No more pity parties, please!

Oct 16, 2013

It’s been almost a month since my last blog.  Shameful! I’ve been having a pretty good time though.  I had my 9 month out surgeon’s visit at the beginning of October.  She was very happy with my results.   134 pounds down in about 9 months.  She said she didn’t know of many other patients that lost that much that quickly.  Also, all my labs were good which I had been a bit worried about.  Around my period, I usually get really tired so I was worried my iron was low.  It was good though!  I have also been running like crazy.   I love my RunKeeper app and use it to keep me motivated and calculating the time and distance of my runs.  I have been slacking this week (with everything) but for a while I was running almost every day and I can definitely tell it’s toning up my body.  I am still exercising even though my food choices haven’t been great.   I haven’t gained much even though I have been eating carbs the last 10 days or so.  I am 228 as of this morning.  Time to cut it out and get off those stupid carbs!!  I know I am using food to deal with emotions especially with my job stress and that’s bad bad BAD! 

I am stressing about work (this is our super busy period) and I look forward to the weekend SO much.   But when the weekend gets here, I get lonely and sad.  I live so far away from my friends here in town and I feel isolated, even though I’m not.  My husband has been working TONS of hours lately and when he is off work, he is usually in pain or tired.  He just wants to relax and watch TV or play video games.   I want to go out and be around other adult humans and dress up but that’s the last thing he wants to do! The kids are also demanding a ton of stuff lately; homecoming money, band fees, new clothes and shoes, etc.  It’s so much time and money to keep everyone happy.  I also work from home which makes me feel isolated at times.  I feel sorry for poor pitiful me when really I have nothing to feel sorry for!!  I have a great job that allows me to work from home, I have a gorgeous husband who loves me more than anyone and I have a second chance at living my life in a body that I’m proud of!  I have lost a freakin small woman’s worth of weight and yet I am not fully appreciating it cus my husband can’t take me out as much as I want.    I’m letting way too much effect me and stand in my way of truly appreciating all that I have.  I have a book of positive affirmations that I am trying to read every day and put positive thoughts in my head to replace the negative.

On a more positive note, I have had plenty of NSVs.  My husband and I did our first 5k together a few weeks ago.  A bubble run!  It was so fun even though we didn’t run the whole thing.  My husband hadn’t trained at all for it so when we started running, he didn’t make it that long.  I actually saw a friend there and the three of us ran together for a while. I’d say we ran a little less than half of it.  There is another one my friend and I are doing on November 9^th and Jason may do it with us.  He just needs to actually train a little this time! 

I am also fitting into size 16s and even some 14s! My friend gave me some of her cousin’s older jeans and almost all of them fit except for one pair of size 14s.  (Thanks, Lois!!)  So I strutted my stuff the other day in my size 14 pants and DKNY shirt.  I felt thin. I felt pretty.  It’s been so long since I’ve felt like that.  It’s a great feeling.  I am now smaller than I was at 22.  When (not if!) I get to 200 pounds, I will be back to a weight I haven’t been since I was 20! That is just so surreal.   I have so much to be thankful for and cannot get stuck now! I have too much to lose.  This time last year, I was just joining OH and the difference between then and now is HUGE (no pun intended!).  I felt so horrible in my own skin and wanted to just hide. Now I just wanna be around people and I feel like a happy, healthy, NORMAL human being.  Yay for normal, whatever that is!

2 Comments