feels when you are done with the exercise.  I have also started to push my water again.  You see I think I got way too comfortable.  I slacked off on my vits, water and protein.  I also like to graze.  I have learned not to eat when I feel stressed out or upset.  That was a true feat in itself.  I just do something else to take my mind away.  It helps that I have learned to be more passive and stuff doesn't upset me like before.  I am hoping to keep my goal of reaching 165-160 by my second re-birthday, but only time will tell.  I know that if I fail it is my fault and not the fault of someone else.  I have to take responsibility for myself and what I am doing or have done.  I need to make the necessary changes to get what I want............  That is what I am about to do......  Wish me luck

I have come to the conclusion that I am done.  My numbers on the scale haven't changed in 10 months.  I bounce between 175-180.  Some times I get down to 172, but I don't stay there long, obviously.  I would like to get down to the 160's somewhere by my 2nd rebirthday.  I have been really slacking lately and I need someone to kick my ass into shape.  My husband said if I can get down to 160-165 pounds he would give me $500 dollars to do what I want.  You see when I was heavy(er) he always told me if I lost the weight, he would give me $1,000.  Well I have been at this stand still for some time now and was complaining about it.  That is when he said that he would give me the  $$.   He said that when the scale says somewhere in the 150's I can have the other $500.  You see I am just lazy.  What more of an incentive could you want.  Someone to give you $$.  for doing something you want to do.  Honestly I need someone to kick my ass and make me do my crap.  I have been taking my vitemins on a pretty regular basis.  I am feeling better.  Not so tired.  Well I will update again later.  Lots of Love!!

Well I am feeling crappy.  I haven't moved the numbers on the scale for about 6 months.  I am still at 175 about.  I honestly have to say that I haven't been trying like I should be.  I still feel fat.  There have been alot going on here at home and in the community.  My children are growing up and my husband has become rather insecure.  I am feeling like this life as i know it coming to an end.  Like I am waiting for the bomb to drop and destroy all the things that are constant in my life.  Just like a feeling of doom.  I have been married for 11 years now and the day just passes like any other.  This year my dear husband didn't even remember.  I let it go to see if he would remember, but that didn't happen.  There have been alot of deaths here in our area, young people.  My boobs are different sizes.  WEll sort of, I just looked down and one looks fuller than the other.  Some days I think my life is so boring.  I just have this blah feeling.  I want to lose some more weight by my birthday.  I would like to be 159.8 by june 11 of 2008.  I am going to really try and try hard.  The other day on the treadmill, i ran/jogged for a minute.  Holy crap that was hard.  just about passed out.  I thought that I would start out slow and work my minutes up.  The weather is finally getting a little better here in Wisconsin.  Spring has come.  On the first day of spring we had 7-8 inches of snow fall.  They called off school, work.  What a trip.  Well I guess Life is what you make it.  I would like to make mine a chocolate covered cherry, but then I would get sick and barf all over....  Not worth it!

Well, as I look back at my old pictures, I think wow.  I don't see the change as so big.  When I look at pics from before and some from now, I can't beleive it is the same person.  I have people tell me that they don't even recognize me anylonger.  That makes me feel sad, but I know they mean it in a nice way.  I haven't changes much.  I do have more confidence now.  My weight hasn't changed since september.   I am still at 173-172.  I have taken a step back to look at what I eat in a day.  I do alot of grazing.  I have been doing great with my vits and stuff.  I go to see my PCP tomorrow.  Wonder what he'll say.  I am actually not his only bariatric patient.  He has one or two others.  I started back at the gym.  I have been there every day I go to work.  I have even started some other activities.  Line dancing on Tuesdays and I am captain on a Volleyball League team.  We play V-Ball on Wednesdays.  We practive alot, cause we suck on our team.  OUr name is "We're gonna take last place"  We are in to have fun, not place or have the pressure of winning.  We just laugh.  Almost the whole time we are playing.  What fun we have. Usually every week us girls have a couple of new bruises.  But we have fun!!  That is what counts for us, not what place we are in......  Wish me luck on my struggle to hang on to the wagon.  Best of luck to you my friends!!  Till next time!!    Laina

NO!! I am not done!!  I have taken a step backward though.  I gained a little weight.  I went back up to 180.  I was embarrassed to post because I felt like a failure.  I have gone back a re-evaluated my food intake and what I was consuming.  I have been getting myself back on track.  I am down to 170.4 as of this morning.  I could tell I had gained weight cuz my pants were getting tight, now they are fitting alot better that before I gained weight.  I am wearing a size 13 in junior and an extra large shirt.  I am far from my goal.  I know I have lots of work to do yet.  I have been getting better at taking my vits.  Still have a problem with my calcium, but little by little I am getting better.  I have a lot of support still from my family.  I have been kind of worried cuz my hubby has been getting really jealous.  I was talking with friends and they said it's because I look good now and he sees that other guys look at me now.  I know I feel alot better about my self image, I carry myself differently now.  I have alot more confidence.  Last year at this time, I was talking with another girlfriend who also had RNY, she bet me that I would be a size 12 by halloween, I didn't beleive her, but low and behold, I was.  I still have not purchased anything at full price yet as far a clothes, but have bout some more expensive jeans.  It is hard to believe that I can shop in the same section of the store as my lil' sister who wears a size 5/7.  We can help each other find outfits.  I know she thinks it as weird also, she's told me so.  I have not gotten rid of my old jeans yet, don't know if I ever will.....  I need a reminder.  I bought a pair of size 9 capris a while back, before the weather turned evil, I have set a goal to wear them this next summer.  I still haven't changed my goal weight (140).  I am 30 pounds away.  Some times I get fustrated, but then I think   Hello dumb shit where were you a year ago??  I was 112 pounds heavier, not healthy, not happy, feeling ugly.  I have to remind myself that I am 112 pounds lighter now.  I look in the mirror and I still see a fat person.  I know this will stay with my for a while, but I am getting better at seeing the difference.  Slowly.....  Happy Thanksgiving all, don't over eat!! 

I am almost 10 months out, my BMI is 33.6, I am 5' even, and weigh 173.4 as of this morning.  I went into my PCP, he did some blood work.  I received my results today.  My CBCs were good, my thyroid is good also.  My B-12 is low.  I have to go in once a week for the next 4 weeks for a B-12 shot, then they will check my level again, if it is still low, I will need to continue going once a month.  I know this isn't odd, but I was doing so good.  I feel great.  I have jumped off the plateau again, since the last time I posted, I am down almist 5 pounds.  My husband tried to pull the whole jealous thing again, but then admitted that he is just worried that I am going to leave him.  I just laughed at him.  I told him, I have you to deal with, what on God's green earth would make you think I want another man to deal with.....??  Sometimes he is just so cute.  I do notice that I get some looks now from other guys.  It makes me feel good that I know I am not butt ugly now.   I am really feeling good about myself today.  Well just thought I would check in....
Chao!

I am almost at 10 months out.  I have lost a total of 104 pounds.  I am very happy at this.  I am however falling behind on my goals.  I have set several and have been missing them.  I wanted to lose 108 pounds by my 10 month mark which is coming up on 09-29-07.  I have again been in a stall.  I lost about 4 pounds right after I posted last time, and have done nothing since then.  I have sat at 180-179 for almost 3 weeks.  This morning I jumped on  the scale and it told me that I am at 178.0.  I am praying to the Lord that I have jumped off this recent plateau.  I still have a few days til' my goal date, maybe I can make it yet??  I am sure most of you guys will know what I am typing about, when I say I don't see a really big difference in myself, like all the other before and after pics.  I still see the same pre-op person.  

I went to a conference away from my home and had to spend the night.  It was a thursday and I would be home on friday afternoon.  I went with my boss, who happens to be male, however I don't think he's really into girls.......   Each to their own, what ever makes him happy.  He is a really nice guy, you know like one of the girls.....   On thursday night I received a call from my husband.  Well actually it was friday morning, 4:20 to be exact.  He works second shift so he was running a little late, they apparently stopped off somewhere on the way home for a few beers.  Well I got like the third degree on why I was starting to travel so much.  He was asking where my boss was, and who was all in my room with me.  I told him it was just me in my room and I was alone.  It seemed like he didn't beleive me.  He even had the balls to ask if I had a boyfriend?  WTF!!  I was like I have one man to deal with why on earth would I want another one??  Well he must have got out of that mode cause we ended our fone call normally.  The bug that crawled up his a$$ must have died, cause he was fine.   Well he didn't say I love you,  so I called him back to tell him that I loved him, well I think that just started the bug's heart again....  Then he said I didn't love him.  Then the worst thing a man can bring up is sex.  He started in.....  I told him that love has nothing to do with sex.  Then he was going on and on about if I found someone where I was to not even come back home.  I was like WTF!  I just hung up on him.  When I got home on friday, it was like nothing happened.  Was this jealousy?  That he is fearing that someone else may want me now?  I was caught completely off gaurd.  I thought maybe it was just me.....

Well I have a dr appointment today with my PCP.  He will check all my vit levels and stuff.  Yah!!!  Blood work!!  Hopefully I don't have to pee in a cup.  I hope all is ok, I have still been losing hair.  It is growing and so are my nails, but it just seems to be getting pretty thin.    Well I will keep you posted about my dr appt.  
Chao!!! 

This is really irritating!!  I have been on a plateau for the last (almost) 3 weeks!!  I have been sitting at 99 pounds lost.......  I have kicked up my exercise, I have kicked up my protein, made sure to drink all my water and I am still at the same point.  I will flexuate between 183 and 184.  (98-99 pounds)  I am thankful that I have been able to lose this much, but I am being eluded by the "100" lbs lost.  

I made some goals last time I posted.  I didn't make the first one , I hope that I may be able to make my first goal by the time, I wanted to meet my second goal.  I wanted to be down to 179, by 8-12-07, but I guess I am modifying that to be down to 179 by 8-24-07.  I am about 8 1/2 months out.  I know I just have to be patient and work really hard.  I have been doing alot better on my vits though.  I was slacking for a while.... with those and my calcium.  I still slack with that, but not as much....

I really have nothing too much to report, not much has changed.  I know I can not eat bananas anymore, they make me sick now. Too much sugar or something like that.  I just stay away.  I purchased a lactose free kind of milk the other day, but haven't had much time to try it yet.  I don't want to get sick, so I think I am procratinating.....  Who wants to get sick? 

I still have a lot of days where I feel really big like I was before.  There are a few days when I feel good, maybe even proud of myself.  I am hoping in the future the good will start to outweigh the fat days....  I have to remind myself that I am only and I say only 43 pounds from my goal and only 23 from my Dr.s goal.  That always seems to make me feel better, just knowing how far I have come.

It has been quite a while since I have posted.  I have lost a total of 95 Lbs since the day of surgery.  It hasn't been quite 8 months yet.  I have 47 Lbs to go until I reach my goal. (140 or less)  I was 282 the morning of surgery and am now at 187.  My BMI is at 35.3, just obese now.

I have finally broke down and bought some new underwear.  I have slowly been tossing the "big" ones into the garbage.  Now I need to start getting new jammies.  I have the old ones that I had before surgery.  They are from Lane Bryant (you know lots of $$$)  I just couldn't bring myself to just toss them or give them away, I am still trying to wear them.  The ankle now fits around my upper thigh, so when I wake up in the mornings my jammie pants are like bloomers.  I just don't want to buy some, when in a few months, I will need some new ones.  I have just taken to wearing my old "big" t-shirts to bed.

Our trip to Mexico was great, just the usual.  This year however we went to Puerto Vallarta.  My husband nor I have seen the Ocean.  We took his parents, they had so much fun.  Neither of them had seen the Ocean either!!  I was great!  The children really enjoyed it.  I think Leticia (7) will remember it.  We are now planning on going every year now.

I had a goal of being under 185 by 7-21-07 the day of the Bon Jovi concert.  That was Saturday, and I failed to meet my goal.  I weighed in at 187......  I was disappointed, but realized I could have been even further away from my goal.  I set a new goal, actually 2.  #1. - to be down under 179 by 8-12-07.  #2. - to be down under 175 by 8-24-07.  I am going to have to put my nose to the grind stone and get my ass in gear and Git-R-Done!!!

You know before I never noticed how uncomfortable my bed was.  Just recently, it hurts me.  You know when you lay on your side, it hurts the outside of my knee, my hip, my ribs and my shoulder!  Kind of funny the stuff you only notice when the "padding" is melting away.  

Chow for now!!!

282/187/140

June 11, 2007~  Well today is the dreaded day!!!  I am 30 years OLD!!  Don't feel it though.....  On the happier side of today, I made my goal!!  This morning I weighed in at 194.8!!!  I wanted to be under 195 by my birthday!!  I did it, I did it!!!  (Doin the Happy Dance)  Yesterday, my husband and I cooked out on the grill and invited a bunch of friends over to help celebrate with us.  We had a good time.  The weather was great, the food was awesome and the friends were plentiful!!  

7 Lbs 1/4 Oz  Baby girl named Mia Lilliana~  She is so pretty!!  My sister-in-law had her on thursday morning.  Beautiful as she is, it DON'T make me want to have another!!  I will just borrow someone else's, then give it back!  

Traveling~ OMB!!  I am starting to stress for our trip.  We only have 10 more days left to pack and get everything ready!!!  I need to go thru the children's clothing to see what fits and what doesn't.  I'm not real sure they have much of anything......  You know what that means.....  Shopping!!!  

Until next time!!
282/194.8/140