Leafchick17

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After the craziness yesterday I got a call today from Dr. Anvari's office.  They have a spot for me on April 14.  I asked all the questions I felt I didn't get answers to yesterday and I feel so much better.  I don't have to do optifast, just follow a low fat diet and stick to 1200 calories.  I have mixed feelings about that.  I know everyone hates it, but I was thinking it was a pretty good lead in, to not eating the amount I'm used to.  On the other hand I just saved some money.

I am happy, excited, scared, and nervous all in the same body.  It is crazy!!!

What an emotional ride.  I have shed blood, sweat and tears (literally) I have been super excited, I have been super low and it is now finally happening.  Wow.

I had a surgeon appointment today, booked for 2:20 pm.  Because I am a freak I was there at 2:00pm and the waiting room was packed, not a seat to be had.  I found out that the 1:00pm appointment hadn't even gone in yet.  Finally after 2 hrs a resident came to get me.  I assumed I would meet with him first then see the doctor.  Wrong.  As nice as this person was I was not 100% comfortable with him.  I asked questions that he didn't know the answer to and he had to leave the room to ask the doctor.  I signed my consent papers which I guess was the goal of this appointment, but I feel completely lost.

He wasn't entirely clear on what happens next.  I had to ask for the optifast prescription and he thought I could just get scheduled right away.  Wrong.  I will get a call when they have booked it.  They don't know who the surgeon will be, it's whoever has time available first.  Which is fine I think they are all good doctors.  I took my script to the pharmacy at St. Joes and it was CLOSED.  Annual inventory.  Great.

Frustrated, again, I came home.  As I drove home I felt like just a number for the first time during this whole prices.  An assembly line of patients on a conveyor belt going through the steps.  It shouldn't matter, they don't owe me any special treatment or personalized care but boy would that be nice.  It finally felt like they were just trying to push everyone through and unclog the backlog.  I was a bit sad and even questioned this entire process and if it was right for me.  

I have no idea when my date is, I have no idea when to start the opti I now have to drive back to Hamilton to get because my pharmacy tells me they can't get it, I feel uneasy about meeting the surgeon the day of, I'm lost on what to eat or drink right after surgery.  I have no idea how I get a doctors note about being off work, do I do it through my family doctor?  Ugh.  Questions I thought I would get answers to on my second attempt to see the surgeon.  Wrong.

I was super excited that I was meeting the surgeon on Thursday, I even did my eyebrows, lmao.  I decided to leave early because we had gotten slammed with the snow and I saw on the news the roads were terrible.  I made it to Stoney Creek which normally should take about 25-30 mins from my house in just over an hour.  Decided to call the clinic to let them know I would be late for my appointment.  When I got the secretary I was told they had called my house to cancel my appointment because the surgeon was called into an emergency surgery.  Ugh.

I was upset, my heart sank but I did quickly realize that this poor person who needed emergency surgery was in much worse shape than me.  I pray they are OK and I'm very mindful that if it was ever me or anyone of us who needed a surgeon immediately we would get precedence over a consult.  I get that, I do.

Luckily I am rescheduled for April 1 as my kind friends on OH have pointed out is NOT that far away.  If you think about it, I wasn't even supposed to have my first appointments until MAY so I am so much further ahead of the game then I realize at times.

Can't wait for my appointment, by then I'll have to do my eyebrows again - hee hee!

I haven't blogged in awhile, what an odd term.  Is that one of those new words that's made it's way into our dictionaries?  While I haven't blogged in awhile I have been quite busy with appointments.  I went from almost nothing happening to being at the centre a few times a month.  Now as much as I complained about nothing happening, I'm now getting freaked out.  I read the posts on OH often enough to know that it is perfectly normal to feel that way.  I think it would be crazy not to feel that way, in some form or another.  I was freaked out by the scope for Pete's sake.

When I started this journey, and that was awhile ago, I mean way before appointments started we all began contemplating it.  Really our first step was approaching our GP.  Mine brought it up with me a year before I finally agreed when I went to see him one day to see if he had a miracle pill I could take.  Yes, when I started this journey I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't fully know that this process is very detailed, very thorough and has it's ups and downs.

Many times I've stepped back from the chaos of appointments and reading posts to think how I fit into all of this.  I mean, I hang off every word of people who are diligently journaling their monthly success and yearly triumphs but I also see their struggles, their stumbles and their heartaches.  The truth is when I had my orientation I just wanted to hit fast forward and get to surgery.  Now I realize that one day, one week and one year after surgery I will still be the same person (hopefully a smaller version) but still the same Mom, same wife, same friend.  I will still have the mortgage to pay, the laundry to wash and the dinners to cook in the few hours I have when I get home from work.  I knew that before, but it's somehow different in the past few days as I get closer to be end goal of surgery.

The normal day to day will still be there.  I will still eat, I will still stress and I will still struggle.  It will be up to me to decide what I put in my mouth, how far I push myself to exercise and how I handle the stress.  If I don't change that, I will be right back where I started.  I won't let that happen.  I will not let that happen.

I've seen a lot of people posting NSV which took me a month to figure out meant non scale victory, and that only happened because someone finally asked what the hay it meant.  I think about them, dream about them, see other people doing them and wish I could do it also.  Just a few...

1. Cross my legs, not sit like an old Italian grandma with her legs in rolled up stockings 3 feet apart
2. Tie my shoes up without cutting off all air to my lungs and stand up without a purple face and feeling like I'm going to pass out
3. Shop in a normal store, although they are getting better there is nothing attractive about the words plus size, full figured etc.
4. Fit comfortably in any seat, anywhere and not bulge over the sides so bad your neighbour is thinking "please tell me I'm not next to her"
5. Reach every part of my body without being the most creative contortionist and well, this is for some obvious reasons
6. Go back to playing hockey and soccer like I did in University and loved more than anything
7. I want rain boots.  I love rain boots, always have.  I want to have a calf that allows me to wear rain boots whenever I want.  Bright fun rain boots.
8. Play with my kids, go for a bike ride, walk to the park, swim with them, chase them, play road hockey with them, swing with them
9. Get rid of the boob sweat, that narly place that needs to be washed twice a day and four in the summer, you know what I'm talking about
10. Be comfortable with who I am, not try to hide on the sidelines.  The bigger I got the more I tried to hide, a little hard when you're 120lbs overweight

Reading my last post I feel compelled to explain my results to the odd person who may stumble upon this and actually take the time to read it.  I have gallstones which is why I got a call back from my family doctor.  I kinda figured as much, but good to know.  Never had any issues, knock on wood.

Today was a marvellous day.  I had a nutritionist and social worker appointment.  All good, don't need to see them again and don't need a sleep study done - woo hoo.  I was completely honest to both of them which in the end paid off because I have my next two appointments for scope and internist booked.  After that I meet the surgeon.  Things seem to be moving now and I am so glad I made the changes in my lifestyle after orientation or I'd be going back for more appointments.

Yeah me.

I finally felt like things were happening.  I got the letter I had been waiting for with my first appointments.  A few days later my family doctor called with an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound.  Great!  Now they've called again and want to go over the results.  WTF?  Is something wrong?  I have to wait until next week as he's not in the office this week, understandable.  I hope he's enjoying his break while I freak out!!  My first reaction is wholly crud what is wrong with me.  My second is does this derail my wls process?  Is it something big?  I have a young family I can't deal with anything big.  I'll stress for the next 6 days that is fo shizzle.

Ugh, you kind folk weren't kidding when you said this journey is a roller coaster.

First step complete, I went to orientation this morning.  I was there way too early but didn't want to be late and wasn't exactly sure where I was going.  All in all it was good.  Some good information was passed along, nurse talked about the actual procedure, nutritionist spoke about diet before and after and social worker spoke about the cost, being emotionally ready and support people.  I think it took longer to check everyone in then for those three to do their shpeal.  

The last part was a woman who had surgery 4 years ago who was there to tell us her story and was available for any questions.  

We were told the next step is to get a letter in the mail as to when our next appointments would be.  This could be 5-8 months from now.  Yikes.  On the other hand I see where they're coming from.  I work in a business that everyone wants an answer and approvals yesterday.  It's volume, and they can only do what they can do.  

It gives everyone a chance to work on bad habits too.  I've already started working on the caffeine, a week straight of headaches and the two pop tarts I had for supper tonight will probably be frowned upon by the zero body fat nutritionist.  However if they called me tomorrow with appointments I wouldn't be hanging up on them, that's for sure.

It is what it is, the ball is rolling and that's all that matters.  Keep your eye on the prize.  Hopefully one year from now I will be blogging about not having any regrets.  Every step is one in the right direction.

Off to a lacrosse game!

I've always been large chested and after breast feeding three kids I really thought they would just shrivel up and fall off.   Well, ok, I didn't actually think it would happen but I was hopeful.  Yesterday in the sweltering heat I was bending over to tie up my daughter's shoes and SNAP my under wire broke.  First I was horrified I was able to bust the thing, second I was pissed - I wear an 'F' cup.  Not only are those things large enough to house a small family of raccoons - they're expensive.  Ugh!  Just one small reminder that it is time, time to rid myself of the extra weight and be comfortable in my own body.

So I bring it on myself really.  I was enjoying my summer, happy with the fact my orientation was coming up in September and boom I get a call that they moved my orientation up to July 22.  Well, that gets me asking questions, what is this orientation, what happens next, where the hell is the fontbonne building at St. Joes, crap where is St. Joes?  Hamilton and I have a love hate relationship, I hate the one way streets and lack of parking and I love to get outta there.

I keep reading the posts and I'll be totally honest the first time I was on here I was more interested in the timelines in everyone's signatures, quickly doing the math in my head to figure if I'm starting now I could be having surgery by....you get it.  Now I'm freaked about not getting accepted never mind when it could happen.  I think I just have to take it one day at a time.  If its going to happen it will and I should be using this time to educate myself as much as I can.  Easier said than done, but I know it's what to do.

I was a bit put off yesterday when I read someone had been nasty to someone else in the forum.  I just assumed people weren't getting judged on here being we are all in the same boat, regardless of what weight you are starting at.  It made me realize that if I ever get to place that I am happy with my weight I would never want to forget where I once was.  So many people on here are fantastic and are truly motivated by helping others and cheering them on.  Good for them, we need people like you especially people like me who are just starting out and have quite a journey ahead of us.

So my new quest is to find out what happens after orientation, it seems like blood work but who initiates that?  I will find out, only to move on to finding out what happens after that...ignorance was bliss :)

I am 36 years old, happily married and a mom to three amazing kids.  I have never been skinny but was always very athletic and played competitive sports my whole pre-children life.   I was 130lbs on the day of my wedding, I'm 5'4".  I gained 10 lbs on my honeymoon and held onto it until I got pregnant.  I gained 60lbs my first pregnancy, 40 the next and the third I was already well over 200lbs.  As I sit here now I am 251lbs and I hate it.

I have tried weight watchers, Dr. Bernstein, Atkins, etc. more than once.  I approached my doctor three years ago because I was so uncomfortable with my weight.  I'm not in any family photos, I can't stand to go to certain places fearing I'll run into someone I knew when I was healthy.

My Dr. Suggested I try a few things the last of which was xenical, ugh!  Hello leakage, no thanks.  About 2 years ago he suggested the Hamilton Bariatric Clinic, I said no because at the time I was set against surgery.  I felt that I had created this problem and I should fix it.  A year later I was the same weight having lost and re-gained 25lbs.  I went back to him and told him I was ready.  His support was amazing!

 He said he would send off the referral, so I waited.  I waited.  I waited.  I finally was in to see him about 8 months after that and mentioned I hadn't heard anything, so he sent it off again.  Two weeks later I received a letter saying my orientation was September 9th, 2013.  That was still another 6 months away, but I waited and waited.  I called the clinic and asked about cancelations or if there was a list I could be put on.  I was told, not so nicely, that nobody cancels their appointment.  So I waited.  Again.

Last week I received a call telling me they had moved my appointment up to July 22, 2013.

And so it begins.

I've been on this forum all weekend trying to get some ideas of what to expect.  I'm afraid after all this time I won't be accepted for some reason.  I think there are some amazing tools on here, this blog for one and the posts people add on here are so valuable.  I'm really excited and nervous to be on this journey but at least I've taken my first step.

Wish me luck!