JulzieLoo
Pre-op Thoughts
Nov 13, 2011
I started my weight loss and eating struggles as a teenager, and have continued to today, age 43. I have gained and lost over 100# 2-3 times, each time ending up heavier than ever. Methods I have tried: Bulimia, Weight Watchers, Overeaters Anonymous, Atkins, low carb, low fat, high protein, vegetarianism, therapy, food journaling, work with a dietitian/doctor/fitness trainer, prayer, joining a gym, joining online wt. loss sites, diet pills, laxatives, never eating between meals or after 7pm, liquid diets, counting calories, counting points, bets with coworkers/friends.I came to a gastric bypass info meeting in September, 2010, after reaching my breaking point. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. After (another) re-gain of 100 lbs. in 1 year, I knew I was never going to win this war. I couldn't stay on a diet for even one day anymore. I was desperate, on my knees, and willing to try anything. When a counselor asked my what my obesity kept me from doing, I replied "3/4 of life"! It interfered with: daily grooming and bathing, dressing, exercise and activity, my self esteem, hope, relationships, and my ability to perform my job as a nurse. Everyday things I could no longer do: bend over to put on my shoes, walk my dog, enjoy exercise, mow my lawn, clean my house, stand on my feet for prolonged periods at work, fit into any of my clothes. I was becoming depressed, was isolating myself from family and friends, had constant gastric reflux, developed back pain, hip and knee pain, and plantar fascitis. I started smoking after 4 years of quitting.
While in the process of qualifying for surgery, my nurse asked me to have a routine mammogram. I had never had one. On October 30, 2010, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To say this was a shock is an understatement. I had no symptoms, no lumps, no family history of breast cancer in my several female relatives, and, being only 42, thought I was much too young! This started a whirlwind of change over the next several months. I had bilateral mastectomy, reconstruction, botched implant placement, several post-op infections and hospitalizations. Rather than planning for my wt. loss surgery, I began planning for the end of my life.
In addition, I lost my nursing job of 13 years, after being falsely accused of diverting narcotics. Although these false allegations were later exposed, my job was still gone. My reputation was damaged, my livelihood was taken away, my future as a nurse was in jeopardy, and my high seniority at a hospital was taken away. I am now pursuing a law suit for discrimination against this former employer.
My cancer is now gone. I have learned so much from this past year of experiences. I no longer take my true friends and my family for granted...I recognize what an amazing gift they are. I don't want to waste one second of my time on destructive behaviors, or with negativity. I have a renewed and deepened faith in God. A recovering alcoholic, I have been blessed with 21 years of sobriety in AA as of Feb. 27, 2010. I am applying for school to become a Nurse Anesthetist. I am again pursuing wt. loss surgery. My RNY surgery is scheduled for 11/22/2011.
