*Hope *
I have always been a 'big girl'...either because of my height (5'9") or my weight. I am an expert at dieting, but have a history of being a yoyo because the diets were short term successes and typically unrealistic as a 'forever' way of living. I was also inconsistent with exercise for various reasons, the final straw being knee surgery that removed my cartilage making everyday movements and exercise often very painful. That helped me bloom even bigger than I imagined I could ever be.
When I first thought of weight loss surgery a few years ago, I worried about the risk of the surgery. My doc told me to compare the risk of having the surgery to the risks of going without it. I thought that was a good point to ponder.
Once I seriously considered the WLS a year ago, I documented my past attempts at losing weight, only to realize that I have yoyo'd (anything up to 60lbs) for 27 of my 44 years. I think that's enough. Instead of beating myself up for the number of attempts that I failed to regaining the weight, I choose to accept how many successes I had in losing the weight and try to stay positive. Staying positive is, however, easier some days than on others.
I now have a few health concerns that cause me to sometimes feel defeated before I ever even motivate. Being a very independent person, it's not my nature to feel weak. I have the courage and will to change that.
Doctors have told me I have a metabolic disorder. Knowing that is a relief and somehow makes it easier for me to accept the challenge of weight loss that I'm faced with once again....trying to lose weight on my own this time has been more difficult than ever. I cannot afford to lose some only to regain more again, and past experience has convinced me that the chances of that happening are good. I need help and can finally admit so...without shame. I have spent a lot of time researching the WLS and believe this could be the (more permanent) solution for me.
With the help of the WLS, I have the chance at a healthy body and a better quality of life once again. I miss the dynamic and energetic me that I used to be just a couple of years ago. Most of me is still here, but I need my body to catch up with my mind and spirit. That day cannot come soon enough. The support of good people I've met here, who understand this challenge, will surely help me meet my goals. I currently weigh 280lbs. and would like to lose at least 20 lbs by my surgery date.
My surgery is scheduled for June 18, 2008. This is the beginning of a new journey for me. I am inspired by so many success stories. I feel very hopeful that I can do this. I know I can.
