Kimberly Ten Kate
Homesick
Aug 21, 2010
I am so homesick I can barely stand it. My husband and I followed my parents to Texas in 1999. Moms brother lived here so she wanted to move closer to him and away from California. At the time we couldn't wait to leave Ca either having lived there most of my life I needed a break a change. Texas afforded us a real house on an acre and a quarter so we left Ca. too as the job situation was very bad in Ca and we could barely make ends meet. It has been somewhat easier here except for the first 4 years when my hubby couldn't find decent work driving rigs. I was happy here until my father died in 2006. Thank God he was able to see me as a thin person before he passed away. He knew I was going to be OK or so he hoped.If you have read my journey then you are aware of what came after. The Grade 3 Kidney Cancer in 2008, The grade 3 Cervical Cancer in 2009. This year 2010 an egg size tumor behind my throat. I am doing OK though. I have maintained my weight and have not gained, I am still 129Lbs. The gastric bypass saved my life once again.
Now if only I could save my own life. The last few years I have been feeling very isolated. I have become a recluse in my own home staying on the computer well into the morning hours since I started my downward spiral into depression in 2006 after Dad passed.
Now all I can think about is my hometown, where I grew up. I have long lost friends there. Both my brothers and there family's are all there. I am so lonely here in TX. My hubby works very long hours and he is a member of the all volunteer fire department. I do not work as I am still recovering from surgery # 4. (#3 was brachytherapy before the cervical cancer surgery) I want so much to move back to Santa Cruz Ca. My husband won't move. He wouldn't be able to find work. He loves it here. We have a lot of strays we couldn't take. He has a lot of reasons he wants to stay. Creditors cannot take your home in TX or lean on it so as long as he can pay the mortgage we have a home.
I understand all of that, In my head it makes sense. But that doesn't stop the ache I feel about wanting to go home. I have discussed all of this with my husband and he understands my need too. He is willing to let me go and live there. He won't divorce me so I can still have health insurance but he cannot support me and I won't make him sell the house.
I feel strongly at this point in my life that I need to be around my family and friends. Being alone here in Texas is not good for me. I need to go home. I love my husband as he does me and this is why he is willing to let me go.
I have started planning I am making a list of what I will take which is small. My bike, My clothes, My Chihuahua and a few small things .. The first thing I need to do is try and sell my old 1996 Infinity I30 so that I can have a down payment on a used pt cruiser. I am hoping to get at least $3,000 for my car but I am afraid it will be a lot less if I have to sell it to carmax.
Then once I find a way to get a decent car to make it there then I will need a place to live and a job. I am hoping to find a live in care taker position for someone who is older and needs a companion. Someone to drive them to appointments and take them shopping. etc. or an after school nanny. help with the handicap. Something I can do and won't be discriminated against because of my illness.
First I have to find out what this new bulge in my tummy is. I think it is a hernia and if so I will need surgery to rebuild the cavity wall with grafts from my thighs. Netting won't work as all my tissue holding my intestine in has been burned. I go Monday for my checkup with my OB GYN Oncologist and to see what this is.
SO what do you think?? Reading over this it looks as If there is no way in heck that I will be able to move back to Santa Cruz. No car, no money, No place to live, No job. and my illness. I have hope any way. I will find a way. I need to go back, I want to go back so bad. I am so Homesick!
Kim
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About Me
Tomball, TX
Location
19.1
BMI
Surgery
02/16/2004
Surgery Date
Oct 13, 2003
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Kimberly Size 22
246lbs
Oct 2005 Size 5
135lbs
