kamileanne1

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I had my surgery on May 14th.  My brother went into the hospital on the 24th of May.  He was supposed to have a lenghty recovery and come home.  He never came home.  He passed away on June 9th. I laid him to rest on June 14th.  I was his closest relative. He had no wife or kids.  He was morbidly obese, diabetic, and cirrhosis of the liver. The day he passed they were going to start him on dialysis due to his kidneys shutting down.   The day before i okayed a liver biopsy. No one explained the risk involved with Cirrhosis.   We all thought including the doctors it just developed. It must have been present for a while he had portal hypertension and bled out.  My brother helped me get my surgery.  I was short on funds and he told me he wanted me to have this tool so i can have a healthier life for my family.   I am still trying to heal from losing him.  I ahve funeral to pay for still. I have no idea where that is going to come from.  I was laid off not to long ago form the state.  I am overwhelmed in so many ways.
You know, He was my best friend and i took care of him for the last 3 years. I only thought he had a spinal problem that prevented him to walk due to lifting my mom when she was ill and from carrying around 400 lbs.  When he was admitted into the hospital he weighed 290.  When he died he was 550 lbs.  Due to his body retaining water and shuting down.   I was sick most of the time i was by his bedside. Not being able to eat right.  Not in a town i was familar with. I hardly ate.
I do not know what week i am on anymore or what to do next.

So, i need lots of help.  I need to get back on track and do my brother proud.  I do know that i am went from a size 28 to a 22. Last time i went to the doc i lost around 30lbs. That was on May 25th.  Yep i had to go get my staples out an dleave my brother alone in the hospital. I should have just gone to the ER in Temple and had them do it.    Sorry to ramble. Keep me in your prayers. If any one has advice on how to get back on track i would appreciate it.
~Kami

Ok, i am obsessing about everything regarding this surgery.   I can't sleep.  I can only wonder who is under all this baggage. Who will i become? How will it change my family and friends? My relationship with the spouse?   But, now instead of being fearful of the changes to come i welcome them. I can not wait to meet my new life. 

OMG 16 days til surgery! Is this really happening? Am i really getting it done. If feels so surreal.  I have had so many things happen in the past to interfere with me getting the surgery. I am just waiting for something to pop up. And you know what i am going to ignore it. It is all about me this time. I am not letting anything stand in my way of changing my life.

I was look at my pics and i was wondering i what i would look like, live like skinny.  So here are some things i hope for.
I hope to find my neck!  Yes i look at my self and all i see is my face where the heck did my neck go? I want to run a 5k.  I want to go for a trip on a airplane and not worry about the seat belt and seat being too small. Last time in 2005 i was flying to NYC and Air Tran offered to put me in first class because i did not fit comfortably. My knees where in the back seat.  But i did get the seat belt on. Now i am 40 lbs heavier. While at NYC i could only walk a 3 block radius. My feet would swell and it was painful to walk.   I want to go to the movies and sit with out putting the arm up.  I want to go to my kids school and not embarrass my kids because i am so big.  They say i do not embarrass them. But i see and hear the other kids and sometimes even parents say things.
OK on to positive thoughts again...  I am going to get me canoe. I love canoeing and have not been since i was a kid.  I am going to ride a bike and keep up with my kids.  I am going to find that little black dress and wear it out with no reservations.  I am going to get portraits of me and the family. Because i dodged camera before.   I am going to live.  I want to travel and participate and not sit on the sidelines watching everyone else live there life and cheer them on.  I want to be cheered on while people look at me and say i want to do that someday. How wonderful would that be?

Surgery date May 14th. I am so happy, excited and scared at the same time. But you know what?  there is too much good to out weigh that scary feeling.   I am doing it not just for me but for my kids.  I want them to have a healthy mom and to be a better example for them.  I get my EGD tomorrow. The Stress test is scheduled for next Thursday. Last night i had my 2nd appointment for the sleep study and the cpap was not fun at all. I am Clautrophobic and kept waking up and wanting to yank the sucker off.  But i did not and i made it through the night.   Walking on clouds i am so happy and i can not wait for a new me to appear. Not to mention a brand new life!

BCBS finally gave me my approval. I found the perfect Doctor.  Now i just complet my 2nd sleep study, EGD and stress test. I need to wait to see when i can be fit in to Dr. Barker schedule. I can not wait to begin!