Misty S.

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I am having a very hard time with food now. I know I have an issue with over eating or quit simply im addicted. i dont know how to stop eating. I know now that I have a problem but I dont know how to help it. I believe the problem is a lifetime bad food decisions. My whole family is obese and I dont think it has anything to do with genes I just think we make bad decisions. I have begun to slip back into old habits and Im so scared I wont be able to stop. I think alot of it is laziness and boredome. I dont feel like doing anything I dont even want to get out of bed some days. I am on meds for depression and most days Im fine but on my days off I just want to stay in bed and eat. I find myself saying "I wish I could eat more" and I wish I didnt feel that way. I am so happy for how far ive come but I know I could have done better.

I guess I can only try every day to do my best, every day is a struggle it seems and I dont have an adiquate support system. Ive even noticed my hubby has regained the weight he lost after I had surgery. I hate that I feel like I am cause of both our failure. I wish I had more self control and more motivation.

I want to get back to basics but I feel like I dont know how. 

 I dont know what my problem is but I cant stop eating. Not sure if its the birthcontrol pills the cold Ive had or the depression of the stall in weight loss or if all those are simply excuses for wanting to eat all the time. I feel like I never even had surgery I can eat way more than I should be able to and I dont haver any nausea vomitting or dumping no matter what I eat. I used to have issues with dairy but now I can eat or drink anything and be fine. I know it all on me to make the right choices and eat like I was taught and that will help but I am finding it harder and harder and I feel like I am falling off the wagon. I wish I had Concequenses for not eating like I should. I actually had ice cream and cake yesterday (not more than 3 bites) but still I shouldnt be eating that at all and I didnt have one problem. I feel Like a failure like I am my own enimy and I went through all of this for nothing. I need to start going to a support group i have noone who understands. I dont regret having the surgery because I have made it so far but I wish I could get past this battle with food so I can make my goal.

Well Im just so disapointed in myself and I cant help but think Im never going to be under 200 lbs. 

So Im 7 months out and havent lost a lbs for a month. I need to get back to basics. I have been doing better with the drinking and eating thing but the things Im eating are bad and i havent been excedrsising. Other things in my life have been stressful so that doesnt help. So im going on vacation in 2 days and when I geet back im starting over . I also am looking into starting at a gym but If not then I have some equipment at home I need to use. This is rediculous. I have set my own goals and havent met any of them. dont get me wrong Im happy with what ive done. I just need to kick myself in the butt. I know I can do it,. I want to do it I just need to DO IT! 

Well its been 6 months and here I am 120lbs gone. sounds like soo much but I dont see it as much when i look at myself. Others keep telling me they can tell but mostly they say they can see it in my face. Its crazy to think ive lost so much but still have so much to loose. I feel embarassed to tell people about it because I feel like they are going to be shocked at how much I wieghed. I never expected to feel like that. I thought id be all kinds of excited to shout how much ive lost but I just feel embrased about it because I dont look like ive lost that much.

I do have to say, i find myself feeling better every day. I want to go places I dont feel like people are looking at me because of my wieght but because im hot. lol I havent had any vomiting and very little nausea. I feel very lucky that I have had no issues with food at all. Now that I know how to eat I dont have the stomach pain I used to get when eating too fast.  I do have to say I wish i had more consequenses for eating the bad stuff. i wish I would get sick or dump but I dont and I am pretty much able to eat anything I want. I am a good girl though and stick to the basic rules, protien, little sugar and fat. etc...

My nutritionist says I am loosing slower than shed like but that I shouldnt worry some people do. her goal for me is to be around 200lbs at 2 years. I dont see any problem reaching that in the next 6 months. I have my own goal and that is to be at 180lbs by my one year mark.. I dont see any reason I shouldnt be able to make this goal as I only have 90lbs left. no prob. but it wont be the end of the world if I dont make it as long as I continue loosing and feel good.

 Well hopefully it wont take me 6 months to update again. I hope everyone has the success that I have had. 

 So finally able to update. I have been using my phone but it wont let me post a blog post. Oh here ya go.

The day of I was super nervous although everyone said I was hiding well. I was weighed before and Lo and behold I had lost 7 LBS since my pre-op apt. I was really happy but I figured it was probably water weight. I Remember asking if I could have something to calm my nerves and then its fragmented. I was wheeled to the room and remember getting on the bed I remember thinking I didn't want them waiting too long to put me out so I wouldn't freak out. He put the mask on me and said it was just Oxygen and then lights out. 

I woke up in the recovery room in mild pain and my eyes were all blurry. They asked me how my pain was then gave me pain meds and told me to push the button when I needed it. I remember I kept pushing it cause I didn't know when I would get another dose and didn't want to be in pain. They asked if I wanted my husband I said yes he came back and I tried to look at him but He was all blurry. They said it was a gel they put in my eyes and they wiped it and it slowly got better. 

I don't remember much of the ride to the room except I was nervous I would have to be transferred to my bed and I asked them if I would have to. They said no I was in my bed so I could just go to sleep and everyone would be there when I woke. 

I woke up a few time to my visitors and was very loopy I also was very bashful I was whipping my shirt up to anyone who wanted to see my battle wounds. lol Hopefully they blame the drugs. That night I thought Id have to go walking but they didn't even ask me. The next morning I asked if I could and they were surprised. The next few days went great walking and getting in my fluids and even the jello and broth they let me have. They said I was their best patient and they knew I would do so well and be such a success but I bet they tell that to all the people. lol

O2 levels were low so I have to be in it at home  but That's OK I feel great  compared to what I thought Id feel like. Now I'm getting restless and wanting to do more than I know I can. My drain had a blood clot that was clogging the tube right where it enters the drain and it broke free and scared the shit out of me. I thought I was draining more than ever because suddenly my drain was almost full. Since the clot came loose everything is back to normal. Well As normal as normal can be. 

So I have 10 days till my surgery. Had my pre-op apt. today where they poked and prodded me. It all went well except my blood pressure was high and Ive never had high bp before. by the end they took it again and it went down but I was still pretty freaked out by it. I'm actually nervous about the surgery for the first time. I guess more the pain Ill be in after. I know I get a pain pump but I'm still scared. I also am afraid of complications for the first time. I guess it kinda all hit home today for me. Maybe that's why my BP was so high. lol 

I guess I'm pretty lucky I don't have to do a liquid diet until the day before. There is so much to be done and so little time I hope I can get there without loosing it.
 
Oh and one more thing Ive cut out all soda and most calorie containing drinks, all candy. Ive greatly cut back (I know I need to stop all together) the fast food and am making a point to be more active yet my weight has not changed a bit. Not 1lb. since January. I don't get it. I guess that why the surgery is really my last hope at loosing weight and being a normal healthy person.


Best wishes to all
 

 I'm still so nervous that the hospital will tell me I need to come up with a huge amount of money before hand because my insurance only covers $7500. I don't know what I'm gonna do if they tell me that. I have this feeling like the bottom is going to fall out. Ive lived my life like that feeling that once things go good for me its only a matter of time before things go bad. I'm trying so hard to stay positive.

I'm so excited! I will be having my surgery on June 14th! I cant wait. I'm a bit nervous because my insurance doesn't cover 100% but I was told they would work with me, I hope so cause I don't want anything stopping me. I should find out on Jun3rd, I have a Dr apt and my pre op registration and testing. Wish me luck! 

 I found out Yesterday that I was approved for surgery. Now I gotta get it scheduled. Im so excited I cant wait! 

 Ok so here is an update for anyone who cares. lol I have to get a Psych eval before they will submit to the insurance because she said she "knows" they will require one. Whatever I will just do it so if she is right even though the insurance didn't say a thing about requiring it, I wont have to worry about it. My appointment is next week the 27th. I hope that is the last hoop my Dr's office has me jump through who knows what kind the insurance will have.

Wish me luck!