leahdawn1971
The Early Years
Feb 16, 2010
I've been absent from OH for many years - but now I've been feeling like I could use the continuous support of others on this continued journey. This post contains my original postings from Pre-surgery until a few years ago.October 15, 2003
I am 32 years old, happily married, good job and sick and tired of being overweight and not able to participate in things that I have done in the past. My husband and I had each been thinking of having this surgery done, but hadn't talked to each other about it. Then of course it came up and here we are - talking to surgeons and making plans for our life after surgery. So we are planning to have the surgery at the same time or as close together as possible and be able to support each other through this process.
I have gained weight since the 2nd grade. I've managed to control it a few times but it has always been a struggle. I've tried all the diets, fads, and starved myself trying to lose some pounds. I've tried to go the route of being happy with who I am. That works for awhile until the next time we go out to eat and I can't fit in the booth or get squished in an airline seat or have to try to tie my shoes in public. So starts the negative spiral.
November 5, 2003
We had filled out our paperwork from Dr. Oh's office and sent it back about a week and half ago. This morning we got a chance to speak with Autumn regarding more info for the letter to the insurance company for approval of the surgery. I'm trying to keep a positive look on this and that it will happen w/o a hitch. Others from my employer have had this surgery and been approved on the first try. So I'm hoping that we'll be as lucky. It was wonderful to have a few more questions answered that were specific to their office. I'm trying to go with the flow on most things, while remaining proactive when needed.
Novmeber 25, 2003
We were approved today. So easy that I am just am amazed. Especially after reading and talking to others that have to struggle with the approval process. I really thank God that this is moving along smoothly. I can't help at times to get myself all pysched up for this and then get scared at the same time that something (who knows what) will wreck it all. Just trying to keep my chin up and think positive. I know that I am doing the right thing for me.
December 5, 2003
We got our surgery dates today. I'm scheduled for March 30, 2004 and my hubby is set for April 6th. Makes it all so real. Ugh. Again scared and excited all at the same time.
December 12, 2003
We have been trying some of the protein drinks that we'll need to be using after the surgery. Ugh...can't find one that I like. Well, actually I did one - so I might just keep trying it to see if I can get used to it. I do understand that my tastes can change afterwards - so I suppose that we'll just wing it at that time.
December 30, 2003
Over the past few weeks we have been able to get most of our pre-op testing done. I feel so lucky to live where we do. I read others' posts about how long they have to wait to get into see the psych and or others - and for us - the longest wait has been two weeks. The only thing that I can think of is that because we aren't in a major population (for Alaska, yes) that the wait just isn't as long. We both had our Pulmonary Function Test done. This was actually quite fun - but mostly due to the technician, I'm sure. He was just a hoot - made the testing go by fast. All the blood work and ultrasounds are done. So once we receive back all the results our next step is to be cleared by an internist. Then the waiting game continues.
On a more personal note, I've noticed that my attitude has become too much of "I don't care what I eat...I'm having surgery." So really trying to reign that in right now. I know that part of that feeling has come on because we have been on vacation from work for 10 days. Way to easy to "spoil" ourselves with treats. We did make a very big step in a positive direction during the break. We purchased a recumbant bicycle....and have used it. Because of my back pain and knee trouble - other forms of exercise equipment were too painful either during or afterwards. So hopefully I'm getting myself back on track. Just trying to get a head start on my mental attitude towards exercise and come away with the positive benefit of being in better shape for the surgery and afterwards.
January 2, 2004
Today is our anniversary. We have been married for 5 years - all good. This is very strange to think that next year at this time we are both going to weigh significantly less and look drastically different. All seems a bit unreal, but not unattainable. Still need to schedule consult with for the psych eval. I must have some mental block in getting that done. Ugh.
January 26, 2004
All tests are complete and we have clearance from everyone involved. Now is just making sure that I get all the paperwork in to the surgeon. I thought that all my Drs. were going to be sending it, but the surgeon only seems to have one. Not a big deal really, I have copies of everything - so just have to get more copies and send them down.
The pysch eval went well, but I came away thinking that I didn't know anything. I felt like I've been preparing myself pretty well, but after some of the questions I felt just the opposite. They counselor was actually pleased with that reaction! HA! She just said she was happy, only for that fact that it is making me truly think about what we are doing. So I've spent some over the past week reviewing stuff I have read before and trying to keep a very open mind. I wanted to be reading the info as if it was my first time, to hopefully make more stick.
On the recumbent bike issue - I was being really good about it - but now I've lost interest/motivation. I know that I need to do it, should do it, and part of me wants to jump on the bike - but I have some sort of a mental block lately that prevents me from getting on it. Weird how our minds work. I did peddle my short legs for 20 minutes the other morning and felt wonderful the rest of the day. You would think that positive reinforcement would be enough to motivate me. But NO! The little negative buggers that live in my brain got their way with phrases like - "You did 20 minutes yesterday - so you are good for today." or "20 minutes - Yipee - I can actually count that as 2 days." or "I DON'T WANNA!" Ugh. Oh well, working on that too, trying to make sure that I'm ignoring or countering the negatives with positives. I not only want to lose weight, but I definitely want to be positive and believe again that I can look good, feel good and have fun.
February 2, 2004
Today is another defining day in our journey. All of the required paperwork has been sent to my surgeon's office. I just faxed it this morning. So now the big joke that I have with my husband is that I'm starting to worry about the things that I can't control. Before it was worry about the paperwork, the housesitter, the bills while we will be gone, etc, etc, etc. But now all that is taken care of, schedules are set, plane tickets are purchased, housesitter and dog are taken care of, so should be nothing left to worry about. Right? Well not so lucky, with this crazy brain of mine. I have now taken to worrying about how I'll react when he is taken to surgery. My husband and I have been very fortunate that we haven't had to endure a major tradegy/issue with each other. So this will be very different for us. So just trying to keep that in check.
March 4, 2004
Ah, such a long time since I posted - but really no news. We are simply in the hurry up and wait stage. We'll be leaving on a short vacation on the 16th of March and then my surgery is scheduled for the 30th. I'm getting pretty excited, nervous, and all the other stuff that I've mentioned before. The dreams are starting to feel a slight more like reality. The dreams of new clothes, fiting into airline seats, a bikini (shock/awe!!), soaring energy levels....etc. I'm trying not to get too carried away just in case it takes longer than I think it should (which of course it will) - but it is hard not to be excited about the possibilites for a new life and that I'll get to share all of this with my husband.
Some people at work and some friends feel like this is a quick decision, but it is only because I have recently shared with them what our plans are. What they don't realize is that I've been looking at this for well over a year and then by the time I made up my mind to do it - well it has been roughly 7 months to get to my surgery date. Part of that had to do with we specifically asked for March dates - and the rest was just that things take time. I'm getting better about responding to these inquiries, especially as it become more widely known about my leave from work. Also I think that I'm more comfortable with he decisions that we have made now, than when we actually made the choices to pursue WLS.
March 12, 2004
We leave town in 4 days! I just can't wait. So my husband and I have both hit the 'last supper' syndrome - and hard. We haven't wanted to do any grocery shopping - because I know that we would overshop and have stuff that would go bad while we are gone. So now it is a challenge (*smile*) to find a restaurant in town that is new to us and try their food before we go. HA! Found some good places this way - sorta wish we would have done this earlier. heheehe
April 19, 2004
Well we left and now are back. What a great time and we are so thankful that everything went as smoothly as we had hoped. We are home and both healthy and recovering well and learning each day how to get in all our protein, vitamins and a bit of food here and there. So let me back up a bit and catch up with what happened between our leaving and our return.
The Friday before my surgery (March 30) I had an EGD scheduled for that AM. All went well - and I felt fine afterwards, just extremely tired. I really wish that we didn't have all the other appointments scheduled afterwards - it would have been nice to get some rest - but alas, this is what happens when we are coming from out of state.
We had our final appointment with Dr. Oh later that day - and I was just stressed out by this point. He put us on a liquid diet until surgery. This really shouldn't have been so bad for me since my surgery was on Tuesay, but I still freaked out a bit. It was just a shock to me.....but I made it. Unfortunately it was a bit harder on Charles - he had over a week on a liquid diet. He did really well on it though - and lost 15lbs in one week prior to his surgery. Dr. Oh said that this was to help the organs shrink a bit to allow him more room for the surgery. All makes sense and we wanted to do the best for our health - but just frustrating when I didn't know it was coming and of course had dining out plans with people prior to surgery.
The nutrition class that we were supposed to have the night was cancelled - but we were very luck to have Vitalady and Vitaguy present at the orientation before surgery. They volunteered to stay and walk us through the nutrition. This was the BEST! Not only did the further explain thing that were in Dr. Oh's nutrition package - but they gave us more tips and great general guidelines for our eating for the rest of our lives. I can't say enough about how invaluable we felt this information was.
Day of my surgery - March 30th. What a nerve racking day for me prior to surgery, but even more so for my hubby. But all went very well. Of course don't remember much - but I do know that I felt like my recovery went really well. I can't really say that I had any complications at all. I got up as often as I could to take my laps around the nurses' station. Worked hard to get in the required liquid that they asked - and in general felt pretty good for just having my insides rearranged.
Recovery was pretty uneventful. I felt really awesome - but I did overdo it a bit. My brother got married the Saturday after I got out of the hospital and I just did too much as his wedding and caused my self to about fall over with exhaustion in the following week. But I learned my lesson and am listening to my body and getting my rest as my body heals.
Charles surgery day - April 6th. Another stressful day. Charles was a bit more composed than I was about going into surgery. I realized how much easier it was to have the surgery rather than be the one to wait on the one in surgery. *smile* His surgery overall took less time than mine, but he did have a little more trouble afterwards. Charles had a hard time with the anesthesia and coming out of it. Therefore he had to be taken to the cardiac floor of the hospital as a precaution to monitor his heart and his breathing. During the transport his IV came out and he was receiving no pain meds. This got him a bit behind on his pain - which then caused him to dry heave. Of course there was nothing to dry heave - but he does't play around when he is getting sick. He told me later that this was the scariest time for him. He was worried about ripping staple lines, etc with his forceful dry heaves.
Fortunately the nurse got the IV re-established and was able to give him some extra pain meds and an anti nausea med to settle him down. This all worked fine and he was able to sleep for quite awhile. Charles wasn't able to get up and walk w/o feeling nauseated or dizzy until later that night - but when he did get out of bed - there was no keeping him down. The next day he proceeded to wear a mark in the carpet around the nurses' station and got himself on the road to a speedier recovery.
So at our one week appointments I was down 21lbs and Charles was down a whopping 31lbs. Now respectively we are down 25lbs and 40lbs. I'm three weeks out and Charles is two weeks out. We have absolutely no regrets about doing this. We are happy and trying to focus our energy on our new lifestyle.
The coming weeks we'll be figuring out what to eat, how to eat and learning to exercise. To start we are walking a mile each morning (the dog loves it!) and hopefully we'll get in a bit more through out the day and maybe something directly after work also. I don't mean to make this sound all rosy. We are both fighting head hunger and just the desire to eat and TASTE different stuff - but again this is a short period of time before we can expand our menu. We've been told that we'll lose the most weight during the first 3-4 months - so we definitely want to take advantage of that.
April 21, 2004
Life is so different than three weeks ago for me. I never in a million years would have imagined that I would notice so many changes in such a short time.
I can now:
Walk up a flight of stairs w/o being winded or my knees hurting.
Walk a mile each and every morning and feel good afterwards.
Walk w/o getting winded at all.
Have energy after I get home from work at night.
Can stand at the counter and do the dishes.
This is all after only 25lbs of weight loss. I'm not really noticing the physical changes yet on my body, but others can see them, so that is nice and encouraging. My clothes do fit better and I'm not tugging at them all day long or adjusting or unbuttoning or......you get the picture. This has me so excited to lose more weight. I just can't imagine how much better that I'll feel after more weight loss. Yipee!
A word about head hunger and just wanting to eat. I'm not having much head hunger now that I am home. I think alot of that is due to routine and the fact that my husband and I are in this together. I more find that I just want to eat. I do recognize my hunger when it happens now and am trying to only eat when I am hungry - but because I am eating so little I sort want to make sure that I'm getting enough. Seems a bit funny! I know what is doing it though. We were instructed to eat 5-6 mini meals a day. So being the good girl scout as I am, I try to eat that much - but it isn't all getting in. Just too much food. Isn't that really funny! On top of that add in 2-3 protein drinks per day and trying to get 64oz of water in. Well, I feel like I am constantly stuffing my face! HA!
May 7, 2004
It has been a great couple of weeks. My energy level is through the roof - and it is showing in the yard and the house. I'm down 31# so far. It feels GREAT! I'm wearing clothes that I never thought that I would fit into - and am about to head to the thrift store for a couple pair of pants for some in-between time clothes. I have a few girlfriends that are going to be giving me some clothes, but I am about 3 sizes away from those.....but the great part is that I know I'll be there soon.
I bought two cookbooks off Amazon specifically for Gastric Bypass paitents. They are wonderful. One is Before and After: Living and Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery and the other is
Culinary Classics: Essentials of Cooking for the Gastric Bypass Patient. The Before/After book is about 1/3 of the authors journey through WLS and I really enjoyed that part. She spoke alot about learning to eat out again and how she came to realize how much in life she was missing out on. This really hit home. I've been going through so much of the same feelings myself - almost grieving for my previous self and what I couldn't do. But that doesn't last long, because I don't want to be down - I just want to keep moving forward and stay positive.
I'm getting better at the water and eating thing. I've switched to a schedule of eating breakfast, protein at 10am, lunch, protein at 2or3pm then dinner. No snacking. I'm still at less than 1/4 when I eat and trying to stay high protein. This is where those cookbooks will come in handy. I found some receipes that I can't wait to try this week. I do miss cooking - but now it should be even more fun as I'll be trying more new stuff than in the past.
Hubby update: He is down a whooping 47# in 5 weeks! He is looking so fantastic! I can't believe the change in his face! He has always had a beard, but he let it get longer than usual with surgery and recoup time. The other day he shaved it back down to the normal size he wears it and I just can't stop staring at him. He has high cheekbones and I never knew it before. HA!
May 12, 2004
I'm down a total of 35#! Charles is down 52#!
I tried the first receipe in the Culinary Classics cookbook. It was absolutely fantastic and easy to make. Parmesean Chicken. The receipe differs from normal in that the chicken is not coated with bread - only egg washed and then coated with parmesean cheese - cooked in olive oil! So nummy. Hubby and I almost ate too much. hehehe I feel that I'm getting pretty good at being able to identify when I'm full now. It all starts with using smaller plates - and being very aware of how much I put on my plate. My head still plays a bit of games with me - I'll place a piece of chicken/meat on my plate or on the grill too cook - and my head still thinks that I'm not making enough. So I've actually have to say outloud to myself - "I can always make more later". This has really helped me to be satisfied with the smaller portions. I've really concentrated on chewing slowly and eating slowly and just savoring the good food now.
We are going for a tour of our local athletic club tonight. I'm looking forward to that. I've worked out at various times in my life - but never really knew what I was doing. So this time I really want to be able to do it right and get the maximum benefit from this surgery and our efforts to become an active healthy couple.
I just wanted to let anyone know that may be reading this - that I don't mind at all if you want to contact me with questions or whatever. I don't know as much as others that have had this surgery - especially being a new post-op - but I'm happy to share what I do know and have experienced.
May 18, 2004
I'm down 40# and Charlie is down 56#! Don't ever think that this won't work. It will if you follow the guidelines provided by your surgeon, keep a positive attitude, exercise - and make moderation your mantra for life with food.
We actually did join the gym last night and I'm really excited. I was very nervous going in there - just too many "perfect" people and those that I felt were looking down on me. So I just had to dive in and get over it. I needed to do this - this wasn't going to another time of starting something - and then just letting the negative buggars in my head take over in a couple weeks. This is a very real fear to me. Realistically though, I don't think that it is going to be much of a problem. Charlie and I get up at 5am daily to be to the gym by 5:30am. We workout for about an hour rotating between cardio, weights, and swimming - then get ready for work -and off we go. It is a schedule that is working for us.
Once we started going - the issue of worrying about what others though, quickly went away. I know that I am there for my health - and I'm gonna get it back. I'm sure that it is different this time - that my motivation will stay - just because I can see the differences in myself. Physically and mentally. I'm swimming again - too many laps sometimes - hehehehehe. I can do cardio warmup and then move to the strength training and feel good when I am done. Mentally - I want to go to the gym. Even on the weekends.
I was reading back through my posts - and especially the post of March 4, 2004 - and how I was dreaming of all the good stuff. Funny part is that I feel like I am there already. I'm fitting into smaller clothes - I have MUCH more energy than I have had in the past year or two - and overall just feel great. Just the feeling of how I am now makes having this surgery worth it. Of course I want to (and will) continue to lose weight to feel even better - but it has been so long since I've felt like this - that it is amazing! It is incomprehensible to me that I'll feel even better than this in a month - and then a month from then and so on - but I'll just keep going with the flow!
May 27, 2004
I am down 43# and Charlie is down 62#! I weighed in this morning at 259 and Charlie at 270. He is finally out of the MO category with a current BMI of 36.6. I'm almost there with a BMI of 41.8 down from 48.7! This is great stuff. We also did our measurements this morning. In one month I lost 4 inches from my body and Charlie has lost a whopping 7.5 inches from his! Yes, I am losing slower than my husband - but this is to be expected. We get lots of comments all the time about if I am jealous or not. I can honestly say that I am not jealous of his success in the least. He is my husband and I am very happy for his success because I wanted this just as much for him as for myself. With that said, though I am competative. The range between our weights is shrinking quickly. :) I had a 30# head start on him and he is quickly closing that gap to our current 11#. So I've changed my idea with my competitive attitude. Now I hope to maintain at least 10# lead on him and not be in the same range category. Just this morning I made it out of the 260's - and it seems just in time! HA! Truly though - I think that he will surpass me in weight -but I'll then catch up and be smaller than him. Charlie's goal weight is 220 roughly. So of course I am going to weigh less than that in the end.
I think that we have an easier time with the jealousy thing because we did this together and talked alot about our changes in lifestyle prior to surgery. Of those in our support group, we are the only couple to have had this done together. Many of the women have slender husbands and we are frequently asked about jealousy and asking if I begrudge my husband's success. This just seems like such a riduculous question to me. How in the world could I begrudge his success?!? This doesn't mean that I wish I haven't lost more by now - but of course I wish that. Then I remember where I started and that I've never lost 43lbs in less than 2 months!!!!! So life is good.
June 14, 2004
Updates: I'm down 53# and Charlie is down 74# at 10 weeks out! Just friggin amazing!
My parents are arriving from WA for a visit and to help us with the house - put in some new doors etc. The difference in this trip is that we'll be ready for them. Our usual is to mad dash clean before guest arrive, but with this new found energy, we are actually getting stuff done daily! It is just so great. The house is by far not perfect, but then again, the laundry is done and put away, junk and clutter is picked up, and in general, we are just keeping better house. So funny - but the energy levels are now their to help us with that. Before surgery I would get home from work and just about fall asleep. Now things are so different. We are still getting up at 5am each morning and going to work out. It feels great. We are each learning to love this part of our lives. I get such a rush, when I can exercise longer on a particular machine from week to week.
When we first started going it was all I could do to walk 10 minutes on the treadmill before trying to lift some weights. Now I'm doing about 18 minutes on the eliptical machine and a good clip, then continuing with the natilus weights for a full circuit. Then off to work....and feeling great. I noticed that I'm getting so much stronger too- it is noticible on my body, but not as much as I would like it to be.
Funny how our body perceptions can change. I don't feel fat and never have. I think that is why it took until I weighed over 300# to really consider doing something about my weight/health. I've always not felt that big. I think that I have a semi-realistic body image now. I know that I'm still large - but at the same time I feel so good about my progress I don't care. I know that if I keep following the plan, exercising, vitamins, protein and making good food choices, eventually I'll be as small as I feel. My confidence has come back up too. I don't hang back when in groups -I'm not asking my husband to do so much for me. That is a biggie. I know that I was relying on him to do so much prior to surgery. Now I'm just doing what I would have asked him to do before. This weekend in fact as we readied the house for my parents arrival, we moved furniture, cleaned, etc - and not once did I complain of this or that hurting, or actually stop and sit down. Incredible from 3 months ago. Life is good!
July 19, 2004
Progress: I'm down 68# and Charlie is down 93#. Inches are falling off like crazy. When my weight loss seems to slow, I just grab the tape measure to see what is going on. Without fail, I'll find that I'm shrinking in inches even is the scale hasn't moved. Now to put it in perspective - the scale always moves- I don't really think that I've hit a plateau as many others, but I just mean that if it hasn't moved much in a week or so.
Workouts are still happening. I've been falling off a little bit - and not making it everyday - though Charlie still goes. Seem to be having trouble with fatigue lately. I'm sure it is because I'm not being as diligent with my protein supplements as I should be. So my resolve is to get better with that - and I have been for the past couple of days - so now I keep this up. I didn't have this surgery and all the stress that it entails to mess with my health. I'm just getting it back and it feels great. Life is good.
August 27, 2004
Progress: I'm down 86# and Charlie is down 113#! We are just about 5 months out and feeling pretty good. We have both had a bit of trouble this past month with weird stuff. It seems that as we lose weight, our body isn't always cooperating with what we really want to do. I've learned so much about how important it is to get my core area stronger.
My left hip seems to keep sorta rotating out of place on me. This isn't a minor pain that is annoying but a gasping dropping to the floor type thing that can prevent me from walking. Basically it seems to be that since losing this weight, the compression is off the muscles that were not strong to begin with. Now that they are lose and lack the 'support' provided by the compression of the fat, things are moving in ways that they shouldn't. So off to physical therapy I go. It has been good and bad - but I'm hopeful for some long term results that will keep me strong and active for many years.
I'm still running through clothing faster than I ever dreamed possible. I have wonderful friends that have been helping along the way and I love the local thrift store! A few times I've had to purchase new items - but mainly for special occasions. Shopping sure has taken on a whole new perspective. Prior to surgery I would have purchases something even if it was a little tight or in a style that wasn't quite me - or a color I didn't like - basically the requirement was that it fit. Nothing further than that. Now all has changed. I'm in between a 16 and an 18 in most clothes. Exciting times when I find a 14 from a designer that really fits! If something is the least bit tight I won't wear it. I refuse to wear uncomfortable clothing now. The local charities have been receiving all of our clothing - but a I have a few items that I'm saving afor some of the other members of the support group. All in all, still very happy that I did this. Life is good.
September 21, 2004
I've lost a total of 98# and Charles is down 121#. We are 205 and 211 respectively. For the first time ever in my life, I don't mind telling people what I weigh. I think because I'm so darn proud to be where I'm at.
I just re-read my posts and try to do so before I update each time. I guess it is just to reinforce to myself how far I have come. It is so great to see the progress. This morning I put on a dress that a girlfriend gave me a month ago. It 'fit' then - but only by holding the gut in and if I didn't want to sit down. hehehehe - this morning I thought that I would try it on - and WOWZA! I came out of the bedroom and my hubby was so complimentary that I lost it. I just broke down in sobs of joy. I've never been terribly comfortable accepting compliments about my appearance - just because I never believed them. Now I do - because I've been able to change my own attitude about how I look. I think that I look pretty darn good - and what a wonderful feeling to love yourself for who you are. I read and view so many posts from those that have taken this journey before me. I look at these women who have gone from the MO world where we all came from and now they are just plain HOT! Such beautiful women that it is amazing. For awhile I wanted that so bad. I wanted to be good looking. Sounds kinda vain - but I wanted this more in the sense of being able to be proud of myself. Well, here I am down 98# and getting that feeling already.
On general stuff regarding this surgery - we are still very happy that we did this. Elated is more like it. We have got the eating thing down pretty well - but are finding that we are needing to exert more self control than in the beginning. I do wonder if we have stretched our pouches a bit - but at the same time try not to worry about that because we knew it would happen over time. I just focus on keeping my portions small and knowing what the limit should be. Eat just that amount - and then wait awhile to see if I'm really hungry or just want to eat. I chew gum to allievate the 'wanting to eat feeling' or start drinking water to feel full. Either way works - but it is a mental game still. I'm not as frustrated as I was in the past with that - I just know it is what I need to do - therefore I do it.
My latest motivation has been my best friend's wedding on October 3rd. She has just been a gem with my weight loss and support and such. For those that can remember what it was like to be a bride, the world revolves around your wedding. I remember that I was like that too - nothing else matters. She has been doing just that - and it has been so much fun - but at the same time she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders during this WLS journey. So here I am her Matron of Honor and just two weeks before the wedding we are running from store to store trying to find a dress for her wedding for me. Her colors are red, silver and black. So she decided early on for black dresses. This way her other attendants could get their dresses and I could wait until we knew what size I would be to get mine. She was happy to have me in a different style than the other attendants. So a black dress -really, how hard was that going to be. Ugh! hehehe - at the last store at 8:15pm, the last dress I tried on finally fit! And it is absolutely gorgeous. She loved it and so did I! So on top of all the great things about this weight loss - I get to wear a pretty dress and feel fantastic while watching my best friend of 18 years get married! Life is good!
October 8, 2004
I'm down 101# and Charlie is down 128#. I've finally made the century mark - how great is that!
My girlfriend's wedding was fabulous. It was so wonderful to just be able to enjoy myself and not worry about what people thought about how I looked. I felt good and that was all that mattered. We danced and jumped in a bouncy house - and just enjoyed ourselves all night long. It was great!
I've added some pictures of my husband and I to our own webpage - take a look if you'd like:
http://www.csphotography.biz/us
We had our follow up appointment with our surgeon while we were in WA. It went well and we are doing fine with everything according to him. We both need to increase our vitamin A - but that is easy to fix - so more pills we take! As always, Life is good!
November 5, 2004
I'm down 110# and Charlie is down 135#! So amazing!
I went shopping at Old Navy for the first time in my life. Felt a little funny at first, because I've never been a trendy clothes type of gal. But I liked their style for the work clothes. Ended up with 3 pairs of pants and two shirts. Yipee! And the pants were size 14! I haven't been in size 14 pants since high school. I haven't been this weight since high school! So now I'm really venturing into uncharted territory for me. Charlie laughs at me because it seems as if I'm always checking myself out in the mirror. I just can't believe how I look. And I like it! Even in a 14 I'm totally happy with how I look- and I remember being in high school and always believing that I was the fat girl. So realistically I'm only 35-50# away from being at a goal. The range is due to the fact that i don't know where I'll end. The Dr. and I jointly choose 140 - but currently I'm at 192 and think that 140 might be too small. This of course is all due to the fact that I don't have any concept of body size and clothing size and how weight releates to all of that.
On the exercise front we are getting back on track. We both feel off the wagon for about a month and a half. So now we are back to three days a week. You would think that after this much time that going to the gym would just be a habit for us. It sorta is - but we both still struggle with it being easy to put off. So we've renewed our commitment to going and to each other to motivate the other and that has helped. Also helping is the fact that we discovered that our gym has a bouldering wall. Even when Charles was 300# he could climb and do well - so this discovery for him has been great. Now that he has dropped weight he is all over that wall and using it as his workout. I joined him the other day and had a blast! I'm pretty sore now - but it was so much fun. I had climbed with him in the past - but have a fear of heights and also didn't trust the equipment to hold me at my weight. Well now I'm all over the wall too. I can't believe what I can do now. I even was pushing myself more to see how much I could do and how my strength held up - and found my limit - fell off the wall a couple of time and had fun doing it the entire time.
On the food front I'm still finding some struggles sometimes. I would say that 90% of the time I do well - but sometimes I just give into that 'wanna eat' feeling. It helps that we have stuck to our rule of not having food that we shouldn't eat in the house. So I only have good or better choices. I've never been a snacker - but now I find that I sometimes miss sensations - like crunch has been my latest one. That is usually satified with Soy Crips or a handful of peanuts. But I try to limit how often I satisfy this urge- don't want to turn into a regular affair and go back to my old ways. I think that is a feeling that is coming more often just because we are 8 months out now and our weight loss has slowed a bit. We expected this and aren't disappointed at all. Charlie's has slowed drastically - but he is at a great weight, looks normal and continues to work out and put on muscle. With his bone structure I think that he'll probably maintain in the 190s for good - and he is fine with that too. Obviously I'm still dropping lbs - but we also take our measurements once a month. This past month I lost 3 inches off my waist! Hence the reason for buying new clothes. So my weight has slowed to 8-12# a month- but that is a comfortable level and my measurements continue to decrease - and that is fun!
Life is good and only getting better!
November 13, 2004
I'm down 114# and Charlie is holding at 135#. That puts us at 188 and 198 respectively.
So amusing and frustrating at the same time. My body is really doing some adjustments lately. The 14's that I just bought last week have some room in them. hehehehe Funny how when I used to have room in my pants it was cause for celebration. Now I'm still celebrating the room - but at the same time, I'm thinking that I just bought these pants and I need to get some more mileage out of them! In any case, there is another young gal in our support group that is having the surgery next week - so I'm saving all the fun clothes that I bought for her - and hopefully she'll get some good use out of them all as she starts her journey!
I think that I've been coming back to OH a lot more frequently lately as I get further out because I guess I'm trying to keep myself honest. Just making sure that I don't get complacient about my weight loss and how far I've come right now.
We went out for a sit down dinner last night. That was a first in a long time - just the two of us. It was nice, but it was the first real time that I've had to deal with the funny looks from the waitstaff of asking for a togo box after just barely looking like I touched my meal. But it was so worth it! It was a BBQ joint and one of the best there is! So now we have leftovers for the weekend to munch on. It was a lot of fun. We both kept commenting on how strange it was to only order a main dish. A year ago it would have been drinks, appetizers, main dish, dessert, coffee, etc. The whole sha-bang for just a dinner out. Not even a special occasion. Our bank account is loving the fact that we aren't doing that all the time! HA!
It is getting time to drag out the decorations for the holidays and this is the first time ever that I'm not dreading it! It used to just be so much work because it just hurt me everywhere to do all that movement. Now, I'm sitting here at 5:00am waiting for hubby to wake up so that I can start making noise in the house and get the stuff in the house and decorate the tree! Life is good!
November 26, 2004
I'm down #120 and Charlie is down #137 which puts us at 182 and 195 respectively.
I've been sick a bit this past week - just seem to be having trouble with my energy levels lately. It could be that winter has set in and I can't get outside much. I hope that I'm not getting affected by SAD I thought for sure that I was not going to go through that this year just due to the increased activity, etc. At least if I'm aware of it then I can work towards alleviating it.
Enough of the negatives - our anniversary is coming up and I'm so excited. We are going away for the weekend. And not telling where. hehehehe We just want to make sure that we can't be found. I'm going to head out today to the thrift shops to see if I can't find the classic 'little black dress'. I'll have to pickup some new heals too - but I want to look fantastic. I'm even thinking that I might have him leave the room early and go to the lounge to wait for me while I finish getting ready. Just want to make an impression! HA! Funny how I plan all this out in my minds - we'll see if it even works out. Either way will be fine with me as long as we get to spend the weekend together.
Thanksgiving was wonderful. I was a bit worried - because this has been our first holiday since surgery - at least holiday that has always revolved around food. It was great and no issues. I had to deal with a little bit of bummer about not eatting the whole time - but I was able to recognize that I was still enjoying myself with friends and trying new foods. I even made a sugar free pecan pie - that was really good! Life is good!
December 14, 2004
I'm down 122# and Charlie is down #141 - putting us at 180 and 191.
Well not too shabby I'd say. My weight is continuing to drop and I feel so fortunate. I've been reading alot about others who count calories and track everything on fitday.com - so I tried it (again) the other day. I set up an account back in April- but it was too much of a pain in the butt to me to keep track of everything that I eat....but I'm giving a shot again. I just figured that as I get closer to being a year out that I may need to start monitoring a little closer my caloric intake and such to be sure that I can maintain my weight once I hit goal. I eat 4-6 mini meals a day and just figured that would be getting me 1000-1200 calories a day. Well, not really I found out. With all that I ate yesterday I barely hit 1000. So anyway, it isn't that I want to eat more - but when I eat more then I continue to the lose the weight.
Fitday.com is pretty neat in that it tells you how many calories you need just to live - then adds in the calories that are burned by exercise and other daily actvities that burn calories. It is amazing to see that just to live I need 2500 calories a day - and I'm only eating 1000 - so of course I'm losing weight - there just comes a point where I'll have to get my body to equalize.
So I've abandoned my plans for the Equinox Marathon and have decided instead to try the Gold Nugget Women's Triathalon in May. This is a mini triathalon of 500yd swim, 11 mile bike ride and then a 3 mile run. I can do each of those individually - and will work on putting some of them together over the coming months. Mainly I need to work on increasing my endurance. I'm tons better than I was 8 months ago - but of course it still needs to increase. Having a goal helps me make sense of my workouts - rather than just going and doing it. Life is still good!
December 17, 2004
Okay, so maybe all a girl needs is a little shopping trip to buy a little black dress! Charles and I are going out for our anniversary - we've got a Jacuzzi suite reserved at a local hotel and they include dinner and a bottle of wine. Should be fun. So I've had this idea since he mentioned it to get a little black dress to wear for the evening. So I've been looking online on Amazon and Froogle just to see what it would run me and what I liked. Sorta thought that I would like a V neck dress with either cap sleeves or 3/4 length sleeves and semi short skirt - hit at/around the knees. This was my mission last night.
Off I go to shop for the PERFECT little black dress in Fairbanks. HA! Right away there is trouble. First trying to find anything in Fairbanks can be a challenge with having only Gottschalks, Fred Meyers and Sears to choose from - but we do have a couple of mom and pops places - but they tend to be ridiculous in price. So anyway - onward with my mission. So I tell hubby that I'm going shopping, not to ask questions and don't know when I'll be home. I take the dog (she is bored at home) and off we go. My first stop is In Style. A mom and pop type place with mostly prom/MOH type dresses. Pretty stuff and pretty expensive. My first thought in there is all these clothes are for itty bitty girls. Don't really see much that I like - so I move on. Gottschalks is across the street - so onward to another store.
Upstairs they have just rack after rack of pretty dresses - lots of little black types to choose from and much to my luck sale prices on all the racks. Now if you have shopped at Gottschalks then you know that items are ALWAYS on sale - but sale is sale and as long as I'm not paying full price then I'm happy! I browse the racks debating if I can 'really' wear this or that style and finally let my inhibitions down and decide to go for it with some that may not be 'me.' Because of course - what is me right now? I was looking for dresses with a lot of coverage that would give a slimming effect. So I let go of that just to have fun and see what these different dresses would look like. As I browse I'm getting disappointed because I can't find any size 14s. What the heck, right - grab a 12 and see how far off I am. So I grab an off one shoulder number with a bias cut skirt, I grab a RED halter style Marilyn Monroe type dress, I grab a square necked beaded skirt/cap sleeves dress and finally an a-line with shoulder straps. All in size 12 except for the shoulder strap dress which is a 14 - what I was looking for.
I try one then another - and they are sort fitting. I do a little dance in the mirror to see if it is real - and not just an effect of the dress. Hey - I think these fit. All of them except the Marilyn Monroe - oh darn, no red. So I narrow it down to the shoulder strap and cap sleeves. I'm going back and forth with it, when helpful sales lady comes my way and i get her opinion. She of course likes them both. But wait -the shoulder strap dress seems a bit too big. WHAT? The 14? Well okay, I'll try a 12 in that too - all the time knowing that it wouldn't fit - because the 14 fit.
She brings me the shoulder strap in a 12 - I slip into it and it zips all the way up the back. OH MY GOODNESS! This is what it looks like when clothes actually FIT me. Clothes don't have to hang off my body anymore - I can buy clothes that fit my body and look pretty good.
So of course I bought it. Wait - gets better - price was $119, marked down on the tag to $88. I had a $20 gift certificate - so I figured, hey, what a deal. It rings up for $62! Less my gift card - so I paid only $42! Yipee - I size smaller than I thought and a good deal. What could make a girl happier!?!?
Maybe her hubby's bulging eyes when she wears it for him????? Time will only tell!
January 11, 2005
I'm down 127# and Charlie is holding between 140-141# lost. This puts us at 175 and 189/190.
With the passing of the new year, I just became very content with my life for what feels like the first time ever. This is such an overpowering feeling - that all I can do is go with it and not question what is happening in my life right now. Though I don't attribute all of this to my weight loss - I do feel for me that it has been a major part of it. For so many years I was alway caught up in what I thought I should do or how I thought I should feel or act in certain situations. This has finally come to pass - and I can only attribute it to one thing - Faith.
Religion was never really a part of my life growing up - so I held lots of misconceptions and the idea that if it wasn't tangible that I couldn't believe in it. After meeting my DH I was open to the ideas that he presented - but still had a hard time with faith. I didn't understand it- I didn't know how to have it - I didn't really believe that a person could be overcome with peace.
This all changed a short time ago and life has been wonderful since then. I needed help with a problem and I asked God to help me to make the right decisions and to help me support others in theirs. The next day I woke up and I realized that I wasn't stressing over the situation anymore. Other areas of my life have improved also. For the first time ever my DH and I have established a budget that we both agree on - and are taking actual steps to ensure that we stay on track and get out of debt. Our house is clean and maintained on a regular basis - all without effort or nagging the other. We each just do what needs to be done. The peace in my life is amazing. So what does this have to do with weight loss? I'm not totally sure, but I attribute this alot to finally relinquishing control. When I carried around so much extra weight I was doing everything that I could to control myself and indirectly others. When I finally made the decision and said that my weight was out of my control and that I needed help I began to understand that it is okay to ask for help. I also began to set aside the false confidence that I had assumed for so long. This is the same type attitude that many MO individuals develop in order to mask their insecurities. This is the confidence that comes across as an "in your face" type attitude. This is where I was. I was doing it my way because then I was in control - didn't matter if the consquences didn't look like they were going to be positive - it was the way that I wanted to do thing, therefore I was going to follow through because the worst part for me would be failure - and that above all else, I couldn't handle/nor tolerate.
So - now that I have drudged on for a bit. I finally feel like I am really ready for what life is going to bring my way. Looking forward to it also. Life is good.
February 14, 2005
I'm down 135# and Charlie is down 145#!! This is just amazing. This puts me at 167 and Charlie at 187.
I've never been good with guessing people's weight nor their clothing size. The actual and what my mind saw were always so far off base - and really still are. So I thought I might try to give you an idea of what 168 is on a 5'6" frame. I'm wearing a size 10 to size 12 pants. Of course the variance is in the brands, clothing cut, color (no kidding), and style. In the hipster style cut - my favorite - I can usually wear a size 10 if they are cut a little fuller around the butt and legs. If I move to a size 12 then most other pants will fit just fine in all areas except for the waist. Oh darn, I guess I just have to try on lots of different pants. I'm definitely finding that I like the lower rise pants better than those that hit right at my waist. For shirts I'm usually in a Large. I think that this is mainly due to my arms and back. I have extra/loose skin on my arms and my on my back - well I just haven't got those muscles developed enough to make it firmer.
I would love to blame the large top on my chest size - but that has taken a nose dive during this journey. I began at a hefty 46 DD. Though a large size - I was proud to have some big girls. It was all proportionate on me at the time. I'm now down to a comfortable 38 C in most brands of bras. What a depresing experience though. Only for a moment - I love how I look and wish the girls were a bit perkier - but I've heard that a wonderbra will do the trick - so that is next on my list.
My shoes size hasn't changed a whole lot - except for the fact that I can wear some regular shoes and don't have to have everything in a Wide width. I bought my first pair of boots with 3 inch heels this weekend. Oh my goodness! They are wonderful - but I do have to learn how to walk in heels again after wearing flats for what feels like eternity.
Continued Success: Protien and vitamin supplements every day - w/o fail. Exercise as part of my life for ever. I really do miss it when I don't go. Setting some physical goals for myself to give me something to work for at the gym. Not goals like: "I want to lose 5 lbs" or "I want to be in a size 8" - but more accomplishment type goals. There is a half triathalon coming up in May that I'm setting my sights on doing. A little nervous about this - but I'm sure that I could complete it. And that is my goal - to complete. 500 yard swim, 11 mile bike ride and 3 mile run (walk for me.) I can do each of these individually w/o trouble - so I've got to work on my endurance to put them all together. Wish me luck.
Life is good!
June 8, 2005
I'm down #149 and Charlie has been maintaining for quite awhile now - hovering between 187 and 190. This is a great weight on him and he looks fantastic.
Life has taken some drastic but good changes over the months that I haven't updated my profile. 6 days after my last update, we were approached about the opportunity to adopt a 3 month old baby girl. I'm happy to say that this little girl is now living with us as we continue the adoption process to hopefully be completed by this Fall.
In relation to how we are handling this with our weight loss journey -the only major change is that we aren't getting in our exercise as much as we used to. Previously we were at the gym 3-5 times a week for a great workout. That dropped off pretty much immediately - trying to find the time has been tough. We are aware that we need to get going again - and try to go for walks at night, but it is difficult.
I'm happy to report that we have been able to maintain our current healthy diet. We may have an extra night per month that we eat out, but all in all we are still successful at maintaining our weight loss.
For the kicker of it all - about a month after bringing home our daughter, we found that that we were expecting a child also due in January. So we will quickly grow to a family of 4. With this pregnancy I have lost a bit of weight - but I'm seeing a nutritionist and trying to up the amount that I'm eating to stay healthy - as well as all the vitamins and minerals/protien that I've always taken.
So some crazy turns and unexpected twists, but life is still good!
February 28, 2006
Many, many months since I've been around to update - and again after reading my last post - life has continued to throw us some crazy twists and turns to us.
First of all - we did finalize the adoption of our wonderful little girl. She is now 15 months old - and just a totally delight.
Sadly we miscarried our little Huckleberry - but all things are for a reason - even if we don't know the reason.
Next, God has brought us to Cleveland, Tennessee. We moved at the end of October and have finally purchased a house and gotten ourselves settled at the beginning of this month. It is wonderful and we are very happy.
What has all this done to our routines and our weight maintenance? I believe Charles and I have each experienced the full spectrum of the effects of this surgery. With the life changing experiences we've recently had- we have fallen off the band wagon when it comes to supplements and vitamins. This has shown itself in many ways for both of us.
For me, I've had trouble keeping the weight on. I never believed that I would complain about that - but I know that it isn't healthy to be losing more weight. I'm currently at 145 - down about 10# from where I had stabalized. We are almost 2 years out, so I really didn't expect that to happen. The really bad part of all of it was that I had lost alot of energy too. Very very sluggish, even with good sleep and lots of it.
For Charles - the lack of protien supplements has caused him to revert to some grazing - and he has gained back a bit of weight. He is very aware and disappointed - but at the same time he is actively trying to correct it too.
We have both worked to re-establish our routines with supplements and vitamins. I've seen the positive effect of a return of energy - not where I want to be, but close. Charlie is working on his snacking - and we are both concious of what we are eating for our meals. Back to the basics - smaller portions throughout the day, protien first, limit snacking, and up the water intake! Exercise is another demon. We never did get ourselves into a routine after bringing home our daughter. Still trying to figure out how to carve out some time during the day. Looks like walks over the lunch hour at work will have to do for now. We are still happy that we did this - and would do it all over again. Life is good!
Little Black Dress