Mar 26, 2009

You know the drill.

Strap in.

Coming at you from all angles tonight. Lots and lots of goodies---marvelous shit--the kind that you salivate for.

Keep your hands inside at all times.

Management assumes NO responsibility for:
Bruised Egos...

Brash Reminders of your Blinding Insecurities...

Brash Reminders of your Blinding Insecurities...

Awareness of your Feeble Attempts to....


(shit, take your pick!)




Come prepared or stay home.

Remember back in the day when we used to take tests on the green and white "scan-tron" sheets?

Color in the bubble?

"A", "B", "C" or "D"?

(Memba? YOU MEMBA.)

Remember how you HAD to use a No. 2 pencil?


Yea, well....Ain't a damn thing changed.
Most of you motherfuckers are showing up on test day without a number 2 pencil.

EVERY DAY is test day.
and I have an ARSENAL of NOTHING BUT number 2 pencils.


**covers mouth--instigates** 


Don't come to me for a Number 2 pencil on test day.
....because YOU DON"T WANT my kind of Number 2 pencil.

come prepared or



True...looks CAN be decieveing.
but sometimes, they AREN'T.
but some of you want to test the waters REGARDLESS.
(I guess you should be commended. HOWEVER... for me to do so, I'd be giving you credit that you may not be worthy of. You have to SHOW that you're worthy.
you have to SHOW that you COME PREPARED.

That pocket protector you're sporting with the KING SIZE Sharpie Permanent Marker might give others the illusion that you're prepared......

but these are SCAN-TRONS.
This is TEST DAY.

and the truth of the matter is....
you KNOW how TOXIC the smell of those markers are.

(Pop the cap off!!)

(Memba? YOU MEMBA!)

I picked up the scent of that marker a LONG TIME AGO.
...back when you looked in the mirror this morning and smiled at yourself--for being SO PREPARED.

**chuckles to self**

Lately, it seems that I've run into these

packs of                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             pathetic pocket
more than periodically. 

and...quite frankly....i'm TIRED.

Don't let...
       your profession,
                    your gender,
                               your age,
                                          your ego,
                                                your "crew",
                                                      your past history with others OR
                                                                your need to show off in front of whomever.....
...allow you to "FORGET"...that you JUST .MAY. BE...UN.PREPARED.

Carry your number 2 pencils with you
at all times.
have a "plan B" FOR your "plan B".

You don't WANT MY number 2 pencils.
....they are OH SO SHARP.

(and here it was...silly me. I actually wondered if my failure to utilize them on an even SOMEWHAT regular basis would decrease their effect.)

g**superhero plug approaching**superhero plug approaching**superhero plug approaching**superhero plug approachin

(didja know that Wolverine's adamantium claws are sharpened--BY ADAMANTIUM--each and every time he pops 'em? EACH AND EVERY TIME. Both IN and OUT. He can keep them in for YEARS. It doesn't matter!! EVERY TIME he pops 'em, they're just as sharp--as the VERY FIRST TIME.)

plug approaching**hip hop plug appraoching**hip hop plug approaching**hip hop plug approaching**hip hop plug approa

Socrates' philosophies
and hypotheses
can't define
how I be droppin' these
Lyrically? (I) perform armed robbery...."
       --Inspektah Deck, "Triumph"

(note the apostrophe after "Socrates".
note the PLURAL of "hypothesis"!!!!!!
I've heard people recite this verse UNAWARE of what's being said!
but will QUICKLY admit....
that DECK is a fuckin' MONSTER lyrically.
Mockeries!!!!! Mockeries?!?!!? COME ON!!!!!)

(but it's "hip hop".
it's full of "curses" and "misogynistic lyrics"...)


(wait! wait!! just ONE MORE! I PROMISE!!!!)

"Light is provided
through sparks of energy
from the mind that (travel) in rhyme form---
Giving sight to the blind
The dumb are mostly intrigued by the drum
Death? only one can save self from--
This relentless attack of the track--spares none"
---MK, "Triumph"


See? I went and *&%$# up my mood!!
I was all "Terminator" and ended up elsewhere!!

(I've said it before! Writing is my therapy!!)

I've got a LOT to let out!!
My SON...
My fear (all of a sudden) of the clash of cultures* between wifey and I...in REGARDS to my son...and how it didn't surface with my DAUGHTER and how I feel shitty because of it....

*(Hispanic and West Indian, respectively)

....Shit like that.
I'll be back though.
Thanks for taking the time out.

Don't forget your Ticonderogas!!
(i've got a sharpener you can use--its cool.)

If I were to roll credits, they would go like this: (use the scroll button on your mouse for the FULL effect!!!)

                         Soundtrack/inspiration for tonights Blog entry:
                                                                                 "Oh No" 
                                         performed by Mos Def, Pharoah Monch and Nate Dogg

                                                                               "I Run This"
                                                                     performed by Slick Rick

                                                 performed by Slick Rick feat. Raekwon the Chef

                                                                      "Cassidy Freestyle, 7:56"
                                                                        (Courtesy of YouTube)

                                                                        "Butter(ed) Floor, 2:25"
                                                                        (Courtesy of YouTube)
                                                         The Doctor that got put in his place today

The dude that talked MAD SHIT behind the wheel of his truck, but when encouraged to say it from OUTSIDE of the car,  BITCHED UP....                                                        

His GIRL, who agreed with me that he shouldn't get any lovin' from her for AWHILE for talkin' shit IN PUBLIC and not backing it up...

                                                                     People who ROCK

                                                           Cee Cee (the Battery in my Back)


                                          (Cookin' up that marvelous shit to get your mouth waterin')

                                                                          one o' my clients
                               (who got a raw deal, but is STILL going strong--YOU are my inspiration)      

                                                                   My Co-worker, Dr. Grieger
                                                    (who has no idea how much I think she rocks) 

                                                                My children, Maxx and Munch
               (Who were born with Number 2 pencils as their APPENDAGES--you bitches betta recognize!) 

                                                                                                   ---HERO XXL, Intellectual Terrorist

(you didn't scroll with your mouse!!!! I'm serious!! it gives it an authentic feel!! if you did, please comment back to say that you did so!!)




Hearing aid? or bluetooth?

Sep 18, 2008

...So...we're at lunch the other day--5 of us--and in the midst of conversation, another co-worker comes up.
Turns out this co-worker has a hearing impairment.

...that NO ONE knew about. (well--it was ONE person who dispersed this information)


but things made sense!!!
(NOW.............Entirely too late.)

Smurfette: "Didn't you see her hearing aid?!?!"

Dirty smurf: "I thought it was a bluetooth!!"

HERO smurf: Oh--so THAT's why she talks like that!! It makes sense now!!!!!!!!!

Dirty smurf: "I know right? I thought she was-----I thought she had a-----disability.....
...Like------mental disability."

Smurfette: (SHOCK) "You're so mean!!!"

Dirty smurf: "No--I'm not! I don't mean it like that!!"

Smurfette: "Yes you do--you KNOW what you want to say!!"

Dirty Smurf: "NO! NO! I SAID what I wanted to say!!"

Smurfette: (to Pun smurf: )"So--did you know?"

Pun smurf: "I don't care!"

Smurfette: You really don't like that person! But WHY? That person has never done anything TO you--that doesn't make any sense!!"

(long pause.)

Smurfette: "what?"

Pun smurf: "Are you sure that person has a hearing impairment?"

Smurfette: "that person has a HEARING AID!"

Dirty Smurf:   "I thought it was a bluetooth"

everyone (in unison) : "SHUT. UP.!"

Pun smurf: "......well--in that case--I might kinda feel bad, then."

Smurfette: "Why?"

Pun Smurf: "Because I think that the reason why I don't like that person has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that I DID NOT know that that person had a hearing impairment."

Smurfette: "YOU'RE SO MEAN!!"

Pun Smurf : "What?! What?! it was a honest mistake!!"

Smurfette: "you don't like her!!! Mike, you should see how he acts towards her!!"

Pun Smurf: "I know--it's bad!!!!!!--but I didn't know!!.....see--one day--after you introduced us--you know--she was cool--I hold nothing against anyone! So I saw her soon thereafter--and--I SPOKE--you know--nothing spectacular--just a "hello--how are you doing?"...

....and she said NOTHING.
....So i was like--oh--it's like that?!?! So ever since then--I've been like "fuck that person!"

(laughter all around)

Smurfette: "But that person has a hearing impairment!!"

(everyone else, in unison): "we get it!!!"

Smurfette: No!! But he's so mean!!

Pun Smurf: "I am. I admit it. it's bad.....
like--I'll be on the elevator...and she'll be coming for it, and I'll let it close. it'll just leave her there. i don't care!"

(everyone in shock)

Smurfette: "See? He's so mean!!"

Pun Smurf: "...There'll be like a group of them--and I'll say "What's up"

one. by. one.
...and not say a thing to her!!!!!!!!

(Everyone in shock)

Smurfette: So--now that you know the situation--will you switch up?

(long pause)

Pun Smurf: "...No...."


Pun Smurf: "...I kinda like it.
Like--that's one of the few joys I have throughout my day.

(laughter/shock/choking on food/ spitting out drinks)

So tired...

Sep 18, 2008

**takes off kid gloves**


Not as in fatigued.
as in...FED UP.

of feeding into insecurities
...repeating myself
...being the bigger person
...taking responsibility
...dealing with cowards

of worrying
...and worrying

of racing thoughts
...being bombarded with the problems of others
...setting examples for those who should KNOW BETTER.
...listening to LIES.
...pretending to believe them
...witholding the fact that I do so

of not learning from my mistakes
...not learning from my mistakes
...not learning from my mistakes
...not learning from my mistakes

of spreading myself too thin
...putting band-aids on bullet wounds
...pretending that everything HAS to "fall into place"
...being indecisive, confused and plagued with impossible choices

of being the nice guy
...being politically correct
...reminding self that with age SHOULD COME restraint and control
...denying self the satisfaction of knocking someone the fuck out.
...not being able to solve certain problems the way that has never failed me before.

of this PLANET
...it's inhabitants
...their behaviors 
...the fact that one must assimilate in order to blend.


yet I go to sleep every night...
...to hopefully wake up the next morning...
                                                       to do it all again.

Free Falling...

Sep 10, 2008

Hello again.
Isn't it...amazing...how one can forget/disregard/abandon what may be right for them?
(Damn, no rest for the weary, huh?--You JUST GOT HERE and ALREADY i'm bombarding you with questions! Suck it up, soldier--you know who you're dealing with.)
I've been free falling lately--somethin' terrible. No parachute. No airbag below. Just free falling--not knowing WHERE I'm about to land...
or HOW.
Free falling...waiting to see if I'll land on my feet.

I've never been the type to be unprepared though.
(Always have a "Plan B" for your "Plan B"--that's a HERO original--use at your leisure.)

SO---I have one broken, half-empty web cartridge, some expired spinach and an old utility belt.

it's not much, granted.

...but enough to work wonders with.

Time will tell.

Anyway...I know that writing helps me to release. Yet I abandon it on a regular basis. As if I....forget.
I still can't explain it. If I had the time, I'd write DAILY. If I could, I'd write on my BIKE. With my snowboard strapped to my back. You couldn't IMAGINE the marvelous shit I'd come up with.


So--until then--I'm going to have to settle for when I have the time. Only thing is, I'm free falling. a keyboard or pencil is the LAST thing on my mind.

...but they need to be.

I'm here now, though--let's see what I come up with after today's "session".

Again--I'll be all over the place--no one topic. I have so much knocking around up in this head of mine. I try to remember what I would like to write about. Some of it I grab, some of it is long gone.

Strap in.


The other day, I wake up and I can smell the tires on the bike. From my BED.
THAT can only mean one thing.
I go to Am's room and wake her up.
Two words emerge from my direction.
"Saddle up."

She wipes the cold from her eyes.
Gives me the "are you serious?" look
and THEN deciphers the words.

I love that little girl.

(For You, my friend: the one who will one day capture her heart:



You've got to assist in raising the CHILD(REN).
oh yes--you've got BIG SHOES to fill.)

Anyway, it'll take me all of 15 minutes, (tops) to get ready.
HER? Forget about it--I might as well go back to sleep.

Fast forward to when we're FINALLY in the garage ready to roll out.
We're both excited--it's been awhile since we've rode out. She knows the deal--we won't be back until TONIGHT.  and it's 8a.m. We'll catch up with Mama later on in the day, Babygirl--no real destination--just riding. 

So--we roar outta the garage.
I'm TOO excited.
So excited, that I fail to secure my helmet strap.
....didn't even notice. 

About to hit the highway...
i'm gonna pull on this throttle like NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
Two taps on her hand--she knows to get ready.
But then she taps ME twice. Something's wrong.

She's yelling something, but with her visor down and the roar of the bike--I can't make it out--so I pull over.

"What's up, Mama?"

"You didn't strap your helmet, Papi."

"Oh--okay--good lookin'--I--"

"If you don't strap it, it will fall off and break--and then if you fall off, you'll hit your head, and you might get a concoction."


"A concoction!"

(laughter) "A CONCUSSION, mama?" (more laughter)

"Yea, that. Stop laughing at me, Papi !!"

We rode that ENTIRE day. Until the rain rescheduled our plans, that is.
We spoke about everything under the sun.
Her little brother
her fears
her excitement
her plans
her upcoming school year

She worries about no longer being the only child. Unfortunately, there's probably nothing we can tell her that will adequately ease her worries. I know that I'll be able to SHOW her better than I can TELL her. but I can't do that until that time comes.

How will I be able to love another life when I've only loved one for all this time? I can't recollect a time when I didn't love this little girl. Why is this NEW chapter something so scary?

Free falling.

For the past 5 years, I've worked for the feds. it was a 5 year grant. the grant has run it's course. Today's...what? The 11th? Two weeks to go.

Baby on the way.
Cee's about to start maternity leave.
Motorcycle season's just about over
and I won't be snowboarding this year.

Free falling.

I have little to NO regrets.
The last regret I had?
Held it for 10 years!!
Know what it was?

I regretted not buying the Adidas EQT's when I was in high school.
Remember those? The one with the neoprene sock?
(those were SO HOT.)

So--they were recently released--I bought damn near every color.
Regret over.

So--I recently discovered another.

a few, actually.

Let me set it up:

I sit--we sit--My team and I, and....talk.
about everything.

a couple of guys, shootin' the breeze discussing the world we live in, what we need to be focusing on--what we DON'T need to be focusing on---you can imagine.

Well--GUYS--just like GIRLS--talk about the shortage of ELIGIBLE girls AS WELL.

When I say--we say--THEY say--"eligible", it isn't the GIRLS definition however. not really.

(That's another story for another day.)

ANYWAY...This is a conversation that I don't ever EVER partake in.
Mind you, do any of us need to partake in it? No. but if we did--and we DO--It is a conversation that I have NO say in.

Because ME?
I have this uncanny ability...
to locate 





So yes--in a roundabout, funny sort of way... I have a FEW regrets ....without having ONE.

I'm happy where I am.
No regrets about that.
but we all go through "what if"...
(only I can admit mine)

but after awhile...
how many "what if's" can one have?
can you live with yours?
mine HAUNT me.

I regret the mistakes I've made.
I regret the chances I've missed.

but my past makes me who I am today.
and I have no regrets about who i am.

I hope to one day leave my past IN my past.
but i doubt if that will ever happen.
I'm not sure if I WANT it to.

Free falling.

I wake up at times, like we all do--with a jingle or a song in my head.
"..F-R-E-E- that spells free, credit report dot com, ba-bee..."

That wasn't it--but admit that it's been stuck in your head AT LEAST once in the last couple of weeks or so!! LOL!!

Anyway--I wake up with a song in my head, and I INSTANTLY know that I'm going to be late for work on that given day--today was no different. Just like when you wake up with a craving for a certain food (you do so because there is something in that specific food that your body is in need of--do your research. (NO, your body is not in need of a CINNABON--maybe something high in SUGAR, you know?)

Anyway--when I wake up with a song in my head--I believe that it's something that I need to hear--for a certain reason--oftentimes not unknown to me the reason why....but I'm MORE THAN WILLING to try to find out why,--so I start the search. You should SEE me rifling through old cassettes/CD's first thing in the morning, ransacking my closets, KNOWING i'm gonna hear about it when Cee gets home and sees it.


"Sincerely" by Brand Nubian.

Not ashamed to admit hurting this morning.
Not ashamed to admit playing it over and over again DESPITE hurting.

"This one goes out to all the black women across the whole planet Earth, givin' our black nation birth....
Nothin' in this universe is worth your worth
So we dedicate this song, black woman...

[Lord Jamar]
This one is for every woman I was ever wit'
The ones that I cared about and ones I just wanted to hit--
I feel ashamed for all the times that I called you a bitch
And I, know I was wrong--
can you ever forgive?
The negative, we used to use sex as a sedative
I abused your respect for me
I would choose to react disrespectfully
Never thinkin' the impact would come back to me
Now I'm the Sun, and I know you're my reflection...
Let me give you love and my protection
Proper education,
Allah's correction
Internalize, within your eyes
I hope you realize
that I apologize,
for all the lies
I never meant to make you cry 
all the mistakes that I
may have made,
and games that I've played
(have) been put to an end, black women...

 ...Let me take this time, to let you know you've been on my mind,
and even though I always haven't been kind
I wanna show you that you're really divine, sincerely...
 (repeat 2X)

[Grand Puba]
Now she's the most beautifullest thing in creation
She gives me motivation
causin constant elevation
(I) see her more than booty used in lustful situations
So feel the vibrations,
she's the mother of our nation
Now for oh so long
you stood by us so strong
even when we done wrong,
so I dedicate this song
More priceless than a worldly treasure,
you bring




countless things that are unmeasured...

Some raise seeds all alone
with no father in the home
but they still find the strength to continue on
I see you more than a crackhead or a chickenhead
or just a piece of somethin' I'm tryin to get up in my bed--

You often say a lot of times we demean
Sometimes we do to lift the hardhead ones up to queens

Our whole purpose [should be] to give a proper surface
cause the black woman always is a queen

...Let me take this time,
to let you know You've been on my mind and even though I always haven't been kind
I wanna show you that you're really divine, sincerely..
 (repeat 2X)

[Sadat X]
My fondest thoughts and memories go out with you
And I'm sorry for that time that I hit you...
The finest lights-- you radiate, you lookin bright
And that's why I love you with your chocolate skin!
Finer things were never made in this world
There you are: lookin like somethin' --
worth somethin'--
 (You) make me feel pride when you walk with me,
Sit down and talk with me, (even) for a minute.

It's kinda hard for me not to stray--
But I think I'm gonna start today--
Hey, I'm tryin, at least I ain't lyin'!!--
Send a rose to your wife, she probably saved your life--
Put up with cheatin' and she mighta got beaten--

You can't build a Foundation based on lies and deceit--
I'm tryin to be right, I want my cypher

 Let me take this time, to let you know
You've been on my mind, and even though
I always haven't been kind
I wanna show you that you really divine, sincerely...

Free Falling.

A friend of mine recently told me of the enormous respect she has for black men--which--for some reason, seemed so...strange...to me
--for some reason.

Nevertheless--It made me feel GOOD to hear it. She didn't say she had enormous respect for her husband, her brother, her father---she said Black MEN as a whole.

This. song.

At times, you can (at least I can) hear the..sincerity... in the lyrics.
You can hear it over and over again--a million times--and FEEL the HEART put into the words.

It's a shame that as men...
Black men
...we're not taught
to reveal our SINCERITY
ESPECIALLY when revealing it reveals everything else as well.

our regrets

To do so is...


to a certain extent.
I respect the HONESTY in the words.

I feel the shame.
Not ONLY for ME
but for EVERYONE else.

Don't forget....Brand Nubian--"FOUNDATION" (1998!!!--the lyrics STILL need to be heard--10 years later.)

(Please--try your best to Google the lyrics to the music your children might be listening to. Make it the topic of conversation one day. It is your choice whether you might want to police/ban what they're into. It SHOULD however, be a healthy balance. Just a suggestion.)

Free falling...

As promised...

May 19, 2008

The conversation between Cap and Peter:

(Preface: Young hot heads go in above their heads to confront another group of young hot heads--One of the hot heads on the OTHER side of the law doesn't care and takes out a large part of "Connecticut" with an elementary school nearby, killing countless THOUSANDS. The Government steps in, stating that they've had ENOUGH. From this point on, every super-powered being must REGISTER with the government, revealing their identities. Failure to do so is now BREAKING THE LAW. Of course, some of the heroes agree, while others don't. Both sides have excellent reasons why. Cap already works for the government--so, naturally--they assume that he's down with them


CIVIL WAR begins. Hero against hero, friend against friend.
Cap and Peter start on opposing sides. Peter later jumps ship, realizing his mistakes. He meets with Cap, asking WHY he fights AGAINST what he's SUPPOSED to stand for: THE LAW.)

Cap begins by quoting Samuel Clemens and rephrasing it afterwards. This is part the conversation:

"...In a republic, who is 'the Country'?

Is it the government, which is for the moment in the saddle?
Why, the government is merely a temporary servant; it cannot be it's prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. It's function is to obey orders, not originate them.
Who then, is 'the country'?  
Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit?
Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it; they have not command, they only have their little share in the command.
In a monarchy, the King and his family are the country; in a republic, it is the common voice of the people. Each of you, for himself, by himself   and of his own responsibility must speak.
It is a solemn and weighty responsibility and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government or the empty catchphrases of politicians.
Each must, for himself alone, decide what is right and what is wrong and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.
To decide it AGAINST your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor--both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and your country. Hold up your head. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Cap's interpretation:

"Doesn't matter what the PRESS says.
 Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say.
 Doesn't matter if the whole COUNTRY decides that something WRONG is something RIGHT.

This nation was founded on one principle above all else:

The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.

When the mob and the press and the WHOLE WORLD tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the WHOLE WORLD--


So many thoughts....

May 17, 2008

lately, I've wanted to post a MULTITUDE of blogs--just haven't had the time.

I'm lying.

I haven't had the DESIRE.

(and to be honest, I don't have it NOW, either. However--I need to release--and what better way to do so? Either I beat up the keyboard or I beat up someone else. Sure, one feels SO MUCH BETTER than the other, but one is ALSO more therapeutic! --DON'T YOU WISH YOU KNEW. )

Let's get a few of the thoughts outta the way though--some are already lost forever, which is a CRIME. Forgive me. Here goes:

1.) You mothers out there--Y'all KILL me. Cee and I accompanied Munch to a birthday party today that took place in a large park. I'm sitting on the benches paying OH SO MUCH attention to the parenting skills (or lack thereof) of the parents around me. A mother beside me calls her child over and they engage in a brief conversation, the majority of it revolving around it being time to go. Of course, the child wants to stay. it is EVIDENT that the MOTHER on the other hand, has had her fill of the park and WANTS TO GO.

But she's a mother.

Despite HER feelings (I'm telling you--it really was evident!!) she says to her son: "Okay, five more minutes" and he runs off to play.

(Cee is GOOD for that!

"Okay, Munch--five more minutes!!")

Five more minutes is NEVER five more minutes--it's always a good ten or fifteen. And I ALWAYS want to leave the park--So me? I get all excited and shit! 'Cause now there's a DEADLINE!!

Alas--it's NEVER "five more minutes".


Father's on the other hand? When WE'RE at the park and we say "five more minutes"?

.............................You BEST BELIEVE you've got THREE.

...and ONLY three.

okay--one thought out. How long can I keep this up? About how many do I have?


Cee graduated with her Masters Degree in Social Work this past Wednesday. Although she was fully aware of it and has been for the past year or so, I think it hit her AFTER the actual ceremony. She stepped out of the auditorium, where her mom, stepfather, dad, Munch and I were waiting and burst into tears.

Yea--that's when it hit.

Over the past 5 years or so, Cee has realized a LOT about herself.

I feel bad.

I feel bad because she comes to these realizations, and she gets so excited!! She comes to me....as if for validation...and I never think that I respond the way she'd like me to. I truly believe that she wants me to share in her joy--and I DO. I TRULY do.

But she comes to these realizations--and when she does, and she brings them to my attention,  I find it...difficult to be or act SURPRISED. And I tell her:

"Carmen--I knew you were capable of (whatever) ALL ALONG...

...YOU were the only one who doubted yourself."

( I really need to improve my...bedside manner. But i'm sorry...it wasn't news to me!)

(Remember in "Unbreakable" when we find out that Mr Glass is to blame for all the horrific acts? I've seen that movie a MILLION times. When we find that part out--I don't get surprised EACH AND EVERY TIME...because I ALREADY KNOW.)

it's the same thing. It may be news to you, Cee--but I'm sorry--I knew it all along.

Congratulations, Cee. I knew it all along.

Two thoughts out...Hold on...I'm about to jump around here..I'm trying to identify the source of my discontent, so I'll be hitting all targets--don't say you weren't warned.

......Oh. Stress ISN'T ALWAYS BAD. There is GOOD stress as well. I learned that many moons ago. You could have a lot of positive things happening all at once--and it could very well be STRESSING YOU OUT. Please keep this in mind.

....Captain America became my favorite superhero in the time it took me to read THREE pages.


He simply told another WHY he did what he did on a daily basis. ...and I felt that shit. (Someone PLEASE remind me to post that conversation!!) It was Spider-Man--and it was during.......?.....CIVIL WAR. They were just chillin' on a roof top--Peter had come to him for advice because he was beginning to realize that he had chosen the wrong side and he HATED himself for it. He hated what he had DONE. He hated that he gone against his beliefs.

So Cap tells him a story. More like WHY he's fighting. WHY he fights.

...and he finishes....and Peter has this LOOK on his face.

(This is a COMIC--how the artist captured it is AMAZING.)

...and he says something to Cap like "Can I carry your books to school for you for the rest of the year?"

And I remember feeling......that I probably would've said THE EXACT SAME THING.


Three thoughts out--I can feeling it getting closer--I'm almost there.

(I WILL post that conversation. I actually typed it out and posted it in my office--I read it the other day and got the SAME FEELING I got when I read it the VERY FIRST time.)

My little brother's having a baby. I couldn't be happier.


I already laid down the law--I couldn't care less what the situation is with shorty--that child is RIGHTFULLY my niece/nephew. "Let shorty know!!"

Anyway...His ex didn't take it very well. Not well at all.


As a result, she made a rather...disparaging comment. One that I'm ASHAMED to relay. I'm actually EMBARRASSED to admit to you all that I've ALREADY relayed it. I feel EQUALLY as guilty for doing JUST that.

..............I can't even continue with this conversation. I want to verbally lash out in ways I seldom do. Yes--writing is a release for me--however words can't describe how I feel in regards to this.

I am evil in ways UNKNOWN. My MOTHER can attest to this.

I am evil in ways UNKNOWN. My MOTHER can attest to this.

I am evil in ways UNKNOWN.       My MOTHER can attest to this.

UNKNOWN.  I am unaware of what I'm even capable of.



...you didn't think..............

you DID, didn't you?

...When I said that I was "evil in ways unknown" YOU thought that I meant that YOU didn't know!!


I  do not know.

am unaware of how EVIL I can be.

I keep surprising MYSELF.

(i can just IMAGINE what I'm cooking up this time around--"that marvelous shit to get your mouth waterin'"

Anyway...If it wasn't you, TOUGH. If you hate the parties involved because it wasn't you, TOUGH.

But there's a LIMIT.

a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit. a limit.


So--for all of you that might be out there--hating the fact that IT JUST ISN'T / WASN'T YOU and you have the overwhelming URGE to spew HATE out of those mouths of yours:

You're ALL cum-drinking whores and you like to get fucked by animals.**

Don't mess with me or mine.

...and these are just thoughtsWORDS.

IMAGINE me in the flesh.

Steele (my little brother) is too kind. THAT, of course--is what makes him Steele. I'm not so lucky. I'm the one with the curse. Only I LIKE mine.

Another thought out .....and wouldn't you know it? I feel SO much better. There's more--a lot more. However, Too much time has passed since beginning this post and now. My SINCERE apologies to those of you that might have been offended. I made an attempt to censor my thoughts, unfortunately, the method I chose was as far as I was willing to go.

My apologies to those of you that may have seen a side of me that you were unaware of. If you've been around, you'll see that I've admitted MANY TIMES that the Michael here online is but a GLIMPSE of the real deal. I have issues. AND PAPERS TO PROVE IT.


Good night--I feel better! I sure hope YOU do!! 

Don't Go Breaking my Heart..(There's still hope)

Apr 27, 2008

"Breaking My Heart" Lil' Wayne/Lil' Brother--(w/ interpolations, of course):

...How many ways can I say I'm done fishin'?
I wanted you for the role and you smashed the audition!!
Havin' a partner for a man in my position--
eliminates the cooks in the kitchen!!

Still, I got a taste for:
                  that fast food
                             foreign cars
                                    many women...

(And some say it's the life I was given)

I say it don't matter if I work at Mickey-D's...
I got a fix for more than what you got between ya knees--

It could be a new broad, you're still my number one...
(Every once and again I still like havin' some fun.)

No disrespect intended, but what's done is done!
(Women step out for love, men do it to cum!)

I'm not a playa like Pun-- 
but when shorties get to grabbin' on me--
...the last thought I get is "Michael run!!"

To them girls wishin' on a star, this might stun...
But I ALWAYS tell it like it is hon--

[Chorus: x2]
..She say she loves me, won't leave me, won't ever let me go--
But if you're thinkin' 'bout leaving you need to let me know!!
We're better together than further apart, 
so darlin' don't go breakin' my heart...

...We were high school sweethearts, 
talkin' since we was teens--
Every morning,
...every ev-e-ning...
Fourteen years later, she eatin' that mean cuisine...
I'm on the field, straight gone off that creatine!!

...In the NFL 
(which means "Not For Long.")
City to city, all the groupies they hop along...
Word got back to wifey, she was like "Stop the song--
I'm takin' the kids to your mommas, I'm out, I'm gone."
My momma was like;
                  "Baby, now I hate to see your tears...
                   But I've been with his daddy for 'bout 35 years...
                   And in my day I had to turn a blind eye to cheating...
                   But I ain't never had to wear no black eye from beatings--
                   As long as he doing right, by you and your kids...
                   How you gon' expect that man not to be who he is?
                    I ain't sayin' that it's right --
                   but we often pay the price--
                   Cause while YOUR life is love, 
                             HIS love is life.
                   And he gon' live it to the fullest,
                   and I ain't tryna pull you down-- 
                   or sound--                  
                   like a broken record--
But you should know by now that all men are dogs--
Better to have a rich pit then a broke german shepard."

[Chorus: x2]
She say she love me, won't leave me, won't ever let me go...
But if you're thinkin' of leaving you need to let me know...
We're better together than further apart, so darlin'--
Don't go breakin' my heart!!

[Verse 3: Lil Wayne]
I said I don't have nothin' if I don't have you.

(Like Sade, we've got the "Sweetest Taboo.")

And my game is skin deep, 
                                                  (like your first tattoo.)
I gets all in ya head.. 
                                                   (just like shampoo!)

I just wanna fuck with you like rude po-lices.
But I don't want a broken heart...because I'll lose the pieces.

Hey, girl--don't. play. with. my. gangsta!!
And have this boy blue like a "Power Ranger."

(And I know cheaters never get crowned--
So I try to play "fair" like roller coasters and clowns.)

You gotta hold ya soldier down!!
Even when the war is lookin' like-
it is right-
around the corna--
And you don't wa-nna,
                                         --leave me, 
                                                              --believe me
---Cause I could turn you on 
(like a personal TV.)
It's Young Weezy, 
I know what ya thought!!
But I'm just here to play my part- 
...so don't go breakin' my heart.

[Chorus x2: Lil Wayne First, Lil Brother Second]
She say she love me, won't leave me, won't ever let me go.
But if you're thinkin' of leaving you need to let me know.
We better together then further apart, so darlin' don't go breakin' my heart.

Every once in awhile--I make the decision to give up on Hip-Hop--(knowing DAMN WELL that it won't last.)
This brought me back this time. Honesty isn't Taboo it seems. 
I guess I'm still a card-carrying member.
There's still hope!!

Borrowed...(without permission)

Apr 24, 2008

"Today was Bring Your Kid to Work Day. I don't have kids and can't afford a child actor, so I had to do my normal stuff while all the parents took the day off to play. I never went to work with my parents when I was a kid. They were both teachers, so I felt like I pretty much knew what they did since I was sitting in school every day. I mentioned to someone that I thought people without kids should get an extra day of vacation since none of the parents were getting work done, but she didn't respond, so I'm pretty sure she's just bitter about not having kids. The toughest thing about Bring Your Kid to Work Day was that I work with a lot of young looking people, so I would have to look at them a few times to figure out if they were co-workers or kids. It makes things awkward since you're not supposed to stare at other people's kids or your young looking co-workers."

I lifted this from the...(owner? webmaster?) of "Steepandcheap.com", a site where I get most of my extreme sports gear from--this guy is HILARIOUS. He has DEFINETELY missed his calling. I WISH I could post as often as he does--and he does so DAILY--for no reason at all!! All he simply needs to do is tell us what we may find for the day, but instead--he gives us these little bits of information--HILARITY ENSUES. EVERY DAY. If you know of any extreme sports people looking for breaks on gear, (camping even!) check out this site! As a matter of fact, there are LOTS of these sites--tailored to whatever your fancy might be. Why aren't you using these sites?
DON'T BREAK THE BANK on your gear!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU"VE UNDERGONE WLS!! (You KNOW clothes are cheaper!! something about "less fabric used" or something like that!!)

"That’s it" or "Encylopedia Explanation"

Apr 19, 2008

Good Morning, Everyone.

Encyclopedia Brown. Not familiar with the name? You can't be serious!! How could you not? Didn't the author of the "Encyclopedia Brown" series of books win a Caldecott Medal many years ago? (What's that? You don't know what the Caldecott Medal is? SHAME ON YOU!)

(Do not despair. I forgot exactly what it was myself--No matter! it's 2008!! GOOGLE IT!!)

Anyway, Donald J. Sobol was the author of the entire "Encyclopedia Brown" series of books. There were SO MANY. I believe that I read them ALL. It pains me that there are movies about these OTHER cats (The Hardy Boys, their female counterpart--what was her name?) and NONE of ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN!! Come on!! BUGS MEANY?  he would've been the BEST!! I could see ANTHONY HOPKINS playing  BUGS MEANY. Nevermind that they were all teenagers! Who cares! Oh--and Encyclopedia could be played by JOHNNY DEPP!

(Who am I kidding--Encyclopedia Brown isn't "dark" enough for Johnny Depp!!)

I'D play Encyclopedia Brown!! (Hey, if they could make the KINGPIN & NICK FURY into African-American characters, why can't they do the same for Encyclopedia Brown?!?!  I'd take Encyclopedia Brown to NEW HEIGHTS.


He had a love interest!

(I think I'm lying--but hey, If I'M starring in the full-length feature film, I'LL NEED A LOVE INTEREST!!!)

(Off topic--GO AND DOWNLOAD J. HOLIDAY's ALBUM. NOW! LEGALLY!) (I don't believe that I have to add that!! and we'll be signing up J. Holiday for the Soundtrack!!)

Where was I?


(no--you STILL don't know who Encyclopedia Brown is, do you? I'm WHETTING YOUR APPETITE--it's called SUSPENSE. Have patience!! Cheese and rice!!*)

Love interest? Beyonce!

(psyche!) SO not my style.

(off topic part two: J.holiday's album is REALLY on point. Why does "SUFFOCATE" fit the bill at this point in time?)

(...and don't you hate when the name of the song is hardly what YOU think it is? I thought it was "Can't Breathe..."  he says that SO MANY MORE times than "Suffocate"!! Okay--I'm sorry--back to Encylopedia!!)

Love interest--someone...NOT run of the mill. A...singer! a stunningly BEAUTIFUL singer. and the best thing about it--she wouldn't sing not ONE NOTE for the ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE FULL-LENGTH FEATURE FILM.

(Suspense, remember?)

I don't even want the singer to sing BACKGROUND during the CREDITS.

(Yea--that's it.) Can you see it?


okay--enough suspense.

Encyclopedia Brown was a teenager. Nothing spectacular. Skinny little kid. No powers, No secret laBORatory (you have to say it like that--la-BORE-ah-tore-ee") No bells and whistles of ANY kind. Encyclopedia's REAL name was Leroy Brown**. Small little scrawny white kid, not a smart-aleck by any means. just PLAIN Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown.

He rode--


Sally was the name of his...

...oh damn. She WASN'T his love interest!!! she was more like his BODYGUARD!! I remember!! she would stand up to BUGS MEANY!!!

No matter!! Suspense, remember? It'll draw the crowds in!!

Encyclopedia and Sally will be like Sam and Diane!!

Tony and Angela!!

Jay and Beyonce!!

(scratch the last two--they got hitched too soon!)

Encyclopedia and Sally will start to grow on each other in part 4!! 

(START to grow!! )

. The female star will have equal billing rights and she HAS to sign on for EVERY movie. (sure, I actually LIKED the NEW lady in the "Silence of the Lambs"*** series--but how often does THAT happen?)

Where was I again? oh yeah!

Anyway--he rode around town on his bike, solving the local mysteries.

That's it.

As a matter of fact, Encyclopedia Brown was MacGuyver as a kid. That's it!

(no--not REALLY. but picture it.)

No bells and whistles, no super-model look--NOTHING SPECTACULAR.

He rode around town solving neighborhood mysteries. He had his own little mystery solving business. JUST HIM. (Sally would help out every once in awhile.)

No talking dogs.

No energy-enhancing vegetables.

No secret life as a rock star.

Just plain ol' Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown.

(Is it just me, or did you just see the trailer?: "No talking dogs, No energy-enhancing vegetables, no secret life as a rock star...Just plain ol' Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown."


(stay tuned--watch me come up with the poster!!)


As a kid--I was INTRIGUED by Encyclopedia Brown...Just for the simple fact that he was so-----------plain.

Not trying to fit in, not into the girls, not into his "look" or where he stood in the world. He found his niche and he was THERE. That's all he did. You had a mystery? Call Encyclopedia. His father (it's all coming back to me now!!) was THE CHIEF OF POLICE in their small town. NO ONE got away with ANYTHING because the MASTERMIND of the town was a KID.

Encyclopedia Brown was a BAD MOTHERFUCKER.

(I'm  laughing my ass off right now--you gotta see me!!)

That's it! Donald J. Sobol penned an ENTIRE SERIES of Encyclopedia Brown books and I wore out MANY a library card reading EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Each book had about ten mysteries, leaving you stumped at the end of each story.

(I'm laughing and CRYING at the same time now.--EVERTHING IS STARTING TO MAKE SENSE NOW.)

At the end of each story, Encyclopedia always found out who the culprit was.  Then, the reader was asked "HOW?" . At the end of the BOOK, was a detailed explanation as to what clues Encyclopedia used to solve the mystery. The DRAW to me was that NOTHING was hidden. All the clues were given in the story and revealed to you in the explanation.

So--first--I just liked Encyclopedia for who he was.

Second--I liked the whole "mystery" aspect.


Jumping to the back of the book was no longer fun to me--I didn't want to be told HOW Encyclopedia solved the mystery--I wanted to solve it MYSELF.

The clues were in the story!!!

and if I simply paid attention to EVERYTHING, I could solve them too.

(I'm crying right now--I kid you not.)

...if I simply paid attention to EVERYTHING I could solve them too.


(you have NO IDEA how much MONEY I owe to the Mount Vernon Public Library. you have NO IDEA how many times I got in TROUBLE because my mom had to pay for overdue books. You have no idea how I couldn't explain to my mom why I STILL had these books!)

"Junior!! you can read!! Why haven't you read those books yet?!!!! Why do you beg me to bring you to the library, start reading the books before we even GET TO THE CAR, yet FAIL TO FINISH THEM?!?!?!"

I wanted to tear the last section of the book OFF of each and every one. but I couldn't--they didn't belong to me. So, I'd read ONLY the mysteries, over and over again, until I solved the mysteries.


(Good Ol' Encyclopedia Brown.)

Years later--I worked as a Psychiatric Rehabilitation Counselor at a halfway house for the mentally ill. With an uncanny ability it seems, to be able to pinpoint when a client had began to deteriorate. (mentally) I never knew why! There's nothing special about Michael! I saw after awhile, though--especially after it was brought to my attention--that I seemed to have a knack for...

...paying attention to detail.

EVERY detail.

EVERY detail.

(Good Ol' Encyclopedia Brown!)

A couple of weeks ago, I took babygirl to the library to get her very first library card. (It was Daddy-Daughter-Doggy Day!!) She had been ON her mother and I to take her--and I remember doing the same with MY mom. She was SO happy. Imagine MY happiness. Taking my daughter to the SAME library I went to as a kid.

and it hadn't changed a BIT.

(Well, except for the computers)

...It hadn't changed a bit.

So--we're there--and she's SO excited!! and all she wanted to know was HOW MANY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO BORROW.

(and you KNOW she took exactly THAT MANY.)

(I love you, AmberStorm.)

SO--we're looking.


and it was like I opened the book and the entire world got sucked up into it!!!

(I tried to explain it to Am, but she couldn't have cared less--if it ain't about the teen with the rock star alter ego or the other teen with ESP, she ain't trying to hear it!!)


(never got around to reading them--and since then--they've gone back. However, I'll be back for 'em!!)

Amber and I constantly go over her homework--and she'll tell you--PRIOR TO our library trip--PRIOR TO me remembering all about Encyclopedia--I've been telling her the SAME THING.

ALWAYS pay attention to detail.

That's it. A special shout-out to Mr. Donald J. Sobol. Thank You. If you never recieved a Caldecott Medal, I'll get right on seeing how you CAN.

And another EXTRA SPECIAL Shout-out to the individual who provided the inspiration for this entry. I now know that I have to be inspired to write--you've provided me with MORE THAN ENOUGH inspiration. Thank you.

Paying attention to details: didja notice the asterisks? you know what they mean don't you? more importantly, did you pay attention to the CLUES?

(If you noticed no clues, they weren't meant for you!!)

(if you noticed "obvious" ones, they were coffee grounds****)!!!!


*--my mother didn't like when I used the Lord's name in vain. when I found this out, it was too late, I had already begun. I picked this up in my readings--what does it sound like? I say this instead. In rememberance of my mom.

**--Go to Youtube and enter this name: "Leroy Jenkins" into the search engine. (try adding "WoW" to it to make sure you get what i'm speaking of). This is HILARIOUS. I have a special vein of "internet humor" that goes over the heads of a large part of the general public who don't explore it like so many others (and I). Do yourself a favor and try NEVER to pull a "Leroy Jenkins"

***--YOU do the research. I forgot both of their names! I refused to watch it after the first actress jumped ship--but I was such a fan that I couldn't resist--I actually LIKED the second one!! (actress, I mean.) Anyway--I said it was the "Silence of the Lambs" series---I BELIEVE it should be referred to as the "Manhunter" series, since this was first. WAITAMINNIT? That was the guy playing the HULK!!)

****---Coffee grounds. (A result of too much tv!!) Coffee grounds, as I've seen, are what drug dealers (in the movies!!) use to mask the scent of drugs so that the drug sniffing dogs can't locate them. So, whenever I need to "throw someone off" of a trail that I've "left behind", I'll say "coffee grounds". Sue me! 

it's 6 minutes to 5!!! Didja see what time I started? Cheese and rice!!!

(notice how I never told you WHY he was named "Encyclopedia"? Despite the fact that it's SO obvious, why not find out for yourself?)




January 18, 2008

Jan 17, 2008

Happy New Year!!
(Yea, I'm 18 days late--sue me.)
I have to finish up my "Aunt Amy" story--I actually PROMISED someone that I would, and I FAILED to do so--please forgive me--but this time of the year is ALWAYS hectic for me--especially since my winter hobby is in full swing--which reminds me--MY TAILBONE HURTS! one of the drawbacks of the surgery, you ask? LESS PADDING!!
Anyway---small funny story that I need to document: but before I do--all is well, maintaining my weight and doing really bad with vitamins. REALLY BAD. it's a shame that I only want to take 'em for self-serving reasons of the VAIN kind when I should simply be doing it for self-serving reasons of the HEALTH kind. Word to the wise---if you're like me in regards to not being on top of your vitamin game, strategically place them EVERYWHERE. I have a bottle on my desk at the job, one in the car and one in the medicine cabinet--that SHOULD cover everything, but alas, it does not. 

...Now If I could only find a way to strap them to my snowboard....

...I need assistance on the water thing as well. Picked up a SURE FIRE way to do so from someone on the board--(Thanks Plum--you're the best!!) My friend Plum informed me that she coincides her water intake at the job with every time that the phone rings. THAT'S ingenious! (Granted, it doesn't really work if there isn't WATER AT MY DESK....but that can be worked on as well!!) I've also refrained from buying drinks--I'm GOING to get thirsty--so this will also "aid me in my quest for increased water consumption". (yea--call it what you want/describe it however you like, JUST DO MORE OF IT!!)

Okay--where was I?
            Oh yes...the story.

Okay--So I HARDLY dump. (Granted--this doesn't mean that I eat sweets on the regular--that has a LOT to do with WHY I don't dump!!) but I AM able to enjoy certain things without suffering like most of you have described. SO--my vice? POP-TARTS. No toaster needed--I'm talkin STRAIGHT OUT THE WRAPPER. So, naturally, I will buy them on occasion (who am I kidding? since when did "on occasion" amount to "daily"? However it'll be a meal, not a dessert or appetizer. I hardly eat--I have to remind myself because I DON'T GET HUNGRY. So--I make sure it's always on the shopping list.

Okay--so I've been told lately that I "eat all the pop-tarts".

"Papi, did you eat all the pop-tarts?"
"Michael--where are all the pop-tarts?"

Mind you--THEY ONLY WANT THEM WHEN I DO!!!!!!! Other than that, THEY SIT THERE!! (okay--no, not for VERY LONG, but they STILL SIT THERE!! and they just call out to me!!!

So.....now?--My pop-tart consumption is SCRUTINIZED.
So..... I leave the house to go to the night job last night AND I GET FRISKED FOR POP-TARTS!!


by not TWO, but FOUR hands!!

and I'm like--"WHAT THE?!?!?!"

and it's like--they PLANNED it!!

(and okay--they found them, but STILL!!! That's BESIDES the point!!)


In unison: "We're checking you for Pop-Tarts!!"

Carmen: "Here they are!! I KNEW I heard that distinctive wrinkling sound!!"

(It does have a distinctive wrinkle--can't they shrink-wrap them or something? That preserves flavor too!!)

Okay--so I'm caught--but I'll be damned if I don't give up those Pop-tarts without a fight!!--I mean--they were STRAWBERRY for crying out loud!!

But I can't fight them.
But I CAN distract them--that ALWAYS works.
(but damn! I'm fresh outta smoke bombs and my web shooters are on "E".)

LAUGHTER is the best medicine, and it has NEVER let me down--so I gotta think quick!

So I let it out.

I say: "What are y'all? the "POP TART POLICE?!?!"

(and we ALL crack up!!)

....They're laughing so hard, that they forget to restrain and cuff me...

...and I make a quick getaway!!

(They were STRAWBERRY Pop-Tarts!!)


(Have a good day, everyone.)

About Me
(Encyclopedia Brown), NY
May 01, 2006
Member Since

Friends 238

Latest Blog 19
Hearing aid? or bluetooth?
So tired...
Free Falling...
As promised...
So many thoughts....
Don't Go Breaking my Heart..(There's still hope)
Borrowed...(without permission)
"That’s it" or "Encylopedia Explanation"
January 18, 2008