Geminidream

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Wow...today has been four years since Dr. Rawlins gave me the second chance at weight loss surgery success.  In some ways it seems as though it has just been since yesterday and in other ways it feels like decades.  This past year has been a very tiring one and not without a lot of stress but it is going to be ending on a happy note for our family...we are planning a wedding and that is something so wonderful to look forward to next year.  

My regain from the lowest weight has hit the 20# mark but it still only puts me seven pounds above my surgeon's goal.  I don't like the feeling of dragging this extra weight but it is a far cry from the 268 pounds I hauled around at my highest weight and accept it humbly and never forget that it is a daily challenge. 

Things i'm still good at:  eating off tiny plates and using demitasse spoons and seafood cocktail forks.  If I use a larger plate at a party or a relatives house I always take too much food!  Those little plates are so important to me. 

Still very good at my vitamins and supplements.  Now that it is the dreary time of year already the vitamin D has come back into the regimin too. 

Also I'm still all about food substitution and not living in diet mode.  Though I use the term 'diet' for my foods to keep them seperate from the rest of the family's things, those are just my good old regulars now.  My kitchen is never without diet cocoa, good quality protein powders, splenda, stevia and sugar free coffee syrups.  Bread is back in my life now but it is a condiment and not a meal.

I'm still very active but not doing formal exercise like I should.  You won't find me sitting around being sedentary unless it involves reading diy wedding blogs.  

Ok, so for the bad:  Water.  I don't drink enough.

Coffee.  I drink way too much.

Vegetables....not eating enough of them.

Fatigue:  constant companion.  Probably mostly from middle age, caffiene, chronic insomnia and dehydration. 

Food journalling:  just don't get around to it.  Ditto meal planning.  Dumb of course but I'm just being honest.


So another post-op year has passed and I'm looking forward to the future.  Melissa from our group and my surgery-twin said a long time ago that we should 'Pay it Forward' and I think of that phrase often.  I try to remain a good example, open to answer questions of any who are interested in weight loss surgery and willing to help encourage and listen to newer postops.  It is great going to support group and getting recharged by their excitement and hopes for the future. 

For a celebration meal tonight I am eating chinese takeout.  Not good healthy stuff but the few bites I can manage of the stuff i love are celebratory in their taste and thrilling knowing that this one meal is going to feed me for days!  :) 

So I always used to hate it when OH members would get their surgery, post a lot and then disappear off the face of the earth it seemed.  And guess what?  It has been almost a year since i've posted on my blog.  uh huh. 

Why?  You get in a rut, maybe?  Life seems to be so busy and so stressful these days with the economy the way it is, the kids' lives changing and everything rushing at such a fast pace. (DD is 22 now and DS is going to be 16 soon!)  My old self-comfort measures are very dangerous now and have such bad consequences.  Luckily, I've never taken up post-op drinking so that's ok.  Still, I don't get enough sleep and then consume EXCESS amounts of caffiene and also am an insomniac so even when I could get 5 or 6 hours of sleep I can't get TO sleep without aid.  Half a very small ambien knocks me out but won't keep me out so at least with the help of that I can start to sleep.  It has provided my family with some very funny 'Mom and Ambien' stories let me tell ya.  ;)

So far that gives us: life stress, sleep defecit, increased desire to self-soothe with food.  Hmm.  Not good.  At least I am still keeping up with my support group (except this month because I was just tooooo tired to go).  My weight is up but not horribly so.  The size four jeans are gone for good and I'm ok with that.  The sixes I have are 'relaxed fit' so my rear is probably really more like an 8 or 10 and is that so awful?  NO!  That being said, i do not have permission to keep increasing sizes and will.  not. do.  so. 

Gardening season is here now so I will be forced back outside for some manual labor that isn't my paying job.   That's got to be a help too since there will be the benny of that natural Vitamin D.  And soon the strawberries will be cheaper and help me replace the sweets I'm craving so terribly.  Mmm. and after that comes watermelon and zucchini.  This is the best time of year to be a food addict! 

Let's see, other updates from the past year:  We made outstanding progress remodelling our basement in the past year and life is more comfortable with two living spaces instead of one.  I dearly love and value my husband but there is only so much WWII and SciFi programming I can stand without losing my mind.  Now he can blast the tv downstairs and even though it is still so loud I hear all the dialogue at least I don't have to watch it and feel the vibrations from it too.  There is still a lot of work to be done down there but it feels good having made this much progress. 

More recently, I hit a deer on the way to work Thursday and have a teensy case of whiplash to heal.  It isn't really bad though considering and I'm hardly even stiff from it today.  Don't they always say you feel worst on the third day?  I think Tylenol will take care of the neck today so I won't have to use the big pain pills and be a zombie. 

Off and on I update my regular blog (www.geminisdream.blogspot.com)  but haven't done any wonderful weight-loss baking so there isn't anything great to report there.  It has been very time consuming and relaxing reading other people's blogs the last few months.  There are SOOOOO many wonderful blogs out there, who needs tv???  I love mostly the cottage decorating type blogs but also read about the sewers and thrifters and such.  They've inspired me to redecorate the house a bit and also to be upcycling some of the finds I have here.  I've repainted so much stuff recently that my mom seems to think if it sits still long enough I'll paint it white.  

So there's my update for now.  I won't lie and promise to be back to OH all the time but I do genuinely miss my surgery month peeps and keep them in my daily prayers.  We are all in this together, whether or not we get here to provide the support each of us needs is a whole other issue and I'm terribly sorry for not being here for those who have needed me in the past and need to try to be better about that.

Woohoo....my daughter and I finished another Bloomsday this year!!!!  It was cold and a bit dreary but huge crowds and meeting a great lady to jog along with us made it a wonderful day. 12K....7.46 miles! (Last year's time was 2 hr.s 12 min and we hope we made it in under 2 hrs this year, don't know yet.)  It is amazing to be able to do this physically after so many years of poor and declining health.  Neither my daughter or I brought a camera this year and tried to take a few pics with our cell phones but mine can't be uploaded (we're too cheap to have internet on our cell carrier, haha) and I haven't gotten any from my daughter yet.  But I promise, we DID FINISH and have the t-shirts to prove it.  One of these days I'll get a photo uploaded...maybe even the one from the finish line if I can find it online.  So far, no luck on that. 

I hope everybody seeking to improve their health through either weight loss surgery or non-surgical dieting gets a chance to experience a fun event like this with someone they love.  (And in our case here....52,000 other people!)

Molly

www.bloomsdayrun.org

So, do you read the 'World According to Eggface' blog?  (http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/)

Shelly has posted some  really neat photos with ideas of how she packs her new cool Bento box (lunch box).  I actually have two small Japanese Bento boxes in Hello Kitty and never really did much with them beyond packing a single serving of something in them for lunch.  But for fun I kicked around the internet looking at some neat Bento websites and blogs and it really got me excited.  A whole new food obsession!  LOL

The whole concept is simple: preparing your lunch in a single small container that often has sub-compartments in it and adhering to portion control.  The Japanese even have a very clever chart for how much you should be eating by volume.  NOT dieting but just eating right.  How easy and blame-free is that?  And some of the photos on the web of the all-out artistic efforts produced by people are amazing.  Or you can just do simple old leftovers in nice, balanced, small amounts.

This seems tailor-made for us post-ops who are trying to control our portions.  I've started gathering my Bento supplies as well as ordering a few sets like Shelly uses and will begin working at mastering my Bento skills. 

I'm definitely worth the effort.  I figure to start out, I'll pack a week's worth on Sunday night and see how it goes.  The goal will be to increase the variety of foods I eat, keep the portions small and make my lunches at work feel like pampering. 

I bet most of us are already doing something along these lines anyway...haven't we always?  This is defining the process more and making it feel very special, I think.  Maybe it is just what I need to get me excited about watching my food intake more closely.  I'll let you know how it goes.   Maybe even with a few Bento photos of my own.

Molly

here are a few fun links:

http://community.livejournal.com/bentolunch/

http://lunchinabox.net/

http://www.flickr.com/groups/dietbento/

http://www.laptoplunches.com/

The first Sunday in May we have the Bloomsday road race here in Spokane, Washington.  It brings out a wide spectrum of people...world-class runners, wheel chair athletes, young and old, fit and not-so-fit.  It's a great community event and and a huge motivator for us to get outside and start training in the fresh air after being cooped up all winter. 

As I watch snow filtering down again this morning on a rare and precious day off, I think it might not be much fun to be outside starting my training for Bloomsday but there is a huge pal sitting in my dining room waiting for me...the treadmill!  I've had it one year now and still not in love with running but I'm still working at it.  Have to be honest and admit that it goes unused for months at a time but it still gets used. 

Today I'll log another half hour workout, I promise.  Bloomsday is coming and I want to be in better shape for it this year! 

Happy New Year!  I don't have very high hopes for it myself, but my prayers and wishes are that we will all find peace, good health and happiness somehow in the new year.  2008 was a stressful and sometimes disappointing year that left me with a weight gain I'm still bummed about but still fighting.  Maintaining my good health is never a 'finished' thing and I always remember that working with my food plan is key in that goal.  It isn't always fun, isn't easy but IS important.

Resolutions aren't really my 'thing' but here are a few I will sort of tackle: 

To be READY for the big holidays in 2009 and not let myself get so stressed out by lack of preparations next Christmas. 

To scale back my gardening pursuits...trying to 'do it all' just left me overtired and feeling depressed last summer.  Less will be more and much more satisfying. 

Continue the efforts I've been making the last couple of years to keep decluttering the house and life in general.  Too many years of being a pack-rat makes for a crazy life.  I'm old enough to know to fix it instead of just living with it and whining about it. 

And most importantly...being diligant about my weight.  ABSOLUTELY NO MORE GAIN and trying to maintain at a lower weight, even if I never get back to 130# is a must.  A must. 



To start the New Year right, I went to bed early (had a 2-day killer migraine to conquer) and to start the day right a hot, decaf protein latte.  Later on a heavy-protein 'treat' breakfast to celebrate the holiday: one egg, 2 cottage cheese pancakes and sugar free syrup and 3 oz. leftover Christmas ham.  Yummm!

Since I leave my Christmas tree up till Jan. 6th, I won't be dismantling it today like a lot of people but I think I *will* start taking down some of the household decorations and start feeling like I'm accomplishing something good. 

Happy New Year!

Seeing the many 5-Minute Cake recipes on the web had me jonesin' for a pumpkin cake version.  Shelley (www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com) made a great-sounding carrot cake version that inspired me to work on my pumpkin 'fix'.  Came out pretty good!

5 Minute Pumpkin Cake

1 egg, beaten
3 Tablespoons vanilla soymilk (I used Soy Slender)
2 Tablespoons Davinci sugar free Pumpkin Pie syrup
1/4 cup Libby's canned pumpkin
2 Tablespoons canola oil
3 Tablespoons Gluten-free pancake mix (http://maplegrove.stores.yahoo.net/glfrpr.html)
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
2 packets Splenda
1 scoop vanilla protein powder

Mix all ingredients together in a heat-proof glass measuring cup.  Microwave for 2 minutes, allow to sit 3-5 minutes.  Turn out onto a plate and divide into 4 slices.  I topped mine with Torani sf caramel sauce and an extra sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice.  Would also be good with ff whipped cream 'frosting'.

We had a GREAT support group meeting this past Thursday evening. 
W O W great.  I was tired, had a headache and didn't want to leave the house but refuse to miss the monthly meetings and so glad I didn't!   Dr. Palmer (can't remember her first name, sorry) was there and talking about emotional eating as related to being postop and successfully keeping the weight off.  It felt as if she had gotten inside my head and pulled things straight out for other people to hear...what an experience.  Just goes to show, once again, that none of us who are travelling this road are alone.  Someone, somewhere is going through the same thing we are being isolated by and we need to always reach out for help.

So one of her many great suggestions for dealing with emotional eating was to journal or even blog about our feelings.  I don't journal, never kept a diary but do occasionally stop in here on my profile for an update now and again. 

Depression, weight gain and sleep deprivation have been huge issues for me this past summer.  I'm hoping the root cause of the depression and weight gain are the sleep deprivation and ensuing exhaustion that seems to constantly dog me.  So I've been trying to be more patient with myself, sleep whenever I can get a bit of a nap and double my prozac on days when I remember.  Did I forget to mention that I'm having increased memory problems too? 

The monthly support group meetings are so vital to me and I really sometimes just hold on throughout the month waiting for them.  Last month Carol mentioned that they've noticed their patients often experience depression around the 2-yr post op mark.  Well, I'm there (!) and relieved to know about it.  See...if I'd missed that month's meeting I'd have missed learning that! 

It was a bit embarrassing at the meeting being so tired and having my emotions so close to the surface.   All it took to get me weepy was listening to what Dr. Palmer had to say about dealing with our Precious Pain (I gotta explore that more!) and seeing that like me, Jen and her husband came to meeting to even though she really didn't feel like it either.  Jen and her husband are being dragged through a wrongful, painful experience but supporting and loving each other.  I'm always so thankful to see them at support group...they show all of us there a great example of people committed to helping each other and others around them.   I do apologize profusely if my sitting there crying made anybody else uncomfortable, it was just impossible to stop. 

Well, this is reading as rather maudlin and typically Molly-Melodramatic but I suppose that is just a reflection of where my head is these days.  Maybe once the weather cools more permanently I'll be sleeping again and get reenergized.   You can never expect normal from me. 

Till then, I'll just keep plugging away at maintaining my emotional health because it is the cornerstone of my weight.  I'll probably keep losing and regaining the same four or five pounds for awhile and have to be patient about that until such time as I can actually get rid of them for longer.

Ciao!

Yeah...my daughter and I finished Bloomsday (www.bloomsdayrun.org) with a better time than we did last year. (abt.2hrs 23 minutes this year) We got to meet up with Shell Mar from the WA State board and take some pre-race pictures. (she looks fantastic!!!!) She and her husband finished a few minutes before us and we got a chance to say hi to them again when we were dropping off our ankle chips (to record time)...we all had a great time! The weather was spectacular and the crowd was HUGE! Bet it was more than 50,000 this year. I'll have to watch the news to see how many exactly. I'll get my time and race photos some time next week.

Till then, time to get ready for work tomorrow and take some Tylenol for my poor achin' legs and feet. I'm going to try to get some photos uploaded tonight or tomorrow after work. As much fun as it was, I sure had a stressed out weekend and have to say I'm glad it is over. heehee It was SO WONDERFUL getting to do a fun event like this with my daughter and I hope that one day soon, Terisa, you will get to have the same kind of experience with your daughter. Days like this make up for so much of the heartache we went through together when she was a younger teen.

Hope everybody had a great Sunday. My eats haven't been recorded yet...mostly protein bars today and a big old nsa mocha/coffee smoothie I made after the race (which gave me a mini dump but was soooooo worth it!).

Going to go to bed tonight sore and very tired but happy and filled with good exercise endorphins. Without weight loss I'd be very much on the sidelines for yet another Bloomsday, I so very much appreciate this great blessing.

Early in my post-op journey I blogged about losing our wonderful kitty, Sammy and even had his picture up here in my photos for a long time.  He died last January and it has taken my husband and me this long to be ready to open our hearts to a new kitty.  We began searching a few months ago and have now found a wonderful rescuer who is going to provide us with not one kitty to love but TWO!  Precious little littermates, no less.  They are still with their mama and won't be ready for a few more weeks but my husband and I are so happy.  Silly, but we are really cat people!  And Siamese cats, too...they just become such a strong part of the family that not having them leaves a real hole in our lives.  Can't wait till I can share pictures of our own little babies with you but for now I'll borrow pictures of them as newborns.