got2bmee2006
August 8, 2006.....
I am hoping to have this surgery by the end of the year. I have long researched the DS procedure since 2001. I previously went through all the testing and evaluations when I was back home in Cali. I moved to Atlanta right when I got my referral to the surgeon. At that time I was going through a lot and working a very physical job which subsequently made me drop 50lbs. so I thought, "well hey I'll just see if I can't lose this other 100 I need to lose on my own..." Well here I am now knocking down the 300's door again, my highest being a WHOPPING 324 when I was back home in California.
At this point I am just sick of the "BIG GURL WORLD"!!!!!!!!!! I am really tired (physically) of wearing this weight and my body is beginning to give tell tell signs of being tired as well. I'm getting to the point where my family and friends have almost labeled me "sickly"...Although I have NEVER thought of myself as "sickly", my body is kinda starting to quack like a duck...At this point in my life it's very pivotal for me to lose this weight. Although I have always been big, from the time I was about 7 years old(now 30)...I've always been the chubby, baby phat, thicky thick kind of girl.
It never had a huge effect on me socially or mobilly, I was always out going and into fashion and to this day, I think I've worn this FAT SUIT pretty damn well...However, In my deep heart of hearts I know that I'm not healthy... I can't possibly be, if every time I put on my favorite sexy heals I can only wear them long enough to make the entrance because the ball of my foot kills me from the pressure....And it can't possibly be healthy for your lower back to want to kick you in the ass just because you want to walk to the bus stop?
NO, that can't be healthy, or normal..."Yeah normal, that's what I'd like to be for once, not the "BBW BOMBSHELL", or the really PRETTY FACE, or not the BIG BOOTY GIRL, THE JUNK IN THE TRUNK GIRL, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU WEIGH THAT MUCH woman, but just NORMAL..." I want ME to stand out, not my "GREATNESS"... I also would love the world to really see and get to know the real me, the way I have. For some reason, somewhere down the line I began feeling inadequate as a person because of this weight I was carrying around..I've always kinda had the feeling that no one really took me seriously...That I've always had to work harder than the rest to get "noticed"....More so in the work field...While the skinny lazy people lounged and ate all day, I found myself working circles around them only to go unrecognized...
Now that may just be one of my silly idiosencrancies, but I'm sure you all know what I mean...I just want to be recognized for my contributions in the world...And I take some blame in that myself...I have shielded the world from getting to know me. I keep a very small circle of friends, even though most who meet me would consider me lively and outgoing, and a DIVA to boot lol, but not too many can say they TRULY know me..Not even my family, well especially not them..Sometimes I think it would hurt them too much if they knew the cross I've REALLY bared...They all just know the DIVA, the most graceful walking 300lb. woman you'll ever meet, lol. They know me from my flirtatious smile and my way with men...But they never really knew me...And I have a feeling that when the fat starts flying, ME will begin to be revealed.....
So, this is it for now, more to come wish me well on my quest to finally be me....I will be posting again on the 23rd after my information seminar at the hospital...See you then..Oh yeah, and to all of you on the other side, you have all been a GREAT inspiration....Thank you, you are all so FAB!!!!!!
Keisha, AKA Jae Baby....
