Jemrock
Okay, here is my story. I am 49 yrs old (about one of the oldest here on OH to get RNY) and married to a great man. I have a job I love (I drive a tractor-trailer for Wal*Mart) and it is the best job I've ever had. We own a home (pretty nice one too!) and 2 cars. Pretty much a typical life, minus kids.
Boy have I gotten fat over the years. I think finally that I saw how fat I was when the doctor said outloud to me that I was MORBIDLY OBESE!! OMG that scared me for some reason. Then I came home, took a good look in the mirror and realized that he was SO VERY RIGHT. My God how did this happen to me? Oh wait I know....EVERYTHING in my life revolved around food...what I was going to have, when I was going to have it, and maybe who I could get to go and eat with me. Or was this a day when I would be eating alone to ashamed to let people see me eat? He told me I had just qualified for gastric bypass surgery.
Let us just say that my 1st memory in life is about food!! You see we were (my 4 sisters, 2 brothers, and parrents) having strawberry shortcake for dessert one night and my oldest sister couldn't or didn't want to finish hers. My dad (who only had a weight problem as a kid) said he would finish it. When he got to it, I remember that he yelled at my sister because she had eaten all the strawberries and only left the biscuit. I never wanted my dad to yell at me like that so, I learned to eat the crappy part of something 1st, just in case I had to give it away. Needless to say, that only made me want to finish everything because I couldn't give the best part of something away!! What kind of sick thinking is that? I think I was about 4 when that happened. Must have been because that's when my mother said I got fat.
It has been onward and upward on the scales ever since. The countless diets, the praying that I could make myself vomit, or at the very least, use laxative's. But no...not me...I'm too chicken for all that!! Lets just see how fat I can get.
Did I mention that I am a twin? Probably not because though I love her dearly now, as kids we didn't get along to well and now with all honesty I can say that in part that was due to my jealousy....she was the "thin twin, the pretty one...I was the fat twin, if only I would/could lose some weight". I heard the whispers, I saw the stares. Still I could not help myself.
Back to the day at the doctors office. I think that there was always a part of me that secretly wished I could have gastric bypass because I believed that was the key, the easy answer, the magic that was going to save me. The minute the doctor said it though, my brain was not only in shock but, in a bit of a panic mode.
That was 11 months ago. I went to a seminar locally about gastric bypass and what I heard and saw, shocked me. But I knew. I knew there was something there (with the surgery) that I needed, I HAD to have but, more importantly, I WANTED. And at that moment I also realized it would not be easy nor would it be the quick fix that I always dreamed of. Took me 10 months and 2 different surgeons to make this happen for myself but, I have NEVER been so sure of anything in my whole life (except my husband).
I am almost a month post-op now and I hope that I will always remain as optomystic as I feel now. I hope that this will be one the key 'pieces' to the puzzles I have always felt were missing in my life. AND, I pray that this will be a successful journey not only for my life but, for everyone involved in my life. I do believe that they are affected by my weight as well.
