Elaina284

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~~June 6, 2007~~
Today I feel really down, can't really say why, just do.  The weather is rainy, but the temp is fine (74).  I have this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.  Like I am on the edge of a cliff with the anxiety of the jump......  Can't really explain it........   

School is out!!  I have a 2nd grader at home.  She has done wonderful this year.  She has impoved in her reading and math.  I am so proud of her!!  What would summer vacation be without all the bloody mess of a brother.  I received a call from my DH, the baby (almost 2) was bleeding, as you guessed the brother (almost 4) has something to do with it!!!  Oh the fun of summer!!

Underwear.....  Before my journey started, I was 284 Lbs, now I am 195 Lbs - I still haven't bought new underwear.  I kinda feel weird, like what if I buy the wrong size, then I am wasting my $$$.  It's not like you can walk in and try on 800 pair of panties, right???  Some of mine are so big I have tied knots in the sides so they won't fall off.  Some don't fall off, but sag so bad, it feels awful.  

Stressed.  I think I am stressed out!!  Maybe that is the feeling of dread/anxiety that I have.  Our family is traveling down to DH's home town in central Mexico.  We are supposed to be leaving on June 22, and won't be back until July 13-14.  I haven't even submitted my vacation leave yet or started packing.....  I really don't have a lot to pack, I hardly have any clothes that fit me.  But I have 3 children to pack for......  I think they are in the same situation I am.  Nothing fits them from last year.  

30.......!!!!!  I am turning 30 on 6-11.  I guess I really don't have a whole lot to say on that one.  Except maybe I am going to miss the cake....  Not really!!  I haven't done anything for my bday in years, so my DH thought maybe it would be nice to have a cook out for it, well nothing has been done, so I am assuming that this year will pass like all the rest - with out much aknowledgment.  

NEW BABY!!!  Tomorrow (6-7-07), my sister-in-law is having a planned C-section.  She is having a little girl.  She already has two boys (7 & 2), this will be nice for her, she wanted a girl.  I am getting excited.  A new baby!!

RUN???  Who me??  Well yesterday, I went back to the workout room.  I have slacked off for about a week and a half.  Bad me!!  Well I did 12 minutes on the eliptical machine, then went on the treadmill for 37 minutes.  I hadn't planned on it, but I ran for 3 one minute intervolts.  Wow!!  I know some are thinking - That's it?, but for me I was proud!  Boy let me tell you, I know I did something different yesterday, cause my thighs are tender today!!!  

Signing off, till next time!
Laina
284/195/140

5-31-07

I am setting another goal for myself - I want to be under 195 pounds by my birthday on June 11.  So I have almost 2 weeks to lose about 4 pounds.  I think this a very realistic goal.  I would like to be even more under that, but I think I can "realisticly" acheive this goal.  

I have noticed there are some old habits trying to creep back into my life.  I have to make a real effort to avoid falling into their evil powers!!  :)  I am officially 6 months out and have been to see my surgeon for the 6 month check up.  I am doing great.  I have lost 50% of my total excess weight already.  I am worried that I will stop losing weight now.  You know the end of the honeymoon period.  I have been making a serious attempt to make sure I am getting all my water in during the day.  and also to take my vits and calcium.  

The scale has said that I am 198.8 today.  I think I can say goodbye to the 200s forever.  (I hope)  I know there may be a little flexation with the monthly water gain and all coming......  ;)  I honestly have to say that I am afraid to gain weight back.  I don't ever want to be fat again.  I know I am still at this point, but I don't ever want to be fat like I was before agian.  There are days that go by and I wonder how exactly I lived before.  And how I was able to even smile or think positive.  I do catch myself sometimes wishing that I was losing more weight faster, but I have to acknowledge the fact that if I didn't have my tool I would not be where I am today - Living better and happier.  You know the only thing honestly that I regret is not doing this sooner.  Although I think that if I was younger, I don't know if I would be as excepting as I am now.  I know there are alot of commitments that need to be met, and some days they aren't.  I can only imagine if I was younger, I don't know if I would be as committed.  

Laina

284/198/140

Well I have had a tast of the imfamous 1derland......  On Sunday (5-20-07) I weighed in at 199.4.  I just about peed on the floor in joy!!!  Then on Tuesday I weighed in at 200.6.  What the DUCK!!!  It was nice while it lasted.  I will be there once again, this time hopefully to stay.  Today I weighed in at 200.4, getting closer.

Well I went to my 6 month Dr. appointment on Tuesday (5-22-07) I have lost an official amount of 82 pounds.  My 6 months isn't until next Tuesday, but its close enough.  They say I am chugging right along, I am where I should be, a little ahead, but not too much.  I don't go back until August 23 or 24, something like that.  I should be able to be down to 180-185.  About 20 pounds.  In my head I was thinking No Way!!  That's it.....  I would like to be down to 175-170 by the time the next school year starts.  I like so many others, think that I should have lost a whole lot more than I have, I just have to remember that I would rather have lost weight that to have found some more!!  I am thankful for all the life my tool has given back to me.  I feel soo much better, able to do stuff and not get pooped out right away.  I have noticed that I don't shy away as much either, altho some times it is unnerving to be stared at all the time, because of the change.

I am feeling a little stressed, my little sister is graduating high school this Saturday (5-26-07) and I am helping keep their house on a schedule.  Not to mention helping with the preparations for the celebration afterwards.  I not only have that on my plate, but also, at our house, we are going to have some guests for the weekend.  At least 4 adults and 3 other children, besides us.  I sort of dread having so much company, but then again looking forward to it.  Sort-of up in the air.  I have to get my house really clean, last night I had a list of 21 things to do, I only got to 12 of them.  So tonight my list will include the remaining 9 items and anything I decide to add on.  Wish me luck in completing my list!!!

I hope you all have a nice long weekend (Memorial Day)!!

LAINA
Surg/Curr/Surg Goal/My Goal
284/200/160/145

I must have been at a stall, I have been moving the scale again.  I had been 204.8 to 205.4 for about 3 1/2 weeks.  I stepped up the work outs, even changed them.  I went back and really started to drink all my fluids and it seemed like nothing was working.  I think what was happening was that my weight hasn't changed, but I was loosing inches.  I have been told several times in that time period that I look like I am going to blow away!!!  Imagine that!!  I just laugh and tell them thank you and I still have a ways to go.  Some have even called me skinny minnie, WTD!! (What the Duck)  I took a pic of my self on my phone the other day and compared it to another pic that was take 1 1/2 year ago.  Wow what a difference.  I don't notice it in the mirror myself, but when you look at the difference-It is amazing.  I am truly thankful for my tool, and I have to correct myself or I find myself abusing it.  (Overeating/grazing)  Then I get sick..... I hate that!!!  I have not truly dumped yet.  I know I don't like Chocolate anymore, even the thought of it makes me feel yucky....    

I honestly feel very dissappointed in myself.  I had set a goal and I failed to meet my goal!!!  I have still failed to meet my goal!!  I wanted to be under 200 pounds by my husbands birthday (April 24th 2007)  Well I was at 204.6 on the 22nd.....  Well here it is almost a month later and I am still not under 200 pounds.  Today I weighed in at 202.6.  I know it is better today than where I was a year ago, but I just feel saddened that I have not met this goal.  Back when I had surgery I had set some goals.  At that point, each goal seemed realistic.  When I went for WLS, I weighed 282, that was 11-29-06, so I wanted to be under 250 by the new year, and under 200 by April 24, 2007, and under 175 by June 11, 2007.  I thought that seemed realistic.....  Well I guess I have to re-analyze this.  Wow... I will have to think on this.....  I have been taunted by ONEDERLAND for some time, I have lost a total of 80 pounds in under 6 months, I feel good about that, I would not have been able to do it alone!  Thank you Dr. Baker and your team, you have saved my life.  Thank you!!  

I have my 6 month check up on Friday May 18th 2007, It is 11 days early, but close enough.  I have had some blood work done back in March 07, and all was good yet.  I hope all will be the same.  I have lost alot of hair.  (I actually cut a braid off that was over 22 inches long - Donated it to Lock of Love)  I was just so worried that I am going to be bald.  I still have that fear.  

TTYL with a new update....

I made a goal list.  I missed my first goal since surgery.  I wanted to be down below 200 Lbs before my husband's birthday.  Well that was on 4-24-07.  I weighed 205.4   I thought well I can push that date back a little, you know to weigh less than 200 pounds by the 5-1-07.  Well that is today and again I have let myself down.  I weighed in this morning at 204.4.  I am so pissed at myself.  I know that it is my fault I am not moving the scale so much any more.  I need to get back on track, you know drink all my fluids, and stop grazing.  I have my 6 month checkup on May 18, 2007, I wanted to be below 189, but at this point, I just want to be under 200.  I want to taste onederland.  It has been eluding me thus forth.....  I think maybe it is all in my mind. 

Wow it has been a really long time since my last blog.  It has been almost 5 months since my surgery.  I doesn't seem like that long.  The surgery went well, will only a fever for complications afterwards.  The hospital was great, my family has been very supportive.  I do go to the support group offered once a month by the hospital.

Suprisingly, food is still a very large part of life.  We still go out to dinner and make large family meals for holidays or special occasions.  I enjoy being with the company more than eating the food now.  I eat, but not nearly as much, my 20 month old daughter eats twice as much as I do.  Sometimes it seems weird to not eat when everyone else is, but I have no urge.  

Chocolate......  It has become my worst enemy!!  I do not like chocolate at all!!!!  I don't like M&Ms or chocolate milk!  I don't even miss it.  I have drank chocolate Carnation Instant Breakfast, Chocolate Milk, Chocolate shakes, they make me feel ill, get sweaty and gross!!!  (Thank God!)  I think it is a blessing in desguise!

I try to take my vitamins and calcium everyday.  I keep an extra stash at work in case I forget at home.  Milk doesn't sit well in my pouch so I try to avoid it usually.  Cheese and yogurt is where I get most of my calcium if it doesn't come from Tums.

Like I said, it has almost been 5 months and I have lost to date a total of ......  75 pounds.  I was 282 Lbs the morning of surgery and this am (comando) I was 207.  I have gone down from a pant size 26 to a 18.   A friend and I work out almost everyday.  We do the eliptical machine everyday, and the treadmill on tuesdays and thursdays.  On monday, wednesday and friday we do strength training.  Some days it is hard to get motivated, but we go!

Well this is my first blog/entry.  I don't know where to start.  I only have 8 days until I go for Lap Roux-N-Y.  I am kind of nervous.  I guess at first I was afraid that it wouldn't be covered by my insurance.  I started  my journey in August 2005.  That is when I attended the free informational seminar.  I took my main supporter with me.  My Mom!  She has been awesome.  She has gone with me to several appointments with me.  I have taken her  so she will know how all this will work after the surgery.  I have been to so many Dr appointments with in the last year or so.  I met with the nutritionist every month since September of 2005.  I have learned so much that I hope I will remember all of this when I get my handy dandy tool. 

Right now, I am feeling pretty stressed out.  I have been for about a week now.  I have a perscription for some anti anxiety medication.  They will make me tired so, I thought I would take them at night to sleep wonderfully.  Again I only have 8 days left.  I am scheduled to have my surgery on November 29, 2006 sometime in the morning.  I have to travel over an hour away to get to the hospital.  I think I am fairly prepared to make this life time change!!  I am looking forward to a better life.  My husband has been very supportive during all this. He has said this will be a good thing, he said if it is hard to move and get around now imagine it will bee when I am old.  I think he has a point.  I am getting excited!!!!  ONLY 8 more days.  In two days it will be Thanksgiving.  I know I have been suffering from the "Last Supper Syndrome".  I have been thinking that maybe this will be the last time i can eat something-Girl Scout Cookies, Chocolate Pie, Pecan Pie, Beef Jerky, ect.  I have not gained any weight though, the tread mill have been a pretty good friend.  Right now I am down to 277 lbs.  Well I hope to stay that way until my surgery, you know not gain any more weight......  Well till next time,   Lain