kaleena

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So i am sitting here at the holiday inn relaxing after the drive down 
i do have to say i am rather calm right now but i am sure by the morning  the nerves will kick back in
i hope that my surgery goes smooth and i am back on here before you know it ..
 

SO my surgery is on thursday... i can't believe it already i have so many things going through my head right now its crazy.. i feel like i was cheated a bit on the optifast ..as i couldnt tolerate it for long and made me sick.. so being able to eat has worried me since i started.. i seem to have held steady at 10pounds lost.. hoping that my liver has done its job and shrunk.... i think i am mostly afraid of the worst..yet i try not to think about it... i know i am ready for this but at the same time i wonder still is this the thing for me... i guess it is normal to have these feelings i just wish that sometimes i didnt..
So we are leaving on wednesday and hopefully will be back the following tues...fingers crossed....
it is just going to be my mom with me.. my husband will be home with our son (couldnt get time off work).. that for me will be hard.. not seeing them before i go in for surgery...
So this is it for now.... my mom is bringing the laptop so once i am back in the hotel i will update for sure
i will keep my angel leanne1 updated.. so she can update everyone....

So this morning i woke up super hungry and eager to get on with the optifast...well to my surprise i struggled to get the first shake in.. i had a chocolate one.. which i thought yummmm chocolate..well no... i think the worst part is the after taste and the smell... so about a hr after having it my tummy was not happy and well i spent the next few hrs off and on in the bathroom.. for lunch i had a vanilla one which i liked way better.. and it went down fast... by this afternoon i had such a bad headache i went for a nap...by the time i got up i had to pick my son up at daycare .. came home and cooked supper for my husband and son.. while i was doing that i made my shake for dinner.. i mixed tangerine grapefruit with the vanilla... and it is super yummy... i was still hungry so i had come cuccumbers.. just have 1 shake left for today that day one is over
I found today very hard.. i am so glad to have Leanne and Amy on BBM as talking to them all day sure helped me a lot.. the support on here is amazing and i would be lost without it.. so thank you..
i know that as each day passes it will get easier and easier.. i just keep thinking 2 weeks from today and it will be all worth it...

after a very long long day my PATTS is done.. so next stop is Surgery...

So last night i took my 5yr old son out for our first bike ride of the season.. and lets just say. i am paying for it this morning.. we biked approx 4km and thought to myself "i am gonna die" lol instead i just pushed to make up those hills... had to take a few rest breaks but still did it.... i thought wow i cant wait to get this weight off so i can bike without being out of breath and without every part of my body aching... i so can't wait for that part .. i mentioned to one of my firends who came with us.. that i never felt comfortable going out with them biking cause i am so over weight and they aren't.. so i just chose to stay home all the time.. she actually was supportive and said you know what .. u should actully start now to build endurance.. she was like it doesnt matter your size anyone can do it... but coming from someone who only weighs 140pds i guess it would be hard for to know what its like to carry a extra 100pds around.. it is hard to do the same as her.. but i did it and i felt great.. 4 km isnt a whole lot but for me that was AWESOME...
Heres to the Future..........

So i was at work today and we were talking about my upcoming surgery  and all in all mostly every one is supportive.. i have a few girls i work with that are very negitive about it.. telling me to back out that i shouldnt do.... well if only they lived in my shoes ...i try my best to not let that bother me but it still puts that doubt in my head and i question myself.. is this the right thing for me?... and well YES it is.. i have way to much to live for in this lifetime.. so now i am taking charge of my life ..Iam not letting my weight decide my future or my happiness...I WILL BE... so for all those non-supportive negitive people out there..I Dont Care..... this is my Life ... My Choice..... and i choose to LIVE.......

So 2 weeks from today i start my optifast.. kinda anxious to see how i can handle it.. it should be fine..
i met a lady where i live that is having the surgery on the 27th so we are going to keep close contact and get together after the surgery.. it is starting to set in now and i am really not thinking about wating my last favorite foods.. cause i know that some will be gone forever and some wont .. just  alot smaller portion... 
gettting excited.....

So i am getting excited to find out my date.. seems as though everything is on a fast track for me.. i am now thinking a june surgery is possable ... Dr Shirkin is really pushing it to be done ASAP.. so we will see.. I have been having some problems at my work so i have decided to see my Famly Doc and leave  work early on medical leave... so that i am able to focus 100% on this surgery and get my mindset on the upcoming changes ahead.. it really still hasnt hit me that this is happening and i am not really sure why yet.... maybe once i have a date it will be different
t-8 days till i get a date

So tomorrow i have my sleep study.. and tues i have my SW /NUT appts and my echo and breathing test
and well lets just say i am kinda nervous about them mostly for the sleep study and breathing test.. because for the past few weeks my allergies have been bothering me and i am stuffed up so i have been living off of allergie meds.. well i got a msg from the hospital on thurs in regards to the breathing test stating to not use any allergy meds for 24hrs prior to the appt...,....well this is gonna be interesting cause tomorrow night is my sleep study and well thats not gonna work so well if i cant breathe through my nose ...GRRRR oh well i seem to be alot better since yesterday and have not used nasel spray since thurs when i got that call.. so it seems to be clearing up.. just lots of phelgm..yuckie...
i am also kinda nervous for the NUT appointment... i dont really know why.. probably cause i might forget something important.. even though i have researched everything there is to know ...maybe i just doubt myself too much and just need to relax... i just dont want to not get the go ahead from these appts....
I am so hoping that after my breathing test that dr shirkin is still in his office so i can get my results the same day and not have to wait months for a appt for that....crossing my fingers.........
alright thats all for now...

so after a week of playing phone tag and being on hold forever and hung up on..I finally got through to Dr Shirkins office
so i have to go on April 25 for a sleep study..need to be there for 7:45pm and then on April 26 my day is booked as well
10am SW
11am Nut
1:45pm Echocardigram
2:45pm Breathing Test
So i was told that if after my breathing test they are still in the office to come and get the results if not then they are booking into June.....FRIG.... i Hope that they are still in the office cause holy crow thats a long wait.. maybe they can speed it up...