Lisielove
My story starts when I was a teenager. I was Anarexic. A whopping 118 lbs at 5'9. I thought I was fat. I thought I looked aweful. I always wore pants one size smaller than my size and would lay down on the bed to get them on. Looking back, I was entirely too small for my height and looked like a bean pole.
I graduated Highschool and joined the Airforce. I was working out daily and eating lots and lots of starches. I gained 18 lbs of mostly muscle and I looked good!! Still thought I was fat, but looking back .. I looked good. I don't know why I had this mindset or where it came from. I have no idea why I became so consumed with my weight.
In 1993 I got married and maintained my 135lbs, which I began to love and feel more comfortable with. Still a bit shy in a swimsuit or shorts, but comfortable enough to eat regular meals. In 1996 I gave birth do my wonderful son. I didn't gain any weight even though I was eating properly. So in the 3rd trimester, my Dr. instructed me to eat eat eat... HIGH FAT she said. In my last trimester, I gained 50 lbs. Thats a lot in a little under 3 months. I was so afraid of the weight I had gained. I was a size 8 when I got pregnant and a size 16 when I left the hospital. I lost almost all of it within a year and actually for the first time, felt very good and confident about my weight. I was 10 lbs larger than when I started, but it looked good on me.
My trouble began in 2000 when I gave birth to my very beautiful daughter. I had problems with the pregnancy and she was induced 1 1/2 months early. At the age of 3 months, she became very ill and spent the next year admitted every month for up to 2 weeks in the hospital. She had a deformity to her kidneys. You can imagine the stress of having a sick baby and spending ALOT of time in the hospital not to mention the not so healthy hospital food. I had gained 80 whopping lbs with my girl. Was a size 10 when I got pregnant and more than doubled that coming out... size 22. I got down to a size 16, but couldn't get down any further no matter what I did. I lived with this for some time. Not greatly happy about it, but i did. I was the biggest I had ever been.
Never did I imagine what would happen next. I excersized often and dieted ALL the time. If there was a diet.. I did it. South Beach, Nutrisystem, Atkins, Sparkpeople, Ediets, .. whats the one with the points.. yes.. that one too. Finally in 2005 I went on a starvation diet. Yes.. I ate no meals for myself, and ate tiny bits off of others plates. I lost 40 lbs in 2 months and I was starting to look and feel great. On top of the starvation diet, I went to the gym 5 days a week for 4 hours a day and walked 12 miles every Saturday. Ok.. so pick your jaw back up off the floor.. I know .. I know. Probably not my smartest moment. But it worked, and for a year I was in a size 12 comfortably and I felt AMAZING. THEN>>>> I started working. I started working and stopped excersizing as much as I was. I was still eating healthy, I was still exercisizing walking 6 miles every morning before work and 2 miles during my lunch. I never took the elevator, always the stairs. I ALWAYS ate healthy!! I mean.. other than the almonds my cubicle mate gave me, oh, then there was the M&M's that the Insurance vendors put on my desk by the 1 lb bag fulls. Not too bad.. the occassional donut brought in by the vendors into the break room, and the AMAZING deserts that the guy in the cafeteria made just for me every once in a while.... hmmmm... why was my weight creeping back on?? Because I had NO self control, thats why! It didn't seem like much at the time, but looking back now, sitting idle at a desk, considerably decreasing my exercise, eating things high in fat and high in calories... it didn't matter how much salad I ate. So, basically I could not multitask my eating habits with my work because I wasn't really paying attention to what I was consuming and how much.
In 2008 I left my most coveted job to take care of my parents. I left March 25, 2008 and my mother passed a way April 2008. 2 days after I arrived, my father went into ICU right across the hall from my mom. That was hard. I stayed to care for him. Flew my kids out to AZ at the end of the school year, a friend cleaned out my desk at work and drove my car to AZ, and my husband followed a year later when he was able to get some orders to the local Airforce base. June 2009, after caring for my dad by myself for a year, he passed away. My mother was my best friend, my dad, well, I was daddy's girl. So this was the most difficult thing I ever endured. 2 weeks after my father passed away, my niece decided she did not want her 3 children. I dropped everything, drove to Missouri and picked them up. That was 1 1/2 years ago, and 130 lbs ago. I am now a whopping 278.
A lot of stress. A lot of stress eating, and some depression brought me to where I am now. I also developed R.A. and Fibramyalgia and and something else that causes severe pain on the outside entire side of my feet. All from stress.
I was always outgoing, but I suppose I didn't deal with things well in my life from my teen age years to my adult years. But I am ready for a change. I need a change. I am praying for a change.
This is my story, and I'm stickin to it!! =)