Danielle B.

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Okay this is nasty and it FREAKED me out bigtime.. as in I was shaking and crying! 

One of my incisions opened right after surgery.  So I've been taking care of it and cleaning it and babying it.. etc!

So I see my surgeon last thursday and she taped it up real good and told me to keep it on till it comes off.  She told me to wear my binder also... Which kinda irratated me cuz when i called the office originally about the incision popping open the PA (physicians assistant) told me NOT to wear the binder, even tho it felt more comfortable and I had it a way that i could tape up the incision myself!  OH WELL!!!

So she taped it up and it lasted till last night (wednesday night)...  I laughed really hard and i felt pain!!!  I later took the bandage off and sure enough, part of the now closing up incision opened up!  SHIT!

So its hurt all day today and I'm back to not being able to bend much cuz it hurts.. so I havent been very happy today.

My friend was going to come over and since I was in my PJS all day I thought I should atleast take a shower and be somewhat presentable! 

So in the shower I'm holding my gut up with one hand (to keep the incision as closed as I could.. which btw now is totally open again)

So I'm washing my hair one handed... washing my body one handed and I look down to wash the incision and there is this purple stuff coming out of it... it looked like a worm or intestines or something (which i know it wasnt) but it was like wormy looking I dunno.. I took a pic but i doubt anyone wants to see it... HAHA...

So I have this stringy looking blob hanging out the incision...

So I cleaned my body off and got outta the shower shaking and crying.  I didnt know what that was.. I just knew it looked GROSS... so I'm thinking I'm gonna have to go to the local hospital or something (my surgery was done 140 miles from me!)...

So I stop crying and I call my best friend to ask her if she ever had something like that happen when her incision from her c section opened up like that.. she said "nope" so I went ahead and called the surgeon on call at like 9:30pm....

He told me its probably just blood clots and to wipe off the purple stuff and keep it clean....

So I get off the phone and start crying cuz I'm tired of dealing with this issue.. its grossed me out since it happened... i'm just really sickened by it all... it freaks me out...

so I cleaned off the yucky purple stuff and I hydrogen peroxided my open hole OUCH! and taped it up with my medical tape...

It all just was too much for me and then i started crying about other stuff... typical for me !  gotta love depression. 

But I'm doing better now... but yuck!

Tomorrow i'm goign to see what kinda tape or bandage i can buy that will hold the incision closed the best so it will freaking heal!  It needs to go away :(

I didnt get any protein or anything in today either... i havent eaten a thing :(

Tomorrow i'm going to try my hardest to get my protein in atleast....

I'm stressing about life a lot lately too.... its all so much for me!!!  But I'm surviving the best i can :)  I'm down 35 pounds :) woohoo!

I dont know why I find it hard to keep updating this page but I live on my Myspace page!  Most of Myspace people really don't care about my WLS :)

As of today, I still have an open incision (one came open and boy is it lovely UGGG!!!!)  It almost looks like an eyeball, its open like the shape of an eye... its real sexy, let me tell you!!!!!

The PA at the surgeon's office says to keep it clean and just let it heal.  Its gonna take much longer to heal and its going to be a nice scar.. let me guess, in the shape of an eye? HAHA....

Last weekend at this time the incision was really bothering me psychologically, knowing its there and open and how it looks, yah, it was really really bothering me... But I think I'm finally over it THANK GOD!  Now if it'll just heal.. life will be great!!!!

My dermatologist and a few other docs all think the incision really needs to be stitched up that its not good to walk around with an open hole in my tummy... but I guess I'll wait and see what Dr. Francis says when I see her for my first Post-Op doc appointment!

All this past week I could barely drag myself outta bed.. Plus I had a fever up to 100.4.  Which yah, that isnt outrageous or anything, but I think knowing the whole thing of how even post op youre still at risk for infections or problems from surgery.. so being I'm not fully in the clear yet, it scared me a lil to be feeling so incredibly horrible!!!! 

Yesterday I felt a lot better and even today I feel better, but its odd, I still don't feel as good as I did the first week post op!  You'd think id feel better now then I did the prior weeks!  Oh well.. who knows!

I'm not getting in any protein.  I'm lucky to eat anything.  Nothing sounds good, nothing tastes good, I'm not hungry... its just blah!!!!

My taste buds seem to be so shot its not even funny!  Nothing tastes right and nothing tastes good.  I guess that can be a good thing, but when youre really trying to get in some protein and everything tastes like ass.. its not very helpful!!!

I'm even sick of drinks!  Crystal light I'm so over, even iced tea and im a tea freak!  Never in my life would I think I'd ever say this, but water is just the best tasting stuff around!  I live off of water, I just love it!!!!!

I thought i was having problems with juices and this morning I realized, yes!  Juice is a problem!!!

I had a glass of apple juice and i started to get kinda dizzy like... a lil sweaty... then I ran to the toilet.  After my fun in the bathroom I just wanted some water!  Cuz i had thought that everytime ive been drinking juice I tend to breath a lil harder and get sweaty...

Its almost like pre-dump syndrome or something hahah.. I still havent experienced dumping (thank god.. doesnt sound fun!)  But I got like .5% of dumping syndrome or something hahahaha  its enough to realize I cant hang with that much sugar, natural or not!  thats just way too much!!!

And Milk doesnt like my tummy!!!  So I need to get some lactaid stuff.. thats the only way i've been getting in any protien!

I've lost 29 pounds since surgery tho, (18 days post op i think)  I have no clue if thats good or bad or what.. I guess I'll know soon enough when i see the doc!!!!!

I really hope to regain some energy tho.. this no energy thing really sucks!  I guess time will help!!!!

Today for the first time I noticed the weight.  My friends can see it outta my face and shoulders and upper arms but today my shorts are definately too big (with the belt) but even better, i can look down and see my belt instead of seeing a gut with my belt below that... i look down and i see boobs and a lil belly compared to a big belly.. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Id take pictures but of all times in my life my camera decided to die now! :(

I'll try to update a lil more often.. I guess I just dont know if its worth the time.. as in do people actually read this stuff!!??!

I know when I was preop I read all sorts of profiles trying to get an idea as to whats going to happen to me :)

I can say, I don't regret this surgery and I havent even had a moment where I slightly regretted it.  Regret isnt even a feeling I've had at all... and I'm glad!  I thought for sure I'd be hating life for a bit! 

I take that back.  When I was in ICU with an outrageous heart rate.. to the point the nurses were freaking out on me, for one second I did think "What did I do to myself?" because I thought I was about to have a heart attack the way the nurses were treating me.... but I was really drugged up too!!!!  but it wasnt the surgery, it was my heart but it was crzy from surgery maybe?  I dunno :)

anyways im done here :)

I couldnt update my surgery date or doctor due to psycho people in my life....  I guess I should be flattered that my life is so important, people go outta they're way to find me online and read up on my life.. I am just the shit arn't I!?!? :) 

Anyways.. surgery was the 14th in Fountain Valley California...  It was lapriscopic, all went well.. I have 6 holes in my belly now :)  I'm a lil sore, and I'd kill for a pepsi.. thats about it so far.. pizza smelled good when my mom was eating it, but I didnt want any, I wanted he damn soda! hahaha...

I cant seem to quench my thirst but I'm sure that will go away with time!!!!!

My heart rate was outrageous the night I had the surgery... they wouldnt even let me outta bed to walk around (they are supposed to make you walk like 3-4 hours after surgery).. they told me NOPE.. lay down!  It bothered me cuz I really wanted to walk cuz I was told thats the way to go!!!!

So I walked the second day in ICU for a lil bit... then was released friday morning.. My best friend in the whole wide world, Jennifer, Picked me up from the hospital and took my to my mom's house for a few days...

And now sunday, I'm at home!!  Took my meds a lil while ago and I"m gonna go lay down.. I've been walking around a lot today and I"m just really tired!!!!

But considering 4 days ago I was doped up and being cut up.. I think I'm doing much better then I expected!!!!!

I'll update more later!!!!

Well... Its February now.. technically speaking :)  So on Feb 12th It'll be one month till surgery!  And I'm not really scared yet.  I dont think its hit me that its really gonna happen.  I'm too busy worrying about stupid shit I guess.. "who will watch my cats" "where will I stay" "where will my dog go" "will i have a roommate by then?" etc etc...

I always worry about the lil things... But I think I have MOST of it figured out..a nd i figure whatever I dont have figured out I'll probably know more after my "Doctor's Talk" meeting thing I have to go to. 

I was going to stay at someones house after surgery, but she'll be outta town till the 17th.. so that'll give me a couple days of nowhere to go! EEK!  So trying to get it all figured out :) 

I'm wondering what stuff I should buy now... I would like to buy some protein shakes so I can try them out.. I just want to get the sample ones from the vitalady.com thing?  I dunno! 

I'm always broke.. so i thought if i planned ahead of time maybe it'll be a good thing??  Specially if i dont have someone here to shop for me or whatever!!!

I just thought of something new to worry about.. after surgery I hope i have enough energy to walk my dog.. she HAS to walk daily.. I hope I can hang.. shes going to destroy my house otherwise!  ugh!

I feel like a pregnant lady waiting for her delivery date... counting down the days... tick tock tick tock

Well.. I went to see my medical doctor two weeks ago for a rash I have that they thought was brought on my medications.. now they have no clue what it is or why.. UGH! 

But, while I was at the doc, he said we might as well do lab work and see how my thyroid and cholesterol and stuff is doing...

So they called me yesterday to tell me my thyroid level isnt right (or whatever) and they're upping my synthroid to 75mcg instead of the 25 or whatever it was at. 

I saw the doc today again for the damn rash that wont go away.. and I told him I have a surgery date now and he told me that if my thyroid isnt right then they'll cancel my surgery for a later date. 

SO.. he said, start the synthroid asap and before I'm out of it, go have my blood drawn again and they'll see where my thyroid is then. 

So we're really pushing it!  Fighre if i have my blood drawn maybe Feb 21st and hopefully have results by the next week... I dunno!!!

I see Dr. Leport on the 20th but I'm pretty sure I'll have had lab work from their office done before then.. so if my thyroid is jacked up, i'm sure they're gonna know before my doctor will know...

After quitting smoke, waiting forever, i dont want it to be put off cuz of my thyroid!!!! 

I figure, if its put off its put off for a reason.. but I'm going to try my hardest to go ahead and get all my requirements done on time! 

Being I dont know where I'll be living in the next few months (waiting on a place to be ready!)... i think maybe if it was put off, maybe it'll be better cuz maybe ill get to move where im hoping to move before my surgery.. but then again, if i have surgery on the 12th, maybe the place will be ready in april or may.. give me a lil recovery time.. plus i have help with my move already! 

So Im just praying for the best and I know whats meant to happen will happen.. either have it on the 12th, or have it later, whatever happens happens... Yes, ideally, id like to have it on the 12th.. I want to get it over with :) hahahah

I just got off the phone with my sister and she actually asked me if I could watch my nephew on March 15th when they want to go to Las Vegas....

WTF!?!?!?  I told her I'll be lucky to be outta the hospital by March 15th let alone watch a 3 1/2 year old!!  Hello!?  Any thought there?? jeeze!!!

Anyways.. I have stuff to do that im putting off.. so i shall end this here.

Well!  December 28th I was called with an approval from Smart Dimensions!  I was quite shocked to find out I was approved!!!

Unfortunately that is the same day that my boyfriend moved out (thats NOT unfortunate) but the unfortunate part is he heard the message (not knowing what it was about other then knowing who it was from) so it gave him the bright idea to write down their phone number and try to black mail me with "I'm going to call the doctors office and tell them youre suicidal, you do drugs and you cut yourself"

SO.. He left with my $100 and my iMac computer while I was asleep (which is really messed up.. but whatever!)

So when I said "dude ill call the cops on you for stealing my SH#$.." thats when he pulled the "i'll call the docs office" bs! 

He knows that is the only thing he can do to me.  He knows at this point in my life, that is the most important thing to me. 

My therapist told me not to worry about it that if the ex were to call the docs office they'd probably just think hes psycho.  But he just kept makng the threats...

I finally had to call the office myself and just tell them that I'm having issues with a psycho ex and he may try to call and make untrue accusations and that I just wanted to be sure that he can not find out anything about my status or medical records!

Becky called me back and told me not to worry that I have full confidentiality and thats all there is to it!  So I feel a lot better now especially since I have a date!  March 12th, 2007!!!

I'm only broadcasting the date on here, I wouldnt dare broadcast it on myspace because I don't want him to find it out and try to wreck things for me.. which really sucks because I just want to scream and tell everyone "MARCH 12th!!!!" hahahah... but instead just a few people know!!!

I'm really excited and I'm really scared!  Ive never had an operation of any kind.. Ive never even been hospitalized over night.. so this is all kinda freaky to me!!!! 

I am very glad that I chose Fountain Valley and not Fresno since all my family is in Orange County.. Even tho my family isnt supportive, my friends finally are.. so It'll be nice with them close because I'll have someone to visit me and I'll have somewhere to stay for a few days before going back home to Bako!

There is an oppurtunity that came up for me to move back down to orange county.. and being im paying the rent by myself here now, i think Orange County would just make 2007 perfect!!!!!

So if youre reading this, please pray that I get to move to Garden Grove!!!  That is ideal :)

I guess I shall end this here!!!

After months of stalling!  First having to find a new office to go to, second reciving paperwork and sending it back (easy!) and the hardest part for me.. Coming up with the co-pay!!!!!!  UGH!  Its hard when your just scraping by to begin with!!!!

SO.. Friday I called Lite Demensions in Fountain Valley to make my co-pay on the phone.  Apparently the lady I need to speak to doesnt go on the phones Friday.  Which would have been nice if someone told me this the first time I called that morning.  Instead I called about 4 times until I was finally informed of this information!  I'm not a very patient person :)

Luckily I asked questions on the phone because I still feel like I dont have all the information I'm looking for when it comes to this particular office... but I was informed if you want your surgery at Fountain Valley Regional Hospital, you go thru Lite Deminsions.  BUT if you want it at Orange Coast Memorial you go through Smart Deminsions.  Same doctors, I think the same office, different program!!!!

WELL CRAP!  I didnt know they had two seperate programs!!!!  I've done all the paper work for the Fountain Valley hospital one but I want my surgery at Orange Coast Memorial!!!!!

SO.. tomorrow I get to call first thing in the morning and talk to DeDe and find out what I need to do to switch to the other program!  I need to make sure everything stays the same (copay and doctors!) but just switch to the other program.  Hopefully its something that is easily done!  I can only hope right?? :)  I hope I dont need to resubmit all the paper work.  I'm tired of stalling on this stuff!!!!

So hopefully tomorrow I have a better idea of what is going on!!!!  Being I live 150 miles I think, from the office.. I need to find out what theyre going to make me come down for and when!!! 

Luckily since I started all of my WLS stuff up here in Bakersfield, I've done most the pre requisites!!!  Ive had my ultra sound of my gallbladder, chest x-rays, blood tests, psych evaluation, and I've gone to meetings here in town.  I think all I need to do is an upper GI and new blood work!  I'm hoping!!!!!

I really hope this gets going and I can have my surgery soon!!!!!  I guess I'm lucky with my insurance and they dont need to submit everything for approval, as long as I'm under the guidelines they can just do the surgery and bill the insurance (or so someone in their office told me)  I can only hope :) 

I really cant wait to get this going and I really hope everything is settled tomorrow when I call them and I'll be on the beginning path to have my WLS.  I'm sick of being overweight and in pain all the time... Lets get this show on the road!!!!!! :P