heatherm1126
***This is the letter that I had to write and sent to my insurance company to tell them why I wanted the surgery****
My name is Heather. I am 32 years old. I am 5’7” and 288 pounds. I have been happily married for 5 years to a wonderful husband and have a beautiful 12 year old daughter. I have high blood pressure which I take medication for. I have also been diagnosed with PCOS, being pre-diabetic and having a “fatty” liver.
I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. It really became apparent around the 4th grade. I remember having to wear boys “husky” jeans. I always hated that and was embarrassed because I couldn’t wear clothes like all the other girls. That feeling has never gone away. I had wonderful friends all through school and even now but my self esteem has always been very low. Everyone has told me what a pretty girl I am and I have heard that I would be so much prettier if I would just lose some weight. I never played sports and always hated gym. I couldn’t keep up with the other kids. In high school especially, anytime we would have to run or I would over exert myself I would wheeze and have a hard time breathing. My doctor said it was “exercise induced asthma”. I was given an inhaler and still use it now when I need it.
Towards the end of my junior year in high school I weighed 180 pounds. I thought I was big then, I would give ANYTHING to be 180 pounds again! I was 17 and that is when I met my daughter’s father. He was 23 at the time and cute. I couldn’t believe that someone like him would want to be with someone who looked like me. He would tell me I was pretty and that helped with my self esteem a little bit. During my senior year I lost about 20 pounds, I wanted to try and look nice for him. However, the way I did this was basically not eating. I wouldn’t eat breakfast or lunch, just dinner. That didn’t last too long though. I started feeling better about myself and the weight started coming back on. When I was 19 I was on birth control, my doctor was concerned about my blood pressure. It had been high for a while but I always tried to use the excuse that I was just nervous. He took me off the pill because he thought that was the cause. Two months later I was pregnant. By this time I was back up to 180 pounds and I gained around 50 pounds while I was pregnant. I ate anything and everything with the excuse “I am eating for two”. After my daughter was born in June of 1995 I got back down to about 180 pounds but I kept eating like I was pregnant and the weight kept piling on. I felt horrible about the way I looked and her father started putting me down, telling me I was a fat cow and how sick I made him and would make fun of me all the time. Things went downhill from there, I left him and we moved back with my parents in January 1997. That was a very stressful time and I lost about 20-25 pounds. I got through that time thanks to the love of my family and friends. I put that weight back on plus some. I went the next 4 years going up and down with my weight. I would try to cut down on my portions and take walks, tried the cabbage soup diet, slim fast, Atkins and Weight Watchers. My parents always tried to make healthy meals and be supportive. I would eat good when they were around but once they weren’t looking I was eating anything I could find. I did this when I was younger too. During the summers when I was home alone I would just eat anything I found while they weren’t home. I still do this sometimes even now. When my husband and daughter aren’t home I will raid the pantry. I just get this kind of nervous feeling and urge that I have to eat something, even though I know I am not hungry. Then I always feel ashamed and guilty afterwards.
In 1999 I met my wonderful husband. I weighed about 240 pounds or so. He is a big boy himself, at that time he weighed about 270-280 pounds. He was the first guy who accepted me as I was, for me. He didn’t care that I was overweight, told me he thought I was beautiful and that my size didn’t bother him. I felt comfortable with him and didn’t feel the need to try and change my looks. After a couple of years I decided to join Weight Watchers with a lady that I worked with. It worked for a little while and I lost some weight, but wasn’t able to keep it off. We got married in 2002 and moved in together. Then it was like a free for all. We both moved out of our parents houses and didn’t have them telling us what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat. We have both put on about 30+ pounds since then. I have gone up and down, I will start up doing Weight Watchers on my own and exercising and I just don’t see the weight coming off fast enough to keep my interest. I just get so frustrated when I am working so hard at it and being really good and then I won’t lose or might gain, I figure what’s the point?
We have been trying to have a baby since our 1 year anniversary. I had been on the Depo shot off and on for years. I was told that could take a while to get out of my system, so we were patient. After about a year I went to my doctor and found out I have PCOS. They put me on Glucophage to help treat it. It didn’t do anything and they eventually took me off of it because it was affecting my liver count. I have done a lot of reading about PCOS and know that if I were to lose weight it could be controlled a lot better. I have also done a lot of reading about being pregnant and overweight and all the problems it could cause. I would never forgive myself if I had a miscarriage or had a baby with some kind of birth defect because I wasn’t able to control my eating habits! We decided to just leave it in God’s hands and said that if the time is right, he will bless us with a baby.
October of last year my mother-in-law told me she was going to have gastric bypass done. I was shocked! This was the first she had ever mentioned even the thought of it. I was so happy for her, though a little jealous. Our weight was something we had in common and could feel for each other, knew each others pains. I knew this was a huge step for her but it was what she thought to be her last option. I thought, great, now who’s going to be fat with me? I will feel like an outsider again. She told me it was the right time for her and that someday I might feel the same way. I thought, maybe that’s what I should do, but then said, no, I can do it on my own if I really put my mind to it. I don’t need surgery. She had the surgery and she came through it wonderfully. She started dropping weight like CRAZY! I was really jealous then but SO excited for her. She was feeling so much better and looking great! So in January I officially joined Weight Watchers with a friend of mine. We went to every meeting. I had only lost about 5-7 pounds after the first month of working my butt off. I was really frustrated. I have stuck with it until about August.
I feel horrible. I am tired all the time; feel “full and bloated” all the time. I have no energy. I get home from work and will make dinner and right after that I sit down on the couch and I can fall asleep in a matter of minutes. I don’t feel good about myself. I am tired of my clothes being tight and uncomfortable. I refuse to buy more clothes in a bigger size but am running out of clothes to wear. I hate to even look at clothes, I will try something on in the store and break a sweat in the process and then have to hand it all back because nothing fits right. I want to be able to buy clothes that aren’t in the WOMENS section. I am tired of my back, neck, knees and feet all hurting. I want to be able to tie my shoes, paint my toenails. I want to sit on the floor and play with my nephews and not have to have help to get back up. I want to play sports with my daughter. I want to take her to amusement parks and ride the rides with her, not stand to the side because I know I can’t fit in the seat. I want to be able to take a walk with her around the block without feeling exhausted halfway there. I want to be a good role model for her. I want to teach her how to eat right now so she doesn’t have to go through all the same pains I did growing up. I want to cross my legs, I don’t ever remember being able to do that. I don’t want to have to take medicine anymore or worry about my health. I want to be healthy so I can be around for my daughter and hopefully more children to come someday. I want to feel better about myself, have better self esteem. I want to feel attractive to my husband. It’s not because he makes me feel like I am unattractive, I feel that I am on my own. I feel like a fat slob and I don’t feel attractive. He is a wonderful husband and I know he loves me unconditionally. He is my biggest supporter and will be by my side through this all, cheering me on.
I have come to the decision that having this surgery is the right thing for me to do. I will see the weight come off faster and I know that will keep me motivated and dedicated to the lifestyle I will need to have for the rest of my life. I am ready for a change. I know there is a beautiful person on the inside and I want to set her free.
