involuntarysheep
Anxiety I Wasn't Prepared For
Dec 27, 2012
I've been keeping track of everything that goes into me, making sure I get the levels of protein that I require to keep my body healthy and happy. I take my vitamins every day, and even though I get cravings for carbs and foods I shouldn't be eating, I (for the most part) make the right choices, and when I know that I want something, I take it into account of what I'm eating and adjust accordingly. I've started walks, and got Dance Central 3 for Kinect, which is actually way more involved than I thought it was going to be, which is a major plus for working out. But for the past 10 days, nothing has come off, and I'm starting to freak out that this is it, this is all there is to the weight loss, and it is totally bugging me out.
I know why I'm freaking out - I was given hope, and there's this twisted part of my mind that thinks the whole thing was a ruse to get me to pay a ridiculous amount of money for minimal results. Another part of me is just scared. I mean, think of it - I've spent my entire life being fat, so why should it be any different now? Because I put myself through an excruciating surgery and have been working my ass off, that's why. But you know how it is; you always read through the forums, look through everyone's profile and blog, and every once in a while you get the person who didn't lose anything, or who gained it back, or whose progress has been at a stand-still for far too long. I don't want that to be me. I finally have the chance to be as healthy and as physically fit as I've always wanted, I don't want that glimmer of hope to fade away. And by the same token, I don't want it to consume me like it has been this last week.
So I didn't lose anything this week...so what? My period finally came, and I've always retained water the entire week before, so I'm sure that's all it is. I just need to focus on doing what needs to be done and not pay any attention to what the numbers on the scale say. I also need to get my husband to hide the scale. I swear, that thing is going to be the ruin of me. For the next week, I'm not even going to look at the damn thing...well, I'll try not to. I need to get my anxiety under control and remove all of the negative thoughts from my head. It's going to be the only way I'll be able to make it through this whole ordeal, which, in the grand scheme of things, has really only just begun.