katieem

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My two year bandiversary is coming up next week and I have been thinking about my journey so far.  A summary would be: I lost weight in the first 3 months mostly because I was on a "diet".  Then I got 3 fills but felt very little restriction and lost very slowly.  At one year, I got a new doctor and a major fill.  I lost very well for three months (lowest weight was down 57lbs) and then suddenly got too tight for an unknown reason.  It may have been a stuck episode but probably a combination of things.  I struggled with it for a few months, not really understanding what had happened.  Then I got an tiny unfill and an upper GI.  No slip, everything looked good except for some reflux so another small unfill.  I continued to be too tight, cycling into throwing up and soft food syndrome and gained a few pounds.  My insurance was also mess up during this time but finally went in for a major unfill.  Now I have very little restriction but have come to the realization that the further I got from surgery, the more I forgot band eating skills and that this last unfill may have been necessary only because I was eating too fast and taking too big of bites.  So now I am concentrating on my eating skills and will make sure I have it down before I go in for a small fill.  

I am starting a new support group tonight and I hope it will be better than the one's I've been to before.  One was over an hour away and bypass dominated.  The other was also over an hour away and pre surgery dominated.  This one is local and is for all bariatric patients but two years down the line there are a lot more band patients around here so hoping it will be at least equally band and bypass.

I have a new routine, before falling asleep which includes reading several pages of one of the band books I have every night.  This is my way of reinforcing my band skills learning. My surgeon's goal for me is to lose 65 lbs more.  My original goal was to lose 40 lbs more.  At this point, I will be very happy to get down another 25 lbs and break the 200 barrier.  That would feel like real success to me.

259- met 7/19/09
250- met 8/24/09
244- met 10/8/09
239- met 1/19/10
233- met 6/10/10
229.5- met 6/24/10
223.5- met 8/3/10
219.5- met 10/14/10
213.5
209
203.5
199

Today I met one of my Mini goals, #7 in fact.  It was actually a MAJOR goal for me because it means I am finally back to the lowest I have been in 20 years.  I got down to this weight on a diet 8 years ago.  Another .5 lbs and I will be the lowest I have been in 20 years!  Reward for next mini goal is a trip to Hawaii.  That is only 4 lbs away!


259- met 7/19/09
250- met 8/24/09
244- met 10/8/09
239- met 1/19/10
233- met 6/10/10
229.5- met 6/24/10
223.5- met 8/3/10
219.5
213.5
209
203.5
199

Even though it isn't one of my mini goals, 50 lbs seems like a big accomplishment.  It has taken me almost 13 months to get here.  And I'm really ok with that.  I said from the beginning that I wanted to lose slowly and I did and it turns out I wasn't fooling myself.  I'm happy to lose slowly.  I mean, of course I would have been thrilled to wake up 100 lbs lighter after surgery but as we all know and repeat to ourselves and each other, this is a journey.  My journey has been just right for me.  I have gotten discouraged and depressed when I thought maybe I was done losing but apparently I was in a holding pattern, waiting for my old surgeon (the technician) to disappear and my new surgeon (the cheerleader) to manifest.  Another lesson in patience, when the time is right, and be careful what you ask for....

One year ago today, I had my lap band surgery.  I couldn't be happier about the impact it has had on my life.

I have lost 46lbs.  I feel so much more comfortable in my body and my clothes.  I can do a lot of little things that I couldn't do a year ago, like fit in booths.  

I have lost 21.75 inches on my bust, waist, abdomen and hips combined.

I have a new doctor, new motivation and hope and a new fill that is giving me restriction finally.

I have learned how to work with my band and make it work with me.

I have reached my first six mini goals, my half way point and reached my weight goal for one year a day early.

I am exercising regularly 2 times a week.

Things I still want to accomplish:
1. Get off my blood pressure medication
2. Lose another 45 lbs
3. Wear "normal" sizes
4. Continue to improve my nutrition and my health in general.
5. Exercise 3-4 times a week

Wow!  So my surgeon disappeared suddenly.  He is on "sabbatical" for an indefinte period of time.  He was part of a large, multi county medical group so there was another bariatric surgeon available to take over for him.  I went to see him for an initial visit today.  His practice is about as totally different from my surgeon as possible. 

He is passionate about the band and has been doing bands for about 9 years.   My previous doc had been doing RNY for a number of years and just started doing the band recently. 

Examples:

Old                                             New
No protein drinks                       Protein drinks ok
1200+ calories                            800 calories or less
No limit on carbs                        40 gm or less carbs
"low-fat"                                      30 gm or less fat
"We can't keep giving you fills"   "Let's get you to proper restriction"

So he spent about an hour with me, educating me about his way with the band and then gave me a fill.  I had 7.2cc's and he tried adding .8 to take me to 8cc's.  I couldn't get the water down with 8cc's so he took our .5 and left me with 7.5 cc's.  He doesn't use any numbing before a fill and he assured me it wouldn't hurt.  I was very nervous but, guess what?  It didn't hurt even though he had a very hard time getting into the port (my previous NP did too).

They gave me all the info that they usually give pre-ops and it was specifically for band patients instead of superficially adjusted from RNY material. 

He said that I should be at about 155-160.  My goal is 185.

All in all, I feel like I am starting over and that is a good thing.   We will see.

259- met 7/19/09
250- met 8/24/09
244- met 10/8/09
239- met 1/19/10
233- met 6/10/10
229
223
219
213
209
203
199

Today I requested an appointment for my one year check up with my surgeon. I have been thinking about what I will tell him and what I want from him.  

Here's the state of my band life from my perspective:

I have lost 40 lbs which is more than I have ever lost at one time before.  I was on a steady increase when I got my band and I think I would have gained at least 10-15 lbs in the last year without my band so you could say a net loss of 55lbs (lol).  

I feel much happier in my clothes and in my skin.  I was miserable everyday in my tight clothes and ungainly body one year ago.  I could be comfortable at this weight if it weren't for a couple of things: need to further improve my health and get off some meds, would love to wear normal size clothes some day as I never have, and even though I am content at this weight, surgery is too drastic a step to waste it on 40 lbs.

I have totally changed my eating habits.  I eat much less than I used to and I make healthier choices of foods.  I get my protein and my fluids in and don't drink liquid calories usually.   I enjoy an occasional treat but try to keep my calories around 1200 -1400 a day (per my NUT).  I don't use any added sugar and try to eat sugar-free, gluten-free most of the time and keep my carbs low because of my insulin resistance.  I try to stick to solid protein then veggie then carb if room but I always have room.

I do an hour of water aerobics twice a week, religiously and try to get in a third time a week on my own.  I started this 2 months before my surgery.  Before that I was not exercising at all.  I would like to be pain free enough to walk (other than in water) but am not there yet.

I think that my band is in good shape but I would like to get an UGI or at least a fill under fluroscopy. I have 7.2 cc's in my 10cc band and have not had a fill for 5 months.  I have only lost about 10 lbs in that 5 months (some of it was what I put on over the Holidays so only 5 "new" pounds since then.  I can eat almost anything except: dry chicken breast sometimes, dry roasted almonds sometimes, pizza with gluten free crust (tried it- regrettted it).  I can swallow a handful of pills in the morning and gulp my water if I want to.  I can eat 3 pieces of french bread with butter if I want to (fortuantely don't do this very often).  I get hungry ever 2-3 hours, physical, stomach growling hunger. 

I also eat because the clock says to sometimes or because I feel sorry for myself or because an Oh Yeah! bar is calling my name.  I am not in therapy right now as the therapist I was working with before surgery (who was very supportive) doesn't really work with eating disorders.  I know I have some head hunger issues to work on and am thinking about how to do that.

I am thinking of asking for a fill when I see my surgeon.  I have been afraid of being too tight and of maxing out my band.  I also have had several PB/slime incidents in the last 5 months but I think that has mostly to do with the fact that I can eat anything so I often take big bites and don't chew well.  It almost always feels like it gets caught in my esopagus above an air bubble that can't get out when I have to PB.  I really want to start losing again and having evaluated all this, I think that I need my band to be doing a little more and me to be doing a little more.  I am going to propose that to my surgeon and see what he says.

Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full.  I learned this from Geneen Roth in about 1980 when she was living in my town and doing Feeding the Hungry Heart support groups.  But in recent years I haven't practiced "eat when you are hungry" for a variety of reasons.  And even though I learned this lesson again in relationship to the band from my support family here on OH, I have not practiced it since getting my band either. 

One of the reasons is that for years I have been battling fairly severe hypoglycemia.  To stave off symptoms of that, I essentially ate every 2 hours whether I was hungry or not.  So I have gotten in the habit of eating every 2-3 hours, even though hypoglycemia is rarely a problem for me now.  I am afraid that it might be...

Other logical reasons for eating on a schedule rather than in response to my bodies messages are: getting in all my protein, arranging my eating to eat with other people on a schedule (dinner with family, lunch with friends etc.), convenience during my work day (I'm at my desk now, later I have to go out to a meeting where food might not be available).  These are logical but they are partly based on the underlying reason that eat when I'm not hungry. 

Under it all, I'm still obsessed with food.    Fear is part of the basis for my food obsession.  Afraid I won't get enough, afraid I'll miss out on the good stuff, afraid I MIGHT get hungry.  I think that as much as we all get down on ourselves for our obsession with food that it is part of human nature.  Humans spent thousands of years in survival mode, obsessed with getting enough food.  It's built into to our physiology to be driven to eat, to hoard, to think about food.

So, I need to work on this.  Today I'm going to try to pay attention to getting hungry.  I'm also going to try to pay attention to the things I feel when I want to eat.  We will see how it goes.

Today is my 9 month bandiversary. 

I have lost 40 lbs (5 in the last 3 months)
I have lost 22 inches (4.5 in the last 3 months)
I have lost 3 pants sizes (1 in the last 3 months)

I feel so much better in my body and in my clothes.  I am less depressed and more energetic.  I am in less pain and can exercise more.  I can do lots of little things that I struggled with 9 months ago, from fitting into booths to fastening my bra. 

I don't think my appearance has changed that much and I am hopeless with figuring out how to post pics.  I have a lot of weight still to lose (about 50 lbs) mostly right around my middle.  

My next few goals are: 233 (2.5 lbs) 229.5 (my 1 year goal, I get to buy clothes!) 223 (lowest I've been in 21 years) 219 (trip to Hawaii!!)
Lose a shirt size down to 2x (i've only lost 2 inches on my bust so shirts fit a lot better but can't get into a 2x yet)
Decrease BP meds

I love my band.  I am a slow loser.  Being a slow loser is partly due to physical limitations but mostly a CHOICE on my part.  I am just really coming to terms with this choice (even though I stated before surgery that I would prefer to be a slow loser) and am mostly happy with it.  I also love food and I get to eat almost anything I want with the restriction that I have.  I eat much less and MUCH healthier than I did 9 months ago.  This is a life style I can live with and still be healthier.  I do plan to keep losing and keep improving my diet and my health slowly.  Somebody on here, (was it you, Tiff?) said this was a 3 year process for them.  That is how I am looking at my weight loss.  My health improvement, however, is a life long process.  I already believe that I have added years to my life with my band.

And as always, thanks so much to my OH support group.  I read the boards every day and get so much information, support and inspiration from you all