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Well as of passing the 190.9 pound mark I am finally considered just “overweight”.  I’m no longer super morbidly obese, morbidly obese, or even just obese.  It is a fabulous feeling.  It seems odd to be happy to be overweight, but considering where I started it’s fantastic.  I hope to make it to “normal” by March of next year.  As of today at 188 pounds I have lost 175 pounds!  That is just a ridiculous number to think about.  How did I carry all that around???? Seriously?  When I reach 181.5 I will have lost exactly half of my former self.  It’s an amazing time in my journey and one I never thought I’d reach.  My first goal was 240 and I was doubtful I’d even reach that.  I’ve been slow with the weight loss and had my ups and downs.  I still struggle with eating things I shouldn’t and falling off the wagon.  It will be a lifelong struggle. 

 

I still feel horribly fat and ugly though.  Some days I’ll look in the mirror and smile at what I see, but other times I want to crawl under a rock.  I hate having this excess skin because I can’t see what I’ve truly accomplished.  I’m thinking about getting a plastic surgery consult, but I know I can’t afford the surgery itself.  I’m thinking that might just get my hopes up for nothing.  I still have 38 pounds to lose to reach my/my surgeon’s goal.  I’m hoping I will feel “thin” at that point.  Most people tell me I’m already thin and that they think I only weigh about 150 pounds as I am now.  Unfortunately 150 is my goal and I wish I was already there.  Is my mind playing tricks on me or am I actually still considered fat?  I have no idea if guys even find me attractive now.  I still feel like they never give me a second look.  Not that they need to or that I want the attention, but it’d be nice to know that I’m no longer the fat girl that gets ignored or laughed at. 

 

On a positive note, I apparently no longer “look” like I belong in the plus size department, which is the WEIRDEST feeling ever.  I’ve always had to shop there – since probably middle or high school.  The other day though I went into the women’s department at Dillard’s.  I was looking for a dress for my company’s Christmas party.  I started in the misses department, but the highest they go is a 14 or 16.  I wear a 12/14ish on the bottom, but have always been bigger on top.  My tummy sticks out due to the excess skin and such.  So I didn’t see much in that department that didn’t hug my fat roll and headed for women’s.  Twenty seconds after I started browsing a lady asked me what size I was looking for and had the most puzzled look on her face.  It was like she had no clue what I was doing there and that this was a sacred place for fat people to be in without smaller people barging in.   I told her I wanted a 16 dress.  She asked if I wanted misses or women’s and I said women’s.  She said that I should try the misses department.  It was like she wanted to kick me out!  I was in shock to say the least.  I told her I did want a women’s size and that I had just come from misses.  I tried on a few women’s 16’s – but they were all too big to my surprise.  Lol   Some misses 16’s were too small and the women’s 16’s are too big.  What the heck!  I found a misses 14 on the rack though that was out of place.  I tried it on and it fit beautifully!!  I didn’t buy it because it had brown in it though - and that wouldn’t match my shoes or sweater.  I didn’t feel the need to replace my entire wardrobe.  :)  Later that day I did find a cute little red dress.  I will probably wear that one at Christmas because on Saturday I found yet another dress in this pretty Amethyst color that I plan to wear to the party.  I will have to post pictures after the event this weekend.  I never thought in a million years that I would wear dresses like the ones I bought. 

 

Anyhow… this is just a look into my life recently.  It’s an up and down journey to say the least. 

I can't wait for Thanksgiving.  I will be driving to Ohio to spend a few days at a resort with my family.  I have cousins who live in Ohio that I haven't seen in over 2.5 years.  I have lost 171 pounds since my surgery, which was I guess about 1.5 years ago or a little more.  So I'm not exactly sure what I weighed when I last saw them, but I'm guessing it was just about the same.  When I saw them last I was at my aunt's wedding.  I remember feeling SO miserable that day because I felt like I had nothing to wear and I was supposed to be "dressed up" a little.  I remember leaving the house with a black flowery shirt with little sequin things on it.  It was a dreadful shirt and I had no idea why I bought it... I guess because it fit.  By the time I got to the wedding I was so self conscious that I left and went to Fashion Bug to go find another shirt.  I couldn't find anything I liked or that fit.  Everything hugged my body and I felt like my fat rolls were the only thing anyone would be looking at because they stuck out so much.  I ended up with this horrid green stretchy polo shirt.  I still felt miserable wearing it and that was about all I really even remember from that whole wedding.  It seemed like my whole family was ashamed of me.  I felt like they were criticizing me and laughing at me the whole day because I was the fat girl.  (who knows if they were or not)  But anyhow... this Thanksgiving I will be seeing some of my family for the first time since then.  I am smaller than I have been in probably 15 years ... and I'm only 25 (well I will be in 2 days anyways).  I have the feeling they won't even recognize me when I walk through the door.  I've been trying to lose more weight these past several weeks in preparation for Thanksgiving.  I slacked off for 6 months, but am back on track.  The best part about this trip is that I have clothes that I actually WANT to wear.  It's an amazing change and such a crazy change from what I used to go through.  I can't wait to get to Ohio in 2.5 weeks because I have SO much to be Thankful for this year.  It really has all been worth it.

So I lost 6 pounds this week to put me down to 194.  I had to re-lose some of what I had previously lost, but this week it all came back off plus some so that was great!  I didn't even have any Halloween candy this week so I was quite proud of myself there. 

I bought some size 14 pants from American Eagle at the beginning of October that fit but were QUITE snug at the time.  Today I put them on and they fit SO much better so I've been wearing those all day.    It's so exciting to know that I walked into a normal person store and bought clothes and can wear them!  WOO HOO!  

October weight loss: 207 to 194 = 13 pounds! 

So after last weekend I went back up to 203... I was rather pissed off because I had just reached onederland.  I didn't eat too bad over the weekend either.  I'm thinking part of it was from my TOM.  I can't blame it all on that though because I really didn't do fabulously eating wise on Saturday and Sunday.  I just didn't think I would go up that much in 2 days!!!!!!  So this entire week I spent re-losing the weight.  It took me all week to lose it again too.  But this morning I was back down to 199.6.  So that made me happy.  I'm still frustrated that I wasted a week though because I have goals I want to reach.  I guess that won't happen, but it's ok in the end because I know I will reach them eventually.  My birthday is in about 2 weeks and I wanted to reach 190 by then because that means I would reach the "overweight" status on the BMI scale instead of "obese".  I doubt I've been considered just overweight since I was in elementary school.  I don't think I'll quite make it to 190, but I'll get close I suppose!  I did realize that after the weekend I was probably not eating enough.  I was so upset about the weight gain that I was only eating about 500-600 cals a day.  So I've bumped it up to about 700-800 now.  It still doesn't sound like much, but it seems to be working and I feel just dandy.  I'm making sure I get enough protein in as well. 

Anyhow today I went to Target and decided to look for a shirt in the misses department.  I haven't been able to wear anything that isn't plus size on top really because of my fat roll in the front.  So I found a cute shirt that kind of poofs out in the front and I bought it without trying it on.   Well I put it on at home and it FIT!  It is SUPER cute too.  It shows off my collar bones that I never knew I had.  That made my day.  I can't wait to go into any store and get any shirt I want.  That will be the day.  

10 Secrets of the Effortlessly Thin

 

They don't diet

Or at least not in the traditional, all-or-nothing, deprivation sense of the word. "You need to get rid of that diet mentality and realize that what you are doing is making a permanent lifestyle change," says Anne Fletcher, M.S., R.D., author of the Thin for Life book series. She adds, "You do have to cut back on calories if you want to stay thin, but it's about reassessing what you eat and being more sensible in your choices, not about a quick-fix, crazy diet." Research has also shown that thin people tend to have a better quality diet than those who are overweight. They eat more fruits and vegetables and more fiber, and drink more water—all healthy things that provide more food volume for the number of calories.

They keep track of their weight

Thin people know how much they weigh, and they monitor that number by stepping on the scale frequently. It's not about a having an unhealthy fixation on that number on the scale, but it's a way to catch a 5-pound gain before it suddenly turns into a 20-pound gain. "Aim to keep your weight within a five-pound range, and if you see it go above that buffer zone, make sure you have an immediate plan of action for how to address it," suggests Fletcher.

They exercise regularly

"In my research, 9 out of 10 people who've lost weight and maintained it exercise regularly and make it a critical part of their lives," says Fletcher. Even if you've never been a fitness fanatic, it's not too late to get moving. Even taking a few 15-minute walks throughout the day will be a move in the right direction. Once you start to enjoy the mood-boosting and calorie-burning advantages of exercise, start looking for ways to keep your workouts interesting. Join a local gym and try a variety of classes and cardio machines, find friends to walk with, or experiment with at-home exercise DVDs.

They don't solve problems with food

Almost everyone is guilty of occasionally drowning their sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's or taking out frustration on a batch of brownies, but thin people definitely don't make it a habit. "They tend not to eat purely for emotional reasons," says Fletcher. When you are upset (or bored, lonely, frustrated or angry), she suggests asking yourself: Is food really going to solve the problem, or will it just end up making you feel worse after you finish eating? Chances are, the food won't fix what's bothering you, so it's important to come up with a list of other small pleasures you can turn to instead of food. Some ideas include going for a walk, watching a movie, calling a friend, playing with your kids, or taking a bubble bath.

They stop eating when they're full

Most thin people are not members of the clean-plate club. Instead of mindlessly eating however much they are served, they pay attention to internal hunger cues and satiety. "Thin people are tuned into noticing when they are satisfied, and they stop eating even if there is food left," says Jill Fleming, M.S., R.D., author of Thin People Don't Clean Their Plates (Inspiration Presentations Press, 2005). "They often report that they don't like that feeling of being uncomfortably full, so they've learned how to stop before they reach it."

They don't surround themselves with temptation

Rather than stocking the cupboards with junk food, thin people's kitchens tend to be filled with healthy foods. That doesn't mean you can never have any indulgences in the house, just that you shouldn't have so many that you're likely to overeat them. For example, if you love to bake, give most of your sweets away to friends, or have your kids bring them to school or soccer practice, leaving just a few behind to enjoy yourself.

They allow themselves treats

It's the opposite of the deprivation mentality that many overweight (but dieting) people espouse: Thin people let themselves eat what they crave, sometimes even indulging in a treat every day. "The difference is that they do it consciously, choosing exactly what they really want to eat and then eating slowly and enjoying it," says Fleming. So if it's chocolate you want, don't try to eat around the craving with an array of foods that don't really satisfy you. Instead, allow yourself to have a small but really delicious chocolate bar and put the craving to rest.

They eat breakfast

According to the National Weight Control Registry, which tracks the habits and strategies of more than 5,000 people who have maintained a significant weight loss, nearly 80 percent of these successful losers eat breakfast every single day. And most of their naturally lean counterparts do the same, and make sure that eat within about an hour of waking up. "Breakfast is literally breaking the fast of the night," says Fleming. "Until you send food into your system, your metabolism doesn't really start to kick in."

They move, stand and fidget more

"Thin people are rarely sitting," says Fleming. Beyond their regular fitness routines, they simply move around more—and consequently burn more calories—throughout the day. And a study at the Mayo Clinic confirmed this: Researchers found that on average, a group of lean subjects sat for two hours a day less than the obese subjects, potentially burning up to 350 additional calories.

They don't skip meals

There are two problems with skipping meals—and thin people are careful not to fall prey to them. Going more than six hours without food will slow down your metabolism, plus you'll likely get so desperately hungry that you'll grab anything (as opposed to something healthy) and eat too much of it. "Thin people keep their gas tanks [i.e., their stomachs] between one-quarter and three-quarters full all the time," says Fleming. The best way to do that is to eat frequent mini-meals every three to four hours.

I mentioned that I write down what I eat every day now.  So here is a copy of yesterday's "menu".  I did fairly well considering I actually made it to 60 grams of protein!!!  Unfortunately the scale went up .4 pounds this morning.  Oh well... it will go down again.  I'm not discouraged, just slightly upset at my scale.    I will just see what the numbers are tomorrow and hope that I am close to reaching my first goal of ONEderland!  I want to be there by Friday if at ALL possible because there's something I'm planning on buying for myself.  I'd like it to be my "gift" for getting that far! 

Qty.	Description	Calories	Total Fat	Sugars	Protein	Time
Date:	10/14/2008
1/2	Weight control oatmeal	75	1	3	3	9:00 AM
1	Cup of tuna	160	10	0	12	11:30 AM
1	South Beach chocolate bar	150	5	6	10	3:00 PM
1	Ziti Smart Ones Dinner	280	7	2	12	6:15 PM
12	Slices of ham	100	2	4	18	9:30 PM
2	Light Cheese wedges	70	4	2	5	9:30 PM
	Daily Totals:	835	29	17	60

I wrote a bit the other day, but decided to go into a little more detail here – plus I’m bored at work and needed something to do for a while.  So here goes…

The other day I realized how horribly off track I’ve gotten since my surgery.  I had lost about 4 pounds in the span of 5 months or so.  Considering the way I was eating, I was shocked I hadn’t gained weight.  I avoided the scale for those many months, simply because I was afraid I had.  So on October 9^th I decided to brave the scale - last remembering my weight as being 211.  I stepped on only to see an exciting 196!  Of course I knew that was wrong, but it made my heart flutter.  I must have had my hand leaning on the bathroom sink.  So I tried again and got the not so exciting 207.  I tried a third time in hopes the 196 was really the correct number and that the 207 was the mistake, but I was of course wrong and saw that 207 yet again.  Either way, the 207 was still under 211 – which was great considering the past few months and the assumption of weight gain.  I won’t go into details or excuses of why I wasn’t on track because it’s not important.

I got this amazing gift of surgery, and I had been neglecting it.  Granted the tool was still working during my down-time, because I obviously wasn’t eating as MUCH as I would have before the surgery.  What I was doing was eating more often and eating whatever I wanted.  I think one of my problems is that nothing really bothers my pouch.  I have not thrown up once since surgery – or in the past 5 years for that matter (guess I have a strong tummy).  I have periods of discomfort and such, but it obviously doesn’t bother me enough to eat properly.  At the moment I stepped off the scale, I decided to re-start the use of my tool.  If it could work enough to help me lose 4 pounds while eating poorly, then I could certainly use it properly to get to my goal finally. 

I started off by getting rid of the bad food in the house (mine and my boyfriend’s) and going to the grocery store to start fresh.  I got food to take to work, and food to eat at home.  I got all of this to try and avoid eating out, because I can’t count the calories and such very easily.  I had been eating out a lot during the day (for lunch breaks, etc) and my boyfriend and I are always eating out, which has definitely become a horrid habit.  I think it’s due to our schedules and lack of motivation to cook.  I was worried when I went to the store that I wouldn’t stick to this “re-start” plan, but so far so good (and I’ve already lost 5 more pounds)!  I’m now about 2 pounds away from ONEderland!!!  I’ve eaten out a few times, but have actually been choosing healthier items and eating less of them.  I decided that Sundays are going to be my days to have a little more leeway – because I am generally never home on Sunday.  Not that I’ll be throwing caution to the wind, but it’ll just be my “treat” day.  I’m not trying to give myself an excuse to eat poorly – just a day to be rewarded for a week well done.  I’m not on a diet – I’m eating in a new way.  Everyone deserves some food that’s not entirely healthy every now and again… otherwise they might just “snap” one day and binge till their heart is content.  At that point it’s hard to turn back… this I know from personal experience.  Knowing myself however, I probably won’t do too bad on Sundays because I will think back to all the work I’ve done during the week and not want to throw it away.  Plus that’s one more day of weight loss that I’m passing by.  We’ll see what happens.  This past Sunday I had every intention of eating “poorly”, but I didn’t.  So that’s good. 

 

 

Some of the things I’ve been doing to help myself are:

-Writing down EVERYTHING I eat.  This helps keep me honest and aware of what’s going in.  I have had a rude awakening to say the least about how things add up so quickly.  When I was fresh out of surgery it was difficult for me to even get over 500 calories in per day – and now I’m struggling to stay under 1,000.  I am just starting to try and plan what I will eat for the day – I’ve not done this in a long time.  This seems to be helping too.  Today I tried to tell myself what time I could eat something, to try and make sure I stretch out my meals – instead of eating so often.  I tend to eat due to boredom, so this is helping.  I told myself today I could have a protein bar at 3PM… it took every ounce of energy in me to not open it until 2:58PM.  I then forced myself to not eat a single bite until 3 on the nose.  Granted that sounds silly, but I found myself unconsciously grabbing for the bar… it had only been open for 2 MINUTES!  I realize I have a problem there of mindless eating.  I am working on it though.  Within my “food journal” I am also writing down what I was doing when I ate, and how I felt.  Since I’ve only been doing this for 5 days I can’t tell a whole lot, but for the most part I tend to see a big trend of boredom eating.  I also tend to eat more when I’m around my boyfriend – mostly because I guess I’m totally comfortable around him. 

-Also, I’m focusing on calories, fat grams, sugar, and protein.  I definitely need to be adding in a lot more protein.  This I’ve struggled with since the surgery.  I have yet to make it to 60 grams a day since my re-start.  The closest I’ve gotten was about 47.  I did eat a lot more protein when I wasn’t watching what I ate – mostly because I was eating more overall.  I’ll get there.  I also need to drink more water.  Sigh.. there’s so much to do!

-Another thing I’ve been doing is returning to the obesity help boards and also blogging again.  I know that I’m more aware of my feelings when I write.  I miss doing this, and it’s been so helpful just in the past few days.  I also post my progress on myspace and facebook.  Some of it I keep private – more of a diary type deal, because I don’t need everyone and their brother knowing what I’m doing.  I’ve also been looking into some other motivational websites – such as livestrong.com who is partnered with thedailyplate.com.  It has some great tracking on there and also a fantastic database for nutrition facts – which is super helpful for me when I’m writing down my food intake and don’t have the nutrition facts in front of me (or if I’ve thrown them out). 

-I do weigh myself every day.  I know a lot of people don’t like this idea, but it helps me personally.  I find that if I am aware of what the numbers are doing every day, I’m more motivated to do well.  It’s also great to see the numbers go down every morning – it’s a nice way to start the morning off!  It lets me know that I did well yesterday, and encourages me to continue to do well today.  When the numbers don’t move, or are slightly elevated – I am just that much more determined that day to stick to my plan. 

-I’m also planning on doing a little exercise this November by participating in the “Race for Breath”.  It’s a lung cancer awareness run/walk.  I intend to do either the 1 or 3 mile walk.  I’m sure the one mile would be do-able pretty easily, so I’m thinking I will push myself to do the 3 mile.  I’m fairly sure I walked much, much further than that at Disney World.  A lady at my work is planning on doing a few training sessions before the event, so that should help prepare me.  We also have a gym opening up at my job on Thursday!  Yay for exercise!  Not that my job doesn’t entail some physical stuff, but there’s also a lot of sitting I can do. 

 

 

I have set a number of mini goals with hopes to reach each of them.  I put time frames on them, but if they don’t work out that way I am not going to get discouraged.  I know that the scale is a tricky thing and that sometimes the loss just stops, even if I’m doing everything right.  One mini-goal is to reach ONEderland – it’s only 7 pounds away from when I re-started this thing, but I think that’s good because it’s helpful to reach a goal early on.  It should continue to motivate me when I reach it here in a few days… 2 more to go!  On a side note – I haven’t been under 200 pounds in probably 10-15 years.  I remember being around 170 or 180 when I was in elementary school or middle school, but that’s all I can remember of ONEderland… how sad is that?  Moving on… one thing I’m looking forward to is Thanksgiving.  I will be seeing some family members who haven’t seen me in a few years (before my surgery).  So I’m hoping to lose as much as I can before seeing them, so that they won’t know what hit ‘em!  Lol  My goal is to lose 22 more pounds before then (and reach 180) – but that’s kind of stretching it I think.  We’ll see.  That would probably put me in a size 12 – and hopefully I’d be able to buy some shirts in regular people stores and get out of the damn plus sizes.  I can shop in some regular stores for pants, but not really for shirts.  Some of the shirts will go on, but with my extra skin and the (still) fat rolls I have – it’s not overly attractive.  I just started fitting into size 14 pants.  I didn’t even realize I was a 14 until a friend of mine told me I needed to get some smaller sizes because my pants were too baggy.  I told her she was nuts and that I was a 16 – because I had been since April.  So after some hesitation I tried on some 14’s a few days later and they fit!  I’ve now bought several pairs of pants in that size.  I’m assuming they won’t fit for long, so I only bought enough to get me through a few weeks at work.  I also bought my first pair of GAP jeans that were $70, so I’ll be sad to see those get too big because I adore them. 

 

 

Anyhow… that’s about all for today.  I’m sure I could say a thousand more things, but if I do I won’t have any blogging to do in the future!  Right now I’m off to clean out the closet and make room for new stuff.  Can anyone say eBay?  I’m gonna try to get some $ back from my old clothes.  :) 

 

My goals for weight loss:

 

Fit into all chairs comfortably – especially movie theaters and booths – DONE!

Go to an amusement park again – DONE!

Wear a 2-piece swimsuit

Be able to reach most parts of my body easily – DONE! 

Wear name-brand clothes – DONE!

Run a mile easily 

Look in the mirror without wanting to die – DONE! 

Wear a normal bra– DONE! But still wanting to fit into Victoria Secret!

Wear sexy underwear without fat rolls hanging out

Wear rings again – normal sizes – OH SO CLOSE!  (size 8.5/9 currently)

Cross my legs easily – DONE!

Wear smaller shoes – DONE!

Wear sandals in public – DONE! 

Have a regular towel fit around me – DONE!

Want to have my picture taken and be happy about it – DONE!

Be able to button a bra behind my back without effort – Close – just need a lil practice with the damn hooks!

Wear shorts in public – DONE!

Wear a tank top – and in public

Feel sexy

Get off depression meds for life – DONE!

Be healthy! – DONE!

Take a walk for fun – even a run! – DONE!

Be able to have sex – in any position J easily – DONE!

Be able to put my hair up and not worry my face is too fat for it – DONE! 

Fasten any seatbelt easily – DONE!

Use the stairs without hearing my knees crackle – DONE!

Go 24 hours without my back hurting from standing – DONE! 

No more thigh chafing

Go to a spa for the first time!

Stop sweating at the slightest exertion – DONE! 

Get up and down from the floor easily – DONE! And I do this for fun sometimes now! 

Work out at a public gym comfortably

Not be limited by being overweight – DONE! 

Have a lap again! – DONE! 

Go to a restaurant and not feel embarrassed – DONE!

See some muscle! – DONE! On my legs anyways… 

Not worry about weight limits on everything – DONE!  I’m always under the limit now!!!

Go to the beach and tan without being fully clothed 

Stop assuming people are always laughing at me or talking about my weight negatively – almost there – still trying to learn my new ways

Not have to worry if I’m going to be able to “squeeze” by someone without hitting him or her with my fat rolls – DONE!

Have a guy give me a second look

Wear skirts! – DONE!

Go swimming without any hesitation of who’s looking at me

Fit comfortably in any car – DONE!

Shop at the mall without feeling out of place- close… oh so close! 

Be able to travel anywhere – DONE!  Not that I have traveled yet, but I could!! 

Take a bath without having to wonder how I’ll get out of the tub – DONE!

Ride a bike – heck maybe even a motorcycle! – I could do this, but I haven’t yet 

Weigh less than 200 pounds – 3 pounds away!!!!!!

Have my boyfriend’s clothes be bigger than mine – DONE! 

Wear clothes I used to fit in that are just collecting dust in my closets – DONE! And  now they’re all too BIG 

Shop at Victoria’s Secret

Stop avoiding people I haven’t seen in a while for fear they’ll realize how fat I’ve gotten – DONE!  Now I want to see people I haven’t seen in forever cuz now I can surprise them with how much I’ve LOST and not how much I’ve GAINED 

Have someone tell me I’m thin – DONE!  But I’m not thin yet – just getting there 

Wear a hat and look cute 

Wear high heels – DONE! Well, I’ve bought some, but haven’t worn ‘em yet  

Go on a cruise 

Have the tray table on an airplane be able to come down in my lap and not stop by the time it hits my boobs – DONE!  Haven’t tried it yet, but I’m positive I’m good to go! 

Wear a belt – DONE! 

Have colorful clothes – DONE! 

Go back to NYC and not want to die from all the subway steps – actually be able to see the whole city and walk around easily – would be able to , sooo DONE! 

See my collar bone and wrap my fingers around my wrist – DONE!

SO it's been ages since I've written here.  I realize though that I need to re-gain some motivation.  I've been a slacker for the past few months.  There are several excuses I could use as to why, but there really is no excuse.  I put in all this effort from the beginning and there's no point in stopping.  So I am feeling motivated again.  I haven't gained anything in my lack of motivation, but I only lost like 3 or 4 pounds in 5 months or so.  So I re-started watching what I eat and I lost 3 pounds in 1 day!  Craziness.  I could have been at my goal by now, but oh well.  I am back on track!  YAY! 

My goal is to get to about 150 or 160 (depending upon how I look when I get there).  I then want to look into the skin removal surgery.  When I get that far I don't want to be disappointed still because of the skin.  I also really need a boob job!  My girls have seriously deflated and are even saggier than they were before!!!  It's a dreadful thing. 

I've felt overly lazy lately and I think that's due to my eating habits and feeling sorry for myself again.  I am not happy with my weight still even though I am practically half the size I was.  I still long to walk into any store in the mall and shop until my heart is content.  I can shop at some stores now, but I still have issues with shirts due to my rolls of fat.  I suppose some of the rolls are still excess skin - but there's still fat in there.  When I get to my goal I will know how much really was skin.  I am able to wear pants at most any store now, but it's still not all of them and some of them are SUPER tight.  I'm getting there though and will be getting to my goal eventually!  Then I will re-post and look back upon this and smile because I know that I accomplished more! 

My biggest goal before surgery was to be able to shop in any store - I've been on the verge of that for 6 months and have been lingering.  It's been hanging in my face and I've done nothing about it.  That's terrible.  When I first started this journey I would have never thought that would happen.  Oh well... all I can do now is fix the problem.  I still am shopping at plus size stores here and there because of my top - but I want to say goodbye to them once and for all!  I'm SOOO close! 

So I'm off to get some healthy lunch!  Then off to walk my new doggie and get to exercising! 

Well this is the second time I'm writing this blog as the first one got deleted by accident.  Grr.

It's been about 2.5 months since surgery.  I've lost 70 pounds total.  20 before and 50 since.  I guess it's going pretty well.  I am 1/3 of the way done until goal.  For those bad at math that's 140 pounds to go.  I figure by that time I'll see if I wanna go any further or not.  I am not sure what weight will be ideal for me or how I'll look since I've never been thin.  The lowest weight I remember being since my high school years is my first goal.. 240.  I did the Atkins diet once and started at about 280.  I still have all my clothes from when I was right about 240 and can't wait to get back in them.  Only 50ish pounds to go until then!!!!  More than halfway to that goal.    

I know some people start out at 240 and feel huge, but for me I can't wait!  Anything after that is all gravy.  Of course I run out of clothes after that, but oh well.  I'll have fun shopping because by that time I can fit into Old Navy's regular size clothes.  I have a bunch of size 20's from Old Navy.. and this was before their plus size section (which I've never really liked and haven't used).  I have a pair of jeans I'm dying to wear from there.  But their jeans seem to run small so I think I might be close to size 18 by that point.  We'll see!  

I wish I had never gotten this big and had kept losing when I was at 240 before, but oh well.  Such is the life of a food addict.  I'll post more photos one day when I get around to charging my camera's batteries.  I just moved so everything is in shambles.