Tamara C.
11-10-05..........Where do I write in my profile at? Here? I dunno hope this works....LoL......Well my name is Tamara and I'm fat like most of us were or are on this site. I've been overweight all my life but this past year I've gained ALOT more weight....something like 100 pounds. I am currently 20 years old. Between the ages of 12 to 19 I was addicted to crystal meth and lost alot of weight but never got below 200, which pretty much proved to me I was "meant" to be fat and even by eating merely nothing on a daily basis due to the horrible drug's effect I still couldn't be skinny. I've always strived to be skinny but was always under the impression it just wasn't meant to be for some. Well about a year ago I decided it was time to get clean and did. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I left everything I've ever known. I had to stay away from all my friends/boyfriends and the whole enviorment I was in. I just ran away from everything and isolated myself from everyone, but it sure worked......and now here I am a new me 100 pounds heavier. Which isn't that big of a price to pay for the good that has come out of it. Well I wanted to start a new chapter in my life, a more positive one, so I went to my PCP and asked about weight loss. He laughed at me!!! Can you believe that? His exact words were it is too drastic and is not for me. Then he offered a weight loss program and prescribed me diet pills. I hated that guy and when I got home from his office I was on the phone making it so I'd never have to put up with his shit again. About two months later I went to my new PCP and asked her about WLS. She said she was about to do it herself!!! weird huh? She told me all about it and gave me a referal to patient education. Well they called me about two weeks later and set me up with a sixth month classes thingie where I would learn all about it and at the end be scheduled for surgery. I currently have been to two of the classes and they pretty much have not told me anything I don't already know. I was put on a weight loss program at this place called Lite Weighs and have to lose 10 pounds before the sixth month classes are up. Also I have to go to a seminar and two support groups for weight loss surgery and see a dietician and a pshycologist and all the goodie goodie things you get to do before surgery. I don't know if I will be able to lose 10 pounds before surgery that is the only thing I am worried about everything else seems like a breeze. But it just seems like this is such a looooooooong process. I'm ready to be skinny now damnit!!! But I'm sure the wait is worth it. I love this site too!!! I love seeing all you wonderful people going through the same thing I am and the before and after photos WOW!!! It's so helpful for me. So if anyone is up for any chat or just needs a friend I'm here!!! I'd love to meet people here and hear their personal experiences!! My email is [email protected]
11-15-05...........No more junk food for me...I have now joined Lite Weighs and plan on losing some weight for these six months before my surgery. I have also started exercising. 10 minutes a day on the treadmill.....not to mention all the walking I do at school now.
11-21-05..........Today has sucked sooooo bad for me:( It seems like this whole process is going to take so long and I don't think I could wait any longer. This diet I am on is horrible too. I'm always so hungry and I hate excersing(is that how u spell it?) I have to force myself through everyday. Will this ever end?
11-30-05..........Ok Well this morning my OBGYN called me and said I had another PAP smear with undetermined cells.....It is the third time. So she sent me a referal to a specialist which I know that does not mean good news. I don't know exactly what it means, but I know it can't mean anything good at all. It's kinda scary. I've had problems before also but I thought they all just went away...LoL...at least I tried to tell myself they went away. I had to go to the ER three times because I had pain so bad I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My mom said I just woke up screaming in the night. When she brought me to the hospital they gave me a shot and told me it might be an ovary cist. Well the second time I went I was awake but I sure as hell wish I wasn't. It hurt so much worse. This time they gave me another shot and anti-biotics and told me I had a bladder infection. Ok well I've had bladder infections before and they did not hurt like this. The third time I went to the ER they just gave me another shot and told me to talk to my OBGYN. Now recently, I havn't had the pain as intense. Sometimes it creeps up on me, but it's never as bad and I'm dreading the day it comes back. So now off to the specilist to find out what is wrong with me I guess. Really, I don't think I wanna know, I know it is bad that's all. I hope it doesn't affect my WLS. That would really suck. I have another class today. My homework was to bring in an article realted to WLS and a list of pro's and con's in having the surgery. Also, I'm supposed to journal daily so this site has been of great help for that. Even though I've only wrote in it three times. I don't even think they read that. On a lighter note, my poodle had puppies!!! Five of them. They are so f'ing cute.
12-6-05..........Today was a really bad day for me:( I went shopping with my mom and my sister for jeans because I realized I only had one pair that are getting too tight. They are a size 24. That is already so big. I remember last year before Christmas my dad took me shopping and I bought size 16 jeans at Kohls that actually fit well and I wore them for a while:( I've gotten soooo much bigger and I'm starting to feel it. I never imagined I would let myself get this way. It's horrible. Anyways we went to Mervyns and I really couldn't find any jeans in size 26 AT ALL!!! There were only like 3 in the whole store that were size 24. And they were so hard to find because I'm so self-concious about shopping and people seeing what I pick out and stuff. Anyways I thought I'd try on the three jeans I found and I started crying in the dressing room. I couldn't help it none of them fit. I'm so f'ing sick of this and I can't stop:( My back is starting to hurt, my knees hurt, and my ankles hurt and my hips hurt everynight. The dressing room was a big reality check because I still think I'm a size 16 sometimes. Oh well...that's why I'm going through this surgery process I guess....I just hope everything works out so I can buy some jeans and won't have to go out in public in my undies.
12-8-05..........Why does it seem like everyone is trying to talk me out of this surgery? I mean like every doctor or class, except my own PCP, seems to have tried to talk me out of surgery. They say it is because of my age. I had a class at Lite Weighs today which was really interesting. It was about premature death...and it scared me a little cuz I fall into alot of the categories. Then, immediately after the class I had an appt with some Dr. He was totally trying to talk me out of surgery. He said I could lose the weight all on my own if I wanted. I came back at him and told him I've never in my life been a normal weight, except for the times I was all spun out for months and not eating anything, but even then I wasn't even close to normal. He kept going on with his bullshit. I know I can lose alot of weight without the surgery...but I think surgery would be helpful with me to help keep it off and is a more healthier way than I've lost weight in the past. Anyways no matter what they say I'm sure about RNY. I'm positive. They can try to scare me all they want...only I know what is best for me. Geesh....had to get that out. Ok drumroll....................I'VE LOST FIVE POUNDS!!!!!!!! I got on the scale and was like whoa that is soooo awesome. It feels good knowing that something I'm doing has made a change, even a little change. I thought I might have gained because I've been eating out alot but nope. All I've been doing differently is not drinking soda or tea with sugar in it. I've stuck to sugar-free everything this week. And lost 5 pounds! That's so cool. It really motivates me to do more to see a bigger change. Welp until next time.....
12-18-05..........Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!! It's almost here Yay!
12-24-05...........Yay!!! Santa is coming:) Merry Christmas!!!!!
12-29-05..........How was everyones Christmas? Mine was just fine. My mom bought me a car! A 1998 nissan maxima. It's really nice. I've had a total of 9 cars before this one....and I'm only 20 years old. Pretty much I crashed most of them....got some impounded...and the other ones are too long of a story. I think I'm gonna keep this one though cuz I stopped doing alot of the immature things I was doing before. Now all I have to do is get a job. Anyone know anyone hiring in the southern cali Riverside, San Bernardino, Highland area? It seems like everyone is laying off holiday employees so I think it might be hard to find a job. Well my surgery date is getting closer! Only if I could make time go faster. I think I've gained back the five pounds I've lost. Plus more. Oh well I just need to try harder.
1-1-06............Happy New Year!!!! Isn't it just great to be alive!!! Things are moving along slowy but surely...Soon enough the new year will come when I will be more happy and more healthy, but for now I'm content with what I have and where I am in life. I have my bad days....but I choose to make everyday my best!!!! That is my new years rosolution....oh yah and also to update my journal more and have my surgery.:)
1- 15- 06.............I went to another patient education class this month....it was on the importance of exercise....I know exercise is important, but its so damn uncomfortable when I'm this big. I already hurt so much everyday....and exercise makes it hurt so much worse. I have been exercising lately tho....I have to....I have to get myself in the routine of it. Its not that easy. What I do is walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes at a time..because at the end of 10 minutes I feel like I'm gonna die...LoL...yes its that bad....I started doing it back in November and have tried to keep it constant...but its just hard sometimes. Well I better go do it now:)
2-11-06...........I went to the Crown Bariatric Seminar today and actually got to meet Dr. Sah. I know he is the one that I want to do my surgery. He seems so nice and intelligent. I can tell he knows what he is doing and I trust him to do me right:) Still can't wait!!!!!!
2-16-06..........It's been a while since I've updated this. Things are moving along quite quickly. I went to the fourth class yesterday. It was on pschy(sp?) changes and GBS. Very interesting.....Also I scheduled my pshyc eval in two weeks....kinda nervous about that. And I schelduled a spot for the Crown Bariatric seminar next month. Now all I have to do is go to a support group which I will probably do next month also. Gosh in about 2 or 3 months I will probably having the surgery. Wow!!!! I can't wait. Now I have to go walk on the treadmill so I can lose 16 pounds or they won't let me have the surgery:( Oh well I can do it......Damn I can't wait!!!!!!
3-06-06..............It is my birthday!!!!!! I am 21!!!! And I can legally drink. Ha. Its so awesome. My mom took me and my whole family to Applebees and I got totally wasted. It was nice to have everyone there....literally my whole family...but I was drunk in front of them all.....but I was still able to talk and stuff....and I was allowed to be drunk in front of them:) That was the awesome part. I love being 21!! But I still hate being fat and 21:(
I drank more than usual because I know I won't be able to drink after surgery. But that's ok. Happy Birthday to me:):):)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3-13-06.............I tried to go to the Crown support group today but couldn't make it.:( I was having car troubles. I was all ready to go and got in my car to start it and the damn battery was dead. Everyone was at work so I could not find a ride and would've been late anyway so I'll go next time....hopefully...
3-20-06...........I went to another patient education class this month and it was the most interesting one by far....I met some people there who actually have had gastric bypass surgery and have lost weight and look great!!!! I was so jealous:) LoL But still really happy for them. I couldn't wait to be in their position. When I have my surgery remind myself to go back and be a speaker to people who want to have surgery. That helps me the most right now. Nothing is more motivating to me. I love seeing and talking to people who have had the surgery...There were three girls there and they were all waaaay skinnier than they were before. They passed around their before pictures and I was so astonished. It actually works!!!! It is just a tool....but it actually works!!!! I still can't wait to have my turn. LoL I will probably say that in every entry.
4-1-06.............Well I am still waiting. My six month classes with patient education are all over except for my final meeting with Kayla. I can not schedule that until I complete my Lite Weighs classes and I am having a little bit of trouble attending some of them due to my oh so demading schedule.....I need to get back on track and finish them.
4-20-06..........Well I am not done yet, but I feel I have come a long way since I have started. I have learned alot at Lite Weighs. They have taught me how to eat better for one. What I was eating prior to all this was horrible. All I would eat all day was junk food and I would take in waaaaay more calories than I would put out. Now, I eat a whole lot more fruits and vegetables, drink only diet beverages, and try to eat more protein. It has worked too. I feel way more healthy and happier than I was five months ago. Well no more to say for now other than I can't wait to finish the Lite Weighs classes so I can proceed with my surgery.
5-3-06..............Have not finished yet:( It's just so damn hard with school to do all of this. I did get a job at Patton State Hospital as a Food Service Technician. It's really exciting and fun. I am currently going to school to become a Psychiatric Technician and probably will want to work at Patton as soon as I get my license. It was weird at first being around the patients, but I got used to it and developed a good relationship with most of them. It is good expierence for my future career. Plus I get four hours of exercise at work:) I am still trying to eat right and have cut back on most junk food and no more tea with loads of sugar....only sweet n low. If I only knew then what I knew now maybe I wouldn't have gotten so fat...but oh well...everything happens for a reason. Still can't wait to have my surgery!!!!!!
5-15-06............I'm still eating right, still walking on the treadmill...weight is coming off but too slow for me......Can't wait to have my surgery.
5-30-06.............Went to Lite Weighs today and found out I have completed 20 of the 26 classes I am required to do. Almost There!!!!!!!
6-6-06..............Today is the devil day:( Everything has been going worng for me today. I'm just off I guess. And I have been eating too much junk food so I am going to try and cut back on everything again. The reason behind it is because I have not been able to go to Lite Weighs because I had to register for a class that was at the same time as my other classes. It was summer semester so the class times are limited because it is such a short semester. And I had to take the class during the summer because it would've been easier to pass in such a shorter period of time. Who wants to sit through Biology for 5 months when they can sit through 7 weeks...Ya know? Anyways until next time!
6-16-06.........Trying to make up classes at Lite Weighs is so hard when my days are practically full already. I barely have time to take a shower!!!! But I will eventually be done...hopefully!!!!
6-25-06...................Still anxiously waiting trying to get everything done. still eating right and exercising although I do get off track sometimes, some is better than none!!!!! Cant wait to be smaller and healthier!
7-1-06.............Well I am not done yet due to my demanding school schedule but I did call Lite Weighs and the nice wonderful lady told me I only had two more classes to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god I was soooooo f'ing happy. I hope she is not wrong tho. Please please please dont be wrong. And another good thing was brought to my attention also today...I am passing all my classes!!! WhoooHoooo!!!! I better be tho...cuz I have been working my ass off:)
7-14-06..................I'm still anxiously waiting to have my surgery....maybe eventually the day will come.....but until then I am eating right, excersising and beginning a new life for myself. I don't wanna be fat anymore so I need to hurry things up. I am so grateful for all the classes I been to. They have all taught and continue to teach me great useful things!!
7-24-06...............Well I did pass my classes....thank god that is over with...and guess what!!??!! I GOT ALL A'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy for myself. Aren't you happy for me?!? I bet you are:) Oh yah and another great thing. I made up my last two classes and I have my final consultation with Dr. Cramer on August 1, 2006. I am finally almost all done!!!!! And I have lost like 17 lbs the whole time I've been doing this. YAYAYAYAYAYAYA YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
8-1-06...........Today was a very big step for me!!!!!! I have completed the Lite Weighs Program!!!!!!!!! And lost 18 pounds. My weight was 309 when I went there to weigh in. Also while I was there I bought some proti snacks that are very very good, a book called, "Eating well after Weight Loss Surgery", and some protein drinks to try before my surgery!!!!!!! I am so ready!!!!! So bring it on already. Also I tried to call Kayla but I am going on vacation to Sea World and Mexico for one week so my final appointment with her will have to be after I get back. Hopefully soon then surgery!!!! It was such a relief completing Lite Weighs. I was so beyond happy!!!! It's all coming together now!!!!
8-9-06.............Today is the day I have my final meeting with Kayla and I have an appointment with my doctor to hopefully get all my tests done. I have come so far and I am so grateful to be at this point. I am scared and excited all at the same time. It is a wonderful feeling though and I am more than ready to begin my new life!!!!!!!
8-24-06............Wow....So much to tell. Let me start by saying..................I GOT A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god I still can't believe it......it's for September 25, 2006. Is that not crazy???!!??? I went to my first consultation with Dr. Suh on August 25 and he told me not to eat any starches or gain any weight.....that is very possible...I still can't believe I am actually having surgery!!!!
10-15-06..........Well I did it!!!! I totally meant to update this sooner but with the profile changes and all I ended up waiting till now. I did however post this on the 20's board right after I got home from the hospital.............................
I did it!!!! I am finally gonna be a loser...and ya know it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I got really emotional an hour prior and couldn't stop crying. I was thinking about backing out cuz my brother called me crying and told me not to do it cuz i might die.....i hardly ever get any emotion out of my brother who is my best friend....so that was really hard. BUT I DID IT!!!! and I can't wait to post my weight loss!!!
Then someone asked me how it was and my story got kinda long so here it is:)..........................
Not as bad as I thought it was going to be! I went to the hospital, checked in, and was immediately taken to pre-op where they had a real hard time putting my I.V.'s in. That was probably the hardest part. I swear it took 4 nurses to put my second I.V. in because they couldn't find any veins at all. I waited a little while and was crying so the nurse asked me if I wanted my mom to come back and wait with me and I said Hell Yes. So my mom came back and told me everything was going to be ok. And I swear I talked to everyone I knew on her cell phone in the hour I was waiting. Then the anesthesiologist(lol I have no clue how to spell that) came out and I told him I had a little cold and he said he thinks it would be alright but the worse thing that could happen is the breathing tube would have to be in longer. But that was very unlikely. He gave me something to calm down, which I don't think really helped cuz I was still crying. Then about 3 minutes later another nurse comes out and says its time. And she wheeled me into a room that was through a big door and the room was waaay bigger than I thought but looked exactly liked the surgery rooms I see on House and ER(lol I love house) and then she made me get on this little black bed that I didn't think I was gonna fit on and she put the arm things up and asked me where I was from and thats the last thing I remember .........then I woke up and couldn't see very well. Everything was sooooo blurry. And all the nurses were talking to me. And I said I'm gonna throw up I'm gonna throw up....then she said ok we are giving you something for that....but I didn't even throw up...lol....Then they wheeled me to my room and I slept most the day. I woke up in the evening and screamed to my mom I'm gonna be skinny now!!!! And went back to sleep.....she said it was funny...The morphine pump was heaven.....they made me get up and walk that night and it was easy....not as bad as I thought it was gonna be....I didn't sleep that much that night because I slept all day and I was scared that if I went to sleep for a long time I couldn't push the button for the morphine pump so I would wake up in pain....but there really wasn't that much pain...I thought it would be waaaay more painful. Then the next day they took my morphine pump and gave me liquid loritab...and told me to get up and walk as much as possible....so I did....Then the next day I went home and it has been smooth from there.........Wow thats a long story lol.....
So that is that....my surgery went very well:)....And guess what else??? I went into surgery weighing 318....and 18 days out I weigh 298......that is 20 pounds!!! Can you say awesome!!! I'm hoping to lose more this week....and waaay more in the weeks to come. Well I will update with more when I'm a month out. Until then everyone take care and be safe. Love u all!!!! (((HUGZ)))
