gigglee

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Surgery is in the morning...bright and early.  I have to be there at 5 am and nurse said i would be asleep by 7:30..Glad its early b/c i will be so tired that maybe my nerves will be number. I have so many mixed emotions but know this is the right thing to be doing.  I feel my gma on my shoulder as my guardian angel and know that she is watching over me. Next time i will be posting i will have my sleeve done and beginning my new life! 

today i spoke with lady to schedule my class...she said i would have to start diet on July 19 so my class is on July 16 ..I called bank to see about financing and it only takes one day to get approved and the bank manager was so nice about it....she made me feel at ease..   Its amazing that everyone is so supportive..I am starting to tell more people although i have kept it to only those who i know will give me positive support.  I recently after my gall bladder surgery had stopped speaking with one of my best friends that i have had for 20 yrs..he and i have had a very estranged relationship off and on but had been through some of the toughest times in our lives together but after my gall bladder surgery his lack of interest in my wellbeing hurt me so badly..we haven't spoken in a month and that is the longest we have ever gone without speaking but i decided that it was best b/c he made me feel bad ...and i didn't want any negative emotions or vibes..Sad thing is he hung up on me 4 days after my surgery and i refused to be the one to call back...my birthday is monday and I have spent every birthday for the last 12 years with him....and for that reason only i think i am kinda sad.  I do know that he would not give me the support i need at this time so its better there is no communication.  Just got to make it through my bday without letting it get me too down.  AS you can see its is consuming my thoughts today....

Well i have my surgery date scheduled for August 2nd..and it makes it real having the date.  Of course i still have my first appt on Monday and then the other appts to make but no matter i have my date and my excitement is unreal.  And the nerves ...haha!!  Everynight i read on this board just to keep me sane..and knowing others who understand all i am feeling. 

Went to seminar today...first step..made my bariatric appt for June 28 which is my bday and the beginning of my new world hopefully!  I will set my surgery date then..which I plan on having in August.  I was very surprised at my emotions today..when the gastric bypass patient talked i began to tear up...Then she walked over and as we talked i started crying..it was unreal.  I wasn't expecting that.  I am so ready for this to happen as I realized today how unhappy I have been in my body.  I sat and listen to everyone talk about giving up their foods,etc..or how difficult it will be..and i found myself thinking I don't care how difficult it is i want this.  I don't care if i can't eat but a small amount I want to live and I don't want my world revolving around food but being happy.  Because food has got me nowhere...just miserable..So I am very excited but also very emotional..and my mom who is sooo excited ..doesn't understand the emotional part..she thinks i should just be happy..I tried telling her that there were going to be emotions all over the place...and i needed her to understand that.  She loves me and wants to see me healthy i know.  Anyway..i found myself stressing also about getting off of work for appts and such...My job is not very allowing to just taking off when u need it..so i am hoping my partners will be supportive.  I am not worrying about the surgery time off which i am surprised of myself..b/c that is happening no matter..They can cover it..or not....I need to learn to be selfish this once...its sooo hard....