EricaLeigh113
So, I've been on OH for awhile and keep wondering what to write as my "story." I'm thinking this isnt the story of my life, but of my weight life. The only life stories i've been writing is on dating sites. But here goes on another story:
I've been overweight since the the 5th grade. But it was only lately (the last 6 months) that i've realized how much of a disease (or addiction) obesity is for me. I should also preface by saying I am in the mental health field. I work with alcohol and drug addiction so i have been comparing myself to my clients. I have come to realize i search for that 'high' in foods and can never accomplish it. I also think about food all the time, what am i going to have for lunch, dinner, dessert. (mmm dessert! lol) Thus, the addiction.
I'm at the heaviest weight i've ever been and do not see it getting better. Not unless there is an intervention. I always thought I just needed to try harder, to get more willpower and things would get better. And yes, I think some people can do that without help from a surgery but because of this addiction, a surgery is needed.
But back to my story. I've been overweight for about 15 years. During my adolescent years, i started going to Weight Watchers. I went with my mom who goes through very similar situations i have with my weight. I've gone to WW and dropped out at least 8 times. The most I've lost is 40 lbs and went down to my lowest of 180 lbs. I only stayed that weight for about a month. I just couldnt stay. I've gone up and down the same 50lbs through my teen and college years. I had low self esteem, insecurities, depression mostly because of my weight. I considered myself the only "fat girl" in my high school. People think i'm exaggerating but i literally was the heaviest girl in my HS grade. Not only that but the only bully i had in my life was a guy at that high school, telling me i should go to Jenny Craig and stop being such a "fatty." I was also terrorized by my ex-boyfriend's friends, not entirely for my weight but it still hurt. (making me even more insecure) Before that point i was glad i was never bullied. It was during that time i realized i was an emotional eater, when i was sad, depressed i would eat.
During my college years, i had similar problems with emotional eating. At that point, I had gone back to WW making the commitment to lose weight. I always felt I needed a "goal point" like graduation or my sister's wedding. After graduation and going into grad school, i again needed a goal to lose weight. Each time i would try and try until that goal was reached (graduation or sister's wedding) i would stop trying.
So when i got out of grad school and started working in the "real world" i didnt have a goal (unless i wanted to wait for my wedding, which i dont even have a boyfriend let alone a fiance). So i was trying to explore what else i could do.
It was my mom who actually suggested the surgery because she saw a lot of herself in me. I was immediately offended. It wasnt until I processed it further that i realized how much it could help.
I know this will be a process but I'm wanting to focus on that and not so much a goal point. It's a journey.
