kimdabusdriver

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I can feel my bones.  I have shoulder bones!
Also , and this is a big one, I'm out of the xxx's and am wearing a large size shirt now.

my pants were literally falling off.  I made tucks, then more tucks.  Finally, I went to Kmart to try on jeans. NOT my favorite activity!  I picked up two sizes that I thought I might fit into and then just for the heck of it I took a size in that i knew wouldn't fit yet but I wanted to see how far i had to go.  I tried the too small size first because I'm a glutton for punishment and had to get it over with but.... they fit!  Talk about an instant high!  I was all but jumping up and down.  It's been 22 years since this size fit.  YEA!!!!!! Now i have to go bra shopping.  yuck

Last week I had a WOW moment.  I was sitting behind the wheel of my bus at a red light and noticed that my shoe was untied.  I have never been able to tie my shoe in a sitting position as my humongous belly got in the way.  I always had to have a place where I could lift my leg up to a reachable position to tie the shoe, like on the couch or the bed.  This day, I bent down, twisting around the steering wheel and tied my shoe!  
I can't explain the feelings that went through me.  relief, pride, normalcy.  It was a definite "moment".

I'm doing ok with meal planning for breakfast and dinner.  Breakfast I usually have a protein shake and I change the flavors up so I don't get bored.  Dinners are much easier.  Sometimes I have chili but usually its fish or chicken.  I love shrimp too.
Lunches are so much more difficult right now because of my work shift.  I have to take along something that I can eat while I'm driving and that really limits my options.  I tried sandwhiches with low fat breads but my pouch does NOT like bread. so i make sandwiches without bread!  Thats ok but I'm concerned about the deli meats and cheese in relationship to my heart health.  I've gotten alot of really great suggestions from the OH support group so today I'm taking along nuts, a cheeese stick and a yogurt that I'll try to eat at a red light LOL.  also have the protein bar and a liquid protein shot that I keep with me for emergencies.  (food emergencies?)

Almost every day someone comes up to me and tells me how great I look.  For the most part, it makes me feel good to get a compliment but after so many years of being an invisible fat person the extra attention is sometimes overwhelming.  Part of me wants to slide back up against the wall , like in "wallflower"
I am enjoying the extra energy and yesterday I went Bike shopping.  I didn't buy one yet but did ride one down the sidewalk.  I felt wobbly and a little scared of falling.  The walk to the bike shop was 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back so..
maybe every Saturday I'll walk to the bike shop until I'm thin enough that when I finally do buy a bike again I won't be wobbly.

found out the cause of the diarhea, I have  C-Diff.  I just read up on it and it is contagious.  It kind of freaks me out because I'm afraid that after the surgery my body won't recover. 

have been ill with bronchitis the last couple of days.  Family dr put me on liquid antibiotic which causes more diarrhea!    Yogurt  has been my friend.

I have had the big D since the first poo I had three days after surgery.

I got home from the hospital yesterday and I'm still feeling pretty rough.  I pretty much rested and tried to get in as much water as i could.  I started coughing while I was laying on my back and a huge glob of phlemb tried to kill me.  first thing in the am I got in about 8 gs of protein and am meds washed up my dishes .then layed down for a while.
just walked down the sidewalk and back, may as well have been five miles. just like a sip of water feels like a full glass!
I pooped last night at 4 am. then came the diarrhea, wophoo.  time to lay down again after sitting up long enough to type this.
 

OK I have this thing with cake.  I'm preop.  I love german chocolate cake. 
I live with my sixteen year old and two room mates who are married to one another.  Room mate  1 is also preop.  and my son is a food Nazi!
When ever son and room mates are sceduled to be away for the weekends and I'm home alone,  I envite my best friend, Herr cake, to visit for the weekend.  We have a grand time in front of the television.  We get together for breakfast and coffee.  Do our own thing until dinner and then watch movies together.  Sometimes we even envite the dairy sisters ( ice cream and whip cream) to join us for dessert! 
When I decided to have WLS I knew that I was going to have to end my friendship with Herr cake.  I started to see him less as time went by.  There were delays in my surgery date due to Insurance changes and then a little health delay called MY SECOND HEART ATTACK.  I thought I'd never see my friend cake again but I started feeling better and paid him another visit, and then another.  I knew in my head it wasn't a healthy relationship but the heart doesn't always listen to the head. I know you all hear me! 
This weekend was a milestone for me.
Son is away as are both roomies. 
I went to Herr cakes ( Darrencamp's) but I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door.  I drove away.  Yes, I actually drove away without even going to the door.
Let's get real.  the cake is a band aid for everything that hurts.  We all have a past that has some painful memories.  My past is full of pain and loneliness.  I even have some honest to goodness tragedies in my past.  Cake has filled those wounds and numbed the pain.  In the process of masking that pain, overindulging in food has been slowly killing me, Which isn't entirely bad.  I could have just committed suicde and been done with it.   The slowness'  "the joy of cake" has given me the time to wake up and see the light.  I would have thought that having a heart attack at 51 would have woken me up but apparently I was too dead inside to acknowledge the truth.  But I'm awake now and I'm ready for change.  I'm not afraid.