lainy_h

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So here I am finally. On a quick break from school until Tuesday. Only got a 4 day weekend between sessions, but I console myself with the fact that I am getting my classes done quicker this way...sigh. Weight is still coming off and I'm loosing LOTS of inches. Have gone from highest weight of 315 to 183. 105 of that has just been in the last 7 months. Oh My what a difference. I love not having to take pain pills every 4 hours just to endure life. Don't even take tylenol anymore. Love all the wonderful little things that I never even thought about before. My moments include tying my shoes straight instead of over to the inside cuz I couldn't reach to tie them the right way. Just had that one today.... funny stuff like that. It's great to be able to cross my legs and sit in those flimsy plastic chairs without worrying that I was going to bust them and embarress myself and my whole family. Stomach seems to be settling down some now. I still think it's weird how some days I can eat things that other days they just won't sit right.

So check out my latest picture.... amazing changes have taken place, huh? God is GOOD!

 

 

OK...I know it's been forever and I really do regret not keeping up with this journal. I have been swamped with going back to school after almost 20 years. BUT the good news is that I got all A's this semester and now have a couple weeks off before summer session starts. Guess I still have "IT". Really had my doubts about going back to school, but it's coming back to me.

Now for the weight loss journey. It's been hard. Hard to keep all the balance that is involved in this. Really hard to get enough protein, water AND remember to take all those vitamins. I've lost 80 pounds in almost 5 months and I've got LOTS of loose hanging skin everywhere. Look great in clothes (just bought a new swimsuit in a size 16 and before surgery was wearing a TIGHT 28!!!), but try to avoid the mirror when naked....eeeeewwwww!!!! I have been able to cut out the pain killers completely and that was a HUGE thing. My arthritis and bursitus are much better without all the extra pounds and I have a lot more energy and drive now. Not near as much depression and I'm on the go all the time. Work out at the gym 6 days a week and do the aqua aerobics for people with joint issues (works out well for me and I LOVE the little old lady that teaches it. she must be at least 80 and we all struggle to keep up with her....HA!), and then try to get my time in on the bike when at home for my cardiac. Life is FULL and it is amazing how much I can do now! I must have really been a vegie before when I was heavy. I do know that I hurt so bad I didn't hardly go anywhere or do anything. I thank God that I had the surgery even though I do struggle with a lot of tummy issues. There are times when it feels like I've gone from a compulsive overeater to a bulimic, but don't even get to enjoy the binge part of that disorder... there is still a lot of trial and error that goes on with learning what will or will not set well with my tender tummy. Have a lot of phlegm issues and acid reflux that meds don't seem to handle completely. Oh well. They say that this too shall pass and I'm enjoying the benefits.

The little standstills are tough, but I've learned from all of you that chances are if the scale isn't moving the inches are probably still coming off so I rely on my tape measure to keep me feeling OK about all of this. Sometimes I almost feel resentful that I can't eat this or that, but I soon get over that when I look at where I was and where I am now.

Would I do it over again??? In a heartbeat! My life is SO much better now and I am relatively pain free (I will always have a certain amount of pain due to the severity of my arthritis and bursitus, but it's tolerable now and med free). God is good and so was my surgeon. (his follow-up sucks bad, but the surgery was fine!)

Once again I want to thank all of you that have been with me throughout my journey and I continue to pray for all of you.

Lainy

This month has just gone screaming past me. Weight loss is coming along. 37 pounds since surgery and it's been about 6 weeks. Dropping a LOT of inches and sizes. Have already gone from a tight 28 to loose 24 in pants. School is going really well, but have some scary moments along the way. Spanish is esp hard. Think I'll go ahead and get a tutor to help me sort it all out. The other classes are tough, but I think I'm handling them ok so far. Just been sooooo many years since I was in college. That's ok though. I am recreating myself and stretching outside of my comfort zone. HoneyMan seems to have all kinds of ideas already of all the neat toys he'll be able to buy with all the extra money I'll be bringing in after I get those degrees under my belt....LOL.

I know everyone says this, but I will honestly try to get on here and post more often.

I can not believe how wonderful you have all been. You have all lifted me up with your prayers and tucked me safely in God's loving arms and I've felt the waves of love coming from all of you as I've trudged along through the last couple days. Been trying to stay busy and distracted amidst all the phone calls and emotions. Thought I would answer a few of the questions that have been brought up along the way though.

My Mom was 83 years old. Right after my Sister died last year my Mom wound up in ICU with palpitations and pneumonia. (Dr's felt that a lot of it was combinations of having lost her second child in a year ((brother had died the previous Christmas)) and complications from her general poor health/bad heart/weight/diabetes). We drove up to Washington and stayed in hotels for almost a month until she had received her pacemaker and got her settled into a good nursing home up there. (actually it was one that I had worked in years before myself when I was still doing nursing work.) We came home, but soon after that she became confused, went into a different reality and started having some horrific hallucinations. Some form of dementia they said...... all of the sudden my best friend forever, my constant companion (even from so far away) was gone. She wouldn't talk to me on the phone anymore. She couldn't read or answer mail. She had just disappeared from my life. Whenever anything would happen in my life I would call her, talk it over, share and confide. Nothing. Gone. I continued to send cards and flowers, but the Mom I knew and loved wasn't there anymore. Then fast forward to Tuesday...... I got a call from my Brother's (the one that died) adopted son that lives up in Washington and he informed me of my Mom's passing.....What the Hell? The nursing home didn't even bother to call me and let me know!!! He said they were looking for my Sister to make the arrangements with and found his number.(but they couldn't find MINE????) Anyway I got hold of Sister's boyfriend and let him know what was going on, she called me later that night and told me....get this...."you better hope to Hell you don't come up here or I'll kill you". Obviously sis went back to the drugs and alcohol, ya think? So basically I've lost a Mom and Sister through all this I guess. But you know....its' OK, because I am choosing to live a healthier and happier life in Texas. I miss my 2 girls and the grandbabies horribly that are still up there. My life here is good though. I have been able to find the soulmate I only dreamt of before, I've been able to own a beautiful home with him and we have created a loving and nurturing environment for ourselves here. I have let go of my addictions to cigarettes, caffeine and sugar. I exercise, am losing weight and I have my life back. I have signed up for and am starting classes at the college to finish my degree that I had put on hold while I was raising my girls alone. It's MY turn and I'm determined to create the best life I can for myself and live it fully. I can do so and honor the memory of a loving, kind and wonderful Mom knowing that she gave me the tools to build a better life and I'm not going to let her down.

Thank You again for all of the love, support and comfort I have received from you. God Bless you All.

There won't be a service at my Mom's request. Might sound odd, but she was a firm believer that if you wanted to come see her or send flowers, do it while she was still alive to enjoy them. Can't say that I blame her. Sounds about right to me too.

Butterflies and Pansies were my Mom's favorites. That's why I put them on here......reminding me that she is with me on this Journey..... I'll miss you Mom.

Ahhhhhh another day in paradise. Had my post op appt with Dr Patel yesterday. About fell through the floor when they took my blood pressure. 105/64. I just stared at the nurse. I had begun to think that 145/95 was my normal.....HA! Dr released me for pretty much full use of the gym/pool so I don't have to just be stuck riding the bike anymore. Have lost a total of 22.5 pounds now in 3 1/2 wks. Knowing I won't HAVE to ever loose this weight again feels great. It's gone..... good riddance.  He put me on Stage 3 diet....funny thing was he never bothered with stage 2.

Starting to get really nervous about the whole school thing. Going back after all these years is scary. I keep wondering if my brain is still functioning well enough to handle all the work. I guess we'll see. Registration is Tuesday. (I know I can, I know I can, I know I can)

2007 is coming to a screaming halt quickly. I can't believe that this year is already over. Amazing changes. My second week out from WLS has become a stall. In fact I put back on a couple of pounds. What's THAT about? Doc's office says that's normal for the NEW normal that is.... I just keep exercising (up to 2 miles a day on the bike) and eating right and I KNOW it HAS to come off, right? I am going to get rid of the scale I think. It can be my judge and jury if I let it and I don't think I'm ever going to allow anyTHING to have that kind of control over me. I know that I'm doing the right things as far as my health are concerned and all the rest will follow. More later.

It's been 1 week yesterday since my surgery. I'm doing great. A little sore and tender in my belly, but enerygy is improving daily and the constant weight loss helps me to mentally deal with any of the "down" side. I have already lost 16 pounds in ONE WEEK!!! This surgery is amazing. And I KNOW it's not all "water weight" like some diets. I can see and feel the difference already. Now as for the "down" side: My surgeon seems to believe that it is necessary to have ONLY clear liquids for the first THREE weeks after surgery. Hmmmmm...... Then he said that I could have some milk with that and energy drinks. Well milk and energy drinks both have the same effect on me...barf! So that pretty much limits my intake to the clear liquids. Yeah right! I have read and read on these boards and elsewhere re gastric bypass diet and I keep thinking that he is excessive with his restrictions. Some might say overly cautious.... whatever..... my BODY is screaming for nutrition esp PROTEIN! I want to follow surgeon's orders, BUT I am miserable and feel light headed most the time and REALLY want something in my growling tummy pouch that doesn't just run straight through like all these liquids.

And then there is this thing that's bugging me about my flesh being tender. That's the only way I can think to describe it. It doesn't seem to be the muscles, just under the skin if I rub like even a light massage it hurts. Can this be from losing the weight so fast? Other those things and the fact that my olfactory sense (sense of smell) is OFF the Wall I'm fine....hehe

Any ideas would be wonderful!

Holy Cow is time flying by now. Went to San Antonio yesterday to get my final pre-op bloodwork, xray and EKG done and saw my surgeon for last minute Q & A. I let him know just how troubled I was with the lack of care I felt I was getting from his staff, but I don't know how much good it will do. Talked to his Asst too re my concerns, but again..... I am just really going to be so glad to have this all behind me and get going on my new lease on life.

Got a letter from VA yesterday with my official approval for school funding. I "knew" I qualified, but nice to have the real word from them. January 14th is going to be here before I know it. Need to get so many things before school starts. Like a new brain maybe.... this one sure seems foggy sometimes. Reading through some of the requirments for the upper class"women" at the University had my head spinning. Can I really handle all those credits? I know that before I was raising 3 little babies on my own, working and going to school and still kept a pretty high GPA. Can I do it now? All these years of self doubt and beating myself up have taken their toll. At least this time I don't have to take care of little ones while I'm trying to study for finals. Yippee!

The time is really flying by now! 5 Days and a wake up....OMG! Now it's time to vent. My surgeon's office help have not been able to keep up with the huge growth of his business, at least that's what I've been told is the problem. The problem is that the people that are there to help you and organize all of this aren't doing it. There was a packet of information that was to be sent to me long before now re my pre-op info and what I need to get my pre-op bloodwork done etc and I didn't receive it yet and I have to go there tomorrow. I made several calls including one to the hospital pre-op lab dept and they said they hadn't received the paperwork that surgeon's office said they faxed over on Monday.....hmmmm..... Well the info packet for me was sent out on Monday too....hmmmmm..... I have had problems with these people not calling me back, not answering e-mails and just basically not doing their jobs. I try not to be hyper critical, but I have done medical office managerial work and I KNOW what should be done and how working with the patients should be handled and THEY AREN'T DOING IT! This gives me (as the patient) NO confidence in the whole outfit even though I totally LOVE my surgeon and I did mass research to find him..... I am SO frustrated by all this. The only saving grace is Cyndi, his I guess you would call her administrative assistant, right hand person that is trying to organize all of his staff and train them. She just came on a few months ago and obviously still has a long way to go with them. She runs his support group too and we have gotten to know each other that way. I called her today and just broke down. She is so awesome. Made me feel better and got me the help I needed. It's getting so close and to hear that records aren't being faxed and I'm not getting the help I need is scary to say the least. I can't help but wonder the what if's.....for after surgery. I mean what if I do (God forbid and knocking on wood) have complications. Will they even call me back, will I be able to get hold of anyone???  I guess some of this is pre-surgery jitters, but honestly. If you live in the South Texas area....maybe you will want to see if there isn't someone that could offer the surgery that has a better office staff. I love Dr Patel and Cyndi Inkpen, but the rest of his staff suck! (MHO)((although RosaLinda was pretty good as an advocate after I pushed and shoved to get noticed in the crowd) It is true what "they" say about us being our own best advocate. Going into this we HAVE to learn as much as we can and make informed decisions re our health care. It's our bodies and our life. WE are the ones that are responsible for seeking out the best people to help us obtain our goals. Get that network in place and keep on your toes. Don't let anyone give you anything less than the best. Now that we have come to this point of recovering our lost selves it is something that we deserve. Enough of my ranting and venting.

So much is going on and things are moving fast. Surgery is set for December 12th and the Dr's office hasn't even called to give me my pre-op appt with surgeon OR hospital yet. I can't understand how they can function in that office the way they do. I have done so much research and KNOW that Dr Patel is the best in the area for bariatrics, but his office staff although better than they were still lack a LOT as far as professionalism. Maybe I am hyper critical because I have managed a medical office before, maybe it's just my nerves coming through, maybe they are just inept??? ANYWAY, my nerves are starting to show as the big day draws closer. It doesn't help at all that there is stuff going on in this house that irritates the living cr_p out of me. Suffice it to say that kids can be the most self centered brats. And that's even after they become adults! I really don't need the added "stuff" that my youngest is determined to pile on my plate.

On a more positive note: I have gotten my membershipe at the YWCA and even went and bought a nice big beach towel that will wrap around me so I can shower there after swimming. Can't do the aqua aerobics yet, but can use the jacuzzi and do some water walking for now. Anything to get me in there and using it so after surgery I will be ready to go. NO excuses! I also have found the most absolute coolest diet and exercise journal to manage and document myself after surgery. Sent for my vitamins that I'll need and they should be here tomorrow in the mail. Getting everything in order. Even going to go shopping at the commissary tomorrow for some of the basics (popsicles, broth, sf jello) for later and a bunch of easy stuff for Honey to fix for himself. I've been making extra when I cook and putting it in the freezer, but I know that won't hold them. DD says she and DGD will probably eat out a lot this month. Whatever. I just told them not to count on me as I don't know what I'm going to feel like. I'm taking this time for ME! If I don't feel like doing anything but walking, sipping and sleeping then so be it. They will just have to fend for themselves...

I have really been wanting a cigarette lately though and I know that it's just the stress (but I didn't do it! Good for me....((Patting myself on the back as I type)) ). Holidays, kids, surgery, deaths in family, etc..... just makes me think too much. Trying hard to just deal with each moment as it comes and keep handing everything over to God, cuz I can't do it alone. "Jesus take the wheel!" PLEASE!!!

My lesson for the day: