elonda11

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I feel sad today. I feel fat (duh?) and ugly and gross. Ever have one of those days? I'm avoiding mirrors today because every time I look in one I cringe, but it's like a train wreck, it's horrible but you can't look away. That's what I feel like, a train wreck. All my parts are jumbled up and smashed into eachother and it ain't pretty. LOL

I guess I'm done with my pity party of one. For now. But I reserve the right to bring up my hideousness again. 

trying to smile....xoxo

Yesterday I had my 2nd eval appt with my psychologist. She's going to type it up and mail it to the surgeon's office in the next week or so. 

I have a seminar to watch/test to take this Friday. 

Then I am sending in my packet of information to surgeon's office. 

Hopefully I will then be scheduled for a NUT appt - who knows when that will happen. I'm being patient! really I am :) 

I have managed to stay at the same weight, maybe losing one or two more pounds in addition to the 15.5 I had lost. woohoo!

xoxo

The waiting game...Next Monday I have my phsyc appt and Dec 1 I watch the 3rd seminar (graduates). Then I can send in my packet and wait some more to get a NUT appt. :) 

My surgery is a pretty open subject at home now. I think that's better than trying not to talk about it. We've discussed who will go with me the day of surgery and who will stay in the Hosp and bring me home. My mom is going to be taking a week off to take care of me when I get out. She's so sweet. 

I had a moment at then end of last week where my depression reared it's ugly head. I'm on meds for it, so it's under control and it only lasted a few hours - rather than days, weeks, months...you get the idea. And it wasn't anything I could say...oh this is making me depressed, I hate that. Sometimes depression just doesn't have a face or a name that you can blame. Just an overwhelming feeling of emptyness. 

Anyway...let's not dwell, I'm feeling okay now. Update more later

xoxo

Afternoon everyone (who is reading this, that is) I picked up stuff from my PCP today, and I have almost everything done on my checklist. The checklist if for my Surgeon's office, a list of tests/requirements that need to be done before I can go ahead with NUT appts and surgical consults. 

Two more things I need - 1) my Psych eval - I see a Psycholigist anyway and we're 1/2 way done with this, I see her again on 11/27.
and 2) I need to go to 1 more seminar at the hospital. 

Then I can send in my packet and get scheduled for a NUT appt. 

I feel like I'm on the right track, I'm down to a 16  pound loss so far. I can see my future amidst the chaos and that feels good. 

xoxo

I had my gallbladder ultrasound this morning at the butt crack of dawn - that was fun. my ribs are still kinda sore. But I don't mind, just brings me one step closer to a surgery date. I watched my nephew tonight, and my brother got back pretty late so I'm kinda tired. Maybe I'll type again tomorrow. 

xoxo

I saw this on a profile and thought it was good...

You Know When You've Had WLS When.....

*I have a date" does not mean your going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just water for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 6 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have sucess with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and thats your total grocery purchase

Had my PCP visit today and I officially lost the 15 pounds! I was so excited!!!! I need to work on keeping it off now, and hopefully losing more. 

My gallbladder ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday 11/8 at 7am. Oyyyyyy. 

It's going slowly but surely in the right direction. I'm taking advice given on one of the message boards, don't focus on the surgery and date for it, but rather the day to day stuff and just getting things done that need to get done. It will work out, I just need to be patient. 

xo

Friday morning I weighed myself and I was at my 15 pound loss!!! ((280)) I am soooo hoping I can keep this off till my PCP appt on Monday morning. She is counting on me. I've been trying to be good all weekend. I haven't been snacking at all, had 3 meals, and watched my portions. Getting enough water in on weekends is always hard for me. I need to strap a water bottle to my hand so I remember to drink!!! tomorrow I will do better, flush my system right out! :) 

I met a new friend at the Nutritional Seminar I went to on Friday ( the 2nd of 3) She is from my area and is right about the same timeline as I am, so maybe I'll have a surgery buddy. 

Well, back to watching tv with my family. I've been running around cleaning all day, and I need a break! 

xoxo

Halloween candy. I hate it. No, actually I like it. A lot. I ate about 4 pieces of my daughters candy. I don't know if it was the candy or the 5 little shrimp i ate last night, but boy does my tummy hurt today!  You know those pains that mean you're gonna be spendin some time on the ole toilet? yeah...those. Note to self: STAY AWAY FROM THE DREADED H CANDY!  

Scale said 283 this morning. I feel bloated, I think i'm retaining water. I need my scale to say 280 by this coming Monday! Then I need to keep it off till surgery. oh man, it's so hard! but I am going to do this! I have to. 

My mom had knee surgery today, she's doing great. We don't have very good knees in my family - another good reason to lose the weight. 

xoxo

 Happy Halloween/Samhain everyone! So far I've not had any candy, although it's been in my house. I'm trying very hard to lose the weight for my Nov 6 appt (Next Monday!) Sunday I forgot to take my BP pills and retained so much water that I gained several pounds. Yikes. I was not happy. Today scale said 285. Still not happy. 

I dressed up in my witch cape and brought a small cauldron to work and filled it with candy (I've not touched it) layed out some Tarot cards and hung up my sign that says "the witch is in and she's casting spells" I'm the only one at work that dresses up and gets into the holiday, but they all seem to enjoy it when I do. And I'm such a kid at heart I can't help but do it every year. I'm going out Trick-or-Treating with my daughter tonight. I invited my daughters best friend and her mom to come along with us. My daughter doesn't know yet, so that will be a pleasant surprise for her. 

I'll try to remember to get a pic of me and my daughter dressed up to post on here. 
back to work now

xoxo