JustHat
Personal Info
Height: 5'6"
Weight (beginning): 256 pounds
Weight (goal): 150
Age: 36
Insurance: Tricare/TriWest
Doctor: Dr. Weber of Seattle
Biggest Issue: Time
Co-morbs: Asthma, Arthritis, Hypothyroid
Pulmanary Function Test
Life after surgery
8/2/04
Tomorrow is my one week appointment. I am looking forward to the weigh in. The last three nights, we have gone out for one mile walks. It feels really good. When I got home Friday, I was in tons of pain. Saturday I was feeling pretty good. It was a good thing. DH didn't take any time off from work. So he went to work Friday night. That night, my oldest slept in my room just in case I needed some help. Saturday, they all got hungry around diner time and stood around looking at me. I swear if I would have died, they would have too because the five of them can't seem to feed themselves without a credit card. They ate out the whole time I was gone. No one even did the dishes while I was in the hospital. I am back to full wife/mom duties except I refuse to carry the laundry up or down the stairs.
8/3/04
My appointment was fast. But, I can't complain. There really wasn't anything much to talk about. Dr. Weber wasn't rushed. I am sure he would have made as much time for me as I needed. The coolest thing happened at the appointment First, let me remind you that I am used to military hospitals where children are considered germ carrying little disruptions. I have and continue to be amazed at how well kids are treated in the civilian world. The big thing in today's appointment was to have my staples removed. I had something like 15. The plan was to remove 2/3 of them. Since the Dr. is an hour away, he said we could remove the rest of them at home later in the week. I asked my 10 yo and my 8 yo if they would like to remove a staple when we take the final ones out. Just asking turned my oldest green again. He turns green everytime I show him my stapples. S2 (the 8yo) was interested. Of all of my kids, he is the most likely to become a doctor. OK so today at the office, they called me back. Because of S1's green tendency, I knew they couldn't all go back with me. So, I invited S2. When we got back, the doc laid me out and had removed two staples before I even realized what he was doing. Granted, it is hard to see over the "girls" to see what he was doing. I called S2 over. The doc asked him if he would like to try and take one out. S2 did a great job and then had the job of removing the rest of the staples. I am healing so well that they removed them all. Then S2 placed the little tape things on my belly. He did so well. And, I was so proud of him. Dr. W ended our appointment with a big hug. Then he went out and said the nicest things about me to DH while I was setting up my next appointment. Oh, BTW, my weight at my pre-op appt was 256. My weight on the day of surgery after not eating for 2 days was 250. I got up to 265 in the hospital. Today's weight was 248.After the appointment, I went over to the hospital to see the woman that visited me last week. I thought she would have been in the room for at least two hours by the time I got there. She had only been in the room for 20. I almost started crying for her when I saw how much pain she was in. I took her a pillow and some tea for when she got home. I was in the room for about 2 minutes because I didn't want to make her feel any worse with a visitor. The nurses were surprised to see me. I got to have a mini visit with all of them except with the one that was tending to my friend. I tried to get them to hook me back up to the morphine drip for old times sake, but they wouldn't. LOL The kids were welcomed with open arms there too. I can't say enough nice things about the staff. They made me feel so good and I know they were the reason that my recovery went so well.
I can have anything (healthy) that can be sucked through a straw after it comes out of the blender or chopper. Tomorrow, I am going to go buy a shrimp. Just one because that is all I need for a meal. Talk about cheap date. LOL Today, I was trying to figure out how to suck a Dick's hamburger and fries through a straw. We had never been there, but stopped after my appointment. I had to sit in the car with everyone eating what smelled to be the best hamburgers ever. So far there are things I miss. But, the two I miss most are diet coke and being able to drink a large glass of water. Yesterday I would have paid good money if someone would have just hooked me up to an IV for an hour.
8/9/04
The weekend I don't really have anything to complain about. But, I won't let that hold me back. I am tired. No, it is beyond tired. Yesterday we had my oldest son's birthday party. So, Sat. we had to get ready. Plus, we had some other things to do. By the time we got to the last part of the shopping, I almost didn't make it though the store. For those of you that have been pregnant, it was like those last days when your baby is a week late and just moving is a major effort. We had house cleaning to do. But, when we got home DH sent me straight to bed. Its a good thing because I didn't think I could stood for another 5 minutes. I thought an hour's nap would do me. 3 hours later I woke up and found my house clean except for the kitchen. OK so I have complained about him but he does come through sometimes. So, I had to give him credit. I have been actively trying to get some carbs in my diet for energy. But, I suspect that one of my main problems is low iron. I don't know how quickly it can go down, but I haven't been able to find liquid iron anywhere. So, there is none in my diet. I need to suck it up and buy them online. BTW, I am still walking. I know that a lot of people say that to get energy, you have to get moving. So, I haven't give up on that.Tomorrow is my two week anniversary. I am down 15 1/2 pounds. I made it into the 230s. So, I reached that goal. I am bored with food. Not all food. Just the foods I can eat. My son's hamburger tonight looked really interesting. So much so that I took a bite and chewed it up. Then I had to spit it out. But, it got me over the craving. I promise you that if this was just a diet, I would have fallen off the wagon by now. A bite here and there would have led to a slice here and there. So, I can tell this surgery was what I really needed. Someone or something had to keep me in check. Hopefully this retraining will have worked by the time I am back on my own. And, if not, then I hope that I am a big dumper. Oh this reminds me. I have thrown up twice this weekend. Too much water too fast was the reason at Costco. Then last night I was sucking the juice from grapes and it happened again. Who knew the grapes were that juicy? OK, maybe I should have. But, I never said I was a quick learner. One thing I have done is stopped opening up my capsules of medicine. The taste was killing me. I am now taking the whole. So far, so good. But, now that I think of it, that might have something to do with last night’s puking. I try and space them out so each one has time to dissolve before I throw the next one it. That in itself is a meal. Well, that is all for now. Lots of good things with a few not so bad things thrown in just to make the story a little interesting.
8/10/04
I ran. And, no one was chasing me with a big butcher knife. I stood around chatting with a pre-op friend after our support meeting today. She told me that she did a walk jog combo workout. After that I felt kind of lazy for just walking. I haven't even tried to jog for 2 years. My kids tore me up pretty bad and now I have bladder issues. But, I am on meds for that. So, I didn't really know if I could use that for an excuse or not. Come to find out, I can't. Only two of my boys went with me. So, we were making pretty good time. The first 3/4 of the mile, I kept thinking about my friend. So, I told my oldest we were going to try jogging. I made it last 1/4 of a mile with only one walking period. If you guys had known me for a long time, you would know that is a big deal for me. Now for the down side. Tomorrow I will have to do the same or push myself a little longer. I figure one of two things is going to happen. Either I am going to turn into a jogger or I am going to need medical attention one of these nights.
8/13/04
I am now 17 days post op. I have been pushing for the 20 pounds mark as a goal. Today I hit it. Well, almost hit it. I actually hit 21 pounds lost. The last two days I have lost a pound and half each day. I am pushing hard this month because I figure after the first month, the weight loss will be a lot harder. Last night, I rode my son's bicycle. It was fun and harder than I thought it would be. This morning I find that my booty is bruised. What were they thinking when they put such a small seat on that thing? I don't think I will be back on a bicycle again until I figure out how to attach a nice couch sized seat to it.
I do have one problem now (other than bruised buns). Indigestion. It kept me up last night. And, this morning I noticed that I am burned from it. My lungs hurt a little too when I first got up. I know that the two are separate. So, I wonder if I breathed in some of the acid or something in my sleep. I am going to pick up some Rolaids or something for when it happens again. I have never had this problem before.
I still want to eat. But, I don't get all that upset about not being able to. I am supposed to be on a baby food diet. But, I can't seem to keep it down any longer. I guess I am eating one bite too many or too fast. But, I have gotten so sick of throwing up that I only try once a day for solids instead of three. When I start wishing I could eat, I just remember the pain and throwing up. It cures me. I am eating/drinking about 400 cals a day. 250 of that comes from my protein.
As of last Sat, my waste was 3 or 4 inches smaller. But, I couldn't tell much by my clothes. But, now I can. I am still in the same size. The weight seems to be coming off my mid section.
8/15/04
I feel bad. I haven't had anything other than liquid since Thurs. And, I haven't had any liquid since yesterday morning. Everything thing that goes in my mouth comes right back out. And, I mean everything. I threw up most of last night because I kept trying to get something down. I am so thirsty. I was sipping so slowly that I was just putting drops on my mouth at a time. Then I would wait 5 minutes and take some more drops. Back it came. I am not sure what to do. Do I go to the local ER and see if they can help me? Do I call Dr. Weber even though it is Sunday? Or do I suck it up until tomorrow and call him as soon as the doc's office opens?
I really do feel rotten. But, I don't know which way to turn.
8/15/04 (Later that day)
I posted right before we were off to pick up my son's glasses at Costco. But, this and that happened and we decided to not go. My neighbor got ahold of DH and insisted that he take me to the ER. I was too tired to argue. It took a couple of hours to get a room since they sent me to the ER side instead of the clinic side. The doc was pretty cool. He admitted he didn't know much. And, when I promised to see my surgeon tomorrow or the next day, he was happy check my liver functions and juicing me up with two bags of IV fluids. All in all, it took way too long. They kept forgetting about me. I had to go find someone every time I needed anything. About half way through my second bag, the doc showed back up in my room. He said my blood work and liver functions were fine and as long as I promised to see my surgeon, I could leave. I wanted the second half of my second bag. So, we signed the paperwork and he said when it was finished, I would be ready to leave. So, when my bag was finished, I went back up to the nurse's station and told them my bag was empty. They sent a tech to my room who agreed it was indeed finished. Then they left me. And left me and left me. I finally walked back to the nurse's station and found all of the nurses chatting. One of them asked me what I needed. I held out my arm and told him I needed my iv removed. He did it on the spot. He asked if I had my final paperwork. So, I told him I had signed it, but no one had given me a copy. I kind of figured he might get it for me. Nope. So, after waiting a while longer, I left. I wonder if they have figured out my room is empty yet.
I feel better. I have heart burn, but at least I am thinking a little clearer. I will be calling Dr. Weber's office first thing in the morning. Tomorrow is a big day for our family. But, like DH said, my health has to take priority. I think I will try and go to bed now.
8/16/04
I woke up this morning bright and early and called Dr. Weber's office. It took them until 1 pm to decide what to do with me. They wanted me to go to Steven's ER. I forget now who I talked to on the phone, but she said she would call ahead and give them orders on what to do with me when I got there. After waiting 6 hours just to be seen, I found out that Dr. W's office called and told them I was coming. The only orders were to figure out what was wrong and treat me. The doc I saw there didn't know what to do with me. He had a hard time getting it through is skull that I didn't have the flu. We had some words and he finally said he would page Dr. Weber and see what they were supposed to do. In the end, they decided to send me back home after getting some IV fluids and have me return tomorrow morning at 7:30 to scope me. I just got home about an hour ago. My kids are scattered around with friends. And, nothing was done today to help me except for the fluids. If I go to bed right now, I am going to get about 4 hours sleep. So, I guess that is what I should do.
I am tired, cranky and really want a Diet Coke. I hope tomorrow I can get something done about the first two.
Oh and here is the funny thing. The ER doc told me to not drink anything after midnight. Well, duh. If I could, I wouldn't need to be there. Dork.
8/17/18
The results are in. I had a stricture.
We had to be back to the hospital by 7:30 this morning. We got there about an hour early. It gave us time to dress the boys and try and settle my nerves. As funny as it may seem, I was more scared of this than the surgery. Everyone was really nice, but I was scared to death. The only thing that kept me from running and hiding was that I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life waiting in ER rooms trying to get IV fluid. I have to say something about my nurse. I told her how scared I was. She was wonderful. She did everything she could to make me feel comfortable. Unfortunately, she is off next week when I have to return to do it all over again.
When I get nervous, I tell stupid jokes. Even before my WLS, I was asking everyone if they had gone out drinking the night before and telling the worst jokes you have ever heard in your life. This morning, I didn't tell one joke. I went through one of my sons' births with no pain med and only a little with the others. So, pain in general isn't an issue. But, this was different. Maybe it is the control issue coupled with pain. Anyway, I got there and told them flat out I was going to be a big old baby. One of the most helpful things they did for me was listen to every word I said. Until today, it seems like people haven't really listened to me. They would cut me off (last night's doc was the worst) or just didn't care enough to ask. But, the guy that checked me in and my nurse let me lay it all out for them. I filled out some paperwork and then they came for me. They put me in this room with two big windows so I could kind of see outside. They hooked me up to all of the usual equipment after I changed. BTW, all I had to take off was my shirt. They let me keep my pants and most important to me, my bra. I told my nurse that I had real issues with IV needles. I can give blood all day, but any other kind of needle scares (if that's the right word) me. The kids once chased me with a toy syringe and almost got in real trouble for it. I could feel the pain even though it was a toy. Anyway, I asked her to numb the area. Since I was still dehydrated, it was slim pickings. She numbed me up and let it sit for a little while to make sure it was good and numb. Finally she put the IV in and we were ready for the doc. But, we were 30 minute early. So, the nurse went and called Dr. Dines to see if he wanted to start early. I didn't know how I was going to stay calm and wait 30 minutes. But, he showed up in only a few minutes. She had me gargle some nasty stuff that numbs the gag reflex. It was a huge amount. She said to gargle as long as I could. Then in the middle, she told me I would have to swallow it. I think my eyes bugged out. It had been since Sunday since I had swallowed anything. And, I knew this amount would hurt. My throat started to go numb and it kind of felt like it was swelling shut. The nurse talked me through this so I wouldn't panic. Then she said that I gargled for such a long time that I could just spit it out. Thank goodness. The doc came in and we talked a bit about what would happen. I found out what meds they would be giving me and warned him that one of them didn't do much for me when I had it before when I was in labor with my third son. He gave me a little of both and then a little more and a little more and a little more. They later told me that it was a mega dose. Everyone had promised me that the meds would take effect and I would forget everything that happened. I would wake up after the procedure and have no memory. Not. I remember everything that took place. But, it was pain free. And, it was over in no time. Like I said before, the opening to my pouch should have been a 12. Instead, it was a 4. They stretched it, but it would only stretch to an 8. So, next Monday we are head back up for another stretching. At least this time I will be much calmer. I was able to eat food at diner. I had a bit of mashed potatos, some gravy and an egg yolk. It was all very tasty. And, I didn't get sick.
8/18/04 6 Hours Later
Ok so when I was writing the above entry, my chest started to tighten up. I had taken some of the meds that my doc sent home with me after my surgery. So, I shouldn't have been in any pain at all. I started to get light head and really scared. After thinking about it and realizing that if I passed out or worse, no one would know until morning since they were all in bed. So, I woke DH. It was one of the worst pains I have ever had. I couldn't breathe and nothing I did made the pain ease up. DH panicked and scooted me off to the ER. They never figured out what was wrong. But, I was there long enough that the pain eased up. And, they gave me this nasty stuff to drink that seemed to have helped. They did find that my liver functions are to high. The ER doc wants me to have a liver US in the next 72 hours. He thought about keeping me around for another couple of hours so I could have it done this morning. But, since I promised to see my PCP later today, he let me out. I did contact my PCP and he said it was no big deal. He said that ER docs tend to over react. He did agree to give me a referral, but said I would have to wait for a regular opening. He refuses to put a rush on it.
Today I spent my time trying to get everything worked out so TriWest would pay for my civilian care. If they don't want to, then I get stuck with the bill. I am just going to have faith that it will work itself out. When I wasn't on the phone, I was sleeping. I can't seem to catch up on my sleep. And, until I get some food in me, I suspect I will continue to be weak.
Because of all of the action, I didn't get a 3 week weight. I think I lost a couple of pound through all of this, but I will probably have to wait until my one month anniversary to really know.
This is enough excitement for any one surgery. I am hoping that everything from here on out is smooth as the first two weeks were. Thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes. It means a lot to me.
8/19/04
Tricare has agreed to pay for my civilian care over this last weekend and next Monday. They had to pay for my civilian ER visit because it was an emergency. But, the stretching a few hours later might not have been considered emergency care. And, without pre-approval, I was worried I would get stuck with the bill. I can't even imagine how much it will be.
I went to talk to a TriWest rep today. My PCP's nurse gave her the wrong phone number, so she was happy to see me since she needed some more info. They couldn't figure out how I ended up north of Seattle for care. But, after I explained I needed to be near my surgeon just in case he had to go back in, they said the completely understood. I put her in touch with the billing woman from Dr. Dines office and everyone was happy. TriWest put a rush on my approval for care on Monday. In fact, I already have approval. She said that Dines isn't a network doc. She didn't say, but I assume I might have a co-payment. She said that my PCP also put in a referral for continuation of care for Dr. Weber. That shouldn't be a problem. Surgeons don't like to touch each other patients especially when there has been a complication.
I am feeling tones better. But, I am still tired. I have thrown up once but that was my own fault for eating a bite to many. I am kind of surprised that it is still too small because everything seems to go down fine. But, it would be nice to have the comfort of a little more room so that maybe I can take my pills. Dehydration isn't any more of an issue for me now that any other post op that is 3 weeks out. I am drinking tons of water. I was slow to start on any type of food because I was worried about getting sick. I have been not going to my son's football practices because of the heat. I went to one and it really kicked my butt. The down side of being so tired is that I am not back to exercising yet. I promised my sons that we would start up again tomorrow. We did go swimming yesterday. But, that doesn't seem like exercise. At least it is movement.
8/21/2004
Someone asked what Dr. Weber said during the middle of my stricture thing and someone else asked if he called to see how I am doing. Now, I love Dr. Weber and he did a good job on my surgery. But, I am disappointed over this whole stricture thing.
When I was scared and really sick, I never spoke to him. First they took about 5 hours to call me back. I had called them twice. They had forwarded my message to his nurse. According to her answering machine, she doesn't deal with problems. She is there to answer general questions about the surgery. Then when she calls me back, I had to wait until she called Dr. W to see what to do. His office called me back, said they would do one thing and then dropped the ball. This resulted in my having to wait an additional day to get treatment. Since I was scoped, I haven't heard from the office at all.
Now I know they are busy. I know his other patients have needs too. But, it would have ment the world to me have heard his voice at least once. Anyway, I am not going to dwell on it. But, if anything else goes wrong, I won't worry about bothering them during the weekend. This was the only time I wished I would have had my surgery at the army post down the road.
I don't want to discourage you from Dr. Weber. He is a very good surgeon. And, when you see him in his office at an appointment, he is very warm and caring. But, I had to tell it like it was. I should mention though that he operates in the mornings. So, that is why he didn't personally get to me. I just wish his staff had taken my condition a lot more seriously. His nurse made me feel like it was all my fault. She didn't even mention that it could be a stricture. After asking what I had been eating, I told her that all of my foods have been through the blender and, yes, could be sucked through a straw. She then went on to tell me that I had probably clogged up my pouch. So, basically it was my fault. I could feel where the food stopped, so I knew that wasn't the case. She said that I should take castor oil to try and clear it out, but then decided to check with Dr W to see what he wanted to do. As far as I know, this was the first time he heard of my condition. And, there is no telling what they told him of my condition. I do know that the doc that did my scope was in touch with Dr. Weber about me though.
As for why I got a stricture, it is just something that happens to some people. There is no way to predict. As I healed, my stoma was trying to heal closed. The doc today said that I might not have another. But, if I do, it will happen within the first year. 3 weeks 6 days down, 48 weeks 1 day to go
8/23/04
My appointment went well today. We arrived on time only to be told that I didn't have an appointment. The lady was really friendly and called upstairs to see what was up. They didn't have me in their books either but I was on the board. So, I checked in and went upstairs. I really like this doc. He took time to talk to me when we ran into each other in the halls. When I got to my room, I did the usual and asked the nurse to numb the area before putting in the IV if she picked any vein other than the one that doesn't hurt with an IV. She said the down side of numbing the area was that vein might hide. I stood firm and told her that having to do a little extra hunting was better than listening to me whine big time. I am such a baby about IVs. She said she would try the vein that I suggested and didn't need numbing first. I have to admit this was the most pain free IV I have ever had. The woman has magic finger. Other stuff happened and then it was time to gargle with nasty numbing stuff. Instead of going as long as I could like last week, she counted to ten and then had me swallow. The result was that I wasn't completely numb. Although, it wasn't too bad. But, I could feel the scope in spots.
When the doc arrived, I reminded him that the meds they use don't do the trick unles they give me a lot of them. He said he remembered and filled me up. This made me like him even more. Again, I remember all that went on during the scoping.
The opening to my stoma was 8 mm. We were going to try and open it up to 12 mm like Dr. Weber wanted. But, he had to stop at 11 mm. They were afraid to push it any further. I can live with an 11.
I was then sent off to the recovery room. Immediately, my oxygen level dropped into the 80s. So, I was put on O2. Even on O2, I was still registering a 91 and 92. Bummer. We waited and waited for it to come up so I could try room air. Finally, we decided to try me out in the chair instead of the bed. I stopped by the bathroom on the way and had a firm talk with my lungs and blood. It didn't do much good but at least I was scoring a 92 on room air. During this time, the doc's next patient arrived and was placed in the bed next to me. Finally, my O2 levels came up. But, my blood pressure dropped into something over 53. Bummer. I was now being held up by the blood pressure being too low. During all of this, my pulse spiked to 137 and alarms went off. This is just one of those things that happens with my heart, so I wasn't worried. I told them that I must have been moving my hand around or something and it was a false reading. (I really wanted to go home.) It was dropping back down. At this time, the woman in the next bed says she is ready to go home. The nurse checked on her and said she was. I couldn't help it. I called over to her and the nurse and told them that I was first and no one was leaving until I did. BTW, she made it out just before I did even though I threatened to trip her. :-) Finally, my blood pressure went back up to something over 58 and they said I could leave. We unplugged everything before anything else could go down and I was on my way.
Today and this last week, I have been feeling much better. I am still really tired, but every day is better than the last. I was able to get most of the laundry done yesterday. That was a big deal even before my surgery.
8/27/04
Today is my one month anniversary. I missed my goal by 1/2 pound. I would have made it but my weight loss stalled out 2 days ago. OK so 2 days isn't much of a stall, but I got used to losing every day. So, my grand total for the month is 29.5 pounds. No complaining here. That puts me 27% of the way to my final goal. My goal is 150 and Dr. W says if I work hard and stick to my diet, I should be able to make it in 9 more months.
I can't believe it has been a month either. The third week is kind of a blur though. My pants are getting big. But, I haven't dropped a size. That is probable because I was wearing those jeans that stretch and I was pushing them to their limits because I refused to buy a different size. So far, only people that know I had surgery notice any lose. And, I am not sure if they notice it or just know it is happening and want to know how much. I need to take pictures tonight and see what change I can see.
I am still having trouble getting my blender food down. Until I master that, I can't move on. But, overall, I am feeling better. I only barfed once yesterday and only once today. Then again, I only ate once yesterday and once today. But, not all of it came back up, so I feel like a winner.
8/31/04
I got my TriWest explanation of benefits today. Swedish Medical Center billed TriWest $22,941.51. TriWest paid $9,319.49. My cost $0. That is a lot of money for 3 nights stay. I assume that Dr. W's bill still hasn't been paid. I am really interested in what the final billed amount and paid amounts will be.
9/01/04
I feel very good. My biggest problem is getting dizzy when I stand up. This happens several times a day. But, I know it is from not eating enough. Some days nothing stays down. Unlike with my stricture, this is completely my fault. I thought that by now my pouch had stretched out more than it has. I got a craving for cottage cheese the other day. I slowly ate a tablespoon amount of food and I was stuffed. My average bite is about the size of a bean. And, even one more bite would have sent me to the bathroom. It is hard to stop eating when my taste buds are screaming for just one more bite even when my brain is telling me no.
9/7/04
I haven't eaten much since my last update. Nothing is staying down except water. Some days I don't even try and eat. Today was my appointment with Dr. W. And, my eating was the major focus of the appointment. In short, he wants me to ride it out. He doesn't think that I have another stricture. He asked if I was taking the meds that they prescribed after my stricture was repaired. I lied and said yes. But, I haven't be. I didn't think it was any big deal. Opps, I am going to get it filled and start taking it right away. I hope it helps. Some of this throwing up lasts for hours. And, it is violent.
9/10/04
Seems like a funny thing to be happy about. And, it isn't nearly as exciting as Rachael's announcement. But, I have gone from morbidly obese to simply obese. And, I hit my 40 pound goal. My next goal is 57 pounds. It would be nice to make that by my two month anniversary, but I doubt it. The stall where I lost 4 pounds one week and 2 the next threw me off.
9-11-04
I am really hungry right now. But, the fear of getting sick makes it so I don't want anything. It's frustrating.
BTW, I messed up big this morning. I was at a soccer game. I decided to suck the juice out of an orange. At the same time, I was handing out oranges and talking to the team. Without thinking, I swallowed a big chunk of of the orange. I went to the bathroom 5 minutes later and got it back. There was no way it was ever going to make it through my stoma and I could feel it sitting there laughing at me.
Potato soup sounds good.
9/12/04
Weird things are going on in this skin. Ok so my body is changing. It appears that almost everything is getting smaller. Almost I say because apparently my head is getting bigger. I have bruises on three different spots on it from hitting it three different times. It is really pretty funny. I thought I knew how big my head was. I thought I knew how to avoid banging it into things. But, as I rub my forehead and wonder where this bruise came from, I realize that I am probably the first one to complain that WLS caused an oversized hear.
My other complaint is about the other end. This one I have heard people talk a lot about. My rear hurts. Apparently I have lost enough padding to sit comfortably for a long time. I need a soft toilet seat. Not that I am sitting in there all that long. But, that is where it first became apparent. And, it really surprised me because I still have a sizable rear. Now I know why those boney girls always stand around. They can't sit on those tiny little bums.
Ok and this is for the girls in the group. Guys, you probably want to move on. I noticed that I have lost some breast size. DH's blood pressure goes up as my breast size goes down. He is a boobman. This is normal enough. Except, they are losing at different times. One of them will get smaller then the other. They have finally evened out for now.
Tell me. How can I get four kids to do what I want when I can't even get my own body parts under control?
9/13/04
Just when I had given up ever finding a workout buddy, I found one...and she tried to kill me. Let me back up a bit. Today was my youngest's first day of school. Last year I promised myself that no matter if I had WLS or not, I was going to go to the gym this year. Last week I rested up. But, up until this morning, I was excited. I hadn't changed my mind, but was a little less thrilled this morning. So, after an hour and half of watching my son walk around with his backpack on, it was finally time to take him. I saw some old friends and was invited to work out with one of them. She is a thin one so that slightly scared me. Plus, she mentioned the words "spin class". Visions of what that could be filled my head. I finally settled on a vision of my passing out and their workout was to see who could spin me in a circle the most times.
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We interrupt this story to bring you some late breaking news. MY THIN FRIEND NOTICED MY WEIGHT LOSS!! She is the first one to notice. I am not a hugger. But, I almost lost control and hugged her. She is now my favorite person of the week.
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Back to our murder mystery. Spin class, well, I guess I could try it. Surely when I woke up, they would tell me who won. She was in a hurry so she was off. There was a new mom there. Her son was a little less than excited for her to leave. So, we chatted and realized we were both headed off to work out. She is about my build and I felt we matched well. Remember, I haven't worked out much since my stricture because I haven't felt all that grand. Also, my idea of a workout is to pick a distance and complete it as quickly as possible. She had other plans. We started off on the treadmill. I was thinking 20 minutes doing it the way I used to with increasing challenge. She ended up keeping me on that darn thing at between 3 and 4 mph for 30 minutes. I was ready to go. But, no, she drug me over to the bikes. 20 minutes of peddling later I finally talked my way out of there. I left her with a smile on her face. I am not one to let someone out do me, but today I was happy to do so.
I have to admit, I feel great. I figure Wed. I will stay for a full hour...if I can walk.
9/14/04
Eating is getting better. Today I had some soup and a tiny tiny bite of turkey sandwich meat. I was full and it all stayed in place. On the down side, there is a burning in my esophagus. It is worse at night. I have to wake up in the middle of the night and take some of that medication that coats my system. It helps. I figure I will give the medication a week or two to work and give me time to heal. If it still burns after that time, I am calling my gastro back and getting an appointment.
9/18/04
I have tons of clothes. New clothes with the tags still on them. At the beginning of the year, I stacked them all according to size so I could find them when I needed them. A few weeks ago, I went through my long shorts to find something that would fit and not look nasty on me. But, I didn't check out the pants. After all, the next size I have is 16. I figured that I would need to lose another 10 pounds before I could get into them. But, this morning I couldn't take the baggy butt any longer. I figure I was going to force myself in to those 16s no matter what. Plus, they are the stretchy kind. I was so shocked when I put on a pair yesterday and they fit. I didn't even need to suck it in when I zipped them up. And, I received complements all day. My DH kept rubbing my rear and saying it was just the right size and to not lose any more weight. I know I have a long way to go, but I did feel like I looked good today.
The down side is that I am still puking all the time. I had a couple of days where I only puked half of what I was eating. So, I thought this med they gave me might be working. Then came today. I puked at diner. Then I took a nap. I figured/hoped that my pouch would calm down. When I got up, I carefully ate a small amount. Then I not so carefully puked. I tried my meds. Puked them up. I tried a little water. Puked. I tried some warm tea. This was a really bad idea. I spent 7 or 8 hours puking. The last two hours, I was puking on my own spit.
I really don't want to go back up to Seattle again. But, if this isn't better by next week, I am calling the gastro again. I guess two good things are coming from this. First the weight lose. Second, I have really changed my views on food. I don't see it as something I want any longer. I see it has something I have to do to try and stay alive. Now I really understand that phrase...Don't live to eat. Eat to live.
9/19/04
Today was a rocky start. I started with a sip and puke of water. But, now at the end of the day, I am happy to say that I ate. I had 2 Brazil nuts, 1 pecan, and two cashews. Then for diner, I had some mashed potatoes and gravy.
This is why I haven't called the gastro yet. Just when I get to the point where I want to see him, I start to feel better.
9/29/04
I went to see Heidi today. I copied my food diary with me. She said it was exactly what she likes to see. The format not the foods. She griped at me for eating foods that I didn't make at home. Hard to cook your own foods when you are on a trip, but I got her meaning. I also got smacked for a couple of times that I didn't have FF products (mayo). And, the cream of soups that we are while we were gone were bad.
One thing that we are going to try is to eat every two hours even if it does make me sick. She says that going without food and having my sugar levels drop may be causing my pouch to reject food. So, even if I only have two crackers, I have to eat every two hours. I am going to make an honest effort to do as she suggests and hope it works.
The magic number for feeling better seems to be 4 months. So, that is my end of the tunnel. It might not be four months for me, but if I have a goal to make it to, then I will be able to cope better. I am one of those people that needs the light at the end of the tunnel to focus on.
10/1/04
Since I started 2 months ago, I have lost 54 pounds; 9" off my hips; 7.25" off my waist; 2" off my arm; 5.5 off my thigh. I wish I had done better on my thighs. My breast measurement is interesting. I take a measurement below and on my breasts. Below was a loss of 4.5". On is a loss of 5". So, comparing the two, my breasts are only down .5" and the rest should be torso fat, right?
10/7/04
Woohoo! I made it back into the 100s. As of this morning, I am officially 199. My scale kept playing with my head for the last four days. It would tell me I was going to make it and then roll the numbers back on me. But, today I finally feel that it is for real. This is the first time in at least 12 years that I have seen a number that started with 1. And, the bonus is that I now weigh less than my husband. Sure he is 6 inches taller than me and I should never have weighed more than him, but I did. While he is proud of me, I think it bothers him a little too. He has started talking about his weight and needing to slim up some. He isn't overweight, but he could be if he keeps eating like he does. Even so, I like my men with a little meat on their bones. So, I think he is just right.
My weight loss has been slow and steady. I noticed that for the last three weeks, I have lost 4 pounds each week. That isn't too bad. And, I suspect that if I was eating more, I could lose more. The last two days I haven't barfed even once. Two nights ago, I had a really bad chest pain. It is the same one I have been getting since my third week. But, this time it last much longer and hurt much more. I came home from soccer practice and told them they had to make their own diner. I usually suck it up and make their diner anyway. So, they knew I really wasn't feeling good. During it, I had some more of that violent barfing. But, since then, I have only felt the pain once. And, it was really minimal then and passed quickly. I hope that this is a change for the good. If I can finally get some food in, I can crawl out of my starvation mode and hopefully increase my weight lose speed.
I found out last Friday that they will be making a decision on my husband's career next week. The way it goes, we expect him to lose his military career because of the asthma he has developed in the last two years. He has been in for 13 1/2 years. If they did the right thing, they would give him a medical retirement or cross train him so he could still serve his country. But, they want to give us some money and kick him out. We will lose all benefits such as medical insurance. This really scares me. You can't have kids and not have medical insurance. To make matters worse, one of my sons is handicapped. His medical bills a month are over $1000. Plus, what if I get sick? In fact, it makes me sick just thinking about it. He was willing to put his life on the line for them for 13 years, but they are throwing him away with no loyalty to him. It's a great system we have here. :-(
10/18/04
Last week I had my appointment with Dr. Weber. He has a new intern that follows him around on Tuesdays. They met each other during my appointment. I sat and listened while he filled her in on GBS and his ring he puts on. Anyway, all of this I already knew. But, I didn't know that he says that he can predict how much someone will lose by how much they have lost at 3 1/2 months as long as they don't start cheating and keep exercising right. So, that is roughly 15 weeks.
Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks out. If this is true for me, I will be well past my goal of 150. I figured out how much I should have lost if I stay at my current 4 pounds a week. I would have an ending weight of 104 pounds. Not likely. I know there are women out there that are my height and do weigh that much. I also know that I can't ever be that size and alive. But, I thought it was an interesting way to estimate what to expect for typical people. I guess I am not typical. I never want to be a Skinny Ninny.
I had no idea how many calories Dr. W wanted us to have in a day. But, he did tell me last week that at least with a stricture, I couldn't over eat when I told him that I was having trouble getting over 200 cals a day. Some guy was in there at the time complaining that he was shooting for 1000 a day but couldn't get over 500. I almost kicked him. Not being able to eat is really bother me. Food isn't as important to me as it once was. But, I want to be able to eat enough to sustain life.
10/20/04
I thought I might post an update. We find out on Nov. 8 what the
Air Force is going to do with my husband and his asthma. Their last offer was to kick him out and give us a little bit of cash. We wouldn't have any retirement or medical benefits. I have a handicapped son that has medical bills that are pretty high each month. Plus, I am concerned about my own health care. And, then there is the fact that I need heath insurance just because I have four boys and you never know what they are going to break next. All h@ll broke loose a couple of weeks ago that really pushed my buttons. As it turns out, the people here at our base that are supposed to be helping and supporting us are screwing us. But, that really isn't WLS related.
The burning in my food pipe (can't spell that E word) has not been as bad lately. The last time it got really bad I was was in so much pain and nothing helped. I called the gastro the next day and asked for an appointment. I had that last Friday. I got the feeling from both Dr. Weber and the gastro that I was supposed to go through Dr. W's office before making any more appointments with the gastro. My feeling is that it isn't worth the hassle of dealing with Dr. W's office.
I saw Dr. W last Tuesday. It was a no big deal appointment. He was happy with my progress. I told him that I still couldn't eat. He said that strictures can be a good thing because the further limit our food intake. But, on days like today, I don't see it as a good thing at all. Anyway, I told him that I had already called the gastro doc. After we chatted a little, he agreed that it was probably a good idea. But, I got the feeling he wanted to be called first. Then he called the gastro doc and asked him to look for a stricture and to coat my throat with something. I don't think the gastro agreed to coat my throat with anything. And, I think he said we would discuss a scope when I saw him. At some point he told me that my next appointment with him was going to be when I was six months out. At this point, I told him that I wouldn't be back to see him because we would probably lose our medical insurance. He said to come in anyway. He wanted to see me and wouldn't charge. I thought that was really nice, but I bet Pam wouldn't. LOL Anyway, we aren't staying in the area. So, I won't even be around. He said that I should at least email him about 6 months. And, he wants to see me next month before I go.
On Friday we saw the gastro. It was a quick appointment. I
explained how hard eating is for me. So, he scheduled me for a scope in a couple of weeks. They could have gotten me in a week earlier, but I have to have a driver and DH will be down in Texas finding out what the Air Force is going to do with us.
The last 24 hours has been bad food wise. Last night I tried a
little baked potato and a tiny bit of fish. Both have been fine in the past. But, both came up very quickly after I ate. It took me hours before I could even drink again. Everything today other than water and one protein shake has come back up. I am trying my best not to let it come back up. I try and try to not barf. And, I know that if I drink anything, I won't be able to control it. After some well chewed chicken this lunch time, I didn't drink for 1 1/2 hours. But, I knew it wasn't going anywhere. So, finally I took a drink and up it came. One thing about barfing is you get to reevaluate how well you chewed. I chewed very well. The protein shake came in between lunch and diner. It made me sick but stayed down. Then diner came back up
right away. The feeling I had tonight was that the food didn't even make it to my pouch. I never thought I had another stricture, but now I am wonder if that is what is going on. This is really concerning because if I have developed another, then I will feel that I am prone to them and will really need that medical coverage.
I am really happy that the doctors are trying to help me get
everything taken care of before the insurance is gone. I just keep praying that the Air Force will do the right thing. But, after so much has gone wrong, I only see a dark path financially.
I am suffering from brain smells. It has happened a couple of
times. But, today was the most real. I was leaving the hospital and smelled a chili dog with mustard and onions. The smell was so close I thought I could taste. And, I had a clear image of it. Of course I started looking around to find the person eating it. I might not be able to have such foods, but I sure like to see others eating them. No one around was eating anything. Then it passed.
It's funny how it isn't enough your tempted by everything around
you, but your own body and brain tempt you too. No wonder I couldn't do this on my own.
10/31/04
DH and I went out to a Halloween party last night. As far as
costumes go, all we had was a couple of wigs. I didn't put mush
effort into planning and realized at the last minute that I really should have. I went through my closet and found nothing that really did anything other than cover me up. And, most of it was too big. Finally, I decided to not wear a costume. I was pretty upset because I wanted to wear something that showed off my new and developing figure. DH's wig was dreadlocks (sp?), so he was a hippy. Before we left, we wandered over to the neighbor's house to let them know we had found a babysitter at the last minute. This is the same neighbor that loaned me a shirt when we went out a couple of weeks ago. She took one look at me with no costume and said she had the perfect thing. It was a tight one piece thing with fluff on it to make a dress. It was tight upstairs and made my boobs and waist look great
but the fluff covered up my sagging belly and bottom. Everyone said it looked great. I was really happy. Too bad we didn't take any pictures. The down side is that when we got to the party, we realized that it was an outdoor party. Last night was freezing. I have been so quick to get cold since losing the weight. So, I spent all night with my full length coat on. But, my friend at the party was sure that everyone got to see my costume and my new body. I felt so good.
11/2/04
I went to see the nutritionist today. After looking over my food
diary for the last week, she said that she is surprised I haven't stalled out in my weight loss. Two days last week, I tossed everything except my protein shake. I am still throwing up at least onces a day.
My main worries are that I am getting close to goal. I am 2/3 of
the way there. What if I can't stop losing when I get there since I can't eat anything now? Also, I really am tired of not being able to eat anything without having to sit next to the trash for the next hour.
She is worried that I am or will be soon losing muscle. Also, I am not getting enough carbs to feed my brain. Ms. Direct said that I am showing signs of a deprived brain. LOL If only she knew. She is also concerned that the puking isn't good for me and that not being able to eat is wearing on my nerves and me mentally.
She was happy that I am going in to be scoped. I worry that there isn't a stricture and they won't be able to help me. The plan is for me to go back on a liquid diet for a week. I really don't want to and hate most of the liquid "food." I asked if I could double my protein drink instead. She wants more than the 5 carbs that my protein drinks provide. We discussed several liquid "foods" I could eat. We finally agreed that I would have two SlimFast a day and one protein drink. Since nuts are working for me if I haven't pissed off my pouch, she is allowing a small amount of nuts. I had to beg for that. I bought a huge jug of cashews at Costco and really enjoy them.
I also went for lab work. They drew 7 or 8 vials of blood. They
were amazed at all that she was looking for. But, both of us expect my levels to be way out of whack. I have to call her next week for the results. We will see how my pouch is doing and go from there.
Finally, she said she doesn't like it when people lose more than 4 pounds a week. That is what I am averaging for the last month or so. I miss those big loss weeks, but I guess healthy is better. And, I want to lose the fat, not the muscle.
I almost forgot to mention that Heidi also asked me about my
workouts. I was honest with her and told her that I was still doing some walking, but I had stopped going to the gym. She told me she absolutely does NOT want me in the gym. She said I could keep walk, but to do no more. She says she thinks it would stress my body too much. I bet Dr. W would die if he heard her say that.
Well, I am going to bed. I have been out with the girls. But, I
have had a close eye on the TV on this exciting election day. Let's just hope this doesn't drag out for weeks.
11/3/04
This morning I was 184.5. This has been a big lose week for me. I kind of stalled out with only a 2 pound loss the previous week. The last seven days, I have lost 6 pounds. I can't help but to like it. But, it would drive Heidi nuts. As of this morning, I am down 70.5 pounds in 3 months one week. The big difference in my diet was that when I could keep food down, it was nuts. I wonder how much better my weight loss would be if I had been able to eat more calories.
According to Fitday.com, 1 oz of peanuts has 165 kcal, 14 fat, 5
carbs and 7 protein. I mentioned to Heidi that I was a little worried about the cal and fat, but she said it really isn't an issue for me now. That is a big change from the last time I saw her and she road me about getting too much fat because we were out of town and eating out.
11/9/04
I was asked, " What is the one thing you miss the most that you
can no longer eat?" My reply is...
There are lots of foods that I miss. But, most of all I miss being normal. There are many times that I have to be somewhere. For instance, I take pictures for teams and people. I had a job about an hour after I was supposed to eat. There are no safe foods for me to eat. So, I had to eat and pray that I wouldn't need to spend the next few hours throwing up. I have had to leave places early because something I ate earlier suddenly wanted to revisit the outside world. I also miss sitting down to a meal with my family. OK, yes I still get to sit down. But, I don't get to eat. I sit and watch.
We do have a new normal. My kids no longer think it is a big deal to see me throw up. In fact, they pretty much expect it. Another new normal is that I am not as good as I used to be. I could juggle working in the class with my kids, medical appointments, home care, being a team mom, making gifts and more. Now it is normal for me to be too tired to do even half of that. It is so normal now that I didn't even realize it had happened until I took a step back and looked at my new life.
This too shall pass. This too shall pass. Say it with me...This
too shall pass.
11/10/04
It was decided yesterday that DH will be kicked out. They won't
medically retire him. They refused to consider his other medical
issues (arthritis developing in his spine, arthritis developing in his hand-both from on the job injuries that required surgery) and only considered his asthma. With his asthma alone, he doesn't qualify for a medical retirement. The VA will still take care of HIS medical issues. But, the boys and I are on our own for health care. My son's medical bills each month are currently $600 to $1000. Without Tricare to cover them, I am really worried. Plus, when he needs new orthotics, we are going to be really hurting.
Someone asked me about COBRA and if it covered the military. I
don't know anything about COBRA. Until one of us gets a job that has insurance, I guess we are going to have to put the kids on state aid. But, the problem with that is that we will get a lump sum of money from the AF. That will disqualify the kids for aid because we will have too much in the bank. So, I need to get rid of the money quickly. The down side of that is then we won't have any money. I keep playing it through my head over and over trying to figure it out. All I can do is pray that I stay healthy.
I am really pissed off. After 13 1/2 years of doing what ever they told him and willing to risk his life for them, they are kicking him to the curb like an old hammer they don't need any longer. And, the boys and I are of no concern to him because we aren't their business. They don't feel that this affects us at all. And, they don't feel that we have made any sacrifices (sp?) for his career. We were married when he went in. Sad thing is we picked the AF because it was the most family friendly of the services. I love my military brothers
and sisters, but I am very angry with the system. I loved being a military spouse. And, I am going to miss the lifestyle more than anyone could know.
Since I am on a tangent, I'll also say that it pisses me off even more that at least two of my neighbors want out and can't get out. Here is my husband who really doesn't want out and they are getting rid of him. He has never gotten into trouble and always been a good troup. Yet, they don't want him. There are still jobs he could do for the AF. And, if they would just get us out of here, he would be healthy. It has been over a year since he had an attack even with living here. And, he has never missed a day of work because of his asthma.
As for my issues, I pretty much insisted on being scoped. I am
still throwing up a lot and can't eat hardly anything. This last week I have been back on a liquid diet because my carbs were very low and protein is nothing to brag about. My nutritionist put me on two SlimFast a day and one protein shake. I begged and she finally agreed I could have cashews. They stay down more often than not. But, everything else is completely unpredictable.
11/22/04
My four month anniversary is 5 days. This morning I weighed in at 174.5. That means I am down 81.5 pounds. I want to make my goal by the end of the year. My guess is that I will miss it by a couple of weeks. But, that will be ok.
I do have another stricture. Last Monday I had an Upper GI. It
isn't as bad as my first one. But, it is still taking two stretchings to get it back up to size. I still love Dr. Dines even though he keeps shoving things down my throat.
A couple of things have really struck me as strange lately. First, I until this last two weeks, I haven't felt like I have flown through sizes. I know most people say they do. I have a pair of pants on now that I will only wear one time. My oldest son and husband have been walking around behind me marking pants for disposal. Makes my neighbor happy though.
Clothing sizes have really changed since I was this size the last time. There is no way I could have worn size 14 when I was in the 170s the last time. I had heard that it had happened. But, this is the first time I have seen it on myself. I had even purchased a size 13 low rise when I was 180 something. They cut in on my hip bones but fit nicely when I dropped 3 more pounds.
Since my last stretching, I am able to eat a lot more. I even had hamburger mixed with refried beans the other night. That is the first beef that has stayed down since my surgery. I have also found that bad foods seems to go down. Chips and salsa. Crackers. Chex. Carbs. I still haven't had any sugars like candy, cakes and such. I haven't had any trouble with juices. So, with all of my complaining, I at least I haven't dumped.
Sugar Free candy is a nice treat. It helped me get through
Halloween. There are still a ton of calories in it. So, I really
limit it.
Jerky is a great invention. I found that I can eat it with no
problem and it satisfies the chewing craving. Next payday, I am going to make some of my own.
I haven't exercised since Heidi told me to cut it out until we got my eating under control. I am feeling better, so I guess I will have to stop using that as an excuse.
Our dog finally had puppies last week. The first one was born
within an hour of my appointment with Dr. W in the back of our new Suburban. By the time the day (and night) was over, she had given birth to 10 pups. 3 have been adopted already. We have named most of them just so we can keep them straight.
We are preparing for the move. Things are going slowly, but I know they will pick up when we know what date we have to be out of here. Just thinking about it makes me tired.
The kids are taking turns being sick. One would think that after
months of watching me barf, they would know where to do it. Not.
Nothing says good morning like the sound of your kid barfing at the foot of your bed.
I finally broke down and went bra shopping. I started off
squeezing into an H cup. I lost back fat early on. But, I only went down to a comfortable fit in the cup. The other day I chased one of the boys. I realized that I don't have the support I need. I feel so small now.
So, I took DH to the store the other day. There was a bit of
excitement because I haven't shopped in a normal store for a bra in a long time. Lane Bryant carries the cup size I was, but not in the number I needed. (36H) I was having to special order them. Anyway, DH swore that I am so small now that I was a D cup. I didn't think I could have lost that much, but agreed to try a D cup. I ended up shoving myself into a DD cup. I figure they will really fit well in about 10 pounds.
Since losing our medical insurance means that a TT is going to be out of the question, I have been looking at my tummy closely since I had surgery. I have noticed recently that my skin is starting to do its part to avoid a TT. I suspect that when I am at goal, I could still use a TT. It would be nice to have the extra skin with the pregnancy stretch marks on it removed. But, I think that I will be able to get by without one. I knew when I got my WLS scar that my bikini days were over. OK, so there never were any bikini days for me. But, now I know there never will be. I can live with that.
I just wanted to let the newbies know that there is hope that you will get to keep your chest and not have to have a TT.
Look ma, I got bones.
Crossing my legs a recent big deal for me. No one IRL really knows how proud I am that I can do it. I made sure I crossed them for our family Christmas pictures. The down side of crossing them is that I have developed a bruise on the outside of my knee from crossing them. It hurts to feel cool. Works for me. I have also noticed bruises on the inside of my knees from sleeping on my side. Then there is my rear. We haven't talked about my rear lately, have we? My hip has been hurting because of the weather change. Happens every year. It's
just one of those things. But, I bruised the darn thing (my rear) on the toilet seat from sitting down too quickly because of my hip.
Hey, did I mention that I have collar bones? My poor son can't get comfortable putting his head on my shoulder because he keeps hitting them with his face.
So, we can conclude that a smaller body has me hurting myself. I
bet if the psychologist could have predicted this in my eval, he
would have had a field day with my report.
I thought my pouch was about 2 ounces because I could
