Well, greetings to anyone still out there..   lol..   it seems that once the surgery is finished, people tend to start living their lives and this website becomes a distant memory.. haha.. not that it's a bad thing.. but I really didn't want to turn into one of those people who disappeared completely.  

So here I am..   about 14 months out..   down from 289lbs to 147lbs!!!  That's a loss of 142lbs...  about half my weight..    It's still all very surreal to me, to be honest.  My doctor still wants me to get down to 135, and the weight is still coming off SLOWLY, but 135 just seems too small for me.. but we shall see.    

I went into the emergency room the other day for stomach pains (they were really weird stomach pains and I thought my gallbladder or something was about to give, turned out to be nothing I guess).. but anyhow, the nurse who was taking my vitals pulled up my information on her computer and I saw her look at the screen, look back at me, look at the screen and then back at me and finally said "you had gastric bypass?"  and I said "yes" and she said "oh my god, you're SOOO skinny!! I would have never guessed you had ever been bigger!".   I blushed..  it really made me feel good and it's moments like those that remind me how "real" it is.  I tend to forget how it was being big now..  and I don't want to forget that..  

I am LOVING being thin though!!  I got season passes to Great America (roller coaster park) and have taken my boys a few times now..  they love it and I love being able to spend the time with them..  being able to fit on all the rides is AMAZING!   Not to mention, there's a water park there and this past weekend I was strutting around with shorts and a bathing suit top on (not a bikini though.. lol)  but it felt SO good .. such a feeling of freedom!   I feel like I have a whole new life that I never thought I would have... never even dreamed it would feel this great!

So what am I doing?  Well as we all know too well, it is so much easier to screw up once you're a year out or so...  I've realized that now.   I definitely got "comfortable" with no exercise and just losing weight for a long time there.   I would go through quick phases where I would ride my bike a few weeks or maybe try an exercise video.. but nothing really stuck.   So a couple months back..  I was in a relationship and started getting "comfortable".. you know, where you're going out to dinner and lunch or breakfast when you're with that person.. and you find yourself not really paying attention to food intake because your life just seems so happy and great?? haha..   Well yeah, I was there.. and by no means did I eat things that were outrageous.. I think I just ate more then I should have in most cases.   So, in turn, I actually hit a long plateau where I was staying around 155-160.  

After the relationship, I started re-evaluating what I was doing..  and realized that 155-160 was not where I wanted to get stuck.  So I got myself in check and then started walking with a friend of mine.  Well, when I was walking, I felt like I needed "more", like my body was "NEEDING" more of a challenge.  So I started jogging and then walking 2 miles a day.  Then on my nifty Droid phone, I found an app called "Cardio Trainer".. this thing is my saving grace!!   It goes by GPS, it tracks how far you've gone, where you've gone (shows you on a map), how many calories you've burned, your time.. etc.  IT is FANTABULOUS!  I started using that and going around my neighborhood walking and building up my jogging.   I now jog about 95% of 4 miles a day in a 40-50 minute timeframe.. and love it!  My weight has been gradually going down and in the two months I have been doing this, I have lost 4 inches of EACH of my thighs!   amazing! 

Sadly though, I still have a lot of issues with my body.  I think I've said before that I had more confidence naked prior to the surgery then I do now, and that still rings true.  My stomach is a disaster from all the stretch marks, that are now like these deep lines that run down my stomach.  I do not have much of a belly "hang over" which I am fortunate for, but it's still not pretty to look at.   My rear and thighs have creases and wrinkles where you can tell there's excess skin and my upper arms are very bad.  But most of all..  my breasts..   R.I.P. boobies..  I miss those things so much..   what I have now is a pathetic mess of flappy skin.. it's aweful. 

This is what I've noticed too.   It seems truly harder to find someone who is willing to accept me the way I am now, then it did when I was big.  I know I know, you're probably saying that's crazy talk.. but hear me out here.   haha..  

When I was big, it was OBVIOUS I was big..  if someone met me, they knew what they were getting into, they knew I was thick and would most likely have stretch marks and huge thighs and all that stuff that comes with being BIG.  But now, people see me and assume I'm thin and that I've always been thin.  So they get their hopes up that I have a kick ass body which only looks that way when fully clothed.. so it's really misleading.   So meeting people now, I am FAR more nervous about how to approach the subject.  I had met two people who when I told them up front I had a surgery and lost a lot of weight, they immediately stopped talking to me..   So, I do not know if I want to be up front with anyone else but then I feel like I'd be leading someone on and if they eventually see me, they will run.  It's a bit of a dilema and very frustrating... to say the least.  

Anyhow.. I am sure I'll eventually find someone who accepts me the way I am, like my last boyfriend did..   it's just weeding out the superficial people, which can be hard to do when it's something that's not that easy to talk about.

All things aside though.. I am VERY happy with the person I have become.. I do not have any regrets and would do it all over in the drop of a hat!  

I hope everyone is doing well out there!   Stay positive and smile!!  Enjoy your new life and the endless possibilities that lay in front of you!  

Well well well..  greetings to anyone who still reads these!! haha..   Hope it finds you doing well!  It's funny how as this progresses, sense of time seems to go out the window and I forget to come onto this site..  :(   ok.. it's not funny, I should definitely be staying more active on here..  it's definitely been a major support though all this! 

So last time I wrote was in October, before Halloween.   Halloween was a blast, I was so excited to actually get to dress up and it felt good to feel comfortable doing it!!!   At this point, 10 months out, I am down 125 lbs!  I weigh 164 and am still in shock that I am actually below 200 and that I can fit in a size 10 (sometimes a size 8!!) jeans!!   Don't even remember the last time I was fitting in those sizes, if EVER!!  It's a surreal feeling!   I feel absolutely normal now.. which is AMAZING.. even though I have another 25 or so to lose, it's just so great to not be uncomfortable when I go out in public!!  

Let's see.. the holidays weren't that hard with me on the food aspect.. I've been really good about staying at 14 grams of sugar per sitting and I refuse to even try to eat things that I shouldn't on the sugar side of things (ie: cookies, baked goods, ice cream, etc.) I won't even go there!   I just know myself and if I did, and if I found out I'm one of those people who doesn't get sick, I would have lost the control aspect of it all and I would start sneaking things in here and there.. so yeah.. not even going there!  lol

The weight really has come to a SLOWWW roll at this point, I don't mind it though, since it's still going down or staying the same...  it's good to know that it is still working it's way off.  

I have noticed the ability to eat more in terms of quantity and I always have to check myself when I notice I'm eating too much.  Our nurse had told us that the pouch would not stretch, even though there are rumors it does, and so she basically said it's ok to eat until you feel full..   WELLL..   one of the local surgeons came into our group meeting a month or so ago and he said that although the pouch does not stretch, you can stretch the organs around the stomach (the tube that leads into the stomach.. and no, I don't know the name of it, and this sounds pretty retarded since I don't.. haha.. but go with me here)..  ;)   So he said that when you eat more then the stomach will allow, the food builds up in the tube above the stomach, causing that to stretch and that can be really bad for you.  He said that if we're able to put down more then half a sandwich size of food, then we're probably stretching that outter area..   which was something I needed to hear because I think sometimes I was pushing that!   So now I've been very careful on quanity.. I've been really trying to eat slower and notice those signs that I'm getting "full"..  it's hard to train myself to do that, where before the surgery I would eat so fast and then just be absolutely MISERABLE when my stomach would be tossing and turning and hating me for all the food I just crammed into it.   There's definitely a feeling I get when my tummy is starting to get to a full point..   it's just a matter of listening to it and stop eating.   lol

As for everything else.. my body structure is starting to worry me..  I don't think I was built to be super thin..  I have broad shoulders and my ribs are whacky and stick out a LOT..   so I've noticed as I'm thinning out, that my upper body is very awkward..  my boobs are pretty much gone, so if I'm laying on my back, all I notice is my huge ribcage sticking up.. haha.. it's not a happy time in that area.   And even though I'm in a size 10/8, I've noticed that my hip bones are like right there.. so I don't see myself being ever able to get into smaller sizes because of the bone structure limitations.. most of my excess weight now is in my thighs, rear and arms..   so hopefully my body will start pin pointing those areas and take some more off there!  haha..   On a side note though, I LOVEEE shopping now and am so excited I fit in Juniors size clothes, so excited to shop at NORMAL stores!!!  And even fit in a size Medium shirt in some cases, which is just a jaw dropper to me..   Thin feels SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!   I don't think anyone appreciates it as much as those of us who have been on the other side of that spectrum..  I know I've mentioned it before, but I truly believe that some thin people should be forced to live a day in the shoes we once wore..   I am still appalled at how much nicer people are to me now..  it saddens me how cruel and cold people are to those who are overweight.  Not everyone..  but MANY people.   Just a typical visit to the store or a Starbucks is such a huge difference.. and maybe it's partly because I have confidence now, where before I had none..  but yeah.. people are just so much nicer.  Really has opened my eyes and I have told myself I will never do that to people who are larger then me.  

I have still been terrible at exercising..  I did start doing a Tae Bo video last week and I must admit that I was surprised at how easy it was for me to do it without breaking too much of a sweat and it felt good afterwards!  :D  Then I got a nasty cold and have been recouping, so I haven't done it..  :(   Hoping when I feel better I will push myself to do it again..  it was nice!

Trying to think if there's anything else??   OHhhh!  I went to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and was able to go on ANY ride I wanted.. that was a great feeling!  And on the one big roller coaster they have, I was actually flying up in my seat at some points and I have never felt so damn LIGHT!! hahaha..  it was awesome!  

All in all, I am extremely happy with everything this surgery has done for me, I am extremely blessed that there have been no complications (knock on wood) like some people have and I am in such a great place right now!   I LOVE life and am so happy to have made the decision to make my life better for me and my kids!  

Now I just cannot wait for Spring and Summer!!   It's going to be so nice to go out and do things without my weight bringing me down!! 

Anywho.. sorry so long winded..  thanks for taking the time to read if you did!   ;)   Take care and hope everything is going great for all of you out there!! 

Ok.. so just another vent of frustration.   On June 28th, I weighed in at 238..   I've been on a plateau and finally just went down to 232 (and a half, I may add!)..   that's practically a whole month and only losing 5.5 pounds..      why why why??   It's very frustrating.   Granted, I'm happy to be down as much as I am and I'm happy to be fitting into size 18/20 jeans..   FINALLY.   However it just is really hard seeing that scale go down so slowly.  Yes, I know, it's better slow.. but they told me that "good" is 10 pounds a month..  I'm not even there.      I've been drinking more water.. getting more protein..  it's just silly really.  

Ok.. I'm done griping.  I recently went on vacation to Southern California to visit family.. and although it was a little stressful with all the traffic and having to drive EVERY day..   it was still a good vacation.  So, I'm grateful for that.. 

Hope everyone is doing well.. take care!  

Well..   so even though I fought with myself tonight.. I apparently lost.  I had promised myself from the beginning that I would post monthly photos for myself, and I did NOT want to post my 2 month photos..  this month I've only lost 13 lbs... and there doesn't seem to be much of a difference from last month    it's going slowwwww and it's annoying but I won't go into that again.. lol.   I actually look smaller in my 1 month photo then my 2 month photo.. lol..     BUT I feel good..  I can actually cross my legs (not perfectly, but it feels good to even get one across the other!! )  and as I was walking down a flight of stairs the other day I could FEEL the difference in my body.. it was kind of a surreal moment.   AND..  I bought my first pair of size 20 jeans in YEARS.. granted they were semi-stretch, but it still felt GOOD.  SOOO.. I'm not going to whine and complain..  I'm just going to say that I love not being 289 anymore.. 

I do want to mention that my back is still completely aweful..  it doesn't seem to be any different and it's a bit depressing.  I don't feel like I can be as active as I probably should be at this point.   Whenever I get up from sitting, it takes me about 2 minutes to slowly walk around before I can stand completely straight up and walk faster..  it's a pain... literally.   At night I toss and turn from the pain, it hurts ALL night long..  I miss my pills something aweful!!!  However, since they thin the blood, I can't have them.  I just want to be normal.  I hate myself for ever letting me get so large and letting my back get to this point.  Since it's a nerve, I was reading last week that even losing weight will probably not help it.. that's a HUGE bummer. 

Anyhow..   I'm keeping this short because I need to go catch up on much needed exercise and the True Blood episodes I've been missing. 

Hope this finds you all doing well!  Thank you to all the people who were kind enough to write me with their food ledgers, it helped a lot!