lindiwe
Well my story goes the same as most... I was a fat kid, a fat teen and a fat adult until I decided to take matters into my own hands. With a BMI of 50.1 it sounded like a good idea!
I had been exposed to people who had the surgery and envied their ability to successfully change their lives for the better.
I had been too afraid. It's funny how pain can be a great motivator. My back, hips, ankles and knees began to really hurt after my child was two or three.
I think that whole pregnancy thing took a lot out of me, particularly since I was overweight and 40 when I had her...not to mention the gestational diabetes, and eclampsia.
Then as fate would have it, I ran into an old fat friend in the mall who wasn't nearly as fat anymore. I stopped in my tracks and couldn't get the question out before she said:"yes I did!!" I was floored! "and our insurance pays for it and you can go to UCLA or San Diego to have it done."
That was it! I was done with procrastination. I had sworn in my 20s that I wasn't going to be fat in my 30s and damn if I wasn't 44 and still fat. I was on the brink of being old and still had never been thin.
My five year old deserves a mother who can be active with her. When we've been outside playing she has said "Mommy, run!" and I have had to tell her "that's just not gonna happen." It was both funny and sooo so sad at the same time.
That's my goal--to be active and athletic. But you know what? Not only does my daughter deserve an active and athletic mom, I deserve to be that active and athletic, witty, fun loving, eccentric, talented, pretty, smart, and sexy woman.
As a morbidly obese woman, I had suffered from anxiety, depression and infertility. But faith in my God brought me through all of that and gifted me with a brilliant and beautiful daughter ... so I have no doubt that he will touch me and heal me after this surgery.
My goal is to lose 100% of my excess weight. At 5'11" I weigh 359lbs. My doctor's goal is 180. But you know, that just still sounds fat to me. My body is quite muscular under the fat but i still want to weigh less than 180. I guess I'll wait and see how I look at 180 then make my decision as to whether I need to adjust my goal.
Now a little about my family life; I used to have a husband.... but now I'm just married...LOL! That was the first 200lbs I lost. I asked him to leave over a year ago, and he did.
That took some real guts. I had to weigh the detrimental effects of allowing my daughter to see me in a dysfunctional marriage and allowing her to be reared in a dysfunctional nuclear family, against raising her on my own. In the end, I put my money on me.
And also, I had to make some serious decisions about how I was going to allow myself to be treated... and he just didn't make the grade.
Actually this decision to have surgery is part of a larger personal trend: being all that I can be, getting all that I deserve, and living life to the fullest.
I feel good about the decision to divorce because I now know what to look for (and what to avoid) in a mate. I am nowhere near looking for a new lover however....I need to process, heal, and then process and heal some more...LOLOL!!!
But what's more important--presently, I'm really happy every single day. But when I was half of that couple, I was miserable every single day. So I know I made the right choice.
Besides, I had no idea what I deserved when I married him because I had self esteem issues. Don't all fat women? I mean to some degree or another, I think we all do. You know the old "I'll-take-you-because-I'm-afraid-nobody-else-wants-me syndrome.
People will endure a lot until they are fueled to bring about change. For me, emotional healing fueled my change.
For example, healing facilitated my ability to acknowledge the insidious societal disdain we endure on a daily basis, and how much it really irritates me.
Not to mention that "you're fat, so you must be dumb" attitude we sometimes get from normal sized people.
At this point, I am just ready to claim my female power. That power is real and it exists. I have seen it with my own two eyes-- when the head they're in, and the body that head is attached to, weighs substantially less!!!!!! LOL!!!!
People treat you differently when you are thin--especially when you are a woman.
So naturally, I am going the whole nine yards, including plastics, because I know the twins will need a lift and a tummy tuck is inevitable...because how else can I pierce my navel and still look appealing? And hell.......I might as well do the thighs and arms while I am at it.
But relax.........I SAID relax....I am not one of those poor disillusioned ones who loses a little and puts the cart before the horse.
You won't see me looking ridiculous in an outfit more suitable for a 20 year old. What a visual, me with bat wings and sagging tummy (with a piercing) in a satin halter and matching shorts ....with the twins hanging down around my knees!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL!!!!!!!!!
But let's be frank, this is really my last opportunity. They may say that 50 is the new 30, but hell 50 is still 50 and I'm too damn close to 50 to waste any more time being fat. Basically I know I'd better work!!!!!!!!
So that's my story. I was fat and sad---I prayed for an answer ---now I'm fat and glad that God answered my prayers.
Now I am on my way to being as beautiful as I really always have been...so watch me work.
