kimcropable
I remember from 4th grade being overweight, and then always being heavy and being told if only if you had the body to go with your pretty face. WTF? Why do people say things like this anyway? Do they think fat people don’t have feelings?? Does our fat weigh say much it numbs our feelings? Well, I can answer that, NO! We do have feelings and those things only hurt us and make us eat more.
Skip ahead….. I am 16 years old and 203 lbs and wearing women’s clothes and no self esteem. I lived with an Aunt/Uncle and My Aunt asked if I wanted to be put on a diet, I said YES! I lost down to 135, look amazing but felt fat still and didn’t know how to eat healthy but had a nice little eating disorder going on. I had been through a lot of sexual and physical abuse from the time I was 3 years old until I was 16, so I used food as a way to cope and hide myself and my feelings. I had already an eating disorder but the extreme dieting really made it more severe.
As I got older moved out of my own, the weight came back plus more like everyone else on the OH site. I married a wonderful man, Aslam when I was 26. I was 230 lbs. He loved exactly the way I was. That was part of the issue for me; he loved heavy women, so he didn't want me to lose weight, because he thinks this is sexy. Even though he is a doctor, I still had to remind him, that it wasn’t healthy for me. Now, he is finally on board with a weight loss and WLS. Now, I was lucky, when I had my sweet babies, all four of them, I didn’t gain weight while pregnant. In fact, I lost weight while pregnant. One pregnancy I lost 50 lbs due to being so sick, plus I actually eat better while pregnant. Anyway, fastward to the last pregnancy, to my amazement and tears, the day of my first appointment with my ObGyn, I was 263 lbs. I cried and cried. But, I still eat for the baby and still lost weight during pregnancy like with the others, I think about 10-20 lbs. I had severe complications and almost died during L&D, I had to get 8 units of blood and an emergency c-section and hysterectomy. The baby was perfectly healthy; I was in ICU for 4 days and the hospital for a week. I swore I would lose weight and get healthy after almost dying and having male nurses lift me in ICU, well that worked for a few months, and then back to my old ways.
Then the baby turned one, and I remembered my promise to him after almost dying, so I started back to the program and lost 80 lbs and then was diagnosed with cancer.
I went into a horrible depression and gained all my weight back, yes all 80 lbs plus a few, and gained up to 272. I see people that get up 400+ lbs and think; I honestly can see how it can happen. It starts with being 40 lbs overweight, then 75lbs and then 100 and then just continually increases. I am afraid that this is the path that I am on. Thankfuly, I am able to get the Lab-Band in April and stop this and now, get healthy once and for all! No more Yo-Yo dieting. I know this has been so unhealthy and stressful for my body.
I have already almost died, I have survived cancer (two times-both GYN related), and I have to win this war on obesity.
Thanks for reading my blog,
Kim
