Jennifer Nichols

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Well ITs only 44 days until my due date and I a getting anxious. I am so thankful for the tool this surgery has provided me and how it has given me my life back and provided me the chance to carry a child to full term.

I cant wait to be a momma!

I will keep you all posted on my progress and picts of our little guy

~Jennie

 Okay where should I start? I had surgery 1 year and 3 months ago and have gone from 417lbs to 189lbs. I feel fabulous! Having gastric bypass surgery was one of the best decisions I ever made. Its been tough and I have had rough days. No one likes dumping or throwing up but we love the weight loss and healthier life.

The best news I have yet since having surgery is that I am 3 months pregnant and due on Sept 15, 2008. After several miscarriages trying for 5 years I will finally be a mommy.  Here is a copy of my most resent ultrasound picture.


Lets keep our fingers crossed that all goes well this time. I have lost 12 lbs since I found out I was expecting despite increasing my caloric intake by 600 calories a day. This little bean is a hungry one. Lets hope that the weight loss will continue once my baby is here.  Thank you to everyone who has given support to keep me going and keep me strong on my rough days. Love you all and hope all is well with you.

OH yeah by the way... I can fit in to a size 14 now!! I used to be a size 32... WHAT WHAT!!
 

so in 4 months I have gone from that to this... What a difference!



It was hard for me to see a difference until I put these pics side by side. I had lost a lot of hair so I cut it off to my shoulders. I am doing better with food but, I still get sick...

Depression is still there... not sure it that part ever goes away. I will write more later... Just about 2 weeks until my 5 months post op pics... wonder what they will look like?


yowza! oh yeah I go back to work on Tuesday the 15th from being on disability leave because of my back problems... I am excited! YAY something other then sitting at home...

~jennie

This weekend was so much fun! The OH West Coast National Convention was bad ass!














I can not wait for another one! I learned so much, met so many different people, talked with Bill for OH TV, got awesome prizes, gifts, and give aways. Then there is the whole getting to meet Jackie Guerra....  She is so awesome and inspirational. She will make you laugh and cry in the same sentence.

I could go on forever about how great the event was! I hope to see more faces at the next event.

Until next time... All my best...

Jennie

This weekend is going to be so much fun. Jennie and Paula are picking me up on Saturday at 6am and we are off to the West Coast National Convention for Obesity Help! :) I have lost 86 pounds and am feeling better each Day!!

Can you see it in my face?

This is the night before surgery, 1 month post op, 2 months post op and now 3 months post op!

I know I can... Even if I really don't like my 3 month post op picture...

Stay tuned for pictures and updates after the convention... Its gonna be a blast!

So I was thinking and this is what flew out of my mind and through my fingers...

I peer out the window and through the trees, I catch the last glimpse of the sun before it sets. The wind blows and the leaves fall. My bones feel cold and I shiver at the thought of who I really am inside, underneath it all where my soul hides. Where my heart is, where the pain has settled. Where all that's left is muscle and the biggest one is still my heart.

Will it still hurt? Will I still know my face? Will I know myself in this new body when the old one is just a trace? Will my hair fall out? Will my skin sag? Or will I end up looking like a hot chick from a porno mag? Questions run through my mind and curiosity takes over. Have I been wearing my rose colored glasses for to long or is the world a beautiful disgrace. The land grows up under the hate and the wind has come to clear the smog.

 I can see clearly now and have come to notice that hands are smaller today then yesterday. Small hands for small needs and a big heart that no longer bleeds No more hurt and I am stopping the pain most of it coming from the weight I had gained. Teased and taunted I am no longer haunted because when I get to where I am going my beauty will be flaunted.

So it has officially been 3 weeks since I had surgery. I have lost a total of 36 pounds. I am pretty proud of that. It's really hard! My emotions are spent and my stress level is through the roof because I start back to work on the 15^th.  

The job is okay but I don't like what I do… Who really ever does though?  In a way I am happy to get back to work cause then I won't be home all day cleaning up after everyone else! That's the only good part really.  

 

Sometimes when I am alone… I sit and wish that I never had WLS because it's emotionally challenging. I realize now that most of what I was eating was not because my stomach was hungry but, because I liked the taste of the food or because of my emotions at the time. I call that head hunger. Since I have had surgery I have not felt stomach hunger. I think that's strange! I only eat because I know I have to in order to keep myself alive. Or when I feel depressed I will forget that I had surgery and I find myself trying to eat the things I used to. Chocolate is a big one! Then I realize oh shit now I am going to get sick cause I just took 1 effin bite of chocolate. That makes me even more depressed… like damn I can't have anything.

 

Then there is the whole (No one around me understands what I mean) feeling. I feel like I am doing this alone. I have Justin and friends and family who call to check on me but no one understands how hard it really is.

 

OH YEAH by the way… For those crazy asses who said I was taking the easy way out… you can lick the left sweaty one damn it! Cause there is nothing easy about this! NOTHING AT ALL!

 

I need new clothes but I know they won't fit in like a week… so its like why buy new ones?

 

 I miss my friends like crazy! Everyone lives so far away and I never get to see them. Yeah, you all know who you are! We are all broke asses and can't afford to travel. Suckas!

 

Well the friend's thing was happening even before WLS but still by the time I see everyone again they won't know what I look like anymore. L  So because everyone I know lives so far away I spend most of my time just chillin at home. Board out of my mind! I need to get a hobby or find some cool people who live close that I have things in common with.

 

So then on the flip side of things I am glad I had WLS because I know that someday I will be thin enough to do a lot of things that thin people take for granted.

1. Painting my own toe nails
2.  Putting my socks and shoes on with out having to put my leg up on the bed to reach and still be able to breath.
3. Ride a roller coaster and not be afraid that I might not fit.
4. Go to the grocery store and not worry about getting stuck in the turn style.
5. Go out to any restaurant I want with out wondering if they are going to sit me at a booth I can't fit in.

I am sure this list could go on and on for days.

 

It feels pretty good when I put on clothes that are a smaller size too!

 

Well with that I think this blog is pretty damn long so I will finish up with…

 

I cant wait to be like ha ha look at me now to a few people who treated me like shit for being a heffa~

I decided to have my mom and step dad over for Christmas dinner... I think I will be able to do it with a little help. :) thanks to Justin!

I am healing pretty fast my bruising is starting to turn yellowish today and my battle scars are so itchy I wish I could scratch them with a bottle brush. lol but I dont... I weighed myself yesterday and I am down by 21 pounds I am going to wait a few days and then weigh myself again. I am trying to stay focused on healing and not so much the weight loss.

Things are so wierd. I am not hungry but I crave the taste of food. its like someone who gets there leg cut off they still have a ghost itch every now and then. But I get through it.... not very easy at all but I push through it...

Anyways Its Christmas Eve. So Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your holidays are full of warm thoughts and happy times.
Take care...

Love ya,

Jennie Jenn Jen

Life after surgery has been a little tough. It is day 5 post opp and I am feeling pretty beat up. My left arm is purple from my elbow to my wrist from my IV messing up. The lower part of my belly is black and purple from my lovanox (aka blood thinner injections)  My battle wounds are starting to heal and they are very itchy. ( tsk... tsk... no scratching not even in your sleep) I am starting to get a little depressed ...

 I cant leave the house yet cause I am still pretty weak and not very many people have been over to visit. Just my mom, and Justins dad. so thats pretty much it.  I get lonely durring the day and I get pretty frusterated when I cant do something on my own.

I was not able to go Christmas shopping for anyone because of the timing of my surgery and the way it all worked out. So I feel crappy that I didnt get Justin anything... Or my mom ... So I will have to make it up when I am feeling a little more like myself again.

I tried on my old jeans today when no one was home and they just fell right off so I had to get some of my drawstring pj pants so they would stay on.
already lost 17 pounds. With my weight loss prior to surgery and post opp weight loss.... That is 74  pounds!!!!

Well with that I will close by saying thanks for all the well wishes and prayers... I will be back to feeling more like myself soon... well the new me that is... 

Happy Hollidays! and Happy New Year if I dont talk to you before then!!

Love ya!

Jennie Jenn jenn

There are times in life when you gotta crawl, Lose your grip, trip an' fall When you can't lean on no-one else: That's when you find yourself... I've been around an' I've noticed that, Walkin's easier when the road is flat Them danged ol' hills will get you every time Yeah, the Lord gave us mountains...  So we could learn how to climb.

I think by far tomorrow will be one of the biggest mountians I will ever climb in my life time. This is such a huge step in making my life better, growing as a person, facing my fears, and learning how to be the best me that I can.

I am very thankful for all the well wishes and prayers... I have never been very religious (god damn it) but some how when someone says they will pray for me it makes me feel better. I am thankful that I have such an awesome support team to back me up with this decision.

Oh yeah by the way... I better see all of you walking laps with me when I come back to work! Or else! I am really still very nervous... not really over my decision but that I am having surgery. I wont be in control of the situation and that freaks me out a little bit. I am also afraid of the pain afterwards. I am sure the meds. will have me covered tho.

So if anyone reads this and wants to call and check on me or come by and visit me you can. I will be at Centenila Freeman Regional Medical Center's Marina Campus off of Lincoln Blvd in Marina Del Rey. The address is 4650 Lincoln Blvd Marina Del Rey, CA 90292 and the phone number is 310-823-8911 just ask for my room. Please remember that is your come visit that I cant have snacks!  I am having weight loss surgery after all... hee hee.

So anyways with that I think I will close my blog by saying I love you and I will see you on the flip side... if I dont then  I will be pist off that you moved away and didnt tell me!

All my bestest wishes,

Jennie Marie Moonfairy

   X.O.X.O.X.O.