casey N.

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so as per usual there isn't a costume that fits me, but i found a great pattern for a dress and i am fooling around with the shape and colors to make it into a lil red riding hood costume. the basic part is done, just gotta hem it and add straps. there will be pictures on here eventaully. i haven't done so well with the diet this week, i like to pretend im taking a week off. last week while i was walking i stepped on to some uneven ground and twisted my ankle, its better now, but totally killed for like 3 days. i got my psych eval scheduled, november 11th!! which is great, the only thing is that it will put me submitting my paper work back a little so not till about the end of november/begining of december...which is fine..and its not that i want to rush this but i just wanna know if im gonna be able to do it, there is a little birdy that sits in the back of my head and says dont get your hopes up kid. i hate that. other than that nothing new here. i will keep things updated as they happen!!

I had my 2nd month diet appointment with the dietician, surgen, and behavioral health specialist. so first off was the  behavioral health specialist, we talked about maybe eating a little bit of what everyone else is having instead of having none of it and obsessing. it was really nice, she said my husband and my mother in law are really great for support and i need to talk to my mother about acting appropriately with food around me and if they aren't going to support my decision to go forward with surgery they need to keep their opinions to themselfs and not wave trigger foods around me and try to get me to fail. so that was really great because it helped me alot. then it was off to see dr. heydari (my surgeon.) he said i was doing great losing weight at a great pace, i lost 4.3 pounds last month (yay) so that was about a pound a week, which was really good. He also said that it was encourageing to see me do what i have done because he is reassured that i will be doing great after surgery! it made me feel really great to hear that. after that he felt my legs (which was weird but im sure there is an actual reason for it.) and sent me off to see my dietician. we talked about eating protien first, what the difference is between high quality and crap protien which was really good to know. she said im doing well, and to keep it up. NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!  i submit my paperwork!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooo frickin excited!!! go me!!

so all along the 9+ months i have been talking about doing the RNY my mother has actually said its a good idea, after i got home from my support group meeting last night she suddenly had a change of heart. she told me that her and my dad we're worried about me doing such a drastic measure to lose weight. I told her i know what the risks are but she thinks its not a good idea and thats fine but i am not going to change what i have had set in motion since april just because they think its not a good idea. i dont think high blood pressure, diabetis, high colestoral, increased risk of heart attack,stroke, cancer or any of those things are worth being over weight for. i just feel sad because i though my mom understood why i am doing this. i honestly understand where they are comming from but at the same time they always make fun of me ( im the biggest of us all ) and i honestly feel that they don't want me to lose weight because they will have to look more closely at themselves instead of  making me the topic of unkind conversation. i needed to put that out there.

actually is working..weird..

I have as whom ever reads this knows been put on a strict diet by my dietician. I went to wal mart to walk around with my mom last night and i though i would weigh myself since we were there ( i don't actually own a scale for obsession issues) i don't know if it was right but it said i was down 5 pounds from last weighing about a week before! my jeans are fitting much better, i get the privlege of sitting down and breathing at the same time so if i haven't lost the five pounds i have still lost something! I have been eating what i call over priced hippy crap aka organic food because even tomato soup has high fructose corn syurp in it..ugh..so i caved last night and went shopping spent like 50 bucks on bunches of stuff and it really kinda does taste better..hippies might actaully know somethings...im not about to join a convent and live off the land..but whole grain organic pancakes are pretty bitchin if i do say so myself, i added blue berries to mine this morning super yummy! i couldn't talk myself into buying organic maple syurp for 8 bucks so i got regular syurp thats made with splenda and within the regulation of my diet! that's all thats exciting. im sure i wll blog again eventually

chill till the next episode..

for OH! seriously i don't know what i'd do with out it. I am doing this new diet and it for the most part would seem really easy if i felt like i had more food options. No white sugar,bread,flour,potatos no processed foods, no fried food, barely any bread at all. i lived off of bread and potatos. if i didn't get to come up on the computer and look at before and after photos i would never be able to do this, i look at all those people who have had to of gone through at least something similar and i see where they were and where they are and i get motivated it might sound silly but it kinda kicks me in the butt and is like "hey they could do it so can you."  i eat a lot of chicken and chili and cheese i miss oatmeal and sandwiches. i can have oatmeal but only if i dont eat kashi and i can have bread but only ezhicial (spelling) bread. i feel very limited. almost like im being punished. anyone have any good food ideas i am so amazingly open for them. i gotta go though. thanks for taking the time to read this.
casey

So yes, not that anyone reads this, i really acutally do this more so after i get my surgery i can look back and see where i was before. The nurse advocate at for my surgeons office told me i have been signed up for the november pre-wls classes! that makes all of this seem more offical.Also it gives me the illusion that im making progress. I offically begin my  medically managed pre wls diet tommorrow...im a little nervous. I did (and i dont like admiting it) totally pig out this weekend becuase i knew that from here on out i wont be able to eat foods i am madly in love with (though i shouldn't be) so pizza hut and oreos and taco bell, i was a food whore this weekend. i'd love to type more but having a barely supervised two year old is not the greatest idea in any setting, especially one he's comfortable with... maybe i will get a chance to do this again tommorrow when i get back.

peace and axl grease!

I went and met with the barriatric nurse and dietician almost a week ago. it went well i thought but i found out that the 6 month diet i have been on doesn't count for wls..that sucks..so i gotta start over gotta see a dietician and gotta pay for it outta pocket. yay! i will do what i gotta but im not thrilled about having to start all over..

aka my support.


I find that the more I try to talk to my family and friends about getting wls the less they are interested. My husband is interested, but he seems to be the only one. My close friends are worried and thats fine, i accept that and they do support my decision. My dad, doesn't even want to ask questions, or anything he changes the subject as soon as i bring it up. My mother in law was interested and was actually considering the wls herself but decided that since she'd have to pay for it that there was a "greater risk i don't know about" and also that " god is telling me to take it slow." thats fine but i really don't have anyone thats super supportive of me, no one thats like "Good for you!" most people see this as  me being lazy and doing it solely for the purpose of weight loss. That is a major benifit to wls but the reason i really want it is to beable to have another child with out so many complications.i would also like to not get diabetes which i am at an incredibly high risk for.

I go see my surgen on the 20th. I hope it goes well and that I will start this incredible life changing journey.

After what feels like an eternity battleing obesity, I have decided to take a step in the right direction and do something  besides dieting. I have dieted myself to a nice rotund 286 pounds. I decided at my last dr. appointment to grab life by the collar and turn everything i know upside down. I have been a bigger girl most of my life. I was picked on at school, given diet pills by my mom when i was sixteen. i dieted for a long time, and eventually gave up. after getting preggers with my son i tried to follow a better diet. i battled depression while pregnant and after. i managed to maintain a the weight i was after i had my son. then i started dieting. i gained 30 pounds while dieting. I am tired of trying and getting oppisit results of what i going for.
i worry about this not happening. but for now, im gonna try. thats the best i can do. just try.

i will keep updates in here.