It's working!!

Apr 22, 2009

I am about 4 1/2 months out from surgery now, and I have lost about 119 lbs.  The surgery seems to be working, but I have been at a plateau for the past 3 weeks, I hope it kicks back in soon.  It gets frustrating thinking maybe I am starting to fail.
I have been a failure at many things in my life, and that is the mind set I am in, that I am going to fail at this too.  I just hope this tool I have been given continues to work like all the people I have seen on this web site.  There are so many people that talk about how they have reached and exceeded their goals.
My current goal it to be healthy, and I don't feel that yet, I still have a long way to go.  I know it seems like I have lost a lot of weight, but I have more to lose yet then what I have already lost, so I'm not even half way there.  I expected to lose weight fast, but I didn't expect the compliments.
It's hard for me to accept a compliment when someone gives it to me.  I hear things like "you look great, you've lost so much weight", but when I look in the mirror, I don't see it. I feel almost the same as before surgery, just less fluid on my legs and less pain and shortness of breath. 
I have a low self-esteem, and I wish I could learn to be more positive and look at the big picture.  I know in my heart that I will someday look back and think this was all just a result of the changes my body is going through.  I want to look in the mirror and like what I see for once in my life. 
I notice little things happening. I can move the car seat closer to the steering wheel and I still don't touch the steering wheel.  Jeans that were grossly too small before surgery are now falling down off me without unbuttoning them.  Shoes fit looser.  I don't get short of breath when walking upstairs or even on the treadmill.  It's easier to get up and down from chairs, couches, etc.  So I have seen some positive come from this experience.  One thing I didn't expect is that I don't enjoy food anymore.  I don't miss eating bread, which I thought I would because I was a bread lover before surgery.  I don't miss soda.  However, I stil can't live without my tea.  If all I had to drink was water, I would dehydrate and shrivel up like a prune. 

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