Jerilynk75

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HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 178.8

Total Weight Loss - 69.2 lbs

I'M OVERWEIGHT!!!!  I never thought I would be happy to use those words...much less want to shout them from the rooftops!  
The label "Obese" has dogged me for the last few years, and I have felt the stigma.  It has affected my relationships with others....and it has affected my relationship with myself.  I have punished MYSELF and thought less of myself for being obese...and I am ashamed to admit that.  I kept thinking, "I can do this on my own.  I can lose this weight on my own."  
I couldn't.  It just took me far longer than it should have to learn that lesson.

Today - I shed the label "obese".  I am finally "overweight".  Am I a svelte, rockin' goddess?  No.  Will I ever be?  Probably not - at least not without the help of plastics...and I am not sure whether I want to undergo any elective surgeries for cosmetic purposes.  We will see how I feel in a year or two.  That being said.  I am overweight.  It feels like a graduation...a promotion...a label that signifies that my work over the last six months has been recognized with a new title.   Fine, there is still stigma attached to that label, but I choose to wear it proudly.  To me, it says, "I am a fighter, committed to changing my life and health...and I am well on my way to reaching my goals."  

I am still almost 34 pounds away from my goal of 145.  It's slow going.  I am a stair-step loser.  I drop a few pounds...then I stall for weeks.  I drop a couple more, then stall for a month.  It's definitely not the wild downward ride I was expecting...my body is marching to the beat of its own drummer, that's for sure.  

There are people with similar pre-op stats and goals who were sleeved when I was sleeved....some of them have already shed all of their weight.  I feel a little pang of jealousy when I see that.   I wanted to be a sleeve superstar - - I wanted to be the girl who dropped 103lbs and hit goal by my 6 month surgiversary.  It didn't happen.  
Why not?  Well - - my body doesn't WANT to let go of 103lbs.  In fact, my body is not happy that I have given away almost 70lbs of padding and insulation.  I guess I can understand that.  So, it is letting go of this weight at its own pace, when it wants to, how it wants to..and in the TINIEST DARN INCREMENTS POSSIBLE.  

I can guarantee that I wouldn't be this far along if I wasn't working my tail off.    And, I mean that.  I hit the treadmill 6 days a week, for at least an hour each time.  Most days, I am in the treadmill for an hour in the morning...and an hour in the evening.  

I get my water in - - religiously.  I am usually OVER 100oz.  I get my protein in...usually OVER 100g, too.  My carbs are kept low.  I used to stay at or under 30...but I have had to increase it to 40 because I use small amounts of carbs prior to workouts (half a banana).  I routinely keep my sodium at or under 1,000mg and try to keep fats at around 20g.  My calories usually stick in the 675-750 range, too.  

Even with adhering to pretty strict nutritional guidelines, I am proof that one can stall for 6-7 weeks at a time.  I have done it. It sucks.  You get discouraged.  That chocolate bar starts to look very inviting.  The french fries start calling...and the burger looks better than it has looked for years.  It's hard to be strong.  Very hard.  I haven't been perfect, but my eating has been very clean most of the time.  And, if I have slipped...I have gotten up, dusted myself off and have taken stock of WHY I slipped.  Did stress get the best of me?  Was I in a social situation where I felt I couldn't decline something?  Was I depressed, or in a hurry?  What would have been a better decision for me?  

I am an addict.  Plain and simple.  My drug of choice is food -- specifically simple carbs.  I am self-destructive when I have them.  I can't have 'one chip'.  I can't have one bite of ice cream.  So, for now...it's best that I don't have them at all.  That doesn't mean that I have to give it up forever.  It simply means that I am not strong enough, NOW, to have a healthy relationship with them...to use them in moderation.  

Now more than ever, my mind is occupied by thoughts of food.  But, the WAY it is occupied has changed.  It used to be full of thoughts of cravings - - I wanted pizza, I wanted fries, I wanted a lot of chocolate.  I wanted, wanted, wanted.  Now, it is a constant carousel of "I need to log my breakfast...how many grams of protein do I need to fit in before my 10am meeting?" or "I have 88 oz of water in for the day...I really need to fit in at least three more glasses between now and bedtime."  And I even have the requisite, "If I want this extra piece of beef jerky, I need to spend 15 more minutes on the treadmill and drink at least 16 more ounces of water to account for the additional calories and sodium."  

It sounds obsessive, and it is.  But, for right now...I need it.  I need accountability, I need structure....I need to learn how to FUEL my body in a healthy manner and to treat food as that fuel, and not a reward or a pleasure.  That doesn't mean that I won't take some pleasure in food...but it means that I need to make logical choices, instead of snap decisions based on mood or cravings.  

I still have a long road ahead of me.  I am nowhere near done.  And, I am earning ever last ounce lost, earning it in sweat and effort and committment.  It's not easy.  This isn't taking the easy way out.  

I am working harder than I ever have in my life.  And, for once, I am successful.  

HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 181.2

Total Weight Loss - 66.8 lbs

I am truly one of those "stair-step" losers.  I went back for my 6 month appt about 1 1/2 weeks ago...and I got 'The Look'.  You know that look.  It's the look you get when someone is disappointed in you.  The staff member at the surgeon's office weighed me at 187...down only 7lbs from the last time I was in there (for my 3 month appt).  I did point out that my 3 month appointment was basically a 4 month appointment because of rescheduling due to the Thanksgiving holidays, etc.  So...I only dropped 7lbs in 2 months. 

And, had had basically been recycling the same set of pounds, over and over.  It's really disheartening...extremely frustrating...and you feel like a failure. 

I ramped up my physical activity - - 30 Day Shred, Couch to 5k and have been really diligent about my food choices....and it was still not coming off.  Then....suddenly...it does.  I have upped my carbs a tiny bit (adding an additional 20g or so per day) and have allowed myself around 100 additional calories.  Maybe that tipped the scales in my favor...maybe the timing was purely coincidental.

Sometimes I think my body just likes to screw with me.  I've dropped 3lbs in the last four days....and I am 1.3 lbs away from my next interim goal - - falling out of the 'Obese' category -  and finding myself simply 'Overweight'. 
I may cry VERY hard when that happens. 

HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 187.8

Total Weight Loss - 60.2 lbs

I swear, I spent the better part of the past month simply recycling the same 4 pounds...up a pound, down two pounds.  Up half a pound, down a tenth of a pound.  Up two pounds, down half a pound.

It was, in a word...absolutely FRUSTRATING! 

But, here's to getting out of that rut!!!

HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 191.8

Total Weight Loss - 56.2 lbs

I think I have hit another 'correction period'.  I dipped to 190.9 a few days ago - - but the loss has definitely slowed.  This is reminiscent of my first big 'stall'.  During that one, I actually GAINED 4lbs!

I keep telling myself not to get frustrated, and not to let this little stall sabotage my efforts - especially since Christmas is around the corner!

HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 192.2

Total Weight Loss - 55.8 lbs

I went for my 3 mo followup at the surgeon's office at the end of last week.  (Yes, I am running a bit behind...it was supposed to be the week of Thanksgiving, but I ended up having to go out of town for an extended period of time...and I rescheduled the appointment.  The surgeon's office called me the morning of my appt and had to reschedule me again, so I was two weeks behind on my visit.

The PA said I am neither ahead of or behind schedule - but she calculated a revised goal weight for me of 158lbs.  THAT didn't sit too well with me - - I didn't want to set a goal weight in the first place...and was finally talked into it.  I chose 145. 
Then, at this visit, to be told that I probably won't hit it?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I told her I wasn't going to revise it upwards, sorry.  If I make it, wonderful...if I don't make it - well, then I know I have given it my very best shot.

She and I did discuss some recent research that seems to point to the one-year mark being around the time the body does a 'reset' with regard to weight.  It seems that one's body seems to choose that weight as the 'new normal' and she said that people who aren't yet at goal might find it more difficult as the body tries to maintain that 'reset' weight. 
Made me even more determined to hit goal by 1 year. 

In fact - - I may even revise my goal weight DOWN another 10-15lbs, to account for any bounceback.  I need to do some more research before I commit to that!

 HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 196

Total Weight Loss - 52 lbs

I actually hit a lower weight on Saturday (195.6).  It was a great birthday present to receive!
However, I also got another unexpected (and unwelcome) gift.  A horrid, horrid cold that settled into my chest.  I wasn't very good at getting my liquids.  Not to mention, I was STARVING.  And I am NOT talking head hunger.  This was the real deal.  So, I ate.  I know my body was just hungry for fuel to fight this illness, so I gave in and ate.  I ate cereal, chicken, cheese, chili....wow, all "c" words...interesting.  AND steak.  Yeah, I wanted steak on my birthday!  I even drank a high-cal beverage.  I got up Monday morning to find I had gained 1.5lbs.  Yup.  High sodium and no liquids, combined with a binge....it will kick you in the butt every time.  Of course, this is also causing me to stall a bit - - I managed to lose 1.1 of the 1.5lbs by today....but it is definitely slower than I had hoped.

I plan on starting my treadmill workouts again tonight - - the knee feels relatively stable.  

For my birthday, I also went shopping at Lane Bryant.  It's bittersweet - - I am glad to be dropping sizes, but now I am wearing the smallest size they carry...and even that is getting a bit big on me.  I had $325 in Real Women dollars I had to use...so I splurged on a new coat for me...a new coat for mom, two new pair of trousers, a pair of trouser jeans, a pair of Se7en jeans, a velvet jacket, some underwear for mom, two pair of ballet flats....and some other things I can't recall.  I think this was my last major purchase at LB.  

Now I need to find a new clothing addiction store!  My little sister is going to be so thrilled when I finally officially drop into the single digits...because I have a veritable closet full of 12s, 14s and 16s that are beautiful and barely worn! (She already has some of the 16s and all of my 18s and 20s!)

HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 198.00

Total Weight Loss - 50 lbs

Well, Thanksgiving managed to do me in.  I made a conscious decision NOT to track anything over the holiday.  I wanted to live as 'normal' a life as I could around family and friends...and I paid dearly for it!
In looking back on the week, I snacked quite a bit, though my choices were relatively healthy.  I also gorged myself on turkey.  When I say 'gorge', I mean that I ate until I was full (a couple of ounces), then waited 30 minutes and did it all over again!  Not smart!  

I also slacked on my fluid intake - - and it showed.  I know my sodium intake was up pretty substantially.  I indulged myself in a couple of bites of mashed potatoes and a couple of bites of dressing.  I had a tiny sliver of cake when we celebrated my niece/nephew and I even sampled some divinity that I made while at home.  

My activity is still limited due to the knee, also.  I went back to the orthopedic surgeon, and there is still some issue with stability, popping and the kneecap itself.  It seems my kneecaps are 'mal-aligned' and thus prone to dislocation.  That's what caused my accident in Hawaii.  The kneecap popped out of place, I went down...and when I hit the ground, I tore the MCL.    Two more weeks in the brace, per doc's orders...then gradually increasing physical activity.  **sigh**

I need to get on the ball again.  I have had my fun...I want to drop the weight I gained over Thanksgiving.  It was around 2 1/2lbs...and I HAVE lost all but 1/2 pound of it since Monday.  I just need to keep this rolling!
I had to reschedule my 3 mo followup with the surgeon because I was out of town...so I definitely want to be at a lower weight (praying for sub 195) when I go in for that visit!

 
HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 197.5

Total Weight Loss - 50.5lbs

I didn't manage to get this posted before I headed out for the holidays - - so I am posting it almost a week late.
Crossing my fingers that my turkey overindulgences don't come back to haunt me when I weigh in this Wednesday!

I have so many things to give thanks for -

My wonderful family
Fantastic friends
Hilarious and crazy dogs
Financial security
The ability to travel and share that experience with the ones I love

But, I am adding 'my health' to the list - - dropping 50lbs since August has really 'lightened' my load and I am thankful that my sleeve has aided me in doing so!

 

 
HW - 248
SW - 233.7
CW - 198.9

Total Weight Loss - 49.1lbs

ARRRRRRHGHGHAHHHGHASH!  I wanted to hit an even 50 for my three-month surgiversary!